Bab 138: 18. Maria Madgalena.
"There, that should do it," Constantine said to me as he handed me five small bottles of my concentrated milk.
I thanked him, and he walked away, still adjusting to being a part of something. He was used to being alone, a lone wolf, not part of a hive. My milk concentrate was important. It would give Wulfe and others a boost, whoever I could get it to. It was one more weapon in my arsenal against Annaliese, and I knew it would take a lot out of me. I was not so angry about Salvatores and Mariella as I was about myself, about being weak and needing someone.
If I had been like I used to be, this would be easy, but damn, when I needed Wulfe or Magnum or someone next to me, telling me that they had my back, it would only be Wulfe who could do it. He would be strong enough, maybe. Hell, I wasn't even sure about that anymore. I was getting so much stronger each day that it was almost scary.
Would I become Annaliese to myself? Wanting to dominate, subjugate, and be a vampire bitch? Could I even take my human form anymore, or would this be my new form entirely? So many freaking problems and no one to give me solutions. Nothing new there in my life.
I sat in my bedroom, taking a breather. It had been two days since Katherine, Elena, Constantine, and Dresden had joined the hive. The next party would be tomorrow, and I needed to get ready for that. To be a vampire queen and a hive queen at the same time was so freaking irritating. I was trying to go to the kitchen, hoping the Salvatores wouldn't be there, because I would blow up at them.
I was their protector, and it made me so freaking angry. Being this strong vampire, well, I was a Powderkeg, and controlling myself took a lot out of me. I sat in the darkness of my room, the one I had made for myself, just for me. There was no Wulfe trying to come and lay next to me, or Salvatore taking over. I was trying to get myself under control.
What would my life be like after this? Pure hell, as I would probably blow up at the Salvatores all the time. I wasn't sure if I would ever get them to eat as they should, or if this irritation would be a part of my new state of being. Oh, I understood Damon so much better now. I could understand his need to be with Mariella if he was even a fraction as irritated as I was when I ate whatever. It might be that if and when I could free Wulfe, he would have to ground me for a while before this damn thing would settle in. I had no radar yet, but I just knew what was wrong with each of the Salvatores.
I was still sitting on the edge of the bed, surrounded by darkness and lost in my thoughts. Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching my door, even though it was closed. The door creaked open, and the scent of passionfruit filled the air. I groaned inwardly, feeling slightly irritated. It seemed that this specimen hadn't had their caffeine fix or taken care of their bodily needs. As a headache began to set in, I rubbed my temples in frustration.
"What is it, Damon?" I asked wearily. "You haven't had your coffee or taken care of your shitting. I'm already making laxatives for you."
Damon walked over and sat next to me, saying, "I'll help you with the hive. You can't handle everything on your own. You need assistance, but you have to relax and let me in, into the core of the hive. I will help. Just trust me."
He handed me a jar and added, "Empty your teeth. I've temporarily closed your teeth. I won't let you bite that stuff in my veins. I don't want to be stuck in the toilet for a week. I can handle some laxatives, but you always make them so strong that they need to be diluted."
I bit into the jar and poured out the dark blue, sticky liquid until my flood of substances subsided and my headache eased.
I turned to him and said, "I can handle this. You don't need to take over. I know what I'm doing."
Damon replied, "Mimi, baby, I'm a telepath. This hive thing has a telepathic aspect to it. I've been a pack leader for over a hundred years, so no arguments. You know I can help you relax."
I sighed as he showed me a remote for my sedative organ. I reluctantly closed my eyes, feeling him enter my mind.
He said, "Now, let's go. Show me the hive. Let me feel it too. Just do your thing, and I'll support you silently."
I focused, connecting with my hive and sharing my powers and emotions with them, but not too much. I noticed that the Salvatores were like black holes, absorbing my feelings, while others seemed to float before being absorbed.
Damon told me, "Okay, let me try. Don't do anything, just be."
I could sense him attempting to connect with everyone. Although I had the power to stop him, I chose not to.
He said, "Good, relax. Let me in properly. You're doing great, my good girl."
He swiftly and efficiently asserted his influence, intertwining his power with the hive's connections. It was no longer just my hive; he was becoming a part of it, too.
It was perhaps better this way. After all, he was an incredibly powerful creature, and I wasn't so dominant that I couldn't see the benefit of his involvement. I was accustomed to using everything I had to my advantage, and this was just one more thing to do – using him to strengthen our hive, to control it. I knew he wanted Annaliese gone, wanted things to remain as they were.
It was possible that he might destroy the hive afterward, but I wasn't going to fight him. I had created this hive as a weapon, a means to protect my pack, nothing more. Despite being the alpha vampire, this wasn't about ruling over them all. Once again, I was taking the hit. I was going to be the strongest, giving it my all and then some.
I allowed him to do what he needed to do, and he said, "Now, that should help. I can better direct our power. So, when you release it, I will catch it. Come on, try to release some of your power."
I did as he asked, feeling him channel it into the hive but also taking a portion for himself. I sighed in my mind – he was as greedy as ever. But hey, I had plenty of power to spare, so he could have some if he was desperate. He was going to be one of my weapons, a part of the hive, and I would need every bit of power I could find. He nodded and walked away without saying a word, taking his jar with him.
I hoped the laxative would help him, but now wasn't the time to play doctor and delve into his feeding habits and other stressors in his life. I realized I must have some kind of radar or something within me, perhaps connected to my ability to smell and interpret pheromones. From those signals, I gathered a great deal of information about him. But I had no time to coddle him and make sure he was fine, even though it was almost an obsession of mine.
I started to over-analyze things again, wondering if it was just as challenging for others as it was for me. No wonder the Salvatores were taking care of me, making sure I was okay. But then again, they didn't always seem as stressed. Was it because it wasn't as much of an obsession for them? Or could they somehow override this need, like learning how to use one's fangs? But then again, I had learned most of that on my own. Mirella provided some help, but not much. It was mostly me – learning, testing, and teaching myself. Maybe this was just another one of those times when I had to be alone, learning as I go.
I found myself caught in a cycle of thinking and overthinking as I walked out of my bedroom and into the blood room. The purpose was simple: to drink more blood and make myself as strong as possible. I hoped that by doing so, I could overcome the crisis I was facing and embrace my new reality as Salvatore's protector.
There were moments when Salvatores would refuse to listen to me, instead favoring Mariella's advice. He seemed indifferent to my actions, which caused me to expect many problems in the future. However, I reminded myself that now was not the time to worry about what lay ahead. I needed to focus on freeing my pack, using my hive, and taking things one day at a time.
I didn't bother turning on the lights, since I knew exactly where to find the strongest blood. I had a few mixtures that I consumed daily, and I had prepared jugs filled with them in advance. All I had to do was grab a prefilled jug, sit down, and start drinking.
As I drank my blood mixture, I couldn't help but feel a sense of loneliness. I needed to consume large quantities of blood to boost my strength, knowing that it would have an impact on my future. Yet, I preferred to live in the moment rather than constantly pondering "what ifs." I was mostly on my own in this journey, since I was the strongest. I needed to retain most of my powers, as Salvatore's greediness made me hesitant to share them. Perhaps after the party, I would consider sharing, but not before. I had to ensure that all my strength was intact.
Without Salvatore and Mariella, I knew the wolves would still be a force to be reckoned with. Elena and Katherine, especially, would disrupt Annaliese's balance and potentially create an opportunity for me to remove someone from the equation. My primary target was Wulfe; I planned to provide him with a few bottles of my milk to empower him and give him something to counteract the nasty drug, etorphine. Additionally, I would have Colin, Tim, Taylor, the wizards, and Alaric by my side, adding more strength to my cause.
I had already consumed about half a jug when my phone buzzed. I retrieved it and discovered an opportunity to recruit more people into my group. They had heard about it and were eager to join. With Mimosa and Shadow by my side, we made our way to the magic house to meet Sam, Dean, and Castiel. Adding them to our group would give us more power, and they were willing to accompany me to the party. That was fine by me.
I would have to inform Damon about this, unless he was already aware. Now was the time for him to forget his promise to harm those who crossed me, as things might escalate at the party. I had to flaunt my guys in front of Annaliese, behaving as vampire-like as possible. These uber bitches rarely acted like vampires at parties, so it was important for me to show my strength.
It was almost like a presidential campaign, where I had to show my power and make Annaliese look bad. It wouldn't be easy, as I wasn't normally a lustful queen and Mariella was no longer in the picture. I wasn't sure if Elena would be comfortable having public sex, but Katherine definitely would. Time would reveal what my ever-growing group would accomplish. I would need to ignite the Salvatores' interest and make them come after me, so I could bite them and start drawing them in.
Why couldn't my life be easy and comfortable, like five years in one go? Why did I always have to face the impossible and sacrifice my happiness and comfort? It was just my life, without any grand revelation or eureka moment, that made it all worthwhile. I blamed myself for this, humming along to Sandra's "Maria Magdalena," as the lyrics resonated with me. I was a creature of the night who knew the game and could never surrender to anyone.
Once upon a time, I could, but not anymore. It would require trust, and I knew myself well enough to realize that I couldn't trust anyone, not even Wulfe, to rein in my rage if I were to lose control. My path ahead would not be easy, and there was no love serving as my guiding light, like Mariella had. I felt incredibly lonely again, but I promised myself that I would be strong enough to not rely on anyone and overcome this.
With or without Wulfe, I had to face this alone. And somehow, I felt that the Salvatores, now the number one in our hive, their priority, wouldn't be me. Mariella would be their focus, and the rest of the responsibility would fall on me. I considered removing them from my group, but it wasn't necessary yet. I would wait and see if this was just my paranoia and jealousy. Maybe I was envious of Mariella's influence, so I shouldn't rush any decisions. We would assess the situation one party at a time and determine what needed to be done next.
I sat in the bloodroom, surrounded by the pungent metallic scent of blood, its aroma almost reminiscent of gasoline. As I guzzled down the potent liquid, a jolt of power surged through me, sending electric sensations pulsating through my veins. In my mind, I played my favorite songs, their melodies fueling my focus and boosting my confidence. It was a sad truth that being the top dog, the strongest among them, was an incredibly lonely place to be. The weight of my responsibility hung heavy in the air, a burden that I alone had to bear.
The room was dimly lit, the only source of light being the flickering flames of candles, casting eerie shadows on the walls. The air was thick with tension, as if the energy in the room crackled with anticipation. I knew that with each jug of blood consumed, things would never be the same again. The perfect Christmas I had now come at a steep price, one that I alone would have to pay.
Deep in thought, I kept my musings to myself, knowing that even in this hive of vampires, some of my emotions, my core being, seeped through, affecting those around me. The hive members, the salvatores, couldn't handle it, and so this separation between us only grew wider.
Or so I thought back then. As the hive queen, I soon realized that my position not separated us, but brought us closer together. Being the hive queen taught me valuable lessons about my own limitations, about the support I could rely on, and about embarking on this journey of protecting ten strong-willed wizard vampires. They were not always the most obedient when it came to following my orders on what and when to eat, but I had learned to be their protector. Despite their initial grumbling, they were not upset with me as I carried out my duties. In fact, they were happier than when Mariella was their protector, for she had been too soft for their liking.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone