Bab 4: Fly Me To The Moon
Shinji breathed deeply with his eyes shut, curled up tightly in the many layers of blankets he'd fallen asleep under. He squirmed, huffing as he reached out a hand to blindly grab for something next to him. His eyebrows knit and he huffed louder once he realized there was nothing there. He was sure something had been there... something warm and comfortable and cuddly that he had been holding onto just a moment ago.
He grudgingly opened his eyes, blinking against the soft sunlight to see a blank expanse of wrinkled, white sheets. Where was it?
"Nagisa...?" he murmured, the word coming out slurred. He blinked a few more times as he woke up and rubbed at his eyes, realizing then that he could hear sizzling behind him. Confused, he slowly turned over to look into the kitchen. He could see Kaworu's back and assumed he must be making something on the stove.
Shinji stared anxiously, hoping that sizzling sound didn't mean anything bad. He sat up wearily, wondering if he should go check on Kaworu, although his worries were mostly quelled as he heard him turn off the stove, silencing the sound. He hummed happily as he put whatever he'd been making on a couple plates.
Turning around, he walked out of the kitchen and made eye contact with Shinji. He smiled brightly.
"Oh, good morning, Shinji-kun! I hope you're hungry," he chirped, looking incredibly satisfied with himself.
Surprised, Shinji reached out his hand to take the plate Kaworu was offering. Kaworu sat cross-legged on the bed next to him with his own plate and answered Shinji's unasked question.
"I woke up early, so I decided to go out and get us something to eat. A worker at the store told me that this would be easy to make, and so I figured I could repay you for all your help with dinner." He leaned forwards as he spoke, and Shinji almost wanted to laugh at his excitement.
He smiled a little instead. "Thanks, that's really nice of you... but you know you didn't have to do all that. You could've asked me for help," he said, feeling taken aback by this act of kindness.
Kaworu waved away his words, still smiling. "Oh, I couldn't have! You looked so comfortable sleeping this morning; I just couldn't bring myself to disturb you." He leaned forward still, smirking now. "And anyhow, I liked the idea of you thanking me for something."
Shinji blushed, choosing to take a bite of food rather than respond to that embarrassingly blunt pronouncement. It definitely wasn't amazing; the eggs were a little too runny, the bacon was noticeably overcooked, and he knew that if Kaworu had woken him, he would've been able to produce better results, though Shinji just couldn't bring himself to complain.
Kaworu still leaned forward with that smirk, and asked, "Sooo, how is it?" Shinji pushed him away with a hand to the chest before responding.
"Calm down, Nagisa... it's not bad; I'm surprised you figured out how to do this by yourself." Shinji regretted his praise almost immediately as he watched Kaworu draw himself up, looking unbearably proud, like a kid whose crayon drawing got put up on the fridge.
"Let me help you out next time though, alright?" he added, wanting to ground him a little. Kaworu hummed, still smirking.
"Mm, if that's what you'd prefer," he said, looking down to eat too.
As they ate, Shinji kept noticing goosebumps forming on Kaworu's arms. Still half-wrapped in blankets and wearing a warm hoodie, Shinji wasn't so acutely aware of how cold it was, but judging by the paler boy's suppressed shudders and stiff stature, he figured that it was probably uncomfortable.
After he took another bite, he looked up at Kaworu suddenly. "Wait, you didn't go to the store wearing that, did you?"
Kaworu blinked confusedly, a strip of bacon poking out of his mouth. "Hmm? Oh, yes, I did; why do you ask?"
Shinji stared at him, choosing not to mention how gross it is to talk with your mouth full in light of a more pressing issue. "Nagisa! It's freezing out there; you can get sick from staying out in cold like that!"
Without forethought, he reached out to cup Kaworu's cheeks.
He sighed. "See? You're freezing! This is exactly why you..." he trailed off as Kaworu closed his eyes with a suddenly dreamy expression, looking as though he wasn't taking in a word Shinji was saying.
He turned his face into one of Shinji's warm hands, bringing up his own to press it into his lips. Shinji blushed at the gentle pressure against his palm and quickly retracted his arms.
"...Why you need warm clothes when you go out!" he finished angrily, voice quivering a little. Kaworu pouted as Shinji took away his hands, and Shinji wondered embarrassedly why Kaworu had such a thing for kissing recently.
"I already told you; I don't have warm clothes. And I was only trying to do something nice for you, Shinji-kunnn; you weren't supposed to be mean to me," he whined.
Shinji rolled his eyes as he finished eating. "I'm just being reasonable. You shouldn't go out there wearing tee shirts again, okay?"
Kaworu huffed, crossing his arms. Undeterred by his attitude, Shinji stood up, grabbing both of their plates to go wash them off in the kitchen.
As he cleaned, he could see Kaworu watching him moodily out of the corner of his eye, and he suppressed a sigh. Why did he always have to be so dramatic about everything? Shinji already said thank you for the breakfast; what more did he want?
He shook the water from his hands and leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed. He stared back at Kaworu, thinking. He was getting rather tired of worrying over his friend's absentmindedness. He was starting to run out of clean clothes, so he couldn't just keep letting Kaworu borrow his stuff - as much as he secretly liked the idea of him doing so. Suddenly though, he thought of an alternative.
"Think you've got enough pocket money for a shopping trip?" he asked.
Kaworu blinked and dropped his salty expression to respond confusedly, "Huh? Well, I suppose so, but what do we need to go shopping for? And anyway, I thought you just said I couldn't go out anymore..."
Shinji smiled as he walked over to pick up his jacket and scarf from the floor, tossing them to Kaworu. "No, I just said that you needed warm clothes, and that's why we're going out. You'll wear these on the way, and then you can buy some stuff for yourself. How's that sound?"
Kaworu looked surprised for a moment, until that familiar smirk made its way back onto his face, and he replied slyly, "Oh, you're so sweet Shinji-kun. I didn't know you cared this much about me; I'm flattered." He stood to put the jacket on, smirk widening at Shinji's expression. He leaned in close to murmur, "This will make for such a nice date."
Shinji sucked in a breath and stumbled back as Kaworu let out a teasing, little laugh. "Don't make it weird, Nagisa..." he muttered, turning to hide his blush under the pretense of lacing his shoes, trying not to let the word 'date' linger in his mind.
Once he'd straightened up, Shinji made his way to the door and grasped the handle, looking back at Kaworu while he arranged the scarf around his neck. He opened the door as Kaworu came forward, allowing the cold air over the threshold, and they moved outside.
Even though Shinji rarely went shopping for himself, he had a pretty extensive knowledge of the clothing stores in this part of Tokyo. Thanks to the countless occasions upon which Asuka dragged him out on shopping-sprees, he'd developed a kind of latent guide for these things, and so he led the way as they walked from Kaworu's place.
Considering how he didn't know what kind of clothes Kaworu would be interested in, he decided to take them to a strip mall which he knew held a wide variety of stores. Lost in consideration of which store they should go to first, he didn't notice when Kaworu began humming softly, brushing their hands together. After a good deal of walking, they made it upon the line of familiar shops, and Shinji decided to take them into the first one down the line; a small thrift store wherein Shinji had found a few of his own clothes. He knew from all his outings with Asuka that they'd probably end up popping into every store, so he figured that starting at the beginning would be the best idea.
Shinji looked over at Kaworu as they entered the store and felt himself laughing at the sight of his curiously excited face.
"Well, knock yourself out," he mused.
Kaworu smiled over at him before walking in further to look over the clothing racks. Shinji watched as he rifled through the various articles, stopping frequently to examine tags. Every so often, he'd pull something out to show Shinji, asking for an opinion.
"Ooh, this would go nicely with those black jeans in the first rack... too bad they weren't my size. You suppose they'll have other pairs? I really think this would make a decent outfit; maybe if I check over here..." he trailed off, walking over to another rack. Mumbling a little, he procured another set of jeans. "Ah! Look, Shinji-kun, they had more! So then, what do you think; do these look good together?" he asked enthusiastically, laying the sweater he'd been holding over the pants.
Shinji laughed, glancing over the items. "Yeah, they look fine." Kaworu smiled, draping them over his arm. Something in the rack next to Shinji seemed to catch his eye, and he made his way over, looking excited.
"Oh, wow! This would surely keep me warm; feel how soft it is, Shinji-kun!"
It wasn't until at least another half-hour when Kaworu finally decided to try on the handful of clothes he'd found, telling Shinji to stay where he was so he could come out to model each outfit.
Shinji would've expected to find this behavior annoying, although he actually found it pretty entertaining. He was a patient person when it came to shopping trips - he'd been forced to develop that temperament thanks to Asuka - and so Kaworu's meticulous sifting of options didn't come as a point of irritation. He'd never really seen Kaworu so excited over something before, and so he enjoyed watching his eyes light up every time he spotted a potential find.
This behavior persisted as Kaworu made his purchases and they moved down the line of stores, one by one.
For a guy who'd never gone out shopping before, Kaworu seemed to have a real passion for it. It was like he couldn't get enough of looking over clothing racks, comparing different items, and creating outfits. Shinji wasn't a style expert by any means, although he felt that Kaworu had a surprisingly good fashion sense. Every time Kaworu came out of a dressing room to show off something he particularly liked, Shinji actually found himself admiring the outfits.
As Kaworu turned a few times, modeling a handsome, long-sleeved, indigo sweater he'd layered over a white collared shirt, Shinji wondered if his admiration came partly from the fact that he never saw Kaworu wear anything other than undershirts and sweatpants. There was something about Kaworu wearing fashionable, new clothes that Shinji appreciated, although he tried not to let his eyes wander for too long; he wasn't keen on getting teased.
As they entered the last store, Shinji glanced at his watch, and was shocked to find that they'd been out for nearly four hours; it was already early in the afternoon. As if on cue, he felt his stomach growl, and realized how hungry he'd gotten. Sighing a little as he watched Kaworu walk gracefully among the racks of clothes, he sat down on a bench just outside the changing rooms. He bounced his leg as Kaworu critically compared two hoodies, hoping that he'd be a little quicker on his decisions this time.
He leaned back, examining his now chipped black nails, wondering if he'd be too embarrassed to ask Kaworu to repaint them. He looked up when Kaworu approached, humming happily with at least ten different items held in his arms. He gave him a look he hoped expressed his growing impatience as Kaworu entered the dressing room.
After a good few minutes, Kaworu came out, wearing a slimming, dark coat and a pair of sleek, black pants. Shinji looked up and suddenly found himself very interested in his figure; that jacket was really flattering.
He stared distractedly for a few moments before he caught Kaworu's smirk. He blushed.
"So, how does it look, Shinji-kun?"
Shinji forced himself to make eye contact. "I-It looks good..." he glanced away, too embarrassed to look at him as he added, "Black is... definitely your color."
With his eyes firmly staring off into space, Shinji missed Kaworu's gentle flush, though he caught the happy note in his teasing response. "Ah, really? Well, if you like it that much, then I'll just have to get it."
Shinji looked back at him to defend himself, though the words died away as he saw Kaworu glance at the tag, his face falling.
"Oh... I don't have that much money with me." He glanced at the other items he'd decided to buy. "Hmm, I could put a few things back, but..." he looked sadly back at the price tag.
Shinji stared at him, feeling sympathetic. He clearly really liked all the things he'd picked out; he didn't want to see him put anything back. He bit his lip.
'Don't. He already bought plenty more from the other stores. He doesn't need all of this; you'd better keep your mouth shut and just-'
"Hey, it's alright. I can help pay," he blurted out.
Kaworu stared at him, looking surprised. He smiled as he said quietly, "Oh, are you sure?"
Shinji nodded, trying not to feel ashamed of his lack of self-restraint. Kaworu's smile widened, and he launched himself at Shinji, pulling him into a tight hug. Shinji tensed, his heart jumping.
"Oh, Shinji-kun! You're so thoughtful! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Shinji blushed incredibly hard as Kaworu held him, feeling very aware of the stares they were getting from other customers. He whimpered a little before pushing him away.
"D-Don't harp on about it! It's r-really no big deal," he stammered, thumbing through his wallet and shoving a handful of money at him, looking away.
Kaworu hummed, accepting the bills as he walked back into Shinji's personal space. He grabbed Shinji's hand as he said warmly, "I really do appreciate this though. How could I ever repay you?" He leaned down a little, so they were on eye level.
Shinji's insides squirmed at the closeness, his gaze flicking down to Kaworu's lips for a split-second before he stumbled back. "Y-You can repay me by staying out of my face! I've already told you not t-to-"
"Yes, yes I know... not to touch you," Kaworu cut in with a disappointed sigh as he walked back into the fitting room to change. Shinji felt his fists clench at Kaworu's exasperated tone. "I don't know why you're so against me drawing close. You were just fine with me touching you last night when we slept together."
Shinji sputtered. Kaworu's words had drawn several scandalized looks from nearby customers. "I-I told you, I was just cold! And don't say it like that!"
Kaworu emerged wearing his normal clothes and a bewildered expression. "Say it like wh-?"
"Nothing, forget it," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Just go pay already so we can leave."
Kaworu shrugged unconcernedly, making his way to the checkout line. As they walked out of the store and down the path back to Kaworu's place, carrying all his bags, Shinji's stomach growled once more. Kaworu laughed lightly, looking over at him.
"Hungry, Shinji-kun? Would you like to stop and eat somewhere before we return home?"
Shinji sighed. "It's alright, I'd rather drop all this off first," he said, lifting one of the bags. "I'll just go get some groceries after. Would you want me to get anything in particular?" he asked.
Kaworu hummed, thinking, but as they neared his apartment complex, he suddenly stopped. Shinji walked forwards still, but Kaworu held him back with an arm.
"What-" Kaworu made a shushing motion with his hand, looking away.
Shinji almost voiced his question again, though he stopped himself as he heard what Kaworu must've been listening for. A tiny, pitiful mewl sounded from the large trash cans outside of the apartment building.
Kaworu slowly walked towards it, feet crunching in the snow. Shinji followed behind, and as they neared the spot where the noises came from, Shinji recognized a little, black kitten, standing out starkly from the snow it stood on top of.
Its mews were strained and high-pitched, and its body shook as it attempted to walk forward. It looked up at Kaworu with its bright, yellow eyes as he crouched down in front of it and he picked it up gently by the scruff.
"Oh, no... it must've lost its mother," Shinji said sadly, looking at its skinny frame. He recognized that it was probably a few weeks older than a newborn, yet it looked about the size of one due to its diminished body.
Kaworu looked on as it meowed up at him. He sighed and took off Shinji's scarf.
"Poor thing... it's freezing," he said quietly, wrapping the scarf around it, holding the little bundle in his arms. He looked up. "Shinji-kun, what do we do? We can't just leave it here..."
Meeting Kaworu's solemn gaze, Shinji bit his lip, thinking fast. "Okay... bring it inside to warm it up. I'll rush over to the store; I'm sure they'll have cat food there. And while I'm gone, maybe try to offer it some water, okay?" He backed up a little, and as Kaworu nodded at him he turned, walking fast, breathing in the cold air.
After a few minutes, he entered the store, looking around for the pet section. Spotting it, he walked down the aisle, trying hard to figure out what kind of food was right for a starving little cat; he barely knew anything about pets, never having owned one himself.
Picking out a bag, he paused, before guiltily making his way over to the frozen food section. As much as he wanted to help that poor kitten fast, he also knew that Kaworu and him needed to eat too. Despite his distaste for TV dinners, he grabbed a couple boxes, thinking that it'd just have to do. He quickly paid and left, taking long strides to reach Kaworu's apartment again.
Thankful that the other boy had left the door unlocked, he opened it, subconsciously feeling relieved by the slight warmth the room offered.
Closing the door behind him, he looked down to see Kaworu sitting cross-legged next to his bed, the kitten laying in his lap, wrapped loosely with a fuzzy blanket.
Kaworu stroked it softly as he looked up at Shinji, who came forward and sat in front of him.
"How is it doing?" he asked, the kitten's little head propped up on Kaworu's knee.
Kaworu looked down once more, petting it. "I finally persuaded it to drink," he said, motioning to the water-filled bowl beside him. "But it's still very hungry."
Shinji nodded, taking out the bag of cat food he'd brought. The kitten's little nose twitched, and it lifted its head hopefully to sniff at the air as Shinji opened the bag, shaking out some pellets onto the floor.
It mewd, stumbling out of Kaworu's lap to paw at the food. After Kaworu nudged a few pieces towards it, it slowly began eating. They sat watching for a few moments and Shinji noticed then that it'd stopped shivering.
Kaworu shook some more pellets from the bag, offering them to the kitten. It ate from his hand, purring, and Shinji looked up to see Kaworu's happy expression.
He smiled. "It really likes you, huh?"
Kaworu laughed lightly, still gazing at the kitten with that warm look. "I really like it too."
After a few more minutes, the kitten seemed to eat its fill, and with some coaxing from Kaworu's hand, it walked over to drink more water. Purring, it attempted to scramble back into Kaworu's lap, and he picked it up, holding it to his chest.
Shinji sighed contentedly. "Well then, that's that. I guess now that it's a little better, we can go take it to a shelter," he supplied.
Kaworu looked up at Shinji. "Ah... a shelter?" he asked, and Shinji could hear the hesitancy in his voice.
Shinji tilted his head. "You don't... wanna bring it to a shelter?"
Kaworu looked back down at the kitten, suddenly pensive. "Well, no, I'm not opposed to that, it's just..." he trailed off, before looking back up. "Do you suppose I could keep it?"
Shinji stared surprised, before he smiled a little. "Huh, I mean, if you really want to then that's your choice." Kaworu's warm smile returned as he scratched the kitten behind the ears. "Just make sure you take it to the vet soon to make sure it's not sick."
Kaworu nodded his understanding as he continued to stroke the kitten. "I've never had a pet before... I didn't quite understand the appeal to be honest, but now I think I get it." He leaned his head down to rest gently on its dark fur.
"It's so soft, and that little noise it's making is so adorable!" he added happily.
Shinji smiled softly as Kaworu closed his eyes, letting out a happy little sound. 'The kitten isn't the only adorable one here...'
"Well... now that it's yours, are you gonna give it a name?" he asked, wanting to distract himself.
Kaworu blinked open his red eyes and held the kitten out in front of him under the arms. He looked it over. "It appears to be male, hmm..." He looked back at the kitten's face and smiled. "I like Tabris."
"Tabris? That's a pretty dramatic name for something so cute," Shinji laughed.
Kaworu hummed, putting it back in his lap. "I just feel it suits him." Kaworu watched him for a little longer, before he sighed, stretching his arms.
"Well, I should make this place a little more comfortable for him if he is to live here, shouldn't I?" he said, moving Tabris out of his lap and onto the floor. He stood up, grabbing the bowl of water, looking around for a place to relocate it to.
Feeling relieved that they'd resolved the problem, Shinji stood, returning his attention to how hungry he was.
He made his way into the kitchen, opening the TV dinners he'd bought, wishing that he could've spent more time at the store. He drummed his fingers on the counter as he waited for the microwave timer to count down when he felt a light pressure against his leg. Looking down, he saw Tabris rubbing his little body against him, waving his tail. He sat and looked up at Shinji, making a little chirping sound.
Shinji smiled irresistibly, leaning down to pick him up. Tabris purred as he pet his soft fur, which Shinji realized felt incredibly like Kaworu's hair.
"You sure do like attention... you're a lot like your owner," he said softly, feeling the vibration from his purr.
Shinji put him back down as the microwave beeped, and he laughed to himself, watching Tabris stumble back out of the kitchen.
He stirred the bowls of food, opening the fridge to grab a couple sodas - Kaworu kept little else of substance in there - and moved into the living area, sitting in front of the TV to put the items down. He looked over at Kaworu, who was crouched next to the coffee table, arranging two bowls of food and water next to a shallow plastic bin.
He looked over his shoulder at Shinji, and stood to walk over and sit beside him, picking up his food, looking preoccupied.
"Well, I have a litter box, but no litter. I'll have to buy that soon." He stirred the food absently, continuing to speak as Shinji flicked on the TV. "Umm, what else do cats need? Should I get him a bed? Toys? Oh, they use those poles made of twine to sharpen their claws, don't they? Maybe I should get one... that stops them from scratching up furniture, right? Hmm, I suppose the food you bought is okay; he seems to like it, but maybe I could try some other options, just to-"
"Nagisa, you can think in your own head; stop babbling and eat already," Shinji said, irritated.
Kaworu quieted down, still looking thoughtful as he ate. Once he'd finished, he stood up, looking over at Tabris, who was sniffing the empty bin.
"I think I'll go out to the pet store now, actually. I saw one when we went out earlier," he said, gliding over to the front door. He turned to look back at Shinji, smirking as he added, "Don't mope too much in my absence, Shinji-kun."
Shinji gave him a look, and Kaworu laughed before closing the door behind him. Shaking his head, Shinji turned back to the TV to finish his lunch. While he ate, Tabris came forward and began purring as he smelled the air around him. Shinji looked down at him, holding the bowl higher up.
"This is my food, not yours. You already ate," he said, eyeing the cat as he clambered into his lap.
He watched as Tabris purred and kneaded his pants. Thankful that he wasn't breaching the fabric with his little claws, he looked back up to finish eating.
Once he had, he made the attempt to get up and clean, but remembered the fluffy, little obstacle in his way. Tabris was curled up with his eyes closed, a pleasantly warm pressure in Shinji's lap.
Shinji sighed. "Come on, I can't just let you stay there forever," he said, nudging him. Tabris seemed only to purr louder at his touch. He tried to gently pick him up, but his claws were still hooked into Shinji's pants, and he looked far too comfortable to move. Shinji sighed again, dropping his arms. He knew he could just force him out if he really wanted to but... he just looked so happy; it'd be mean to make him wake up.
"You really are like your owner," he said, resignedly stroking his fluffy fur. "You both just love jerking me around, don't you? Though, you are a little cuter than him; I don't mind so much when you do it," he added, looking back up to continue watching TV.
He felt pleased that he was able to focus on the movie he'd put on. In the past few days, it felt as if he couldn't really make enough room in his mind to take in anything he watched. His thoughts always ended up straying to... other things, yet now his mind felt clearer, and that clarity let the time pass quickly. He hadn't even realized how much time had passed until he heard the front door open nearly an hour later.
Kaworu closed the door behind him with his shoe before slipping both off, dropping the bags he carried next to Shinji, who looked up to meet his cheerful face.
"Well, that was an adventure. I do hope I got everything I need." Kaworu kneeled down beside Shinji, watching as he affectionately scratched Tabris' cheeks.
Kaworu whined. "Oh, Shinji-kun, you're making me jealous. How come you never treat me like that?"
Shinji raised an eyebrow at him. "Like what? You want me to treat you like a cat?"
Kaworu leaned forward to pet Tabris too as he laughed, "If that means you'd be nicer to me, then maybe so." He grabbed Shinji's wrist, bringing it up to his face as if inviting him to scratch his cheek. "Come on, why don't you pamper me a little too, Shinji-kunnn?" he teased, leaning forward further.
With the cat still in his lap, all Shinji could do was let out a little whimper and lean back, jerking his hand away. "S-Stop being weird, Nagisa... sh-shouldn't you be setting all of that up?" he added, glancing at the bags.
Kaworu hummed, still staring with those intense eyes. "Mm, right you are." He smoothly retracted, standing to sort out the items he bought.
Tabris finally awoke and crawled from Shinji's lap to investigate what Kaworu was doing, and so Shinji stood. Stretching his stiff legs, he cleaned up the trash in front of him, walking past Kaworu as he shook kitty litter into the plastic bin.
After Shinji had come back to sit down in the bean bag chair, he sprawled out comfortably, wondering if Kaworu would be up to playing something with him.
Almost as though he read his mind, Kaworu met Shinji in front of the TV, humming happily as he replaced Smash into the console on the coffee table.
Shinji leaned forward to take the controller Kaworu was offering, noticing his smirk. Shinji gave him a stern look as he sat down beside him.
"If you try to cheat again, you're dead, Nagisa."
Kaworu's smirk grew. "Me? Cheating? I don't know what you're talking about, Shinji-kun." He laughed as Shinji's eyes narrowed at him. "Fine, fine, no cheating this time, I promise."
Still wary, Shinji kept his guard up as they began to play, though he soon found that he was relaxing in spite of himself. Now that Kaworu had finally beaten him - although very unfairly - he seemed to pour even more concentration into the matches than before, and Shinji recognized that they were on the same level now.
The adrenaline rush Shinji felt now when they were at the end of a match was exciting and new. Whenever somebody won, they got to laugh out and cheer as that invigorating feeling spiked, and the other person got to jeer and boo. Then, that would only make the next match even more competitive and exciting. It wasn't long until they were challenging each other, messing up game rules, and picking each other's characters. It all culminated in a giant laughing fit when Shinji somehow managed to absolutely demolish Kaworu while playing Pichu. That's when they completely stopped taking the game seriously. They talked more during matches, now holding actual conversation. As he clicked at the controller, Shinji could almost feel his face hurting from all the smiling, and he realized that he couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed this hard. It felt good.
Soon, they'd simply put the game down, now just talking without the background noise of button pressing, sound effects, and music.
Kaworu had his arms wrapped around his stomach, laughing at the story Shinji had just finished, and was vainly attempting to bring himself down again. He suddenly blinked up at the window, looking surprised.
Shinji had to suppress another fit of giddy laughter as Kaworu hiccupped. "Oh, wow, - hic - I hadn't even noticed it w- hic - was getting so late," he said, trying to stifle his stuttered breathing by covering his mouth.
Shinji looked out at the window, seeing that the sun had set. It was getting dark both outside and inside, yet Shinji hadn't noticed with his eyes on the TV.
"Jeez, me neither," he said, looking at Kaworu, and he thought fleetingly that the sight of his shockingly white silhouette in the dark might've been frightening if not for his occasional hiccups and dorky smile. "I should probably go shower," he decided, standing up and stretching.
Kaworu watched him as he walked to the bathroom, still smiling. "Alright, Shinji-kun, I'll be waiting for you."
As Shinji closed the door behind him, he couldn't quite wipe the residual smile off his face. His chest felt light, and he kept thinking back to how much fun he'd just been having. He turned on the shower, smile growing involuntary as he recalled all that'd happened.
He stood outside the shower for a while longer, just thinking. That was probably the most fun he'd ever had with Kaworu. Being able to relax around him like that was so different than what he was used to, and he really appreciated it.
He shook his head a little and took a breath, trying to chill himself out a little, hoping that they'd be able to keep the energy going when he got out. Though, he liked the idea of taking a little break from all the excitement by basking in the shower. He stepped over the threshold into the water, happily anticipating that wonderfully hot stream cascading down his cool skin-
Shinji let out a shriek and gasped for air, suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of icy, gripping water hitting every part of his body like millions of little spikes. He stood, rigid in shock for a few moments, before he desperately tried escaping the torrent of water, nearly slipping with his clumsy legs. He kept gasping as he clung to the counter outside the shower as tightly as he could, shivering all over.
He barely recognized the sound of Kaworu's alarmed voice in his own shock, and couldn't even bring himself to be embarrassed as Kaworu quickly opened the unlocked door, looking anxiously down at Shinji's hunched, naked body.
"Shinji-kun! Shinji-kun, what happened; are you okay?!"
Unable to speak, he merely shivered harder and whimpered as the cold air from the living space breezed into the room. Kaworu looked past him and seemed to put two and two together, reaching out a hand to feel the frigid water. He sucked in a breath, taking his hand back.
"But the knob is turned to hot, why is it...?" he shook his head, returning his attention to the still gasping Shinji. He attempted to goad Shinji into straightening up and then threw a towel over his back. "Come on… we'll warm you up out here, okay?" he murmured, leading Shinji out.
He pushed him down gently by the shoulders once they'd gotten near the bedside, and Shinji lowered shakily, sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding himself. Kaworu kneeled in front of him, attempting to dry Shinji off with the towel. Regaining a little bit of his sense, Shinji felt distantly humiliated with Kaworu drying him off while he was naked like this. Kaworu took off the towel, replacing it with a blanket, wrapping it tightly around Shinji's shoulders. He put another blanket over his lap, and Shinji was relieved that he was covered now.
He sat there a while longer, letting Kaworu rub his arms through the blanket. Slowly, he stopped shivering, blinking open his eyes to meet Kaworu's worried expression.
"Th-Thanks..." he managed weakly, feeling himself go red.
Kaworu smiled a little. "Of course," he said, raising a hand to cup Shinji's cheek. He hummed. "You're still pretty cold... are you able to warm yourself up now?"
As Shinji nodded, Kaworu took his hand back - taking its comforting warmth with it - and he stood back up, walking into the bathroom. Shinji heard the shower stop, and Kaworu reemerged, sighing.
"I suppose there's no hot water tonight... I'll definitely need to file a complaint about that..." He looked down at Shinji, still concerned. "I'm very sorry, Shinji-kun. I would prefer it if you took a hot shower; that would certainly get rid of the cold, but..."
He looked away, lost in thought. He suddenly smiled a little. "Ah, you know, there's actually a bathhouse not too far from here. Of course, it isn't exactly preferable to have to walk through this weather to get there, but I think it would be worth it. What do you think?"
Shinji sighed. "I guess that's better than freezing to death like this," he said resignedly.
Kaworu's smile widened. "Perfect! Once you get dressed then we can head out."
Kaworu continued to smile at him, and an awkward silence passed between them as Shinji's face grew hotter. "U-Um, are you gonna... turn around?"
Kaworu blinked. "Oh, sure... sorry," he said, and Shinji almost retorted angrily, able to hear his smirk, but held back. He shouldn't make a big fuss over something so small... even if it was embarrassing. Kaworu had just helped him out while he was fully naked moments ago, after all.
Shinji stood, the blankets falling to the floor, and he felt a chill pass through his body as his exposed, slightly moist skin met the cold air. He quickly slipped on a new set of clothes, grabbing his jacket and scarf which lay on the bed.
Kaworu peeked over his shoulder, then turned around fully, still smiling as Shinji wrapped the scarf around himself.
Humming, Kaworu moved towards Tabris, who was curled up in the new bed Kaworu had bought him. Murmuring a little goodbye, he patted his head, then straightened up, and they moved out of the apartment.
Shinji held onto his arms as they walked, still feeling much too cold for comfort, his own body heat not doing much to prevent his shivers. Despite his discomfort, he couldn't help admiring the night around them as he looked forward. The sky was dark blue, a few swirly clouds painting its expanse, and Shinji could see a few faint stars from above the gently glowing streetlights they passed. Small flecks of snow were falling diagonally in the breeze, landing on the ground, and crunching under their feet. It was just cold enough that Shinji could see his own breath in front of him, and he looked down into his scarf, wanting that warmth to transfer into it.
After a short walk, Kaworu steered them into the bathhouse which lay in front of them. Pleased by the calming, warm atmosphere of the place, they paid and made their way into the changing room.
Looking around as he stripped off - taking care to face directly away from Kaworu - Shinji recognized that there weren't any lockers in use, save for both of theirs.
'So... we're alone.'
"See you in a bit, Shinji-kun," Kaworu said, voice echoing in the tiled room. Shinji glanced over his shoulder as Kaworu retreated into one of the shower stalls, feeling very discomforted with himself for noting just how incredibly smooth and flawless his bare skin was.
'Don't think that! It's creepy!' He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck before walking forward to enter a stall of his own.
Shinji let out an involuntary sigh, feeling the hot water run down his body, finally alleviating that awful chill. His shoulders relaxed and he could feel all of his tension melting away. He stood there, letting it all wash over him, attempting to simply relax and enjoy himself... yet he couldn't stop his heartbeat from thudding in his chest.
For a reason that Shinji didn't want to admit, Kaworu's presence here was making him edgy. Even though he wasn't doing or saying anything strange, Shinji still felt nervous. As he washed his hair, trying unsuccessfully to keep his thoughts from the red-eyed boy who was gently humming in the stall next-door, he blushed. He could've kicked himself.
There was no good reason why he should feel this flustered. They were both guys; it's not like he hadn't been to a place like this before. He'd never felt this way on the few occasions when he'd accompany Toji and Kensuke to an onsen; those times had been relaxing and fun... so why should it be any different with Kaworu?
He reasoned that it was because Kaworu was just strange. He didn't have the same feel as his other friends. He was just... different.
'But why is he different? Why aren't your feelings towards him the same as they are for your other friends?' Shinji slowly washed his face, eyes closed.
Because... Because that's just how it is. Of course his feelings for Kaworu were simply friendly... what else would they be? They were just... a different sort of friendly. As he cleaned the rest of his body, that nagging little voice returned.
'Right, the sort that makes you cuddly and nervous. The sort that makes you wanna kiss. That kind of friendly.'
Shinji clenched his jaw. They couldn't be anything other than friends... they were both guys. Being anything else was wrong... wasn't it?
Shinji was pulled from his thoughts as he heard the stall next to him open again, the shower stopping, and the sound of wet footsteps moving away. Even though he had finished showering too, he waited a few extra minutes, just to make sure that he wouldn't have to be confronted with Kaworu before he had to get into the bath. He didn't want things to get more awkward for himself.
Taking one last moment to appreciate the feel of the water, he shut off the stream and exited. As he neared the bathroom through the thick, steamed air, his heartbeat quickened, and he swallowed hard. 'Just relax...'
Finally entering, he saw Kaworu; most of his body submerged in the water, arms splayed out on the edge of the tub, head tilted back, and eyes closed, looking incredibly relaxed and gratified with that ever-present smile on his face.
As Shinji descended into the hot water and sat a couple feet away, Kaworu looked over at him through eyes as misted as the air around them.
Despite the butterflies that Kaworu's gaze spawned within him, Shinji sighed contentedly, the heat of the water seeping into him. It was incredibly comfortable. Kaworu laughed lightly.
"Better?" he asked, voice merely a murmur, yet it still echoed around the room.
"Yeah... way better," Shinji responded, trying with difficulty to meet his gaze. He was relieved that he could pass off his flushed face as a byproduct of the hot shower he'd taken.
Kaworu, who was similarly flushed, closed his eyes once more, leaning his head back. He sighed.
"I should really come here more often. You truly don't realize just how amazing warmth like this is until you're out in the cold." He sank a little lower, bringing his arms into the water as well. "Simply divine," he all but whispered.
Shinji hummed his assent, looking down into the water, hands laid out on the bench they sat on. He attempted to keep his gaze there - on the distilled surface of the water - but his strangely powerful subconscious seemed to urge it back to his companion's face.
A little shamefully, he observed his gently smiling, soft lips and the little droplets of water which dripped from his unkempt mess of dark grey hair, sending little ripples in the water below as they fell. His skin was smooth, free of any marks, scars, or freckles. Had it not been for the pretty blush dusting his cheeks, he might've looked like he was made of porcelain. He had long, fluffy eyelashes that fluttered against his cheeks as he opened his eyes once more, and Shinji hastily looked away as he sensed the eyes beneath those lashes fall on him.
He closed his own eyes, sensing Kaworu's gaze rather than meeting it. He had the strangest feeling that Kaworu was contemplating him, as if deciding whether he should speak.
"Shinji-kun, may I ask you something?" His voice was soft, not at all forceful. Shinji almost thought he sounded hesitant.
"Y-Yeah, sure," he said, opening his eyes to look back into those searching red ones.
"Yesterday morning when we went back to sleep after going out... I asked if I could touch you, and you said yes; why did you change your answer just after?"
Shinji felt his heart plummet. So, he had heard?
Shinji shook his head a little, aware that his heart was beating quicker. Kaworu's eyes were still locked onto his, and he could feel his blush deepening as he waited for an answer.
His mind was racing. For a moment, one insane moment, he felt like spilling out all that he'd been hiding - every feeling that he tried to justify and push away. Those eyes were almost pulling the confession from him.
Why did he suddenly change his mind? Because he wasn't supposed to say yes. Because he was scared of what Kaworu would think if he moved in closer. Because he wasn't used to these new feelings. Because he wanted it so badly, but he knew he couldn't let himself have it. That's why.
"I just... misspoke. I was tired... I wasn't thinking clearly." He heard the slow response as if said by another person. It was so far from the truth. "It was nothing."
Kaworu looked on a little longer, before his eyes dragged down to the water. Shinji thought he saw something in them before they were torn away from his. Was it... disappointment?
"Ah, never mind then... sorry for mentioning it," he said, and Shinji was surprised by his almost embarrassed tone. He looked uncharacteristically shy. What was going on with him?
He took a breath, looking back up at Shinji. His eyes looked strangely bright and watery at the same time. He was smiling.
"Well... I am happy you changed your mind in the end about letting me touch you." Shinji nearly jumped, feeling Kaworu's hand lay itself over his. He twitched his fingers and sucked in a breath. "Holding you last night was... so nice."
Shinji met his warm expression with wide eyes and parted lips. His voice was so earnest and sweet, and Shinji felt stupid, unable to conjure up a response, though Kaworu didn't seem to need one. He looked forward again, closing his eyes. His hand was still on top of Shinji's, who looked down at them, taking in the clouded image. He didn't pull away. How was it possible that Kaworu's hand could've been supplying even more warmth than the hot bath?
He looked back down in front of him, now feeling hyper aware of his own body. He took deep breaths, wanting to enjoy the feel of Kaworu's hand, and how it was now gently, delicately caressing his fingers with a thumb. He felt himself smile, though he tried not to let it grow too wide. His butterflies were steadily filling his light chest, and somehow, he felt himself relax in spite of them.
His eyes fluttered closed, and he luxuriated in the bath. Kaworu hummed quietly, though the sound reverberated lowly around the empty, quiet room.
It was Beethoven's 9th Symphony, Shinji recognized. Fleetingly, he felt an almost peculiar reminiscence, as if he'd heard his gentle voice hum out that same melody before. There was something so familiar about the feel of Kaworu's hand over his, and the sound of that song on Kaworu's lips, yet he knew he'd never experienced either before.
Strange, he thought.
He listened to Kaworu hum for what felt like only a few minutes, but then he realized that they must've been in there for quite a while.
The lights suddenly dimmed, and Shinji looked up. "...Closing time."
"Already? Then I guess it's time to go home."
Kaworu stood, taking his hand from Shinji's, and Shinji followed him not long after, making sure to keep his eyes glued to the floor as he walked behind Kaworu back into the changing room.
Once they'd dried off and dressed, they left for the cold outside. Chilly wind blew through Shinji's still damp hair, though he didn't much mind; he was far too warm both inside and out to really feel it anyway. Kaworu was walking by his side, much closer than he had on the way to the bathhouse, and so Shinji anticipated the soft, warm hand wrapping around his, yet it still sent a little thrill through his chest.
It was very dark now and nobody was around. Shinji wasn't even sure if he'd've cared if people were there to see in the moment, but either way, he let those pale fingers entwine with his. He slowly closed his fingers over Kaworu's knuckles, feeling Kaworu give a gentle, appreciative squeeze in return.
Kaworu slipped his hand from Shinji's grip to unlock the door once they'd reached it, and they entered the dark space. Kaworu flicked on a dim lamp as Shinji moved to sit down on the bed.
As he watched Kaworu stretch and look down at Tabris, who had gotten up from the bed to mewl up at him, Shinji tapped his fingers on the edge of the bed. He didn't feel much like sleeping, yet. Kaworu crouched down to check on Tabris, and Shinji's eyes slid down to his bag.
Assuming that Kaworu might be occupied for some time, he reached into the bag, retrieving his SDAT player, unwinding the headphones and digging around for a cassette.
It'd been too long since he'd gotten to just lay down and relax to some music. He missed the pleasant mindlessness of drifting away from his surroundings, simply existing with the SDAT clutched in his hand, the music it played the only real thing besides himself.
He settled back into the pillow, clicking the cassette into the case and pressing play, putting the earbuds in.
He laid comfortably like that for a few minutes, eyes closed as songs cycled through. His head was turned into the pillow, and he was unconsciously breathing in that familiar, sweet fragrance that clung to it as he breathed deeply. He felt he could've stayed like that for hours.
Suddenly, he sensed a presence and blinked open his eyes, turning to see Kaworu looking down at him, half smiling. He reached up to take an earbud out, but Kaworu beat him to it, leaning down to grab one and put it in his own ear. He closed his eyes, and his smile grew as he listened to the end of a song.
He looked down at Shinji once more, who grew incredibly confused when Kaworu took the SDAT player from his grip, slipping it into Shinji's pocket and grabbing his hands.
Shinji almost wanted to object to all the unsolicited touches, but he was more curious than anything as Kaworu pulled him up and off the bed, walking backwards until they were in the center of the room. Shinji suddenly realized with a light leap in his chest what Kaworu was doing.
The cassette clicked. The final track began to play.
Gently, Kaworu moved in closer, bringing one of Shinji's hands up to his shoulder, dropping his own to Shinji's waist. He twitched, yet he knew that he didn't want to pull away, and so as the preluding orchestra swelled in their ears, Shinji kept his hand where Kaworu had placed it.
"Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars"
Kaworu led Shinji as he swayed with the music, the hand at his waist acting as a gentle guide to the movement. Shinji attempted to follow, though he felt embarrassed, noticing how stiff he was compared to Kaworu's smooth sway.
"Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars"
Trying to redeem himself, he took his fingers from Kaworu's so that he could shakily reach up to rest both hands on his shoulders, letting them slide up, almost would around his neck. His nervousness increased as Kaworu similarly wound both arms around Shinji's waist, pulling him closer, almost into an embrace.
"In other words, hold my hand"
Kaworu looked down at Shinji as they swayed and Shinji felt more aware of their difference in height than ever as he met those sparkling, red eyes. Shinji almost felt the warmth radiating from that sweet smile as he looked at it, then he dropped his gaze to Kaworu's chest, blushing hard as he realized that Kaworu could obviously see him looking at his lips. 'Stupid...'
"In other words, darling, kiss me"
Shinji took an unsteady breath, trying to gulp down his nervousness. He almost felt more exposed to Kaworu now than he had holding hands with him in the bath. There was no way Kaworu couldn't feel his hands shaking near his nape. What must he be thinking?
"Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forevermore"
Shinji almost gasped as Kaworu lifted his hands, grabbing one of Shinji's to spin him around. Kaworu laughed lightly as Shinji stumbled a little, their arms outstretched to reach each other. He drew Shinji back in, their chests almost meeting.
"You are all I long for
All I worship and adore"
Shinji looked down at their feet as Kaworu led a more complicated dance. Carefully watching Kaworu's movements, he tried hard to match what he was doing, heart beating quickly, determined not to step on his feet. He felt clumsy and useless. He nearly choked when Kaworu leaned forward, hand at the small of Shinji's back, dipping him.
"In other words, please be true"
As he came back up, Shinji caught Kaworu's wide grin, though he didn't look smirky. Despite how clear it was that Shinji had no clue what he was doing, Kaworu wasn't teasing him, he was simply smiling and laughing because he was excited; Shinji could see it in his eyes. It was contagious. Shinji smiled a little as Kaworu spun him around again.
"In other words, I love you"
Their movements seemed to grow more synchronized and energetic as they followed the flow of the music. Shinji found a little more confidence, and he looked back up at Kaworu's face rather than his feet, able to move now without fear of mis-stepping.
Kaworu's already wide grin grew impossibly wider as he met Shinji's eyes, and Shinji admired how that dazzling smile lit up his whole face. He was so pretty...
Shinji felt himself gasping in surprise as Kaworu lifted him up for a moment, bringing him back down as they both laughed. Shinji pulled back a little, lifting his arm high to spin Kaworu this time. Eyes glittering, Kaworu coaxed Shinji's hand to his back, and getting the idea, Shinji dipped him as Kaworu lifted an arm to dramatically drape it over his forehead as if he was swooning.
Bringing himself back up, he laughed along with Shinji as they swayed again, striding small circles around the living area.
"In other words, please be true"
Kaworu lifted Shinji again, who felt featherlight, holding himself up by pressing into Kaworu's shoulders.
"In other words, I love you"
He landed back on the ground, watching Kaworu's face happily. His hand wound itself tightly around Kaworu's shoulder, and their movements slowed as the song reached its end.
"In other words, I love you"
Kaworu once again entwined his fingers with Shinji's as they swayed, nearly embraced, just like they had been at the beginning. Shinji noticed just then how Kaworu's hand was larger, pale fingers extending nearly a joint past his tan ones. They both breathed heavily, hearts beating fast while the music tapered away. They were still smiling at each other.
The cassette clicked again, having played all its tracks, yet Shinji and Kaworu stayed like they were.
"I didn't know you knew how to dance," Shinji breathed.
Kaworu shook his head, laughing. "I don't; I just did what felt right. And you weren't so bad yourself."
Shinji let out a little disbelieving noise. "I was stumbling all over you."
Kaworu laughed again, his gaze incredibly soft as he caught his breath, looking down at Shinji. "I don't care. That didn't make it any less wonderful."
Shinji stared transfixed at his expression, smile almost turning shy. He was once again aware of his butterflies. This time it felt as if they were swirling around both of them - like they'd broken free of the confines of Shinji's chest.
His breath caught as Kaworu took his hand from Shinji's waist to put a finger under his chin, guiding it upwards so they were looking straight at each other. Kaworu's eyes were half-lidded.
"Your smile is so pretty..." he murmured. The words were smooth and sweet, and Shinji could sense a whole flurry of emotions rise within him as Kaworu seemed to observe every feature of his face, his eyes flicking all around.
Shinji couldn't think of anything to say, far too entranced by Kaworu's roving eyes. Finally, they slid back to Shinji's, and he was almost overwhelmed by their intensity. He stared at them, two deep, crimson pools of glittering rubies. Shinji's heart was caught in his throat.
Kaworu shook his head ever so slightly. "The way... the way you make me feel, Shinji-kun, I..."
Shinji looked down at his chest for a moment and felt his hand slide down from his shoulder, almost automatically, to rest over his heart. It was pounding. Kaworu slowly brought up his own hand to cover Shinji's with it, and Shinji felt it shake.
Looking back up at his face, Shinji realized that Kaworu was nervous - beyond nervous even; he was trembling. Shinji had never seen him tremble before. The boy who Shinji had always known as unshakable, perfect, and confident - he was trembling.
As another few heartbeats passed between them, Shinji took in that deep, pure emotion filling Kaworu's eyes. He knew that emotion. It was the thing which he himself had been trying to shutter away for days now. The thing which he was too afraid to name.
As Kaworu's lips parted to complete his profession, Shinji could almost hear the words before they fell from his mouth.
"Shinji-kun, I love you."
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone