Bab 10: Broken
(Lana)
I sat motionless in a room that was roughly the size of every other room in my grandma's cottage combined.
My heart had been shattered into a million pieces, so much so that life felt too empty for me at this point. The way that cretin, Ben, had snapped the neck of my best friend Denie played over again and over in my mind.
I felt like a loser. I had betrayed her trust. I'd stabbed her in the back and failed her in more ways than one. I had repaid her kindness with disappointment.
I was ashamed!
I couldn't help Denie when she needed me most. I was too weak to be there for her. What kind of a friend was I?
The pain stabbed and twisted in my chest again, the effect so brutal that it forced a sob out of my mouth.
The only thing I could feel was raw pain even though my cry sounded more like a muffled scream, a wail... you name it.
"It should have been me." I murmured to myself in the semi-dark room.
"It should've been me. I'm so sorry, Denie... Please forgive me wherever you are..."
My almost inaudible voice was weighed down by disgust for myself and rage for the fucking bastards who murdered her.
"I will avenge you, Denie. I will fight until my last breath! No matter what happens, I will make sure you get the justice you deserve!"
This oath I made to myself in the privacy of this dark room has become the driving force behind everything I do now. It was a decision that simmered within me as my mind kept replaying the scene of her demise. Of how I saw her neck snap to the side and instantly drew her last breath.
Just then, flashes from this morning flashed through my mind like cut scenes on a movie screen.
I couldn't figure out why I reacted the way I did when that stupid ass motherfucker named Cedric touched me until now.
Perhaps it was because I had never been touched like that before.
I was a virgin; untouched by any man or woman because I hadn't had a boyfriend or someone who had viewed me in an intimate light back in town.
Of course, I had been curious about how my first time would turn out. I'd seen a few movies and read many books with such scenes.
The thought of movies brought me back to Denie, and my heart ached horribly. Given how out-of-date the town was, she was the only reason I knew what television looked like. Only a few people, such as the Mayor, were fortunate enough to own such an exotic item. Everyone behaved as if they were still in the 1950s.
And I recalled how Denie would often assist me in sneaking into the Mayor's compound and hiding behind the windows so I could watch my favorite soap opera whenever it was on.
If intimacy was anything like I'd been led to believe, it was a moment I eagerly awaited.
My breathing became more rapid as my mind raced with all the wrong thoughts on the planet. I hated to admit it, but I liked the way he had touched me. And I wanted more.
'Snap out of it!' My inner self screamed at me, attempting to shake me out of the terrible trance I had fallen into in the name of fantasies.
'I merely like the idea of being touched,' I told myself. However, I wasn't sure if that was even close to the truth.
Well… I wouldn't stop him if he tried to touch again.
'Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lana, hold your horses!' I reprimanded myself again – this time more firmly and slightly enraged at the thoughts that had taken over my mind.
This was a murderer we were discussing; someone who had mercilessly snatched life out of the only person I had cared for other than my late Nana.
I couldn't believe how preoccupied I was with fantasizing about some cannibalistic creature to whom I had become a concubine. That's fantastic!
Another wave of embarrassment washed over me to finally realize where my feelings about him stood.
They were correct; I was a stupid little human being.
Tears welled up in my eyes, a new batch ready to fall. Life and my mind had to prove me wrong just when I thought I had finally run out of tears due to the way I had been crying since the early hours of the morning.
Nothing on Earth could compare to the heaviness that weighed on my insides. It was dreadful!
She had protected me my entire life, and this was my way of repaying her. I was a truly horrible person.
A strange sensation suddenly passed through me. It was like a sudden tug on my mental space—as though someone was attempting to pry into my mind.
This was out of the ordinary.
This was not at all normal.
"Come..." A feminine voice said softly.
Huh? Who in the world was that?
I looked around suspiciously to see if there were any hidden cameras anywhere and even got up to see if there was anyone in the closet.
My entire body tensed up from the sensation of being watched when I realized there was no one else around.
"Come to me, my child for we await your arrival." The voice echoed softly once more
I couldn't help but wonder who was calling me this time.
"What do you want from me? Why do you keep on calling me?" My tone was frustrated and slightly fearful as I questioned the sourceless voice.
"You are destined..." The voice whispered once more, completely ignoring my question.
What exactly was I destined for? Why wasn't this woman being more specific? Most importantly, why me?
"What on earth am I destined for? Why don't you come out and say something? I require responses! Why do you keep contacting me? I don't want to be predetermined! Leave me alone! Please just let me be! I can't stand it anymore!"
I was practically rushing through everything in between terrified sobs at this point.
This is not at all what I expected. My best friend was brutally murdered and now this.
My sobs echoed over and over within the four walls of my room. It was mixed with the now incoherent words of the unknown person.
The door lock suddenly turned seconds before being pushed open.
Hadiah
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