Bab 39: [BONUS #1]
A powerful orchestral composition signaled the beginning of the brief broadcast animation introducing the channel.
The impeccably dressed show host spoke with a composed tone:
"Good evening, Neapolis. Welcome to The Bob Show on The Corn News Network, and I am your host, Bob Rob."
He turned to the side and introduced their guest, "Today, we have here with us the author of 'Def Not Gae,' an alumnus of Harvard University, and a revolutionary thinker of the twenty-first century… Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat."
The chubby, dark-skinned middle-aged man sporting a Van-Dyke beard, spoke in a crass voice, "Thanks for having me, Bob."
The interviewer nodded. "Your new book… explores some intriguing perspectives that have captured the attention of many, perspectives you claim are endorsed by experts. Can you elaborate on this?"
The guest smiled. "Certainly. First, you have to understand that I am a man driven by purpose and vision. My inspirations have always been the great minds of our society—Nelson Mandela, Gosnell Duncan, and Donald Trump. However, I couldn't ignore a fundamental issue in our species, the tendency to deprive others of what they truly deserve. At the time, it was just a hunch.
"But, my friends at Harvard, mostly Ph.D. scientists in human evolution, released their findings on our societal decline. Notably and unsurprisingly, a major contributing factor is the absence of love among us men."
"You have a very magnificent sense of instinct, Mr. Luth. Amazing," the interviewer commented.
"Call me Bomboclaat, please," Dr. Martin said with a gentle smile.
Nodding in acknowledgment at the correction, the interviewer, Bob Rob, continued.
"Your new book, 'Def Not Gae', is currently listed as a worldwide best-seller on Amazon, taking the lead against Harry Potter, second only to religious books in copies sold. Did you anticipate this level of success?"
Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat nodded with a smile. "Absolutely, yes. What I am about to say, isn't widely known by the general population, and neither is it taught in schools, but… nearly half of the entire human race… is actually male. I was just brave enough to voice our innate need for true brotherhood."
The interviewer remarked, "Impressive. I have yet to read the book, but we have reached out to some of your supporters to share their experiences."
Suddenly, the television beside them displayed a bespectacled man with a slim face and protruding front teeth after the brief intro animation.
The bespectacled man spoke out with a smile, "I'm Joe McKukhold. Ever since I read 'Def Not Gae,' I can't overestimate how enlightened I've become. My wife slept with a homeless old friend of mine, and I cut both of them off. But after reading Mr. Bomboclaat's masterpiece, I called them and apologized. I shouldn't have prevented him from sleeping with my wife before. He lives in 'our' house now. We're men, we only have each other, so we must share all we have, my wife is no exception."
Surprised by this account, the interviewer, with intrigue and genuine curiosity in his voice, further questioned, "Have you been conflicted in any way about this development, Joe?"
Joe shook his head, smiling as he said, "Apart from them locking me out of the master's bedroom every night and not regularly remembering to slap my butt when I tell a nice joke, there's nothing much else."
Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat interjected:
"Exceptional. I slept with my brother's wife too. He cut me off and divorced her. I deeply wish to have a brother as great as you, Joe, who can uphold the responsibilities of the brotherhood that comes with our role as men. A true man, you are, Joe McKuckhold. "
Joe smiled like a child and said with a snort, "Thank you, Dr. Bomboclaat."
The interviewer nodded with surprise as though he had seen the light, and spoke, "Next, we have Dewayne Tyrone Aziz Raphael Jr., to share his experience."
After the brief intro animation, the television displayed a different supporter who had tattoos up to his neck, laughing as he spoke.
"Me and my homies read the book. Yo, it's craaazy, for real, for real. Just the other day, my homeboy was feeling a little, y'know, 'under the weather'. So I pulled his pants down and gave him a lil rub, you know what I'm saying? Hahaha… He weren't even complaining because it ain't gay at all. And later that night, I still smashed a shawty! Hahaha…"
After laughing, Dewayne Tyrone Aziz Raphael Jr. looked slightly wistful and checked his surroundings before using his hand to slide down his low-cut 360-wave hair, and continuing:
"Although she was kinda buggin', you know what I'm saying? Talkin' about trying out some other stuff, and I'm like, okay. You know, I don't judge like that. But then, she told me to stick my own butt out! And I ain't even like that, y'know? But I remember my momma always told me…"
With the supporter's story getting more and more out of point, the production team cut him off.
The special guest, Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat continued, "You see this, Bob?"
"Very much, Martin." Bob concurred, with admiration in his eyes for Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat. For people to be this moved by him, he definitely knew what he was talking about.
Tightening his fists, Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat stood up from his seat and declared.
"Look, I… HAVE A DREAM! A world where every man can cuddle his homies in bed, kiss his homies goodnight, slap each other's buttocks, help each other relieve our boners… and not… be seen… as gay. Because, it is definitely, as per research evidence, not gay. Men, share anything and everything and express your genuine love for each other. Let us never get angry and create enemies of ourselves. We can all share. This is the future of our species."
Moved by the speech, the interviewer, Bob, clapped.
"Truly revolutionary. What do you have to say to those that disagree with you? I take it that they are mostly women?"
Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat sat back down and let out a hearty laugh at that question.
"I tell them to open their eyes. I have seen the data. Most women don't want men to be happy collectively, so we can put them on a pedestal. Look, Bob, I like focusing on the good parts of things, so I'll tell you this: I've helped a lot of men get in touch with their brotherhood. I even receive thank-you emails all day, ranging from American 'hood' gangsters to Arabian patriarchal members, and even homophobic African politicians to European Mafiosi."
"Thank you very much for showing up and telling us about this life-changing wisdom, Dr. Martin." The interviewer said, admiration in his eyes.
"I told you to call me Bomboclaat." The special guest annoyed repeated.
Bob Rob shook his head, and said with a joking tone, "That name is too long, and frankly sounds like something I'd name a dumb dog… Dr. Martin."
Instead of laughing at the joke, Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat glared at Bob with a seething hatred and sprung up abruptly from the furniture to challenge the stupid interviewer.
"You bastard!" He screamed as he charged at Bob. Couldn't the fellow just take correction?
Witnessing this, the production team behind the cameras quickly rushed and held him before he attacked Bob, who fearfully sank into his seat.
The Harvard graduate struggled as he was being restrained and glared at Bob so hard it could probably pierce his skin.
As damage control, the camera zoomed in on Bob, who awkwardly turned his attention to the camera as they dragged Dr. Martin Luth Bomboclaat away.
Composing himself, he spoke to the camera, "Um… coming up next: Anonymous Hero Donates Hospital 200 Human Kidneys;
Non-Discriminatory Islamic Charity Helps to Feed Non-Infidel Hungry;
Netizens Urge U.S. Government to Pass Bill to Reduce Minimum Wage, 'Our Wealth Hurts Africa's Feelings'."
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