Bab 13: Chapter 11
I looked at his hand. And there was a tiny part of me that wanted me to take it. It wanted me to leave the past where it was and go on with my life, but I didn't think I could. We had both changed too much, we were no longer kids. And I didn't think things would ever go back to the way they had been back then. This Austin was miles away from the one I had known. Maybe not entirely, but definitely different. He always seemed angry, frustrated. Even now while we were casually speaking, while he extended his arm, I saw the anger he had bottled up inside him.
I had asked him and he had chosen not to tell me. With movements I hoped were gentle, I slowly retracted his hand from my arm and stepped back.
" Let's just stay out of each other's way from now on. It's better that way, " I told him, then I glanced at the arm he was still holding out before I turned around and headed for my apartment building. I would definitely be late for work but I didn't think Chelsea would mind. As long as I wasn't too late. I grabbed two apples and threw them into my bag before I stalled for a while. I needed to make sure he was gone so I stalled for some minutes before I left. I just hoped that this time he'd get the hint, there was no more Stevens and Austin. I finally left and headed for the record store, but he refused to leave my mind. And I hated the fact that I had actually liked talking to him again. I hated how natural it had felt, how ready I had been to just welcome back into my life like no time had passed. I hated that I was lying to myself about never wanting to talk to him again.
While in the store I made a mental note to cook something once I got back home. I could store it in the fridge and eat it for a couple of days before I had to cook something else. The owner of the store had added another hour to the closing time, which meant I would be off at eleven. It was late but he had also increased the pay. I couldn't complain, actually, I would have been willing to stay up all night as long as he would be paying me more. I needed all the money I could get, and what I was making was barely even enough. At that point it felt as if I was taking care and providing for my mom instead of the other way round. I hadn't seen her since she had came back and I found her on the couch and I wasn't going to bother searching again. That woman had made me go through enough, it was a wonder I still loved her like I did.
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AUSTIN'S POV
" Oh, hey Austin, " Khloe greeted me when I went back home. I still wasn't used to the new house and I doubt I ever would be. I hated it entirely. And I couldn't believe my dad had been so willing to move, to forsake the home that was supposed to be as meaningful to him as it was to me. That house had been filled with memories of my mom, even if she had no longer been around, I could still feel her. And I had always liked the fact that I could go into her room whenever I missed her and sit on the floor of her walk in closet, surrounded by her clothes that smelt so much like her. I carried her perfume around because sometimes the pain got too raw,it had been a while but that ache never healed. I doubted it ever would. I glanced at Khloe, her pregnant belly was already showing. I gave her a curt nod and headed for the stairs, but she called out my name and stopped me.
" I have something for you, wait here!" She excitedly said before she walked away, her curled blonde hair bouncing behind her. She was pretty, attractive. Had wanted to pursue a modelling career before she met my dad and realized there was no need to work at all. I wasn't interested in whatever she wanted to give me but I stayed put nonetheless. My hand on the stairs railing.
I looked around, realizing for the first time how large the house actually was. My dad was an engineer. And he had been in the business long enough to have made a name for himself. In his head I was also going to go to the university and study something socially recognized.
He had another thing coming.
Khloe finally came back holding a white shopping bag which she gave to me, a smile in her face. I was really in no mood for any of that but I took it either way and glanced inside. It was a brand new laptop.
I didn't want a new laptop.
" I already have one, thanks though, " I handed it back to her and the smile on her face disappeared. We had already been through all that countless times in the past. We had even had the " I'm-not-trying-to-replace-your-mum " talk which I had walked out on as well, but I had grown since then. These days I was no longer rude to her for no reason, I replied her questions and even helped her out whenever I saw she needed help, like when she wanted to pick something up but couldn't because of her current state. But I didn't want anything to do with her. It was better if she forgot I even lived there. Plus I still didn't trust her.
" Well, you can still keep it. Consider it a backup Incase something happens to yours. "
" I have a desktop and the tablet you gave me last month, " I tried to turn around but then she talked and I had to stay put.
" Okay then, I see. This boy came over to bring your bike earlier. He said he's from your school, "
" Yap. "
" And he lives around here as well?"
" Mhm. "
" It's really nice that you're making friends here, I'm sure that with time you'll fit right in. "
" Sure. "
" Are you hungry? I saw this recipe on YouTube and tried it out...it actually turned out better than I expected, "
" I'm good, I was planning on ordering a pizza, "
" Well you don't have to do that. Come on, I'll serve you a plate and you can tell me what you think, "
" I think I'll just go with the pizza, "
" But it's--"
" Nyt, "
I quickly went up the stairs before she stopped me again. The faster she realized that I didn't want a relationship with her the easier both our lives would be. I didn't like that she was trying so hard to get on my good side. Especially when I knew that deep down she wanted me gone. I was glad that my dad wasn't around because these days all we did was argue. I assumed he was on a business trip and I hoped it was a long one. As long as it could possibly be. I didn't recognize him anymore, he was nothing like the father I had grown up with. Everything about him had changed for the worst and so we always clashed, he wanted to control me.
I wasn't the type that liked to be controlled. I took out my alcohol flask and drank whatever was left in there. Then I sat on the edge of the bed and leaned back, lowering myself on the covers and taking in a deep breath. Stevens.
These days it was always just Stevens. He took up a greater share of my thoughts and I had no control over it. It had stung when he walked away from me earlier, but I had actually been expecting it. And to me, that meant nothing.He couldn't ignore me forever. He had once been angry with me but I had managed to get him to forget, even though back then it had been something childish and silly. We had planned to watch a movie together and I had ended up watching it with my mom instead, he got upset, said I hadn't kept my word and refused to come over to my house for two days, but I had apologized and nagged him until he gave in and forgave me. This wasn't that different, he was upset, I was persistent.
And tomorrow was Thursday. We had a scheduled meeting.
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I searched for him at lunchtime the following day, even went as far as walking into the crowded cafeteria. He wasn't there. I had seen him in class so I knew he was definitely around. And it wasn't as if I could text and ask him where he was, he wouldn't have replied. I was a little exhausted, after laying down for half an hour last night I had left, I had something urgent to do and it took a lot of time. But it was something I liked doing. I looked around from just inside the doorway. Noticing how most of the students would glance in my direction while pretending that they weren't. I preferred to assume that they didn't exist, in my mind, less than a handful of people managed to capture my attention. And Stevens currently led that list. He wasn't in there, but I did manage to spot the two students that were always with him. I glanced back at the door, not sure whether it was necessary to approach and ask them, but it was either that or not find him, so without another thought I walked over to the table and stood beside it. The redhead noticed me before I got there, I watched as she tapped the boy and gestured towards me. He looked up, frowned, then he slowly reached for the headphones on his head and took them off.
" Umm, hi.. Austin, " the girl said and I gave her a curt nod.
" Stevens. Where is he?"
I watched as the boy shot me a challenging stare, it was obvious he didn't like me and I wondered why. We had never talked, I didn't even know his name. He had no reason to dislike me, unless....
" Kyle? " The girl looked around as if just noticing he wasn't there.
" Why you asking?" The boy asked. A rough and stern edge to his voice. I sensed something there, I didn't know what it was but there was definitely something.
" Oh, he must be around the school somewhere, I'll help you search if you want!"
With a shake of my head I turned down the girl's offer.
" Did you check the bleachers? he likes to go there and read sometimes, " she offered and I watched as the boy gave her the most disappointed look, as if he were warning her against saying anything else because he didn't want me to find Stevens. She frowned at him and silently asked what was wrong with telling me. I didn't hang around after that, there were too many eyes. I felt them poking through my back, making me feel watched. Like privacy was long lost to me. And I hated that feeling, always had. I had been the new kid countless times but I had somehow never gotten used to being the center of attention. At first I assumed it would last for a couple of days but for some reason it always lasted longer than that, in all the schools I had ever been to. The girl hadn't been specific about which bleachers but I decided to check them all out, I found him in no time. Outside, seated alone by the football field, a book in his hand and a couple more on his laps. I watched him from a distance, liking the fact that he couldn't see me. I had always liked to secretly observe him, each time I was close and he was aware of my presence he always acted like he was on edge... nervous. This way I could see him when he was himself,natural. I squinted my eyes because the sun prevented me from seeing him clearly, using my hand to shade them and looking on. He was writing something down,but then I watched as he stopped, put the pen in between the pages and leaned back against the bleachers, running both hands over his face. He stayed like that for a long while and I decided to move closer.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone