Bab 52: Chapter 50
It's strange that amount of memories we had. The countless number of things we had done together. There was no way for us to relive all of them because there were just way too many of them. But that one in particular held a special place in my heart. It sounds a bit cheesy, but holding Stevens in my arms was a secret thrill of mine. I thought about it a lot, and each time he was close I was always tempted to pull him closer and hold on tight. Yet hugging him never felt quite the same as actually holding him. I liked knowing I made him feel safe. That I was able to provide him with a sort of relief even if it was only temporary.
He looked around his apartment once more. Visibly itching to do something. Him mentioning the golden lifesaver meant he wanted what I think he did.
" Have you forgotten?" He asked. His voice nothing more than a whisper. Actual fear in his tone because he couldn't believe I could have forgotten such a significant occasion.
" How could I possibly?" I asked. Giving him a subtle smile before I wrapped my hand around his nape and pulled him closer. And when he wouldn't look at me I asked him to do so, maintaining the eye contact before I let my eyes fall to my lap,then I gave him a curt nod and waited. No words were needed.
" Nothing more though, just that. " It wouldn't be Kyle without a warning. One he secretly wished I would ignore.
" You have my word,"
" I don't trust your word. "
" Fifteen minutes, remember?" I arched a brow. He must have recalled that I wouldn't b going to school, and that he wouldn't get to see me for the rest of the day because he instantly stood up and walked over to one of the walls, and I shook my head on realizing he was planning on switching off the lights, which he did. But the darkness gave him courage when I was concerned, so I couldn't really complain.
The house was actually much darker than one would think expect it to be. Maybe because it was still pretty early and all the window shutters had been pulled down, preventing any light from passing through them.
I didn't know what to do so I just stayed still, and then I felt him next to me. He inched closer, and eventually he ended up seating across my lap, his head lying on my chest and his hands holding my arms. Touchy Stevens was definitely my new favorite version of Stevens. Maybe because we were older, maybe because him freely expressing what he felt served as validation that I wasn't seeing things. And I once again wondered what the exact dynamic of our relationship was. Friendship was out of the question, it had always been out and would continue to be out. Ever since I sat next to him in that school bus all those years ago, he had interested me.
This kid who I had been in the same class with for basically all my school life, but who I never dared to talk to or get to know because I feared he'd be too smart for me. And I had always avoided the smart kids. Feared they'd act like they were better than me because books and I did not get along. But Stevens had been different, I had sensed his fear before anything else. I had only been sitting next to him yet he looked intimidated for some reason. And he had tried to stay away from me throughout that entire time, looking away whenever I tried to sneak a glance at him. I had taken it as a challenge.
He looked up at me, not looking away when I glanced because I could hardly see him.
" Are you cold?" I randomly asked him, I could feel his frown, but then he shook his head and assured me he wasn't.
" Then you don't mind taking off your shirt?"
" For the love of God! "
" What? I know you want to. "
" Just shut up, will you?"
I laughed. Despite the fact that I had been serious, I was starting to wonder whether I had become an addict of his touch, the more he offered the more I wanted. There was a time I would have been elated to just hold his hand, but now I wanted so much more.
" I know the limits Kyle, I don't think that goes against them. "
" Stop talking. "
He sounded high, on like actual drugs. And a bit sleepy. That only assured me that he was comfortable. And his comfort was my main priority, if he felt at all uneasy, I would do everything in my power to make him feel okay again.
" I gave you more when you asked for it, won't you do the same?"
" Are you seriously blackmailing me?"
" Please?"
" Quit it!"
He snuggled closer, and I hated the leather jacket I had on because it prevented me from feeling as much of him as I really wanted to. And with Kyle I always needed to feel. Our relationship wasn't only based on the physical aspect, but that was definitely the one we recognized most. He once again moved closer, his body was completely pressed against my own but it appeared he was seeking the type of contact that couldn't be easily found. And I had just suggested a solution but he was pretending he didn't want to go through with it.
" You shy?" I teased and he scoffed but then I felt his palms on my bare chest when he dipped his hands underneath my shirt. And his warm breath on my jawline as he focused on me through the darkness, one would think he could clearly see me. But I stared back because there was something about the entire moment that felt raw and deep. His hands were cold, but I didn't mind. If it meant him touching me then I was desperate for more of that coldness.
" It's not shyness only, with you it's something else. "
" What then?"
" Fear. "
Tale as old as time. Whatever we had going on was built on three things. Desire, playfulness and the ever lingering fear.
" What are you scared of Stevens?"
Because the fear came mostly from him. I at times felt it too, but it had mostly always come from him.
" I don't think I'll ever be able to cross the line. This is as far as I'll ever go, "
I placed a hand on his thigh, and he tensed when I trailed it up slowly.
" What if you let me take control then?"
" I can't,"
As if to prove his point,he placed his hand on mine to stop my little adventure, but I shrugged him off.
" I keep telling you this, it only seems complicated because you want it to. I like you Kyle,and I'm pretty damn sure you like me too, so--"
" How can you do that?"
It was the genuine curiosity in his tone that got to me. I rubbed my hand over his inner thigh and he tensed up again. And I watched as the shadowy figure of his hand went up with plans of stopping me before he decided against it. I watched as he put his hand back down, then he tucked his hand into my chest and breathed out a shaky breath.
" Do what?"
" Be so open? People don't go around saying things like that. "
" But I do. "
I got closer to his groin. His fingertips dug into my skin, he whispered my name in the most intoxicating manner. How did he expect me to let go when he did things like that. Kyle didn't even have to try because I was naturally attracted to him. Perhaps it had taken a bit of time for me to come to terms with that truth, but once I had, everything made sense. And unlike him, I wasn't the type to beat around the bush.
" That's enough, " he warned when I got too close. During all our previous encounters, he had always pulled away because he didn't want me noticing that he was turned on. I found it charming. He swallowed so hard I almost stopped, but I didn't. He was, naturally, turned on. I didn't expect any different. And because I was always willing to push the limits a bit, so I placed my hand on his erection and wrapped the other around him.
" Austin please!"
He sounded so unnerved. Completely terrified. but there was more to it, underneath that astounding fear was the desire we were both so familiar with. It didn't matter what he said, his actions spoke volumes. And at the moment, the simple fact that he was still seated on my lap was all the proof I needed.
" It's not wrong to want this Kyle. There's nothing wrong with guaranteeing your own joy. "
I wasn't even sure he heard me. His hands lefty skin and fisted into my shirt. In his mind, the furthest we could go was a kiss, and even that he never wanted to do. So I had just unleashed a new level for us.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone