Bab 27: Meltdown
Mrs Smith was eager to shift the focus to something positive after the emotionally charged evening Hirvan and her had just experienced. The tension of Elian's visit had weighed heavily on them, and she wanted to replace that with joy and anticipation.
"Okay. It's time for sleep. Tomorrow is a big day," Mrs Smith announced with excitement, her eyes sparkling as she looked at her children.
Tomorrow was the opening day of a famous resort in their town, and she had reserved two days for this upcoming public holiday. The anticipation of the trip had been building up for weeks, and she thought they all needed some relaxation and a break from their usual routine and the past hectic weeks. The promise of a fun-filled day at the resort helped to dispel some of the tension that had lingered in the air.
Sheryl and Bradly, catching their mother's enthusiasm, exchanged excited glances.
"I can't wait to try out the water slides!" Sheryl exclaimed, her face lighting up at the thought. She imagined herself speeding down the slippery slopes, the rush of water and adrenaline making her forget everything else.
Bradly, equally excited, added, "I heard they have an amazing arcade. I'm going to beat all the high scores!" He could already see himself standing triumphantly in front of the flashing screens, his name at the top of every leaderboard.
Mrs. Smith smiled at their enthusiasm. "Yes, and there's also a fantastic spa where I can finally relax," she said, her voice filled with a longing for a much-needed break. She pictured herself wrapped in a fluffy robe, the soothing scent of lavender in the air, as skilled hands worked away the knots and stress of the past weeks.
Amidst the happy bubbles surrounding the three, Hirvan felt isolated and distracted. Throughout the evening, he pretended to be the well-behaved boy, while horrible memories kept crashing into his mind. Twenty years of suppressing his true self had taken a toll on him.
"Hirvan, what about you? What do you want to try first?" Mrs Smith asked, noticing his silence and wanting to include him in the conversation.
Hirvan had planned to join his family on this two-day trip, but after encountering Elian and facing the pressure of his upcoming exams, he was now fueled with determination to spend the next two days studying. He couldn't bear the thought of Elian seeing him as a joke.
"Mum, I think it's better for me to stay at home. You guys have fun," he said, his voice steady but his eyes betraying a hint of inner turmoil.
Mrs. Smith was surprised by his refusal and asked, "Why?"
"My performance on today's quiz was a total failure. I want to study."
"Kids, could you go back to your rooms? I need a word with your older brother," Mrs. Smith said, her tone leaving no room for argument.
Sheryl and Bradly headed to their rooms, glancing back at Hirvan with curious eyes, their footsteps echoing down the hallway.
Mrs. Smith remained in the kitchen, tidying up. She wiped down the counters, the smell of dish soap mingling with the lingering scent of dinner. She didn't speak with Hirvan for a long time, allowing the silence to stretch between them.
Hirvan stood there, not knowing what had triggered Mrs. Smith's deep contemplation. The minutes ticked by slowly filled only with the sound of running water and the clinking of dishes.
"I thought you had opened up to us. So your biological father shows up and you want to discard us?" she finally said, her voice a mixture of hurt and confusion.
"Why are you assuming that? I like spending time with you guys. But seeing my biological father today, I realized that if I wanted to hold my ground in front of him, I should have something to bargain."
Hirvan remembered the torment of his teenage years, a period marked by helplessness and isolation. He had borne the heavy responsibility of caring for two children while also trying to be a dutiful son to an old man who saw him as nothing more than a substitute. No matter how hard he tried, he was never good enough. Although Elian had shown him kindness, Hirvan lived in constant fear that Elian would reveal a darker side and demand the impossible from him.
Mrs. Smith, oblivious to the depth of Hirvan's trauma, dismissed his worries with a casual tone. "Your very existence is your greatest asset! You're overthinking it."
Her response left Hirvan feeling frustrated and misunderstood.
"Look at me! I am at the bottom of my class. I don't have any talent for music, art, or anything. My reputation is awful. Rows of ex-boyfriends and hanging out with the wrong crowd have reduced my credibility to zero. Why should he listen to me or my wishes? He could easily whisk me away from this household and arrange my whole life! Do you understand what it means to be powerless? I don't want to be in a weak position ever again," Hirvan said, his voice rising with pent-up frustration and fear.
Hirvan was out of breath, his chest heaving from the rush of emotions he had kept bottled up for so long. Yelling at Mrs. Smith didn't make him feel any better. Instead, he was consumed with self-loathing and remorse for directing his anger at an innocent person.
Hirvan sank down and buried his head in his knees.
"Sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm such a useless, shameless son," he muttered, his voice muffled by his anguish.
Mrs Smith's emotions riled up, and tears welled up in her eyes.
"Oh my God, Hirvan!" she exclaimed, rushing to embrace him tightly.
'Those words... they're not from my son. But it doesn't change the fact that this world has been unfair to him.' she thought to herself.
"It's okay. I am sorry for not taking your concern seriously. I will not let any harm befall you! Just live your life the way you want!"
She promised him from the bottom of her heart.
Hirvan rarely struggled to control his emotions, but ever since waking up in this new body, he felt hypersensitive to everything around him. Perhaps experiencing death made him cherish even the smallest fluctuations in his emotions, as they reminded him he was still alive. Contrary to the belief that facing death would bring a sense of zen and detachment, he found himself in constant fear of becoming a zombie devoid of emotions.
Meanwhile, Elian stepped out into the cool night air, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety. The evening had gone better than he expected, but there was still so much left unsaid. He looked back at the house, its warm glow standing out against the dark sky. The laughter and conversation that had filled the house earlier seemed to still echo in his ears. He couldn't shake the feeling that tonight was just the beginning of a long and difficult journey towards mending the fractured relationship with his son.
Inside, Mrs. Smith continued to soothe the upset Hirvan with comforting words.
After a while, Hirvan managed to settle his emotions and straightened his posture. "Sorry, I lost my composure."
Mrs. Smith shook her head gently. "That's what makes you human. If you were always as cool as a cucumber, I'd suspect you were a robot!" She added with a smile, hoping to lighten his mood.
"Thanks. Maybe going with you all will help stabilize my mood."
"Good! Let's do that. Now, it's late. Good night," Mrs. Smith agreed, urging him to get some rest.
Hirvan nodded and left the kitchen, his steps still heavy but his heart a bit lighter.
Mrs. Smith lingered in the kitchen, washing the last few dishes. The repetitive motion of scrubbing and rinsing helped to calm her racing thoughts. The sound of the running water drowned out the worries swirling in her mind. She considered suggesting that Hirvan see a psychologist, but she held back. She could see he was suffering from trauma.
"I shouldn't rush him. Healing those scars takes time," she reminded herself.
As she finished tidying up, she turned off the lights and made her way to her bedroom.
Outside, Elian stood for a few moments longer, taking in the sight of the cozy house. When the lights of the house went out, Elian took away his eyes from it. He took a deep breath, feeling a mix of determination and trepidation. He knew he had a long way to go to earn back his son's trust, but tonight had given him a glimmer of hope. With one last look at the house, he turned and walked to his car, ready to face whatever the future held.
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