Bab 54: before project b.h. [Part 10] - can't understand human... myself

Will the world return to normal if I die?

I don't know, but the world I see is just nothingness.

But what if there's a world after death?

Could it make me feel what it's like to be alive?

No, but you can stay there.

Why would I stay in a place where I can't see Maria? Why would I stay in a place where I can't be praised by my mother? Why would I stay in a place where I can't hear my father drinking coffee in the middle of the night every day? Why would I stay in a place like that, where I can't meet the people who made me feel like I was myself?

Are you afraid of hell?

I don't know, but I'm afraid of heaven.

Why are you afraid of heaven?

Because heaven would feel like the real hell when I'm alone.

Are you afraid of loneliness?

No, I'm afraid of being alone.