Bab 36: Chapter 34
There's no reason for me to deny it, I was being intentionally childish. And I enjoyed how much it triggered him.
" The silent treatment? Are you being for real?"
I once again tried walking past him, knowing very well he wouldn't let me but doing it anyway because I derived a sort of hidden pleasure from the action. There weren't that many people around, so I felt more comfortable than I had been back at school. But silence had been a tool I had used when I had actually wanted more of his attention without making it too obvious. But I made myself believe that I was genuinely upset.
His hand around my nape...his chin rubbing softly against my cheek. Suddenly I felt like we were too open in public to be doing that sort of thing. Yet I didn't want him to stop. But there was the whole element of pride and denial. I was too proud to talk to him and clear things up and I was also not going to just lead him to the store because that wouldn't make sense.
I'd be contradicting both my words and actions.
" Is this what you want? For me to plead? "
The words were spoken right next to my ear, and as a result, a shiver coursed through me and I involuntarily closed my eyes. He wasn't even pleading to begin with.
When he pulled back, his eyes immediately fell to my lips and that smirk returned. His way of letting me know he was thinking what I thought he was. And that he didn't care about the after. In his dictionary words like 'next' or 'later' or even 'future' were an obstruction to him. They prevented him from living in the moment. And I wasn't that type of person at all. I liked to think things over and measure all the possible risks. Calculate all the angles before I determined the right move to make.
Yet I was standing there, with my hands untied,fully capable of pushing him away or making him let go of me. But I was doing none of those things because there was a depraved and strange part of me that liked it when he did such things.
" I'm not the type to plead Stevens, but I do wonder what it'll feel like in the light, while I'm wide awake, "
The words were nothing more of soft whispers, but the impact they had on me was almost scary. He had just confessed that he hadn't been asleep back then. So he had actually known and felt what I had done as a curious and scared kid.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and turned to face the side. It was partly because I couldn't look at him and partly because I feared he was being serious and would actually carry through with his threat.
" I like you all flustered, " he casually confessed. Then he once again spread his fingers flat on my chest with a swiftness I found too alluring.
" You'd better say something Kyle, I'm actually threatening you. "
That got me. It made me too curious to keep up with my vow of silence. I glared at him, but all I saw was excitement in those enigmatic grey eyes. Like my anger was his source of joy.
Our entire connection and chemistry was just sick and twisted sometimes.
" What will you do, huh?"
He seemed relieved that I'd finally spoken, standing up much straighter, he looked around. I hadn't even noticed that the number of people walking by the street had increased. And I knew that Chelsea was probably wondering what was taking me so long since I hadn't informed her that I'd be late.
" Ask me again, "
This time he didn't bother hiding his smile. He inched even closer and pegged his gaze with mine. Something warned me to let it be because of that cocky version of him wasn't something you'd wanna be close to. He'd say and do things that you'd never comprehend. Like that one time in the fifth grade when we'd had a silly argument during lunch, and he had assured me that he'd get me back for it. And once we had gone back to class, the teacher had been handing our test results, I recall my name being called. Me walking to the front to get my papers, me walking back to my desk... Austin suddenly pulling me into his lap in front of the whole class then making it seem as if he had made me trip with his foot and apologizing to the teacher.
That was something I'd never forget. And looking back at it now, I realized it had marked in its own way the start of me being subconscious about our interactions. The way some kids stared had literally scared me. Their thoughts had been pretty clear.
But since he'd asked me to ask him once again I decided to do so. The toxic thrill demanded I do so.
" What will you do Austin? "
Fingertips playing along the neckline of my shirt. An amused look on his lovely face.
" I'll kiss you. So hard you'll forget why you were even mad in the first place."
It wasn't him that slightly leaned in, I did. And my head was suddenly filled with images of what he had said. He saw it all written clearly on my face because I was the worst at concealing such things.
" or maybe, " he arched a suggestive brow and I leaned my head back. Afraid of what he implied despite knowing clearly what it was.
" We could just get it over with right now. I'm here..you're here, " he shrugged dismissively and looked at me from underneath his lashes.
I had to force myself to snap back to reality and put an end to that little game. It pained me to do so because I was nothing but a conflicted teenager with no understanding of who exactly I was.
" I've gotta get to work, " i told him, then I looked down at his hand before returning my focus to him. Silently asking him to let go. But I was ready for him to put up some sort of resistance. He didn't however, I watched as his hand let go of me and he stepped back. Then back again.
" Let's get you there, " he stated as he continued walking towards the direction of the store. We had to cross the street so he stood and waited for me. I was still standing where he had left me. And I watched as he extended his arm and beckoned for me to go on over. It reminded of all the times in the part he had done that sake thing. He had realized that I had a slight phobia of roads, busy roads especially. I always got scared and imagined the worst.
It was something I had gotten over with age, but seeing him wait for me reminded me of those times. And it was a nice memory. His hand in mine as he helped me cross, his assuring words that there really was nothing to worry about.
I found myself walking over to him. He never put his arm down and I stared at his hand indecisively for a moment before he waved it around and urged me to take it. I stopped thinking it over so much and just held it, I could already see the store from where we were. Neither of us said anything along the path, and once we got to the store he unlocked the door and got in before me.
I saw Chelsea and tried pulling my hand away before she saw it, but Austin did what he did best and held on tighter. He refused to let go.
Chelsea looked up, and she was about to say something but the words never really made it out. At first she seemed to be somewhat infatuated by Austin, which was legally wrong considering her was a minor in the eyes of the law, but then her eyes feel to our linked hands and she struggled to hide her shock. But it wasn't the bad kind of shock, and it lasted for about a second before she willed it away and returned to her normal self.
" Sorry I'm late, " I apologized, she frowned and stared at her phone.
" No you're not, you're almost on time actually, "
I confirmed it by checking my own phone. I had been worrying over nothing, the distance from school to the store wasn't even that large.
" Hey, " Austin greeted her. She smiled and greeted him back. Chelsea and I had never actually had an actual conversation. I always took her to be the introverted campus student who liked listening to music and refraining from social interactions, because why else would she enroll in an online university and spend all her time hidden away in a record store? And usually when I arrived for my shift all we did was say hi to each other before she gathered her things and left. But on that particular day she didn't seem to be in a hurry at all. She was still seated at the counter, taking her time.
That store had always been my safespace,and I suppose that explained why I didn't feel so freaked out about Austin holding my hand in there. Not even with Chelsea being able to see.
" Guess who's keeping you company for the next two hours?" Austin remarked and I looked at him with wide eyes.
Two hours? With him? In that space?
I didn't have that much faith in myself.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone