Bab 23: I graduated from "the gray man"

I walked home, and right in front of my house, I met my mother who was about to head out somewhere with a bag in her hand.

"Ah, Will! You're already comeback?"

"Yes, Mom… Where are you going?"

"I have to go out because I got a call."

"Huh? Again?"

"Yeah, it seems like something strange happened at the academy. They said a rat from the rift was caught in the academy a few days ago."

"Yesterday it was about the kidnapping, and now a monster from the rift is roaming around human territory? It seems like the world has become quite busy after I entered high school."

"Because of that, I'm being called to investigate. Why is it always me? It's not like I'm the only top graduate in the Golden Generation. But it's always me who's first contacted when there's a problem like this! It's so annoying!" Mom looked very upset.

"But you'll still do it, right?"

"Yes, at least I get paid a good amount."

Even though she complained, she would still do it. Deep down, Mom has the soul of an adventurer. If it has anything to do with the academy and the rift, she'll be excited, even though she always seems annoyed.

"Well, good luck, Mom. You're relied on because you are a dependable person. Shouldn't you be proud of that?" I said to encourage her.

"Yeah, you're right… Well, I'm off then? Maria is at home, just call her from outside and she'll be there. Bye bye!" My mother said as she continued to walk away from me.

I smiled for a moment before I went to the front door and knocked.

But there was no answer at all. I thought Maria might be sleeping in the living room.

"Maria! It's me!"

After I shouted a little louder, without hesitation, Maria ran and immediately opened the door quickly, greeting me with a smile and a warm hug while shouting, "My beloved brother!"

I wondered how long Maria would keep doing this every time I met her. But there was a sense of relief because everything was as I expected.

"Maria, can you let go of me now? We can hang out in the living room after this, I promise."

"I can't!"

"Huh? Why?"

"I'm going to the park with my friends soon."

"Huh?"

"My class president said this might be the last day we can have fun together. So, she's planning to take all the kids in the class to play together."

"Ah, I understand. After all, you're in your third year this year, so this year will definitely be a busy year for you."

"Right? That's why I thought it was okay if I agreed this time. I usually refuse, but for the sake of memories."

I smiled without hesitation. My heart was very certain about my happy feelings seeing that my little sister was starting to grow up. Seeing her discuss serious things with me made me realize that she was no longer a little kid. There was a little pride and loneliness that grew in my heart. But I still smiled, because this was a good thing for Maria.

I patted her head and said, "Then enjoy playing with them to your heart's content today."

"Yes!" she replied, smiling.

"By the way, how long are you going to hug me like this? I'm starting to feel hot here, you know…"

"Just a little longer…"

"I'll be sweating later, you know."

"It's alright! It's a gift for me!"

"Ugh… Disgusting!"

"Don't be rude! At least call me naughty!"

I was silent for a moment because I didn't know what to say. In the end, I could only smile because deep down in my heart, I felt happy because even though Maria was starting to grow up, she was still the usual Maria.

"I'm curious about what's inside your head."

"Do you want to see? You can cut it open if you want!"

"No, I was just kidding. Besides, if I did that, you would die!"

"Ehehe, I was just kidding too."

In the end, I gave in to Maria's wishes and let her hug me continuously.

Without realizing it, she had been hugging me for 10 minutes, and suddenly she remembered her purpose for the day, so she quickly grabbed her things and then left while waving to me as she walked away.

I went into the house and locked the door from the inside. After that, I changed clothes and sat on the couch.

For the first time after the last few days, I was able to be home alone.

I didn't know what I wanted to do, nor did I have any desire, just sitting on the couch while thinking about what to do.

Emptiness approached, loneliness haunted, but memories with the people around me kept me going.

Thinking about it, I just realized that I was never alone. I felt lonely because I never realized that I wasn't alone.

"Do I still deserve to call myself 'the gray man'?"

I don't know.

"From the beginning, what does it mean to be gray?"

I don't know.

"Then why do I feel like I'm gray?"

I don't know.

There are a lot of things I don't know, but there's one thing I know about this.

My past self knew it, but my present self doesn't know it. It's not because I don't know, I know because I've experienced it. But my present self can no longer call myself "the gray man."

Because the gray man is someone who searches for purpose, meaning, and also the color of life and himself.

But I've given up looking for it, because I've slowly realized that life is life. From the beginning, life is life, there's nothing that can be equated with the word "life."

My metaphor about my gray color is also just a metaphor for how I see the world.

I realized all that, but my past self kept looking for something that doesn't exist. Because from the beginning, life has no meaning. Instead, it's my own self who has to find the meaning of my life.

If there isn't one, I just have to create it.

For the first stage, I declare that enjoying time with the people around me is the meaning of my life. I don't care if the meaning of my life sounds stupid, but as long as I feel happy with it, that's enough reason for me to do it.

Starting today, my name is William Harrington. A brother loved by his little sister. A son proud of his parents. And also a gifted child hated by the untalented.

My own identity already shows that I'm actually no longer worthy of bearing the title "the gray man."

My life is too colorful. That color is a symbol of something that happened in my life. There are a lot of things that happened in my life, whether it's good or not. Because of that, I realized that actually my life is very colorful.

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