Bab 26: Fear

The days continued to pass by as she practiced in seclusion but there was a large problem that continued to occur within the home of Ash.

The body of Ash was tossing and turning in her bed as sweat rolled down her skin and wet her clothes a little.

There was very clear distress that had been shown from her violent movements on the bed but she had still remained asleep.

Ash was experiencing nightmares that she had been experiencing since she had been suffering hardships in the Mental Institution.

They had started once she suffered many hardships and they only grew worse as time had passed.

There was no improvement to her present state even after escaping from the Mental Institution just like she could not escape and put behind her what she had previously experienced.

The road to healing was a very long one but there was no time to do so when there was a short time frame which needed to be used carefully if she wanted to survive the upcoming events.

Her decision to become a Skin Walker had been one that had been made after careful consideration but it did have a small effect on her.

It was not always the case for different power routes that were outside of the traditional ways but there were some that had much larger costs or took some kind of tole on the user.

If there was anything about Ash that was influenced once she had become a Skin Walker then it would be fear.

Her fears were heightened even if it was by a very small amount so she did not have any kind of improvements to her nightmares which had even worsened a little.

The heightened fear that was within her had made her question many things that she planned to do in the future or had done previously.

There was the fear of failure and being caught that had slowly worsened once she had been influenced that way so she couldn't help but go over everything she could think of.

If she was lacking in one area then she would research something online or through television shows depending on what it was that she wished to learn.

There were times when she was plagued with thoughts that she had made a mistake somewhere or if she had was lacking something important for how she would need to navigate the world she had stepped into.

The mastery of some spells was a good start but it was not everything.

There were many others out there who were very intelligent, strong and possessed excellent Balancer capabilities so dealing with them would become troublesome if she was noticed by them.

A Skin Walker could change and blend in with a crowd of people while being able to take on the lives of others but there were problems that came with that.

Taking over a person's identity may seem as simple as taking their identity cards, their face, their voice and living in their home but it was very easy to reveal flaws.

Dead bodies do not just disappear on their own so there would always be times when she would have to give up on one identity to move onto another.

Such a life on the move would be one without attachments and she would always be looking over her shoulder for fear that she would be caught one day.

For a girl that had yet to reach her late teens, Ash had already encountered many things that had torn her down and left her broken.

Her first kills that were done were done in order to escape the hell that she was in and to get a little revenge for herself but what she had done was certainly not without flaws and was done as she kept moving forward.

She had no time to plan or strategise so she just acted in a way that would let her get away from the grasp of those that had harmed her.

It was more like she was reacting to everything that was going on around her than being in control of her own life and how she did things.

If there was one major issue among the many psychological problems that had been gained then it would be her feeling towards the lack of control and feeling helpless.

When she was powerless and had no control, she was taken advantage of and was abused so she did not wish to feel like that again.

The fear she had towards that and being placed in a similar situation again had helped her to make the decision to get revenge on her family members that had abandoned her mother during her time of need.

It was not just for revenge that she killed them all but that was not enough of a reason for her to suddenly come out of hiding to target them.

Ash was well aware that she may have to kill again if it meant gaining the kind of power she needed to be able to make herself feel just a little more in control of her own fate and life.

The revelation had plagued her mind like a constant reminder of the future dangers that she was incapable of escaping unless she had power of her own so the only available information that had been provided by it had created her present state.

Her insecurities and fears were heightened a little after she had completed the ritual so her night terrors had worsened and she had started to go over everything that she knew more carefully while double checking everything.

She was not planning to harm others but it was worthwhile to have certain skillsets for times when they were needed.

Her time in the village would only last so long and she would have to move away eventually so she could make use of everything she had written down.

Her body jolted violently until she had awoken from her sleep. "Ha.. ha.."

There was sweat dripping down her forehead and she was breathing heavily which showed that she was not in a good condition. "No good.. something is definitely wrong.."

There was a large feeling of insecurity within her that would not go away no matter how she tried to tell herself that things would go fine.

She walked over towards the book that was sitting on her desk nearby and she carefully opened it before taking out a paper notebook from the drawer.

The pen touched the paper as there were several drawings and notes taken until she had closed the notebook. "This is the only way."

There was a little unease in her eyes as Ash looked towards the notebook. "Yes… the only way."

After convincing herself that she was acting in the best way for her future, she had been able to get herself back to sleep.

That night she had slept a little more soundly even if she did occasionally experience some light nightmares and discomfort.

The next morning Ash had checked the time before leaving then walked down the road that led to the town once again.

She was dressed in clothing that had covered up her appearance a lot but not too overly suspicious looking.

Upon arriving in the town and continuing forward to her intended target, Ash took several steps down a familiar path and then walked towards a familiar building.

There was an envelope that was in her hand which had been lowered towards the letterbox.

There was a slight pause and hesitation in her movements before resolutely pushing the envelope through.

Upon hearing the envelope drop inside, Ash straightened up her body and walked away.

She occasionally looked back towards the door a couple of times until it was no longer in her line of sight. "Hah.. too late to regret or reconsider now. What is done is done. If nothing happens then I will just have to accept that outcome. There is no use forcing it any further than this."

There were several reasons for what she had done which would set up some future events but she was uncertain if they would go as she wanted.

It was enough to give her a little peace of mind to be able to give a small push in the right direction but she would not be able to do any more than that otherwise she would have to get more involved and forcefully push events to how she wanted them to turn out.

No matter how she wanted things to turn out, Ash did not wish to be connected to any future events when she was still too weak so she needed to keep her distance from it all.

If it did not work out then she would just have to rework some of her plans a little but if it did proceed according to plan then she could start proceeding with her own plans without worrying about there being any flaws.