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7.5% Fate/Gil-kun's Great Adventure / Chapter 3: Gil-kun and the Mountain

Bab 3: Gil-kun and the Mountain

"Why? Why did I think this would be a good idea..."

Gilgamesh thought as a despair he had rarely ever felt before filled his soul.

"I decided to follow her, half in jest and mostly because I felt insulted by this mongrel's words, so I told her that I accepted her as my servant... but... has she stopped talking for even a second? She keeps talking about the flowers, the grass, the plains, and how everything is much quieter than Rome... I'm going insane... how many times did she say 'umu'? What the hell even is a 'umu'? Is that a Roman insult? Honestly, I don't even care anymore!"

"And so most of the houses in Rome were built using strong wood like this one. They could withstand a truly incredible amount of force, but the problem was that they easily caught fire, which is why the Great Fire of Rome happened, but hey, don't you dare say it was my fault, umu, I wasn't even in Rome during that awful tragedy! Although it is kind of funny that-"

"Enough! Enough, you damn mongrel! You have pestered me enough! Keep quiet now, that's an order!"

"Hehe, no need to be so pushy, umu! I kept talking simply because I noticed you kept quiet and because I get the impression we are going to be together for quite some time. Don't you think so too, umu?"

"Please shut up..."

"Are you alright, umu? You know, it's an emperor's duty to safeguard the wellbeing of his subjects."

"How many times do I have to tell you, mongrel? You are my subject and I am your ruler!"

"Hey, hey, what's this sudden anger, umu? Don't worry, I shall allow it. But you must know, Goldie, I have my pride as a ruler, so I can't serve just anyone, you know? Especially out of my own volition and outside a Holy Grail War, when there is so much land I could rule! Although I do admit that I have grown a bit tired of the role of the leader and of being the one to talk, so I guess that I could lower myself to the rank of servant if I find you worthy of such an honour, ok, umu?"

"That's what I've been trying to explain to you, foolish mongrel..."

"Huh? Are you finally going to tell me who you are, umu? Huh, umu? Right, umu? Are you, umu? Are you? Umu, ar-"

"OK, OK... ok. I'll grace you with the knowledge of my name. Consider this a sign of forgiveness for your ignorance. I am the first hero, the king who started all legends, the King of Heroes, the ruler of the legendary city of Uruk: Gilgamesh."

...

...

Complete silence.

"You damn mongrel, I sai-"

"Umu, that's amazing, umu! I suspected it, but now I have confirmation of it! I really am in the company of someone equal to me. It was worth it saving you from those giant ants. I can't wait to establish a companionship with a fellow ruler, umu!"

"..."

"Well, what do you say, umu?"

"I regret talking."

"What, umu? What did you say, umu!"

"Damn you, I won't all-"

"Look, umu! This mountain is blocking our path!"

Just then Gilgamesh noticed the impressive mountain right in front of them.

"Wow, this mountain really looks like a mountain! It's splendid, beautiful, poetic, wonderful! Don't you think so too, umu?"

"Pathetic little emperor, this mountain is nothing more than a barrier this fake world has placed in front of me to dissuade me from my intent. A pointless endeavor indeed. Just like any who oppose me, this mountain shall fall in disgrace in front of my unreachable brilliance."

Having just finished talking, Gilgamesh raised his hand and threw a dozen high-ranking Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasms against the natural beauty. After a loud noise, the dust cleared and the mountain was nowhere to be seen, completely wiped out of existence.

"Well, what do you think, mongrel girl? Isn't the power of a true king awes-"

"That was awful, umu! Truly awful! Why would you do something so despicable, so horrible, so wrong!"

"What the hell do you mean? That mountain was in my way! Such pride must be punished by no one other than myself."

"That was so uncool, umu! Come on, fix it!"

"What?"

"Fix it!"

"Are you kidding me, mongrel?"

"Fix it, umu!"

"How am I suppos-"

"Fix it now, umu!"

"Stop it! I'm not going to fix anyt-"

"Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!"

"Shut up, you mongr-"

"Come on, umu, fix it, umu, do it, umu, now, umu, umu, um-"

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

"What's the matter, umu?"

"Fine! I'll do something about this!"

"Thanks, umu, I knew you wouldn't be so bad, umu, now fix the mountain, umu."

"Gods, if you still hate me, please end my life right now..."

After gaining once again the will to live, Gilgamesh pointed out as calmly as he could.

"I have no intention of fixing that mountain, however, I can substitute it with a treasure of equal value."

A big distortion of space appeared on the ground in front of them, like a lake with thousands of golden coins inside. Slowly and theatrically a huge structure exited from the portal, reaching more than 300 metres and having the shape of one of the most important and famous monuments in all of humanity.

"In the name of Gods, that's the Eiffel Tower!"

"Fool, this is the original model from which that cheap imitation was based."

"I see, but then, umu, how can gold form a structure like that?"

"You need everything spelled out, don't you? This isn't gold. It's irongold."

"Irongold?"

"Yes, it's a material from the Age of Gods, capable of forming a structure much more solid and complex than any kind of iron while maintaining the shining blaze of gold. Or did you really think that my subjects made huge structures out of pure, solid gold?"

"Umu! That's amazing, umu! Truly impressive, umu! You've outdone yourself, umu!"

"Please just die..."

"Why? Don't you appreciate my praise, umu? Don't you like it when I praise you, umu?"

"That's not what I meant..."

"I'm sure you wouldn't mind lending a companion some of that irongold! I shall use it to construct the greatest palace and theatre ever built!"

"Since when are we supposed to be companions?"

"Well, umu, I wasn't sure before, but starting from now, I acknowledge you as my equal companion in this journey. Let us try our best to be happy and to form a lasting relationship."

"You know, after bothering me so much, death would be too quick and painless, mongrel. For this reason alone, I shall indulge your requests for now until eventually I'll show you the insurmountable gap between a fake ruler like you and the one true king of this and all worlds, me. I can't help but imagine your face coloured in despair when you will finally understand the weight of your mistakes, foolish mongrel. Ohhh, I can't wait..."

"I look forward to working with you too, king of heroes. Together, it feels like nothing in this world or any other can stop us! Let us proceed forward, umu!"

"I hate you..."

*****

"May I have some too?" Alaya asked.

"Of course, suit yourself." Gaia replied, passing a bowl of popcorn as she laid down on a side, she could feel her breasts slightly exposed by the lack of fabric but gave little care to that.

"Am I not sweet?"

"I mean, I'm the one who prepared them..." Alaya observed as her shirt was slowly falling down from her as if it was trying to escape her, leaving her shoulders partially in view.

"Well yeah, but I made you, so I guess we're even."

"You did not create me."

"And how do you know? Were you there to see what happened?"

"I can look into the past, you know."

"Whatever. Anyway, this is certainly getting interesting. The King of Heroes and Red Saber... a weird combination, but certainly one that in its own way could work."

"You think so?"

"Of course, you should trust your big sister!"

"You're not my big sister. In any case, I can't hide that these first developments have intrigued me and have given me a good laugh. Now, if all goes according to plan, their next meeting with someone else will definitely be... interesting."

"Indeed, I can't wait! Hey, Alaya..."

"Mmm?"

Gaia sat up, fixing up her fabrics and covering herself a bit.

"Can you please make more popcorn?"

Alaya sighed, putting her shirt back over her shoulders and getting up from the couch.

"Sweet or salty?"


Bab 4: Gil-kun and the Penguin

The countryside seemed endless. They had been walking for a few hours by now. It all looked the same. Gilgamesh meditated a few times about boarding his plane, but he refused every time since that would mean having to carry that annoying emperor too. She didn't deserve such a favour. 

One thing was clear: the fauna there was huge. They had already come across giant worms, giant ants, giant spiders and giant grasshoppers. They all were very territorial and pretty tough, capable of resisting without much effort against C-rank Noble Phantasms. 

Still, they were no match for the combined might of two top-tier Heroic Spirits. They were nothing more than a slight annoyance. The King of Heroes had already grown bored of them, however he didn't mind when they showed up, since it gave him a breather from Nero's talking sessions.

After they had just finished killing another horde of ants, Nero suddenly squealed, scaring the hell out of Gilgamesh. He looked in her direction and saw her rushing towards something. He looked closer. It looked alive. It was...

"Umu, look! It's a penguin! A small cute penguin! Look at how cute he is, umu! Isn't he the cutest, umu?"

"It's just a foul beast that reeks of fish."

"Umu, don't say that! You'll make Mr. Penguin cry."

"As if I care. Furthermore, is that what you are going to call him? Mr. Penguin?"

"Mmm, you're right... it is pretty lackluster... an artist like me should be more creative... umu, I know! From now on, you're Mr. Pop Pea! How'd you like that, Mr. Pop Pea?"

The penguin moved his head quickly as if he was trying to communicate something, but neither of them could really tell what he meant, on account of neither of them understanding penguinese.

"I think he likes it!"

"What a ridiculous name..."

"Umu, don't insult my naming skills! You're hurting Mr. Pop Pea. Come on, isn't he cute, umu?"

Nero asked again as she raised the penguin almost against Gilgamesh's face. He pulled back in disgust and she gently brought the animal against her chest like a mother with her child.

"So cute, Mr. Pop Pea."

"I suppose I've seen more hideous beasts. In any case, we shall continue our journey. Leave that bird here now."

"No way, umu! I'm not leaving Mr. Pop Pea, he can't stay here!"

"Why not?"

"It's not his natural habitat?"

"Didn't you bring lions and elephants to the Colosseum?"

"I didn't know it was a bad thing at the time! Who knew that moving an animal from where it used to live would have negative consequences? It didn't have it with humans!"

"Why should I care about the fate of some random bird?"

"Please, umu. We have to save Mr. Pop Pea..."

Nero pleaded bringing the penguin close to her face as her eyes glimmered and sparkled.

"Are you trying to puppy-eye me?"

"I don't know what you are talking about, umu..." 

"Look, I'll use this liquid ice to turn this place into a more suitable climate for that thing."

"B-but... what about friends... he can't just stay here alone..."

"Are you serious?"

"Please... please, umu... please... please..."

"Not going to work."

"You're so cruel, umu! Wait, I have a proposal. I remind you of someone, right, Goldie? I could tell by the way were staring at me."

"..."

"I do! I bet you like her a lot!"

"That's none of your concern, mongrel."

"Yes, you totally do. Well, if you agree to bring Mr. Pop Pea with us, I'll cosplay as this person you like so much. What do you think, umu? Do you like the sound of that?"

"..."

"*smiles*"

"... as soon as we find another penguin, we leave him there."

"Yay! Thank you, umu! You're the best, umu! Mr. Pop Pea is really happy too! You're so cool, umu!"

"Stop... doing that."

"Doing what, umu? Praising you? How can I not praise you when you're so cool, umu?"

"N-no, not this... that."

"That what, umu? What do you mean, umu? Spinning around you, umu? Running around, umu? Coming too close, umu?"

"This! This damn thing you say! Umu this, umu that... Stop umuing!"

"Oh that... I'm sorry, Gilgy, it's just something I naturally say while talking, a tic, if you will. But you don't dislike it too much, do you, umu?"

"I... dear foolish mongrel girl... I will allow you to follow me... I will allow you to bring that animal with you... but I swear in the name of all the treasures I possess, I'll make a knife appear inside Mr. Pop Pea's heart if I hear you say umu for more than 10 times a day!"

"That's not fair! I let you use mongrel all the time!"

"That's because that word is an accurate way to describe you!"

"Mine too!"

"How the hell am I 'umu'?"

"Ok, fine, Goldie. You win this round. I'll try to limit myself. Let's keep going forward now!"

"Very well, I'll remember your promise. ... b-both of your promises."

"Hehe, I knew you had a soft spot for something, umu!"

"That's one umu down for today."

"W-what? Oh, geez! You're right! Don't worry, Mr. Pop Pea! I won't allow you to get killed so easily. Though it's best if we find some ice very soon. Let's hurry, umu!"

"That's 2..."


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