Bab 35: Chapter 33
" Let me--"
" I won't. "
"I'm not fucking playing!"
" Oh! The cursing, you must be furious. "
Humor shone brightly around his every word. I wanted to scream,to yell at him until he stopped being so frustrating and inconsiderate. He had always believed that he could do whatever he felt like with me and I'd eventually forgive him. That's how much faith he had in my affection towards him. And I had never done anything to prove him wrong.
I inwardly cringed when we passed by this kid named Sunny, it wasn't even his real name. But it's what everyone called him because he was always in a cheery good mood. And he was an out and proud gay teenager who had completely embraced that part of himself. He smiled when we walked past him, and I pretended I could see neither him nor the adoring look he shot our way, his hands clutched to his chest and his eyes twinkling. The entire thing made me as uncomfortable as I had ever been.
I planted my feet to the ground and used all my willpower to remain rooted to the spot. He turned towards me, then he looked around our surrounding quickly before he turned to me again. I believe the look I gave him wasn't a new one. I had used it once before. It was a warning. I was basically telling him that I was seconds away from taking back my forgiveness, that in the next couple of seconds he could forget all about my decision to attempt getting close to him again.
" I can assure you this isn't the way to make me like you again!" I kept my voice low because there were students walking too closely. Not everyone was paying attention to us though, there was a certain number of people who weren't in the least interested in other people's businesses.
" You've always liked me Stevens. Always. " That ego! That crazy pride!
" I keep telling you this but I'll just say it once more, the more you assume people care, the more trapped you'll feel."
" I don't need your stupid advice."
" It's not stupid and it's not advice either, I'm just telling it as it is."
His gaze dropped you our joined hands. I was sure he was planning on letting go. And that expression he wore made me suspect that he had given up and was going to walk away and let me cool off. And because I was confused and had no control over my feelings, I felt disappointed. I didn't want him to go. I'd been looking forward to spending a little time with him after school, and I knew that if he just left them I'd end up feeling awful for no apparent reason. But instead of letting go he loosened his hold and inclined his head towards the gate.
" Come on, " he said before he started leading us that way. And it wasn't until we were out of the school that I realized I could have easily pulled my hand away but had willingly chosen not to do so. That was the mystery when it came to him. He turned my mind into a roller coaster, he had my thoughts on a fucking trampoline. There was never an end to it all. And when it came to my feelings it was way worse. Where had that anger suddenly disappeared to? How was I the one feeling bad? It had something to do with his eyes, he knew how to use them expertly. He'd look at you and he'd make you feel whatever he felt like making you feel. The way a cute little child makes use of 'puppy dog eyes' to get her way. When it came to Austin, he used a dangerous kind of manipulation.
And it was dangerous because it neither felt nor seemed like manipulation unless you thought it over and came to the realization.
I finally pulled my hand away, he smiled to himself and ran a hand through his hair.
" Hate me?" he causally asked.
He knew I could never. Asking me in that light note of his made it sound like such a silly little thing.
Manipulation.
" I'm not talking to you. "
A trick I had once discovered without intending to. A very precious chess piece I had only used a couple of times because whenever I did use it, it drove him way too mad. I'd use my silence. He could say whatever he wanted to but I was neither going to react nor respond. And I'd draw it out for as long as I could. Until I saw something deep on his face, I had never understood that little thrill I got from seeing him so worked up over me not replying to him. Maybe it's because it proved he cared on a deeper level than I suspected he did.
" So you work every evening on weekdays, mornings to afternoons on Saturday and you're free on Sundays, right?"
Why was that of any relevance? I knew Austin,he'd probably already made a timetable of all the time I'd be free so that he could plan a way to disturb me. And now he was going to pop up at my job and maybe even at home and there's nothing I'd be able to do about it. Giving him my exact floor and house number suddenly seemed like a very unwise choice on my part.
" What's up with that friend of yours?"
I thought he was referring to Kira, maybe because of the way she stared and sometimes displayed too much of a 'pick me girl' attitude. But he proved me wrong.
" Does he think I'll steal the redhead from him? He feels threatened doesn't he?" I frowned and turned to face him. Slight shock on my features because there was no way he could know that, I had never mentioned it. And I would have asked him if I wasn't too set on proving a point. He chuckled on seeing my confusion.
" It's obvious, anyone can see that he's into her. Follows her around everywhere. Plus I walked by him in History class, he was drawing a sketch of her on his notebook. Figured he's either a creep or has a crush. "
I suppose there was some truth to what he said. Everyone probably knew about Max's feelings for Kira apart from Kira herself. He was the best example of the word friend zoned. We were all friends,but those two were closer to each other than they were to me. They were almost what Austin and I could have been. Almost. Because nothing would ever compare to that connection.
I kept my focus on the path. A number of cars drove by us on the road, I saw Miles' sports car, but it was being driven by one of his friends and not him. He actually wasn't even in the car. And a while later Austin's bike passed by us, Miles was riding it at a speed I wouldn't consider safe. He waved as he drove by, at Austin I assumed, the he disappeared from view and so did the sound of the bike's engine roaring wildly.
Austin trailed after him until he was gone from sight. His eyes narrowed as if he were deep in thought.
" Talk to me, " he finally said. He didn't even look at me while making the request. He seemed so far away, like he wasn't even in the present. And when I looked at him he didn't look back. I wanted to say something, but I judged whether or not I had pushed him to that limit, but I clearly saw there was still more to go. So I maintained my silence and focused on walking. He came across a bottle that had been dumped on the ground and kicked it. Then he sighed defeatedly and held onto the strap of his backpack. I knew he only carried one notebook in there, and earlier during our quiz he had literally handed in the paper after less than twenty minutes. I had seen the look the teacher shit him, that frown on his face suggested he wasn't pleased with whatever Austin had written. But Austin didn't care, he'd just walked out and left.
Was he trying to make a statement? To prove that he couldn't be tied down to the rules they expected him to follow? Even as kids there had been a little rebellion inside him but had never been anything concerning. He had just been a kid that liked it better when things went his way, and his parents always made him feel as happy and satisfied as possible so there hadn't been any reason to act out.
Was that it? Was he like this because of his mom? I actually believed I was right. It seemed like the most logical reason.
We were getting closer to the store. I would have gone home first but there wasn't reall anything for me to do there.
" Just stop it already, you're mad, I get it okay?"
I only had to hold out for a while longer. He grit his teeth in irritation. We got to this candy store that was next to Trenny's, the fast food place I was fond of. And I suppose he'd truly had enough. Shifting to stand in front of me he placed his palm flat on my chest, preventing me from taking any more steps.
" You're overreacting, " Again with that low and husky voice that I was starting to love way more than I ought to. I tried to walk past him but all he did was fist his hand into my shirt. A couple of kids walked out of the candy shop, excited over the treats they had bought. One had been in the process of stuffing them into his cargo shorts when he saw us and an odd and unreadable expression swept through his features. But the girl he was with said something and he turned to her and started laughing, forgetting all about us.
Austin was once again, too close. I flickered my gaze across his soft yet edgy features.He could twist my defenses and break them with a single glance. Just as he was currently doing.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone