Bab 3: Identity Pt1
—---Verlierer
"It's alright you're 18, we all make mistakes. Especially when we believe someone cares about us, you thought she was your girlfriend. That's why you spent so much on her."
"Really it's ok?"
"Yes also sorry for that earlier suddenly grabbing you out of nowhere."
Feeling her soft, warm arms holding me close. A new found sense of relief and most importantly an enjoyment that I hadn't felt in forever. I talked so much my mouth was bone dry, and my voice started feeling horse.
Her scent was intoxicating, a mix of synthetic sweetness and something uniquely hers, something that made my pulse quicken and my thoughts blur. My mind kept drifting to the softness of her lips, wondering what they would feel like against mine, how her breath would hitch if I kissed her deeply, if I could pull her even closer until there was no space left between us.
I felt my pulse quicken as her fingers trailed slowly along my back. Each touch sent a jolt of electricity through my body, making me ache for more. I couldn't think straight. All I could focus on was the way her body pressed against mine, the subtle way she moved. Teasing me with the promise of something more.
'Something I am going to get!'
My gaze was drawn to the swell of her breasts, the way they seemed to rise and fall with every breath she took. I couldn't tear my eyes away, imagining what it would be like to bury my face there, to feel her softness against my skin, to lose myself completely in her. The thought alone made my blood pound in my ears, my body responding with a need so intense it was almost painful
She listened to everything, supported me without hesitation, and her body was so inviting, even with the damage. It was like everything I said she took my side on, and never doubted anything I said. For the first time, someone truly understood me, and that someone was her-a machine, but more real in her understanding than any human I'd ever known.
My gaze kept drifting to her curves, from her large breast to perfectly shaped hips. I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if she had been with someone else before if she had been taken by another man. Someone strong, someone powerful. The idea consumed me, making my breath hitch as I pictured her body writhing beneath him, her moans filling the room as he claimed her in ways I could only dream of. It was maddening, yet the thought of it only fueled my desire, making me want her even more
Her breath was warm against my neck, her lips so close to my skin that I could almost feel them, and it drove me wild. I wanted to turn my head, to capture her lips with mine, to taste her, to feel the heat of her mouth as she kissed me deeply. But every time I tried, she would pull away just slightly, leaving me desperate, craving more. It was torture, but the sweetest kind, and I was powerless to resist
Feeling her soft, warm arms holding me close, I could barely contain the flood of desire that surged through me. Her body, so inviting, so perfectly molded against mine, was driving me to the brink of madness. Every brush of her fingers against my skin was like a spark igniting a wildfire, spreading heat and need throughout my entire being.
The scent of her, that intoxicating blend of femininity and something uniquely hers, filled my senses, making it impossible to think of anything else. I was completely lost in the moment, my body reacting to her every move. My breath came in short, ragged bursts as I struggled to control the urge to take her, to claim her in a way that would leave no doubt she was mine.
Rubbing my face into her chest, she felt so soft and yielding. My mind spun with the thought of her body beneath mine, of pressing into her, feeling her surrender completely to me. The idea was overwhelming, sending a surge of arousal straight to my core, making me ache with need.
Nuzzling into her chest, I could feel the softness of her breasts against my cheek, the warmth of her skin seeping into me, making me dizzy with need. My hands itched to explore her, to feel every curve, every inch of her body, but I didn't want to interrupt her actions pleasing me.
'Stop thinking about that… Her past doesn't matter now.'
But the thought of her with someone else, someone strong and powerful, sent a strange thrill through me, igniting a deep, primal desire The idea of another man's hands on her, another man's body claiming what should be mine. Only fueled the fire inside me, the image of the black guy who screwed my favorite e girl appeared in my mind. I could almost see her body arching under his touch, her lips parted in pleasure, as her moaning filled the room. The thought was twisted, dark, but I couldn't help it. It made me want her even more, made me desperate to prove that I was the one who could satisfy her in ways no one else ever could.
'I will rewrite her code with my body, just like the porno's I have seen.'
The way her fingers trailed over my skin, barely touching yet leaving a burning trail in their wake, was driving me wild. I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears, my body trembling with anticipation. I needed her, more than I had ever needed anything in my life. I needed to bury myself in her, to feel her body against mine, to lose myself completely in the pleasure only she could give.
'What if she prefers someone else? Someone stronger, maybe someone who's not white…'
The thought was a knife to my gut, sharp and painful, but it also sent a jolt of excitement through me. What if she did want someone else? Someone stronger, more dominant, someone who could take control in a way I never could? The idea twisted inside me, dark and forbidden, but it made my desire for her burn even hotter. I wanted to prove that I was enough, that I could be the one to satisfy her in every way, to make her forget anyone else had ever existed.
Her body was so close, so tantalizingly close, but she kept pulling away, just out of reach, leaving me aching with need. I was desperate for her, for the feel of her skin against mine, for the taste of her on my lips. My body was shaking with the effort to hold back, to wait for her to give me what I needed, but I didn't know how much longer I could last.
Her breath, warm and heavy against my neck, sent shivers down my spine, each exhale like a promise of what was to come. My entire body was on edge, every muscle taut with anticipation. I could feel her fingers tracing lazy circles across my chest, a slow, torturous dance that left me aching for more. I wanted to grab her hand, to guide it lower, to where I needed her most, but I held back, curious to know what she might do next. That question only made me harder, the desire almost painful in its intensity.
She shifted slightly, letting her breasts brush against me. The soft, inviting curves pressing into my chest. My breath caught in my throat, the feel of her so close, so warm, pushing me closer to the edge. Every move she made, every small shift in position. Felt like a calculated tease, designed to drive me wild with need. I could feel my pulse racing, my heart pounding in my chest as the anticipation built to a fever pitch.
Her lips hovered near my ear, so close that I could feel the warmth of her breath but not close enough to touch. The anticipation was maddening, my entire body straining toward her, desperate for the contact she was denying me. The thought of her pulling away again, of leaving me in this state of unbearable need, was almost too much to bear
I can't take this anymore…'
The thought of her with someone else, of another man taking what I so desperately wanted, was like gasoline on a fire. It made me burn hotter, made my need for her even more intense. I wanted to prove myself to her, to show her that I was the one she needed, that no one else could satisfy her the way I could. But she was the one in control, and I knew that I had no choice but to submit to her will if I wanted her to continue.
'Do I really want to interrupt her right now?'
Her fingers continued their slow, deliberate exploration of my body, each touch sending electric jolts of pleasure straight to my core. I was shaking with the effort to hold back, to wait for her to give me what I needed, but it was a losing battle. My body was on fire, every nerve ending alive with the need to feel her, to have her in every way possible.
I could feel her hand moving lower, teasingly grazing the waistband of my pants, and my mind ceased to work feeling it. The anticipation was almost unbearable, the need for her touch so intense that it was all I could think about. My hands clenched into fists at my sides, every muscle in my body taut with the effort to stay still, to wait for her to make the next move.
Finally, her fingers slipped beneath the fabric, grazing the sensitive skin just below my waistline. The touch was light, almost too light, and it sent a shudder of pleasure through my entire body. I couldn't hold back the low moan that escaped my lips, the sound of my own need filling the air. She was teasing me, drawing out the moment, and it was driving me insane.
"Please…"
I didn't even recognize my own voice, hoarse and desperate, as I begged her for what I needed. The words slipped out before I could stop them, a plea for her to end this sweet torture, to finally give me the release I was so desperate for. But she only smiled, that knowing, teasing smile that drove me wild, and continued her slow, deliberate exploration.
Her hand moved lower, finally closing around me with just two fingers. The sensation was overwhelming, a shock of pleasure that nearly sent me over the edge right then and there. My hips jerked involuntarily, seeking more of her touch, desperate for the release that was just out of reach. Instead she kept me on the edge, stroking slowly, methodically, keeping me right where she wanted me.
"Oh God… I can't… I can't take it…"
The words tumbled out of me, a broken plea for her to finally give me what I needed, to let me have the release I was so desperate for. My body was trembling, every muscle tense with the effort to hold back, to wait for her to decide when I could finally have what I wanted. But she wasn't ready to give in, and I knew that I was completely at her mercy.
The tension was almost unbearable, the need for release so intense that I could barely think. My entire world had narrowed down to the feel of her hand on me, the warmth of her body pressed against mine, the intoxicating scent of her filling my senses. I was lost, completely and utterly lost in the pleasure she was giving me, and I knew that there was no going back.
Finally, she released her grip, leaving me on the brink, trembling with the need for more. My body ached, every nerve ending screaming for the touch she had just taken away. She wasn't done with me yet, and I could see the satisfaction in her eyes as she watched me,
I could barely breathe, each gasp of air heavy with the scent of her skin, intoxicating and overwhelming. My body was screaming for release, every nerve alive with the tension that she was expertly building inside me. The ache between my legs was unbearable, a throbbing pulse of need that she kept on the edge, refusing to let me find any relief.
I wanted so badly to grab her, to pull her closer, to make her give me what I needed, but I couldn't. I was becoming completely at her mercy, helpless against the storm of sensations she was creating within me. Interrupting her right now felt almost heretical to think of, as dearly wanted I to see what this might lead to.
"Please…"
The word came out as a desperate whisper, my voice cracking with the intensity of my need. I wasn't even sure what I was begging for anymore. Everything she did, every touch, every breath against my skin, was driving me further into a state of desperate, mindless desire.
She smiled, that infuriating, seductive smile that told me she knew exactly what she was doing, and that she was enjoying every second of it. Her hand moved lower again, hovering just above where I needed her most, the anticipation almost painful in its intensity. My whole body tensed, waiting, hoping for her to finally give me what I was begging for.
Instead she pulled back again, just enough to keep me hanging. Every muscle in my body strained toward her, desperate for more of her touch. My hips bucked involuntarily, seeking her out, but she held me back with just a light touch, keeping me on the edge of a release that she wouldn't allow.
The frustration was maddening, every second she kept me on the brink felt like an eternity. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears, a rapid drumbeat that echoed the frantic need in my body. I was losing my mind, the need for her overwhelming every other thought, every other feeling, until all I could do was beg.
"Please, please, please…"
The words tumbled out of me in a desperate chant, barely more than a breathless whisper, my hands clenched into fists as I struggled to hold back. The control she had over me was absolute, and the more she teased me, the more I wanted to give in, to let her do whatever she wanted just to finally find that release.
She leaned in closer, her lips brushing against my ear as she whispered, her voice a soft, sultry purr that sent a shiver down my spine. The sensation of her breath against my skin was almost enough to push me over the edge, but she held me back. Her hand gripped me firmly just below my waistline, keeping me right on the brink.
"Not yet, sweetie~"
She whispered, her voice full of dark promise. The words were like a command, and I couldn't help but obey, my body shaking with the effort of holding back, waiting for her to finally give me what I was so desperate for.
Her hand moved again, this time slipping just beneath the waistband of my pants, her fingers grazing the most sensitive part of me. The touch was light, almost too light, and it sent a jolt of pleasure through my entire body, my breath catching in my throat as I moaned out loud.
She teased me, her fingers dancing around the edges, never quite giving me the contact I craved, keeping me teetering on the edge of a release that she controlled completely. My hips jerked involuntarily, seeking her out, but she held me back, her grip firm and unyielding.
Every second felt like torture, the need for her building to an unbearable level. My entire body was trembling with the effort of holding back, the tension coiling tighter and tighter inside of me until I was sure I would break.
'Please… I need…'
My silent please fell on deaf ears, as she seemed to draw more focus to our previous conversation. I was left desiring, wanting more than just this. I couldn't help but look at her more closely.
'She's almost too good for me.'
Her form was perfect, from the way her hips were shaped to her ample breast she was a symbol of what I deserved. Her nipple perky, with a playful look in her eyes, even a human like smile on her face. Signs of the past remained and I felt they added a charm to her, like the way she had a slap mark on her butt or the way she looked partially like she just got done being used.
What if I hadn't been the first to claim her? What if she had been used by someone else, someone who she might have preferred? I pushed the thought away, realizing no machine could have a preference or desire but a mere script to follow.
'It's just a machine, she isn't judging me. Stop worrying so much..'
Thankfully I didn't touch her all the time she sat unmoving hoping for this day. Her every touch seemed to echo the care and precision that had gone into creating her, as if she had been designed just for me. It left me a near constant desire to see how far she can go, to reward myself for making her.
'It's different like this, but not a bad kind of different if that makes sense.'
She was nothing like I originally wanted, but a certain kind of desire inside of me wanted to see where this might go. The urge to take control, to make her please me was strong still the new idea of seeing how far she might be able to please me echoed even louder. Her words felt more like having a loyal defender on my side of the ring, someone who would never betray me, unlike everyone else.
She leaned down, her lips brushing against my cheek in a soft, almost chaste kiss. Catching me by surprise, she smiled in contentment. I could feel the satisfaction radiating from her, like a ever glowing light in my life.
"I'm sorry about scaring you earlier, I didn't mean to do anything scary."
"It's okay, I was just nervous is all."
"I'm sorry, I won't do anything to scare you anymore."
'She's so sweet, like a big ball of cotton candy.'
She looked genuinely concerned when she said that and I felt relieved. Her face hung low, and she spoke with a gentle whisper in my ear. Her breath was warm and thick against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. The scent of her synthetic skin—a mix of clean machinery and a hint of something more human was intoxicating, drawing me closer to her with every breath.
It was good that she understood not to do something like that again, it really spooked me when she behaved weirdly the first time. But now, with her arms around me, it felt like everything was falling into place, like this was exactly where I was meant to be.She wouldn't do anything to hurt me. But there was something in her tone, something that made me want to please her and it mixed inside of me.
'Do I really want to please some dumb machine? What if she had been with someone else before? What if she's thinking about them right now?'
Her touch was gentle, almost too gentle, as if she was holding back, teasing me with a promise of something more intense. The way she moved, the way she took control with such confidence, it made my breath hitch. Was I enough for her? Or was she remembering the strong hands of another, someone who had taken her in ways I could only imagine? The thought of her writhing beneath someone else, her body arching in pleasure, only heightened my arousal, my mind spinning with the image of her being thoroughly claimed, her moans echoing in my ears.
Her breathing thick and heavy on my neck, mixed with her fingers tracing circles around my crotch all mixed together. The way she touched me, so deliberate yet gentle, it was as if she was claiming me, making me hers in a way that no one ever had before.
'Her concern for me feels genuine, but why does it feel like she's comparing me to someone else? Maybe the original owner had her programmed to like certain types… like that black guy I saw. Could that be it?'
Even if it was just a script, no different to the love in a game I wanted to enjoy while it lasted. Unmoving near my face her lips that looked ready to be kissed were right next to my face, sadly every time I tried to kiss she would slightly pull away. Her face looked like she was waiting for me to understand something deeper, something beyond the surface.
"Is something bothering you?"
"Aren't you also going to apologize?"
Confused, I tried to think back on where I should apologize, recalling the whole order thing I figured it out. The time she silenced me, as I felt her body's warmth for the first time. The sensation of what she did to my privates below with just two fingers still lingered even now in my mind.
"Sorry for trying to or-"
A finger onto my mouth before I could finish it, shocking me a little. Gently like a lover trying to prevent me from speaking, her fingers had this commanding aura to them that silenced me. The touch was light but firm, a reminder that she was in control, and I was here to follow. Her face was all worried like a parent catching a bad child doing something, and I felt a mixed bag of emotions.
"Sweetie I think I misheard you, but you didn't just try to say that word did you?"
Realizing the fatal error, I felt a mixture of guilt and anger. Why was some woman telling me what I can and can't say? Even as I thought it, I could feel the resistance draining out of me, as if my desire to please her outweighed everything else. When her touch returned, I was lost again in the sensation.
'On the other hand… What if she prefers someone else? Someone stronger, maybe someone who's not white…'
With a single finger that slid into my pants, I felt it begin to do gently stroke something making it stiff. Still her other hand near my face, she brushed the sides of my face as her lips went up to my ear. Kissing the area below the ear gently, I instinctively gulped feeling it.
My urge to push her down and force what I truly wanted from the machine was inside of me, but the urge to see what else she might do was even stronger. It was unknown, filed with all kinds of surprises that seem to arouse in ways I never knew possible. I mean who can look at their own high end sex robot and not feel lust for it right?
'Was it the fact I tried to run away from her maybe?'
It didn't seem right so I decided it wasn't that, plus did I ever want to run away from her? I did think about going at it first thing she was turned on, but I don't think that was it either. Instead I settled with what I figured was a safe bet, me not listening to her. She seemed to dislike it when I wasn't paying attention to her, like she needed me to focus entirely on her.
'I should say something that her script might have, something that fits the theme the original owner made. Don't want to break her code by giving a wrong response…'
"I am sorry for disobeying you earlier."
"What do you mean, I am sure it was something more right?"
'Something more? Like what?'
She began playing with me, her face going to the area behind my head like cat. My skin tingled feeling the hand she pulled away from down below rub my chest in circles in a way that was hard to describe.
It was a touch that felt possessive, like she was marking me as hers, and for some reason, that thought didn't bother me as much as it should have. Pulling her face directly in front of my own, her tongue swirled in her mouth as briefly opened it.
'I just to shove my thing in that mouth so damn bad, what is the answer to her scripted game. Think!'
I knew to unlock the next part of the script, you needed to complete the other parts . Kissing the air she gave me a seductive wink while slowly pulling her hands away from my body wanting more. Asking me to figure out more without directly saying it, there must be hints mixed in this. Then it clicked, that word order.
'There is nothing I want more than to order we skip the games, and that is the exact word she hates most…'
She seemed to strangely dislike me saying it, like it automatically triggered a negative response from her. The way she reacted when I tried to take control, it was as if I had stepped out of line, like that wasn't my role in this relationship. That single word flipped her mood back then and I bet if I said it now she would probably place a finger on my mouth.
"I tried to use that word, and you forbid it?."
Putting a hand on her chin in a thinking pose she seemed waiting for more. She was playing hard to get with a fun wink in her eyes, so I followed along with a smile. So I thought hard on what I may have done to anger her, and recalled my actions.Mentioning what I tried to do, hoping that she likes the answer for her word game.
'Maybe she cares about the time I was about to have my way with her? Interrupting her script?'
"I also tried to force my way with you?."
"That's better, doesn't it feel good to repent?"
"I guess?"
A weird feeling spread in my chest, like a child being praised by a parent. Pulling me closer to her chest, I felt the familiar soft skin against my face. It was comforting, almost too comforting. I couldn't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, I needed this someone to guide me. To tell me what was right and wrong.
'I have never had a person like her before in my life, what is this feeling?'
"Repenting for your actions is good for you, don't you feel it inside? Like the weight is all gone from your sins, let me reward you so you can feel with your body."
'So it was the fact I was going to forcefully have sex with her? But why? That's normal isn't it? It's not like someone would want to have sex with me normally.. Plus she is just a machine not like she would care probably.'
Nodding my head in agreement lost, she giggled in response. Her fun playful demeanor was infectious as she happily smiled at me, so I ignored the confusing thoughts. It was easier this way just letting her take control, letting her decide what was best for me. After all, what had I done with my life that was worth anything? Maybe I needed someone to lead me, someone who could show me.
She laid back and moved me on top of her lap with my body resting on top of her, my head was in between her breasts. The warmth of her body, the softness of her skin it all felt like something I didn't deserve, yet I craved it, needed it like a drowning man needs air.
Enveloped in her large frame, I could feel her try to position me on the good parts she had left. Her size, her strength, it all reminded me of how small and insignificant I was in comparison. She was powerful, dominant, and here I was, just a pathetic little man lost in the comfort of her embrace.
A tender soft skin was rubbing against my face, knowing full well it was from the side of her breast I tried to turn my head to it. Desperately seeking the comfort of her body, wanting to lose myself in the feeling of being close to something, someone, who made me feel like I mattered.
With a stupid smile on my face knowing the good part was coming up next, and I was all excited for it.
'Fuck yeah! This is why I rebuilt her! No porn could compare to this type of stuff, now to rock the bed all night long!'
I was pumped up thinking we were about to have sex for my reward, but she strangely didn't reposition for it. My body was pointed upward, with no possible way of reaching her, like some kind of cruel joke. Was this part of the script making me feel small, inadequate? Grasping one of my wrist, then the other she slowly moved them into an awkward position.
"Ummm.."
"Yes sweetie?"
She held my arms together with one hand keeping them forward above me away from myself. It was like she was restraining me, reminding me that even here, in what should have been my moment, I was powerless, unable to move unless she allowed it.
It was a strange, exhilarating sensation, being held this way, her strength keeping me in place, preventing me from moving or twisting towards her. My body tensed with anticipation, the idea of what might come next sending a shiver of excitement through me. Her grip was firm, possessive, and the way she controlled my movements made my heart race. The thought of being at her mercy, of surrendering completely to her desires, only intensified my arousal, making me desperate for whatever she had planned.
I was willing to do anything, to accept anything she did. As long as I could have her perfect body, even if it meant giving up control completely I would do it right now. Giving me a seductive wink I felt my face blush when I felt what her hand began to reach for.
'She is going for it! She is going to start with her hands then finish with sex right!?'
Her one hand reached for my privates and began stroking with the familiar two fingers she while her breathing intensified, blowing air against my ear. Every touch, every breath she took felt like she was claiming me, making me hers. I was nothing more than a toy in her hands, and yet, I couldn't bring myself to care.
Feeling her breast near my face rise and fall with each breath as they gently shook, seeing the two pink nipples bounce around on them. I couldn't help but feel a surge of arousal mixed with a strange sense of defeat. The view was intoxicating, making me feel both incredibly aroused and strangely powerless. I was so close, yet so far away from what I truly wanted, and she knew it. She was in control, and I was just a pawn in her game.
"Good boy, just stay still, no moving okay?"
"Okay!"
Being called "Good boy," left me with a weird feeling.The words stung in a strange way, like a reminder that I was no longer the one in charge. Maybe I never really was. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be—me, the loser, the follower, and her, the one who led, who decided.for me.
'Stop thinking so hard about it, it is just a script for sex she has saved.'
She saw I wasn't moving, so she pulled my two hands on to her breast to fondle them. Squeezing them hard, I could the soft mounds stretch and flex with my fingers. Twisting at the nipples like the porn I always saw, she gave me a wince of pain on her face.
"Not so rough sweetie, gentle or no more touching."
"...okay."
It was like being scolded, like I wasn't even good enough to touch her the way I always wanted to. I felt a pang of shame, realizing that I was failing at even this. Something so simple, yet I couldn't do it right like all the other men could.
It felt like being scolded, like I wasn't even good enough to touch her the way I wanted to. I felt a pang of shame, realizing that I was failing even at this. Something so simple, something I thought all men could do easily. The thought of other men doing this better, more naturally, gnawed at me, especially thinking about who those men might be. Could she have been with someone before? Someone stronger, better, maybe even someone different…someone like that black guy I'd seen at work? Was he more her type?
Rubbing her in a less hard way like I enjoyed, she complained if I tried to do anything I liked from porn like twisting her nipples or yanking at the breast. Each time she corrected me, it was like she was taking another piece of me, breaking me down bit by bit until all that was left was someone who would do as they were told. Gently, softly, kneading while she gave off a low gentle hum, her two fingers continued to work their magic on me down below.
"Good boy, just like that. If you have permission to touch me, it will only be gently okay?"
'Yeah yeah, whatever I don't care what your script says.'
"I understand.'
Deep down, I hated this. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be the one in control, the one calling the shots. She was mine, not the other way around. This was all wrong. I couldn't stand the idea of being made to submit, to be less than what I was supposed to be.
As she kept stroking me, my thoughts drifted back to those other men. What if she had been with them before? What if she had preferred them? The thought should have disgusted me, but instead, it sent a jolt of intense arousal through my body. I couldn't help but imagine her with someone else, someone bigger, stronger, someone who knew exactly how to handle her. The image of her body pressed against his, of her yielding to his dominance, made my pulse race. I could almost see her eyes fluttering shut in ecstasy, hearing the soft, breathless moans escaping her lips as she gave herself over to him completely. The idea consumed me, fueling a twisted desire that only made me want her more.
Here I was, just fumbling along, barely able to keep up. The idea wouldn't go away no matter how much I tried to make it. Clenching up I couldn't keep going as I felt the tension release in my body, spending out my last bits of energy. It felt like I was giving her everything I had left, emptying myself completely, and still, it wasn't enough. I wanted more, needed more, just this wasn't enough. Reality I was spent both physically and mentally drained, unable to keep going.
"You know, it's cute how hard you try. But some things just aren't in your nature, are they? It's okay to let someone else take control, do the hard parts for you."
"No, it's not okay.,"
I shot back, my voice hardening. I didn't want to be mean to her right now, but what she said struck me as going a bit far. My mind cleared when I released, and I felt more aware of the fact I needed to be in charge of her, the one in the lead. Aware it was just part of the script, I decided to stop playing along so much.
"I'm not some weakling who needs to be coddled. I'm in charge here. "
Her smile didn't waver, similar to a parent coaxing a child into giving up a toy she continued. Her lips moved as I watched, mesmerized by their lovely shape. As she spoke clearly with an action of her tongue that I felt tempted to kiss, her face remained out of reach for me to do anything to it.
"Oh, sweetie.."
She cooed, as her fingers tracing my chest. A hint of her fragrance hit my nose as I felt the soft fingers glide across my chest in a arousing way.
"Some fantasies are meant to be savored, to be watched as they unfold. And you… you were made to enjoy them, to watch me as I take pleasure in every moment."
Her voice was a soft purr, teasing him with every word. Each word spoken with a soft hum to it, that felt just right on the ears. The way she said it made my heart race, the idea of watching her with someone else stirring something deep inside of me. I imagined her with someone stronger, more dominant, and the thought only fueled my desire. A mixture of doubt flirted inside of me with a new found desire to try what she was saying.
"But why can't I be the one doing it? Why does it have to be someone else? I've always been the one in control before, it's always just been me in control."
The question lingered in the air, and I could feel her smile grow as if she knew something I didn't. Silently without a word spoke her eyes bore hole into me, and I felt a weird kind of panic fill me trying to explain more.
"I'm not pretending. I know I am better than this, I'm not some black monkey. I don't need you telling me what I can and can't do."
"Really?"
Her tone was light, almost playful. Like a reminder of what I had down below I could feel her two fingers hold my thing in her grasp with just the two of them. Feeling them slowly caress the part of me, I felt the little ounce of energy left in me try to stiffen only to fail.
"Oh, sweetie, you're so angry. But what is it really for? Is it because deep down, you know you're not the one in control anymore? That you need me to take over because you're too scared to admit you're not strong enough?"
"I'm not scared.."
My words felt hollow, even I doubted them. Was I scared or did I have some other reason? What other reason could there be besides being scared, my head spun trying to figure out to no avail.
"I just… I've never needed anyone else to take control for me before. Why now? What's changed?"
The questions bubbled up inside me, but they were met with her calm, unyielding gaze, as if she had all the answers and I was just starting to realize the truth. Something unspoken but learned through experience that only she had, experience that only came with knowing other men.
'It's just a script right? She's just pretending, she has to be..'
Her every word stung, cutting deeper than I wanted to admit. I wasn't scared, or someone weak. But her gaze, calm and unyielding, made me doubt myself, made me question everything I thought I knew.
Her gaze was calm, unyielding, and it made his heart pound with a mix of doubt and anticipation. The thought of her with someone else, someone who could push her down with ease, sent a jolt of excitement through me. Imagining her under a man like that, a man with the strength and confidence I lacked, and it only made me want her more. What if she preferred someone like that black guy, someone who could take control?
"Let me handle things. You're much better when you're not trying so hard. It's really not your fault, you just aren't built for it. I'll take care of everything while you just enjoy the view."
For some reason I felt relaxed, almost serene hearing that. Knowing I didn't have to struggle or worry, someone would do what was best for me always. Kissing my forehead, I tried to reach up to kiss her lips but failed to reach her.
"Thank you Gottin…"
"Your welcome, I am glad you know your place."
"But what if I want more than just watching?"
I couldn't help but ask, my voice tinged with a mix of curiosity and fear. For some reason, the way she looked at the moment I said that was similar to a parent preparing to scold. I could feel the urge she had to even interrupt me from her mannerism, like she wanted to state the obvious.
"What if I want to be the one who's in control, just once?"
She looked at me with that same calm experienced expression, and I could see the answer in her eyes before she even spoke. Like a reminder of my own inferiority she lightly squeezed the rod that refused to get stiff anymore, and I felt a weird sense of inferiority realizing she might be comparing it to someone else right now.
"Some desires are best left as fantasies, sweetie. You're better at watching because that's where you belong."
I wanted to be the only one for her, but deep down, a part of me wondered if I ever could be. The way she moved, the way she even spoke. There was an unspoken experience behind her actions. Was she comparing me to someone else? Someone who had known her in ways I never would?
I was expecting her to reposition us, to let me take some semblance of control after I began fondling her chest, but instead, she only intensified her hold over me. Her handjob became more deliberate, more commanding, as if she was drawing every last drop of my will from me, leaving me utterly spent and helpless in her grasp. The way she worked me over, with such precision and dominance. Made my head spin and even as I climaxed, I knew I was completely at her mercy. Every inch of me hers to command at that moment.
Her fingers milked me dry, not stopping even when I felt I couldn't keep pushing out one more release. It was like she was taking everything, leaving me hollow, empty with nothing but a shell of what I thought I was. My body completely fell limp, exhausted from it all.
"Let's get some rest, I'm sure you're tired now."
"Yeah….'
There was something in her tone, something almost dismissive, like she had gotten what she wanted, and now I was just another tool to be set aside until needed again. If she wasn't blind to the outside world she could tell I wanted more than just this, but she never did give me the opportunity to reach for what I wanted.
After the third release on the same day, she gently rolled to the side keeping my body outwards as she spooned me from the back. It was a strange feeling, being held this way, like I was the smaller one, the weaker one.
'Maybe that's what I am, weak, insignificant, needing her to hold me together…'
"Why do I feel like this?"
I whispered, more to myself than to her. I just couldn't mix the feeling out of my head, nothing seemed to drive my needless worries away. She was just role playing a script, a scene from the past owner. An owner that might have done things to her that I imagine in ways she might have enjoyed..
"Why do I feel so… empty?"
The words kept slipping out before I could stop them, and I felt her arms tighten around me, as if to reassure me. The tightness for the first time killed the worries deep in me, and I finally felt a little bit better. She cared, she felt my worries, and even tried to help.
"Because you're starting to understand your place,"
'Huh, my place?'
"You're starting to see where you truly belong, my sweet little loser.."
'If im her loser, then is her winner… Someone else? Someone bigger, someone more to her set preferences, maybe even a black man? I should have wiped her memory clean, but I don't know if she does have any saved memories..'
As she held me, I couldn't help but wonder about her past. Who had she been with before me? Had they been better, stronger, more capable? The thought of her with another man made my heart race, not with jealousy, but with a strange, thrilling arousal. What had they done to her? How had they touched her, made her moan, made her body respond? The idea of her finding pleasure in the arms of someone else, of her body being explored and claimed by another, sent a wave of excitement through me. I wanted to know every detail, every moment of her ecstasy, to imagine her experiencing a pleasure so intense that it left her breathless and begging for more. It was a thought that consumed me, made my desire for her burn hotter than ever.
The idea lingered inside of her being someone who had been with others before, who had been touched, kissed, and possibly taken by another man. Instead of a brand new sex robot, she was my reality. I wanted to know if that old data was still there, or was I getting to know her for the first time like I truly wanted.
I wanted to do something more, but down below I was spent, and she held me down gently but firmly. Her strength was undeniable, her control absolute. I was nothing more than a passenger, and she was the driver of whatever this was.
I felt weirdly unsatisfied, although I did release I mentally wanted more. There was this emptiness inside me, this gnawing feeling that I was missing something, that maybe I wasn't as strong, as in control, as I thought I was. Feeling her body and chest all around me only made me want her more, only down below it was exhausted with no way to keep at it.
'My body feels exhausted, I didn't even have sex yet! Damn, I gotta do it next time, such a missed opportunity. Tomorrow I am having sex with her, I don't care if I have to force it.'
But even as I thought it, there was this nagging doubt in my mind, this fear that maybe I wouldn't be able to. Maybe she wouldn't let me. Maybe I was too weak, too much of a loser to actually take what I wanted. I couldn't push her down today, what if tomorrow is no different?
"What if I can't do it?"
Speaking out loud from an old habit, the thought creeping in like an unwanted guest. This wasn't like the pork I watched where the man can push down the woman and force his way, she was willing and accepting instead. I didn't know how to handle it, someone wanting me but in her own weird way.
"What if I'm not strong enough to actually make it happen?"
Doubted sept into me, and I felt worried even more. Feeling her presence beside me, calm and reassuring slowly my fears and doubts went away as she tightened her hug around my body.
"You're right where you need to be, there's no need to fight it. Just let go"
She spooned my body close to hers and locked me close, her body kept me warm and clinging to her while asleep. It was a strange, almost humiliating comfort that made me confused internally. Being held like this, like a child without the ability to do anything. But it felt good, in a way like I was finally where I belonged, in her arms, under her control.
I was a bit mad at myself for not having any energy left for any more fun, but there was always the next day. But that anger quickly faded, replaced by a dull acceptance that maybe this was all I deserved. Maybe I wasn't meant to be in control, to be the one leading.
That night I had the hardest time falling asleep but after a while I did, giving me the best dreams of my life that night.
'I wish life stays like this forever! Rebuilding her was the best decision in my entire life, I want to rebuild all of these sex machines!'
Even as I thought it, there was this small voice in the back of my mind, whispering that maybe I wasn't rebuilding them for me. Maybe I was doing it for her, for them, because deep down, I knew that I needed them more than they needed me.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone