Bab 129: [Chapter 129] We go very well together
It was too difficult for Neris to reject him.
Always confident and charming. A person who hands over the gaze she had dreamed of or imagined in her dreams, so heavy that she can't even hold it with both hands.
She didn't want to reject him. But even if she didn't think she was rejecting him, it felt distant. She still felt too humble.
'But you.'
Perhaps it was a gaze so certain.
Neris sometimes wanted to ask inside. Why are you so strong?
Why do you believe that you are a human being worth living for?
Why do you shine like that?
Like I'm a flower. Like you're the sun. Like I...
As if saying that by continuing to look at you, I can gain the strength to live.
So sometimes she prayed like a fool. Asking to make this life, the previous life, all dreams. If you let me go back once more, I want to do my best so that this man doesn't feel any pain.
But even one regression was still a situation she didn't understand the cause of. Nothing could come true as everything did in a child's dream. Besides, didn't she have a goal?
Realizing that such hopes would never come true, she wanted to cry out loud. She was never a person who could look at him and bloom, and he deserved something better than her.
So she wanted to say it clearly. Let's not make it difficult for each other.
"Rejecting not because of something that can always change like the heart. But because there is an absolute issue that can never change, let's each go our own way early on.
Don't waste your precious heart by holding onto unnecessary regrets. Don't make your heart ache by daring to reject you more.
Neris was supposed to know well how the heirless lord of Cladwyn had historically been treated. Those who think that when the current ruler dies, they will be replaced by a complete stranger from a different family are not loyal.
Therefore, Neris thought that this would settle the matter between Cladwyn and herself.
Until he tilted his head as if he didn't understand at all.
"Why would that be a reason to reject me?"
Neris slightly opened her mouth. She thought he would understand and step back. Just as clever as he had figured out many things with just one or two clues she had dropped so far.
Unable to believe it, she glanced at him for a moment. It was a look sent with the meaning of reconsidering how foolish her words were. However, Cladwyn asked again.
"Did you think I was doing this to you because I wanted a child?"
Isn't it? Cladwyn didn't think of himself as a man who simply wanted an heir. Neris began to be confused in a different sense, but she tried hard to understand the situation and said.
"Of course, that may not be the main purpose. But considering your status, you can't not have a child. I have no family, and the thought of becoming a ruler is even more..."
"In the worst case, I can bring a child."
"But where would you get one without a family?"
"Am I the only one who can have a child in the world? There are many orphans on the streets even now. They are all my people."
What? Neris felt dizzy at the too radical words. She even reflected for a moment whether she was not too naive.
"So now, are you going to swap the bloodline of the prestigious Maindlandt Ducal family with a child brought from anywhere?"
"Why not?"
"Why not! Well, well...!"
If Neris had been a slightly ordinary thinker, she would have quickly found any reason. It's obvious that it would be easy to expose or that it's a scam. After all, in the position of rejecting, does one need to know something like the legitimacy of the reason?
However, she was unfortunately a sincere person, so she ended up doubting sincerely whether there was an objective answer that everyone would agree with in his words.
In any case, the most important thing in one human dominating another was the practical power relationship. Is there really a completely objective and justifiable reason for one person to dominate many others throughout their lives just because they are the eldest son of their father?
The right of succession that the imperial-recognized noble families legally possess? Anyway, if Cladwyn Maindlandt strictly applied the laws of the current empire, he would have to be stripped of his position as a lord. But is that a good thing for the current people of Maindlandt?
Of course, the nobles who have no attachment to Maindlandt would tear this land apart, squeezing the people until they wither away.
If Cladwyn, who is recognized by the people and cares about them, can rule this land, wouldn't it be unfair to criticize him for bringing in and educating another child to play the same role?
Cladwyn quickly realized that Neris's mind was getting complicated. He smirked.
Today he was sure. She didn't dislike him. She wasn't indifferent either.
There is no woman who worries about the future of a man she is not interested in, so much so that she would cry.
"Neris Trued, I am the son of the previous Duke, and as you know, compared to his wife, he considered his children worthless. Perhaps if his mother were alive, he could have been a good father too. But I wouldn't have been unhappy without him. The world would have been perfect with just my mother.
"Neris had never heard of such a family view.
Most nobles marry to have children. The alliance between families becomes perfect with the existence of a child who connects the bloodlines of both families.
Married families became happy as the alliance strengthened, and the couples who married like that were happy because they matched each other's conditions and could lead a peaceful life. Not romantic, but the members of such a contract were satisfied with each other and as time passed, they also felt a fairly strong sense of camaraderie.
The Elendria Marquisate was a typical example of this. The previous Marquis married his son to the daughter of the Wells family, one of the top three in the Empire, and the couple satisfied both the families and each other by having Nellucian and Valentin.
The current Elendria Marquis couple was a recognized perfect couple even in social circles. However, if a child had not been born, the alliance would have been broken, whether the couple liked it or not. Both families believed that having several children continuing the prestigious bloodline was necessary to uphold the honor of the family.
Of course, there were marriages unrelated to children, but a young, high-ranking man like Cladwyn who did not yet have children never engaged in such things.
Neris touched her forehead with a shocked expression. Then she lowered her head.
"No."
"Haven't you run out of excuses now?"
"Anyway, no. That wasn't the only reason."
"I don't really dislike you."
"Well..."
She couldn't say anything.
Cladwyn, who was looking down at her, lowered his eyes and bowed his body. Then, as light as a breath, he whispered softly.
"If you don't like it, just say it."
"That's not it..."
"Okay then. Let's test it. How does the person 'you' think about the person 'me'."
In response to Neris's hesitant answer, Cladwyn slowly extended his upper body, looking into her eyes as if seeking permission.
Their lips met. Neris, left to him as he approached, looked at Cladwyn's eyes as if she couldn't believe it. Then, she closed her eyes slightly, trembling.
The kiss was passionate. The warm, wine-scented flesh brushed against the tender lips several times. Cladwyn gradually leaned in, completely enveloping Neris in his arms. Exchanging joyful breaths between their lips.
As Neris's breath quickened and her lips trembled, their lips parted just as they were about to touch. Cladwyn gently nibbled on her lower lip one last time and then withdrew.
His eyes, which had been blazing red, widened as they fully captured Neris's face.
"Why are you crying?"
Neris looked into his gray eyes. In those bright and transparent eyes filled with clouds, she was silently shedding tears.
"Because it hurts."
"Why?"
"I realized that I can't be satisfied with that level of happiness you have."
The test, in a way, was successful.
The kiss was dizzying, as if her mind was burning faintly white. She wished sincerely that the world would stop right there.
However, it was precisely because of that moment that Neris could realize once again. The biggest problem lay in the fact that she didn't tell him.
The world shouldn't stop.
This moment passes quickly.
She, who couldn't even bear to see her own face reflected in his eyes, knew that she couldn't bear being next to him even more.
This was a very fundamental issue. Something that couldn't be ignored with just the words "I love you."
"I hope you're happy. That's why I can't be with you."
Cladwyn glanced at her face for a moment and then smirked.
"Don't cry. I was wrong."
"Don't mind."
"I can't help but mind. Because you're crying."
"What about you?"
"I want to die."
Her heart was aching, she truly wanted to die. Cladwyn knelt in front of her, just like before, and held her foot as if being drawn to kiss the inside of her left ankle. As if he couldn't help it either.
The tears stopped. Neris didn't know what to do and covered her mouth. Her face turned red in an instant.
He looked up at her and slowly slid his lips away as if to say, "You keep thinking of reasons to push me away, and I can't understand why. In my eyes, we fit together perfectly."
"The daughter of a Duke and a lowly knight?"
"No, the man who loves you and the you who avenges for that man."
Neris couldn't find the right moment to remove the hand covering her mouth. He pressed her right foot to where her heart was like a knight's courtship.
Thump, thump. It would be amusing if the sound of a heartbeat could be heard by placing a foot on the chest of a person wearing clothes, even though no one had brought their ear close. But to Neris, it truly seemed like she could hear it.
A heartbeat so loud that it was too big to tell whose it was.
Cladwyn smirked.
"If you have a reason, I'll respect it, Neris Trued. But that doesn't mean I agree with your reasons."
"Then?"
"Try pushing me away until I die. Do whatever you want. Sometimes, if you feel like it, you can kiss me. And you can run away again. I don't mind. Somehow, you know?"
Neris asked with a suspicious look.
"Why?"
"I have my own reasons for loving you, and they should be respected. Even if you don't understand, accept them. That I'll keep being here."
Wasn't that just a way of saying, "I'll do what I want regardless of what you say"? Neris was skeptical. However, Cladwyn slowly stood up and embraced her, making her unable to think deeply about it.
"Let me go!"
"Your feet are too cold. You might trip while walking. How did you think of wandering around Maindlandt's winter dressed like this?"
"You're dressed thinner than me right now."
"I'm used to the cold here."
Unless everyone here was born with frost in their veins, it didn't seem likely. Neris widened her eyes in a triangular shape, but Cladwyn showed no sign of concern.
He smiled and took a step back. Then, walking towards the West Palace, he said, "Nothing has changed."
Neris, who was about to show annoyance, bit her lip freshly closed.
"Is that so?"
"Because Lady Trued is worried, let's have dinner once every three days like before. Say hello and take a walk if you happen to pass by. You don't need to worry about giving me false hope. Even if you don't give me hope, things will continue as they are."
Can a person really be like that? Can a person's heart never change? Can one not resent the other due to the unreciprocated feelings?
Neris's mind was full of doubts. However, no matter how emotionally numb she was, it was time to accept it now.
No matter what she said now, the man wouldn't budge.
Moonlight entered the dark corridor where the candles had been extinguished. The elongated shadow of the window frame fell on Cladwyn's white cheek. Watching the distorted lines flow and redraw unconsciously for a long time, Neris realized that his gaze had never left her since earlier.
It was inevitable. She nodded her head.
***
As the ice that had frozen solid melted and the lush shadows of the trees welcomed summer on top of it.
A letter arrived at the White Swan Castle with Diane McKinnon's name written on it.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone