Bab 11: Gains and Losses (1)
On the ride back to the Raven, Rose and I sat in silence.
With each of us lost in our thoughts, I couldn't help but notice that it was the first time I had been left to my own devices. Each day had been filled with training and sorting through my memories of the future.
While physical fatigue never became an issue, ignoring the disconnect between the personalities and memories of Michael and Xavier gradually became harder and harder.
Engrossing myself in training and planning was not only necessary for the future but also served as a coping mechanism for dealing with the disconnect.
The Michael side of myself is a numb twelve-year-old with broken memories of a terrible future, while the Xavier side is a hollow twenty-two-year-old who gave up on living a meaningful life, treating life like a game to complete and contemplating ending it when it grew dull.
Their lives were nearly opposites: one had a loving family, and the other was an orphan; one grew less numb with interaction, and the other grew number with each passing day; one longed for emotion and connection, and the other shunned it.
The merging of two individuals with such contrasting experiences and personalities could have led to either a fantastic or horrendous outcome.
With each passing day, the separation between Michael and Xavier lessened, and I became more myself. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice in which aspects of the two became incorporated into myself.
The integral parts of Michael and Xavier, such as Michael's newfound obsession with revenge and her and Xavier's constant need for amusement, were the first to be integrated with me.
Over a month had passed since this happened, and I had expected that as each aspect of the two combined, I would feel less disoriented and disconnected.
Sadly, the opposite occurred.
The detested monotone world of Michael clashed with the feared vibrant world of Xavier. They both craved what the other had and held disdain for what was their own. In the end, neither got what they wanted.
My world is not as dull as Michael's or as vibrant as Xavier's.
The pain from relationships that Xavier feared and the disregard of people Michael hated coexisted with each other.
There is more to my life than just her, but unlike Xavier, there were only so many slots people could fill, most of which were already filled by people who regarded Michael as family.
Michael viewed these people as mere extras, and originally, I thought the same. They were just strangers to Xavier, and Michael never cared despite knowing them.
It made sense to assume I would view them the same way, but this assumption did not turn out to be correct.
The personalities and outlooks of Michael and Xavier meshed with each other, neither taking a primary role. It wasn't as if this made me care about those unrelated to myself; they just turned from objects of annoyance to possible tools.
Similarly, I couldn't find myself sacrificing my life for those close to me, but treating them as tools didn't seem right either.
Such a life is strange to me.
Had either Xavier or Michael taken a dominant role, there would be nothing to complicate and cloud my mind. I could have moved toward revenge with utmost efficiency.
Bar one, had those around me perished, I would have felt nothing toward it.
Sigh… 'Why must I suffer like this… Torture would be better.'
* * *
Another month ticked by, each day filled with training and trying to correlate my memories of the future to events occurring in the present.
Every passing day forced me closer to being complete, with a majority of Xavier and Michael already incorporated into my being.
While my later changes were less noticeable, the effects of having stabilized became evident. During my regular evening status check, a monumental change in my expected status occurred.
—— Michael von Raven Nexum ——
Age: 12
Core Rank: E+
Strength: F ⇛ F+
Agility: F ⇛ F+
Endurance: F ⇛ F+
Stamina: F- ⇛ F+
Intelligence: S+
Charm: A- ⇛ A
Mana: F+ ⇛ E-
Elemental Affinity: [Darkness] [Ice] [Wind]
Skills: Sword of the End (D- ⇛ D+) [Passive], Illusion Steps (D- ⇛ D+) [Passive], Weakness detection (F) [Passive], Kinetic Conversion (S) [Active], Loved by Mana (SSS) [Passive]
Curse: Memories of a Forgotten World (EX)
—— Michael von Raven Nexum ——
My elemental affinities finally manifested.
It wasn't as if some grand phenomenon occurred; rather, it felt like discovering something I never knew I had. Like almost everyone else, Michael's elemental affinity manifested as soon as he had undergone his awakening.
This would have been the case had I waited longer, but the incomplete soul fusion prevented my elemental manifestation until recently.
Thankfully, this did not pose a problem, as people normally do not have their affinities identified immediately due to their poor Mana control.
My bloodline ability and prior experience negated this lack of control, but I would have had to wait for a while anyway for my affinities to be officially checked so as not to draw too much attention. So, having them show up on the status window was a pleasant surprise. But…
"Darkness, Ice, and Wind??
'Did the soul merger affect my affinities? Michael's affinity was darkness and pure space.'
"Makes sense, genetics and affinity were not found to be related."
With the advent of my elemental affinities and steadily growing Mana pool, the paths I could take widened. Most people chose to exclusively be a Mage or Knight, and it made sense to focus on what you were relatively talented in if strength was a priority.
On the other hand, I had a near-unparalleled talent for the sword, while my talent in magic was nothing extraordinary; my intelligence and sheet affinity for mana made up for it.
Regardless, adding a multiplier to a mediocre value didn't mean it surpassed those with a higher base value.
Still, my talent in magic would allow for it to be supplemented further into my style than simple elemental imbuement, but overcoming the gap with just intelligence and my bloodline ability would become exponentially harder with each rank up in my core.
'All the more reason to focus on training.'
The lack of Michael's affinity for space was a significant blow to my combat potential.
Incorporating magic deeper into my combat abilities seemed to be the only way to truly make up for it.
Having a spatial affinity grants one an ultimate shield and spear, and distorting the space around someone is the more effective way of dealing with fatal damage and blocking the opponent's attack.
Even if one is a knight and not a mage, layering your weapon and body in spatial mana grants one a simple but effective bonus. Additionally, the mobility granted through wrapping space is near the extreme, making dodging always possible.
Due to how overwhelming it is, spatial affinities are considered non-standard, offering a far higher return than rare or basic affinities. They are extremely rare, with only 1 in a million people possessing one.
This does leave around 4000 people possessing a non-standard affinity, but this number quickly decreases if one considers the general talent needed to reach a sufficiently high rank.
It would take a true moron to ignore such a person, simply because they had a less-than-ideal background.
"Ahhh-"
Recalling my lack of the space element prompted me to check the information I had the Nexum's guild investigate for me. Even though I knew about some future events, the knowledge tended to encompass more of the effects rather than the causes.
Seeing that I had yet to receive anything regarding her, I became curious if the timeline I knew was falsified. With such a thought, I hurriedly took out my phone and made a call.
Ring… Ring… Ring…
Click…
"Michael? How are you doing?" A tender yet confident voice could be heard from the other end of the call.
"I am doing well, training as I usually do…" As perceptive as the elderly woman was, she easily picked up on the nuances of my tone.
"Spit it out. There's no way you of all people called just to catch up."
Sigh… 'Michael was quite an unlikable bastard; his reputation is rock bottom. Not that I'm doing much to improve it…'
"My elemental affinities manifested… Darkness was shown as the major affinity."
"Hmm? Really? I should drop by soon to check just how good you are."
Given how close my mother and grandmother were, she had to have known I set my sights on her position. The slight interest shown was partly as a grandmother, and partly as an examiner for her seat.
My tone being comparatively less icy and indifferent than Michael's seemed to spur on the former.
"That would be appreciated. Try not to keel over in shock when you find out."
Twitch…
Even without seeing her, her expression was clear as day.
The head of the Nexum family, Ophelia Nexum, was with utmost pride and confidence in her abilities. My provocation did more than enough to spur her into action.
"You brat… I'll be there tomorrow. Don't run away." Sensing she was about to end the call, I finally mentioned my true intention.
"Right. The information on Sera, any updates on it?"
"Sera? The genius turned maid? Hmm, let me look." The clock in the background ticked by for a moment filled with tension. "Nothing major, her mother had been sick for a week. But that's about it."
'I did remember it correctly after all. Good…'
"Let me know if anything happens, even if it's minuscule."
Grandmother had been confused about my inquiry into Sera when I initially asked, but the faith in my intelligence kept her questions at bay. Her brief silence was all it took to realize that her curiosity had peaked.
"If you are this interested, something must be special about her." A smile crept around my face at her comment. Her interest guaranteed a higher importance for the information. And her support would allow for everything to be perceived smoother.
"Well… You will find out soon enough."
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