Bab 16: 16. Viva Forever.
I woke up in restraints on the medbay. I knew I'd been operated on and could see how many bloody bags dripped on me. I wanted Charles to come and take me next to him, so I'd be safe. But now I was in Damon and Mariella's care, so that might not happen. Now my rage was gone, and my sickness had come on top properly, so I felt miserable.
I was tired, and I felt sick, weak, and unsafe. It's always the same thing, I thought wearily—insecurity right from the start. Especially when I'm weak. That's why Charles and Adam's sex therapy had worked so well, and it helped because I was safe. Me, the great and powerful flea, the ice queen. I wanted to be in someone else's arms and clinging when I felt weak. I couldn't always be brave. I didn't want to be. My head hurt. I felt nauseous; I was cold, and everywhere hurt, ached, and my limbs even hurt. I saw IV bags, and I felt the cannula.
I wished the power couple had found their way to bed. Because then Charles and Adam would take care of me. I wasn't about to just whimper in their arms or next to them. But I might make a suggestion or two. I hadn't slept on my own in months. Well, over six months. Too many nightmares, too dreadful nightmares and as my fever would rise, I would be even more vulnerable and weak, not able to defend myself from my nightmares.
I'd occasionally gotten Charles off the wolf for a while, and we'd fucked like wild beasts, but I'd just lain on top of him contentedly, not exhausted enough to fall asleep. But now, I missed nothing more than Charles or Adam. I wanted to fall asleep in between them, feeling them next to me, their warm bodies keeping me safe. Not in medbay but in the soft bed. Now, I would be the one they would have to look after once again.
Medbay's door opened, and Damon and Mariella came in. I could smell that they had come from the shower. Damon came to the bedside and felt my forehead, which was hot again because I was cold. I had a fever. He checked my pulse. I tried not to tremble, keep my expression and my thoughts neutral, and try to be strong.
He said, "You've got a nasty infection going on. You've got a real fever. Now, you just have to let the antibiotics work and watch. I'll give you another fever medicine in a minute to bring your temperature down. You have now enzymes but not enough to get extra for the future. I know you're a hot baby, but don't exaggerate."
I nodded. Now it was time to be patient again. He stood there, feeling my pulse for a bit. His expression was purely clinical and there was no emotion in there.
But I said anyway, "Can you ask Charles to come here then? He can do it if you give him the instructions and the medication. Then you two can be alone. I don't want to be a burden and ruin your life. Charles is a doctor too. Or Colin. I wonder if he is free. "
Damon lowered the side of my bed down, sat next to me, and looked at me closely. Those icy blue eyes were searching, and I knew him in my thoughts, too. I kept my need for intimacy hidden, and let my fever restlessness just come through.
He stroked my hair away from my forehead and said, "This is a serious enough condition now that I'm not going to involve Charles in this unless you want him in the bed next to you with a fever, too. Colin is busy, he has his hands full of Samuel's clinics, and I am not sure about his immunity, either. You see, I am still your biological half, so when you have a problem, I often have a solution, and this same thing ensures I am immune to this bug. Charles isn't. Mariella uses an energy shield. I don't guarantee that Charles can use it well enough, and I'm not about to risk anyone else in the pack right now. I'm gonna fix you up. Don't you doubt that at all. My teeth will get you right. You are still a mere skeleton with skin on, so this will take some time to get you in shape. "
He stood up and lifted the board at the same time.
Fine, I'll take it from here. No problem, play sleepy now and then so they don't put you to sleep. But honestly, I don't go to sleep around them. The nightmares almost always came when I was sick. That was a fact, but I hadn't told anyone about it. My fever made me too weak to fight my way out of my nightmares, and I needed to just hold on. Be brave. Be strong.
If there was no one next to me to keep me safe, I couldn't help it. Nightmares would haunt me, except if I was to put deeply to sleep with medication, and I don't know if that would help me get better. I was just lying there, not thinking about anything sensible, just trying to get myself to be calm. I learned to mask my thoughts, restraints were on me all the time. It made this feeling so much worse. I was captive, helpless.
Damon and Mariella put the fever medicine on a drip, and I pretended to fall asleep when I heard the medbay door close. I was good at this. My fever dropped but did not really break. I was sweaty, but they did not even take my temperature to see if it had dropped enough.
Mariella was always very much wanting to go away. She was not really in care mode, so much as fucking mode. Damon was impatient as my bacteria level did not really drop to in safe level so he could have gotten Charles to care for me.
Several days went by, and the antibiotic worked very slowly. I pretended to sleep most of the time, and Damon and Mariella gratefully accepted this and left. I was way too weak. My weight had not come up at all, as my fever burned everything away. I had made myself though hide where I went through all the bad things that I had experienced trying to make myself feel even a little better. I was not in the shed now. I was in medbay, in care. Why, I had to be so damn weak.
I held out hope that the antibiotic would get the infection under control enough for Charles to hold on to me. I had fallen asleep a couple of times and woken up in a complete panic. Luckily, the power couple had been elsewhere.
I was just starting to feel even more tired and couldn't even think about the time of day. I didn't bother to say that I felt dirty, even though they were cleansing me with energy. I was too tired. My mind was muddled, and I lay limp in bed, in restraints. Not bothering to answer if either of them asked me something,
Damon and Mariella were in bed. Mimi's condition did not improve. On the contrary, Mimi seemed to be getting weaker, and Damon could not understand why. They had left the medbay every time Mimi fell asleep when her fever started to drop.
They cleansed Mimi with energy, and she received all her IVs. But why did Mimi's strength seem to be waning? She was more tired and not even always able to talk much. Damon and Mariella went out to eat. She had gotten no weight. She was still 21 kilo skeleton. They had kept her in restraints because she was in a far too fragile condition to move.
Mariella did not seem to care so much about Mimi. She knew that once bacteria was won, Charles and Adam could tend to her. She was feeling kind of lusty all the time, too. She was not thinking about that too much.
Charles, Adam, and the wolves were eating. Damon asked Charles, thinking that he hadn't noticed everything when Damon described to Charles how Mimi was doing and how it had gone downhill and not improved.
Adam looked at Charles, who looked at Damon for a moment, and then lowered his eyes and sighed.
He said, "I have to go there. Either of you better cover me so I can be with Mimi. Look, Damon, remember at the very beginning when Mimi got that infection and went into a coma, and you called us? We picked Mimi up in California, took her to bed, held her, put her in our arms, and put her to sleep. She started responding within a couple of days."
Damon frowned. He did not get it right away.
Mimosa looked at Mariella and said, "Feeling horny, lusty? Well, in medbay, one alpha female is feeling weak. Vulnerable, she needs something that you two are not giving to her, and she is subconsciously trying to get it. She has given one little pheromone to you, Mariella, so you are lusty, and need to fuck. Not care for her, keep your radar shut."
Mariella was ashamed, she had kept her radar shut.
Damon frowned and said, "She has gotten IVs, antibiotics, fever med is working, she is not in a medically induced coma, she is wide awake, most of the time. And now she is manipulating us with her pheromones?"
Charles sighed, he tried to explain, " It looks like Mimi is going to need another round of close care. I just need some real protection so I can hold Mimi in my arms and make her feel safe again. That's right, all these years Mimi still has a strong need to feel safe, and once I can make her feel that way, her condition should start to improve. Once we've eaten, then you can protect me. That's why we always fuck her into shape, not for the sex alone, but so she can rest without the nightmares. She hasn't slept in months. We've fucked, but she hasn't fallen asleep on me when she's just been. I suspect that it is nearly 8 months, at least when she last slept. She is sick. In restraints, on IV, feeling awful. You two are clinical. Go fuck as soon as possible. She must let go of that pheromone to get me there is keep her in my arms. "
Damon felt like an idiot, not knowing that Mimi still needed to be cuddled. He should have remembered, but when was the last time he even held Mimi in his arms so she fell asleep? The way Charles told him they'd fucked and Mimi had collapsed on top of him again made bile rise in Damon's mouth, and he couldn't understand why.
Damon was also shamed. They had been clinical and keeping Mimi in restraints made everything so much easier. And he had not always hidden away those IV bags because Mimi had not been in a panic. But she must have some sort of hiding place in her mind, well it would be best to let Charles care for her. He had let her down, fully.
Then he remembered how wonderful it was to feel Mimi's happiness, to hold her in his arms. To feel her enjoying herself so immensely. And if Mimi hadn't slept in months, it meant only one thing: nightmares, but Damon knew he wouldn't have easy access to them.
Mariella wrapped herself around Damon as he took the dishes away.
She said, "Damon, you know what you have to do. Are you ready? I have now blocked that pheromone for myself and opened my radar too. My radar actually told me how to do it."
Damon said, " I wonder if it would be better for you to protect Charles? You seem to be better at this."
Mariella sighed in Damon's ear." No, Damon, we are not taking Charles. Remember, you are Mimi's protector, Mimi's safety. Show her that you still are. Don't let Charles get in the way of this now, too. I know you're upset about what Charles told you, but this is your chance. I know you want and need to do this. I know you do. You're Mimi's husband, protector, alpha male—all of it. Show the pack and Charles. Besides, you need to do some exploration in her mind. How the hell she is hiding everything from us? Where she is hiding it. When we go there, you keep your telepathy as sensitive as possible so you can snatch whatever she is hiding. I make a spell that masks our steps. "
Damon asked, " Are you sure you want me to be in bed with Mimi for hours on end?"
Mariella nodded.
She said, "I'll always help out where needed, and you can have breaks for the two of us. But you have to do this. Mimi needs to start to understand trusting us. We need to get properly inside her mind. Nightmares and dispelling them will take time, but we need a starting point. Now you don't ask if she is permitting you to dispel. You just do it, because it is something that needs to be done. "
They left for medbay, showtime.
I was weak and in pain. Damon held me in his arms, and he hissed to me, "Good girl, baby, another six months. Look at you, so end, you are almost dead, soon to be in Adam's or Charles's mind. But I will thank you, you see. This is me. There is no Damien. Not really, it is just one side of me. Little like you are a flea."
Damon kept me against him. I was covered in a sheet and I could smell his passionfruit. Hearing his heartbeat, he said, "Shh.. it is almost time. Just my last enjoyment.."
He took again a long sharp knife, sinking it into my heart. I convulsed in pain.
I panted as I struggled myself awake. My heart was beating so damn fast and I could still smell that damn shed. I Was shaking from fear. It was not nice to remember when I died? I was restrained. Helpless. But I tried to anchor my mind in this moment. Let that damn nightmare sink back where it had come out. Time to get some power in my mind. Keep my thought hide strong, so no telepath would see or sense anything. Let's try to be ice queen.
Mariella noticed as they were almost at medbay that Damon stopped. His expression turned into almost anger, and Mariella knew he had gotten some idea of what was in Mimi's mind. Damon grabbed Mariella's hand and showed her memory, where Damien, in his body, had kept almost dead Mimi in his lap. Letting his heartbeat heard and passsionfruit smell. Pretending to be him, and stabbed her in the heart with a platinum dagger slowly, painfully, so long that Mimi had finally died in his arms. All the time thinking that it had been him. Mariella could feel disgust in Damon's mind. Poor Mimi.
Mariella said. "Awful, just awful, but remember, you don't ask. That shit will come out. You keep her safe and push that shit back where it was and take away as much as you can." They went into medbay. Ready to act again.
The power couple came again. Well, fine, we'll be up for a while. Fucking nightmares. I put that scene back where it belonged, in the depths of my mind. I had just managed to calm myself down when Damon and Mariella walked in. Damon came to my bedside.
I thought to myself in my head that it was time for another round of doctors. He laid the board down and sat next to me. Took my restraints away and looked at me.
He said, "Sorry to keep you imprisoned. Charles told me you still want to be cuddled. Is that it, baby? Is that why you don't get better when you can't be cuddled? You could have a say in it, but then again, it's not your style. But now, baby, we'll go to bed together; I'll come next to you and hold you against me the old-fashioned way, and then we'll see if that helps. Mariella's orders. She wants to see this. I will also make a few trips in your mind and get that scene out of there, and everything else that I will find that is not good for you. No objections.- I will dispel everything that I see fit and I am not asking permission now. But from now on, I'll remember this and make sure you're safe. "
I was silent. Now, I couldn't know at all if Damon would be safe anymore.
I said, "You, true you, have never cuddled with me. No, only my Damon, that part of you cuddled, not you. "
Damon looked at me a moment and said softly, "Wrong baby, remember our fourth wedding, where Sark captured us, you brought me onto the surface and I did take you next to me in medbay once we got home it was all me, not my emotional side."
I remembered. But I was so exhausted and couldn't think anymore, so let's try it now. What's left to lose?
Damon took off his shirt and made up another slightly bigger bed.
He said to Mariella, "Darling, I know you don't sleep much, but try it sometime with Charles. Let him take you in his arms, then the same way I'm about to take Mimi and get you to sleep. It could be quite an experience. Yes, you know if I take you in my arms, then you and I won't sleep. And I will tell you that story sometime later then. "
Damon came over to me and unhooked the tubes, but left the cannulas and said, "If this works, you'll get a good bath somewhere in between. But now, baby, you get to sleep."
He lifted me into his arms, and I couldn't say anything. I was limp, weak, and feeling still sick.
He lowered me into the bigger bed on one side, came over from the other, and lifted his side. Then he picked me up and laid me against him so I could hear those familiar heartbeats, smell the passionfruit, and feel him holding me against him and stroking me. This passionfruit was sharper, but it still brought a sense of security, even a little slower than with Charles, or then I was so weak.
It had been so many years since I had last been like this. It seemed to work as I felt the safety starting to come. I fell asleep within minutes.
Mariella watched Damon first soothe Mimi a little, make the bed for them, and lift Mimi into it. How incredibly gentle he was. He held Mimi tightly against him, and Mimi was asleep within minutes—still holding on to Damon. Mimi was a mere skeleton, but she slept now, fully relaxed. Tightly against Damon.
Mariella thought for a moment about what Damon had said and called Charles to the medbay. It was important for him to see her, too.
Mariella went to Charles and said, "Charles, look at those two. Would you make me sleep against you? I haven't slept much, and it might do me good. There's another bed over there. "
Charles grunted and watched as Mimi slept soundly in Damon's arms. Charles picked Mariella up, took off his shirt, took his protégé against him tightly, and started humming an old lullaby. Mariella fell asleep within ten minutes, feeling a whole different kind of safe, and now she realized maybe what Mimi was missing.
After a couple of days, Damon could feel Mimi starting to improve slowly. She was sleeping against him in as deep a healing sleep as she could. And she held on. A couple of times, when he had gone out with Mariella to eat and play, Mimi had woken up and only fell asleep when he returned to Mimi's side.
He had found a lot of bad stuff in Mimi's mind that this sickness had brought on and he had been quite ruthless when he had dispelled. He had found several little hides where the little lady could think her own thoughts shielded with her rage and willpower against his telepathy. He had made little holes to them so they leaked, no secrets what it came to his telepathy. He had told Mariella also these places, and she had been amused.
The antibiotic was starting to work better, but Mimi still had a fever. They hadn't yet washed Mimi with anything but energy because she needed all the rest she could get. Food and energy had started to absorb and Damon had given her energy transfers to get her weight risen even a bit.
Mariella had slept in Charles' arms for 12 hours and had had wonderful dreams. It had been perfect. Damon took a break every 12 hours, took a shower, and they fucked for two hours. Then, it was time to go back to close care.
Charles was waiting for his turn, and Mariella saw it. Charles was occasionally near the medbay, waiting for Damon to say he could go to Mimi. As Mimi got better, Damon took slightly longer breaks, 4 hours each time with Mariella, because he wanted to be with Mariella and fuck and decompress. All the bad stuff he had taken out of her mind needed some decompressing and he did not tell Mariella everything that he had seen. Only parts of things.
The breaks got longer, so eventually, Damon just put Mimi to sleep and got up. Mimi had now been in recovery for two weeks. She was pretty much in Damon's arms for a week, but this second week, almost all by herself. Damon hadn't even intervened yet in the deeper nightmares. He knew this rest would help Mimi move forward again. He had taken all the loose stuff out of her mind.
I woke up again. I knew I was feeling better and the disease would probably be over soon. I just couldn't understand my hallucinations in the dark when I had a fever. I had woken up in the dark medbay alone, and Charles and Adam's wolves were watching me from the floor, gritting their teeth, ready to attack. I managed to wake myself up properly, and the vision disappeared.
I had been having this vision for a week now. Damon was next to me for a few more hours, just long enough for me to fall asleep. At first, he had been there almost all the time, but as I seemed to get better, the number diminished rapidly.
Well, soon, I'd be out of there once this damn fever and weakness went away. I stayed awake until morning when Damon and Mariella came in. Damon looked a little guilty when he noticed I'd been up for a while.
I said to Damon, "You can stay with Mariella now. I am recovering nicely. Charles and Adam will put me right when I am no longer contagious. Thank you very much indeed. It was lovely."
Damon replied, "No problem. I should have remembered that safety concern of yours in the first place. Why are you awake? Weren't you asleep?"
I was silent for a moment, wondering if I should tell.
I decided to say, "A nightmare or Well yeah, first it's a nightmare, and then when I wake up, I have a momentary hallucination. I don't sleep after that. I've had it for a week now. "
I was silent and watched as Damon furrowed his brows and came over to me. He looked me over and said, "Baby, when was the last time you drank blood? I know my blood has been among the visceral mush, but when was the last time you ate?"
I wondered and started calculating. I didn't eat during the platinization. oh yeah, I replied, "A couple of months ago, I didn't eat during platinization and not since, but I don't even have a bloodlust."
Damon went over to Mariella and took her a little further away.
"Darling, Mim currently has 5.6 liters of blood in her. She has no bloodlust whatsoever. Now, when we take vampire blood counts soon, then don't be surprised because that lady is so badly a vampiric anemic I've never seen. I guess some men have been hungry. I could have sworn Mimi's nightmares were about two gentlemen who had been secretly feeding on the lady and a lot. Especially Charles. So much so that Mimi doesn't even want blood. Lord knows Mimi's bloodlust is pretty non-existent nowadays, then there's this. Once she had real bloodlust, she had, but she has learned over the years to curb it so it is very mild. "
Mariella was shocked. They had worked to get Mimi well, and then two leeches go and drink her nearly dry, no more. Mariella put a spell on Mimi that she couldn't eat from this until Damon gave the go-ahead. She went to yell at Adam and Charles, who were in a cocky bastard mood. When they had to have Mimi's blood after all the drinking they'd done. Mimi is so tasty.
Mariella went back to the medbay in a huff. "Damon, I went to yell at those two, and they didn't even apologize. They started whining at me when I announced not to drink Mimi. Let them drink the fuck out of each other."
Damon hugged Mariella and said, "Darling, you sure know how to rant. But fine. Mimi's going to have more blood in the visceral mush now. She'll be fine in a minute, but for now, we're going to wash her. This is quite a job, you'll see."
But Damon didn't have time to wash Mimi when Mariella took Damon to the bedroom for a couple of hours, which lasted for 24 hours. And for two. Fine, Adam and Charles could finish Mimi.
Damon explained what the nightmares were about, put more blood in the visceral soup, and went to fuck. Adam and Charles came to discharge me after three days when the fever stopped rising. I didn't say anything to either of them, not to anyone. I took a shower and ate.
Then I went to the spa ward and stayed there for 6 hours, washing and soaking myself. Eventually, I ended up in one bedroom, getting dressed and watching Marvel movies. It was good to recover in the nest, as it always is. These medical problems were just another dick every time I got to be in recovery.
I just tried not to think about the triple shells Damien was shoving into me. This would be my everyday life for a long time, and I would just have to get used to the fact that I was no longer the strongest of the pack, or at least the most invincible.
Once again, I had to rely on myself. Damon got me through the worst, and if it weren't for the infections, it would have been Charles. Nightmares had been a part of my life the entire time I'd been supernatural.
It's the price I pay for being immortal. I had to have some problems, and the nightmares were them. Damon had at one time alleviated them with his telepathy, but again, it's been so many years, and I've been through so much again that I always get material for my nightmares. And I don't tell anyone, not unless I have to.
I just have to accept my weaknesses and can't turn them into strengths. I just can't. Charles and Mariella became very close during that time when Charles put Mariella to sleep. Yes, I know what it's like to feel the protector next to you. Why can't Charles be mine and Damon be Mariella's? Then everything would be fine. Then, my protector's priority would be me. Not just a duty.
But my life is what it is, and I am chaos. I just have to adjust and try to find things to do. I don't want to be with men now. They went to the wolves and Mariela. They're having another group session. Like I said. They're all energy beings, lust packs. I'm not one of them. I'll never be one of them.
I know that chaos can never be an energy being, so I am different. I will never be one of them. But thankfully, the years have taught me to be strong and independent. One that can take care of itself because otherwise, it wouldn't work.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone