Bab 3: 2. I AM A REAL MAN
I am lost in the whispers of headless beings,
There are wings on me unknown to me,"
__
"Do you like reading?" She initiated a conversation between them in the middle of dark with darkness falling upon them in the room.
He turned towards her yet he couldn't look at her face because of darkness.
"I love to read, reading flows in my blood. I once read a book in which there was an Angel who was supposed to protect the male lead and she died because of the plot. I remember crying till evening that da-" she ranted, her fingers making patterns on his calloused palm.
"Do you have insomnia?" he asked cutting her off and she went quiet for a while.
"I am scared of sleeping. Those creatures haunt me." She answered gripping his fingers tightly. She knew it was not in her deen to fear. But, she was not frightened of what those creatures will do to her; she was frightened of how it would affect her mind. She didn't want to lose her mind over something she doesn't like.
"Do you know you are my alternative bride?" he asked letting her grip his fingers. He wanted to divert her mind.
His question pierced her heart because all she wanted was a healthy relationship with her husband. She never knew it would be that hard. Meeting her own husband after two months of their marriage with only thought of everything been alright, but sometimes everything does not fall back into its place rather than it falls just to scatter around more. Unknowingly, her grips tightened on his fingers and he totally understood her unsaid feelings.
"I just want to let you know that I believe in whatever happens, happens for a reason. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala wanted you to be my bride and I don't want to sadden Him by losing you.
I want us a chance to grow old together.
It will be not easy, because it’s never been easy, but I don't want to face the regression of the only one I found, after a whole while." He confessed gripping her hand in his, drawing patterns from the pad of his thumb. His shallow breathing mingling with hers.
He was tired of living alone and from childhood he had a dream to make his house a home, to have a wife and children to look after and to love them, to always be there for his family, this were the teachings of his father. He wanted his family to always put their faith in Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and love Him.
He had many dreams, but he wanted some of his dreams to turn in reality and he wanted this because only he knew how it felt to see your own dreams getting crushed in front of your own eyes. And for the love of Allah, he wants to forget his past like it never existed. That's the reason he gave himself a chance.
A joy of serene spread in her veins and she felt joyous, she nodded forgetting that darkness has covered them like a blanket. Numerous words of gratitude showered from her tongue to her Lord, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
"In this time of my life, I always forget how to talk for a while but just know that I will be sticking to all your decisions." Words flew out her mouth before she can control herself with a wide grin plastered on her face.
A deep chuckle resonated in the silence making her eyes widened.
"Did you just giggle?" She asked getting up from her pillow looking directly in his eyes. Mirth shining in her eyes just likes how the stars twinkle.
He felt her burning eyes boring holes into his skull. But listening to her he drew his brows together in deep confusion.
"Is it forbidden to laugh?" She sensed the heavy sarcasm from his voice and narrowed her eyes on him.
"No, I mean you are not THE cold hearted, bipolar, talk less more action, small talk, popular bachelor of the town, doesn't have many friends, girls drooling over him, having flings every week, strong body and mind, dominant personality, doesn't like to hear a ‘no’, always finds a way to make people nod towards you like a puppy?!" she ranted in one breath making him shake his head. Listing the types of males she had read in her novels and novellas.
"No, because I am a real man." He answered her getting up from his laying position on the bed and turned on the lamp kept on the side table.
"And I am not a bachelor anymore, I sure likes to work out every day, I don't run a business, I never had any flings or girlfriends, because hell is real and I am a Muslim, in short I am totally opposite of your book husbands." He complained narrowing his eyes on her little form.
She smiled sheepishly not making any contact. But, her smile flew out of the window as she registered his words into her brain.
“but, how do you know my book husband?” she stuttered with a small sheepish smile as nervousness crawled on her back.
“Some simple stalking doesn’t hurt.” She saw his canines shining under the lamp light as smiled with mirth.
"But, I sure can show you the result of my strong body" he teased her with lips tugging upwards and slowly crawled towards her.
Her eyes widened on his double meaning words.
"I didn't knew you have this side too." she complained forgetting that it’s their first night of staying together.
"For the second time, Zohra, I am a real man" his voice fell low on her ear and his warm breath fanned against her cheeks. Hues of red crawled to her face.
Her stomach churned on hearing her name rolled beautifully from his mouth. It was like he was lulling her to sleep.
"I am sleepy." she said covering her little form with duvet leaving him alone with his thoughts.
He laid back with some sleep making his eye lids heavy. He was in half sleep state when he heard her whispering.
"I, for sure, till I live will stick to the end." small smile made its way on his lips and he fell in a deep slumber.
Cold snow numbed his body making him rub his arms to provide himself a little warmth. He looked around and found himself lying on cold snow with nothing on his body but shorts. Dark night with no stars fell in front of his eyes scaring him to the core of his heart.
He felt terrified and terribly numb. His muscles aching from numbness caused by the snow.
Fluent words of Ayat-Al-kursi flew out his mouth. His eyes flew open suddenly. It was not even an hour and he just woke up. Cold sweat beds formed on his forehead ran down all along to his jaw. He looked at her sleeping soundly, if only he knew what she was going through. He took some deep breaths to calm himself and rubbed his face. He had this nightmare after long period of time. He regretted sleeping on so soft mattress.
Jerking his head towards her, he heard her sniffles.
"Zohra." he called to out her and shook her gently to woke her up.
She woke up and cried with muffled voices.
"Those creatures came again to haunt me, but I am not possessed by them, I swear on Allah. I have never seen them while I am awake but they only come to me at night." she blabbered to him like a child, wiping her tear and snotty nose, with a failed attempt. Her whole body shivering as terrifying feelings made a home into her heart.
Unknowingly he moved closer to her and hugged her to his chest. Her tears fall on his shirt one by one, soaking it wet.
"Show me the library again and I would read you a story." he said trying to divert her mind.
"Would you really read me story?" She asked totally forgetting about her nightmare. Her eyes twinkling like the stars. Gazing at him with tear stricken face.
"Yes, until you fall asleep." he answered locking her eyes with his. The deep intensity made a shiver run down her spine. And they held that eye contact just like the sun and a moon filled with longing to know more each other, and to never lose each other from their sights.
He didn’t only ask her to show him the library again. He also asked her to let her fears slowly fade away, for he will always be there with her to fight against them.
Hadiah
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