----
Pyrone's wedding plans were a rush of chaotic energy and stress. I sat the couple down to ask about how many guests there were going to be. Where they wanted to hold the ceremony. The food. The clothes. Pyrone wanted to help pay for it but I told him we were gonna save money and just have me make everything. Pyronica told me I was gonna die from stress when I rushed about in a frenzy trying to get everything set up.
"Seriously Bill. Let us help out ok?" Pyronica told me in exasperation.
"Have you SEEN the drapes 8-Ball tried to pick out?!" I cried. She winced. "Well how about we DON'T put 8-Ball in charge of the decoration then? Maybe he can...um...help with setting up the tables on the day of?"
I stared at her, frazzled and worried. She sighed. "Do you even know HOW to plan a wedding?"
"I scanned 200 different party planners from multiple different dimensions to see how they do it." I responded half hysterically. Pyronica frowned and picked me up to carry over to Ax's fish tank. She dropped me in. "Just...stay there and calm down. I don't know what's so important about this...marriage thing but I am his mother and I need to do something for my own kids for once."
I got where she was coming from. The wedding wasn't going to happen for another 2 years anyway so I suppose I shouldn't be so rushed about it.
I laid down on Ax's avatar and sighed.
"My babies are growing up…"
Maybe she's right. I should go do something else to de-stress right now. Something nice and calm to take my mind off this...
----
I have a confession.
I, Bill Cipher, PURPOSELY burned down an entire dimension today.
I willingly and with full knowledge of what I was doing, how many people I was killing, destroyed an entire dimension. I'm not even guilty over it. No, not this time. I don't even fucking care if the Federation raised my bounty and announced what I did on the news. I don't even feel bad when my friends all stared at me questioningly, afraid to ask for what had happened. Most of them just assumed I had lost control of my powers again or something.
But I hadn't. I did this while in full control of myself.
And I don't feel bad about it.
Why? It's very simple.
It was the BLED Dimension. An entire dimension in which only the color Bled existed.
I doubt anyone would ever understand my reasons but I couldn't allow such a dimension to exist. It was too awful. I was putting those people out of their misery. Their destruction was a MERCY. No longer did they or anyone unfortunate enough to end up there need to suffer.
I have liberated them all.
Ax was carrying me around the Space between Spaces, having pulled me in here when the Bled dimension started to burn. On one hand I was thrilled he actually came to get me. On the other hand I wanted to go back and finish the job.
Ax gave me a stern look. -Is that color really so bad?-
"Would YOU like to live there?" I snapped.
He remained silent and I knew I won this round. But this wasn't the thing I need to be less stressed. I turned to the 3rd dimension for the comfort I needed.
----
I stared intently at the creature before me. Hairy but not fully fur. Bipedal. Long fingers with decent dexterity, perfect for holding tools. There were many different types of this creature, all subtly different but they all shared something important.
They were human-like.
I found pale, shorter, more muscular ones in what would be Europe, slimmer ones in Africa with dark melanin, another race roamed through Asia...and that wasn't the end of it. It was amazing to see so many of them. Which were Humans though? I couldn't exactly tell.
Then they started interbreeding with each other and I decided it really didn't matter in the end.
I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to meet them. I wanted to tell them how happy I was that they exist. Language was a new thing, sounds being made and assigned meaning, though before language they had music. Clapping and dancing. Rhythm and patterns. Shouts and sighs and laughter. Shared between individuals, families and social groups. I observed these early hominids and longed to be a part of it all.
I was afraid of messing with them. I didn't want to influence their growth and development. I snuck into their minds and watched as they dreamed. I didn't outright speak to them but many of them saw me anyway.
They noticed me.
Some ignored the strange glowing creature they saw. Some drew my image down and tried to explain to others using what limited words they had.
A beast with one eye.
I tried not to interfere but my longing made me return to their dreams over and over again, I wanted to watch them. I wanted to be seen. To be noticed.
In this 3rd dimension where I went about unseen and unheard in the mindscape, I wanted to be NOTICED. Look at me. Find me. It was a half hearted game of hide and seek where I snuck through their dreams and waited to see if they saw me. Remembered me.
They began to talk about me. No one knew what I was but they all had seen me. There was no concept of gods yet. No concept of demons. But these early hominids knew about beasts, animals, creatures not like themselves. I was not like them. My form was strange, alien. Many were quite distressed by my continued visits.
I never meant to make them upset.
The next time I entered a dream, I told the dreamer that I was not a threat. I was a friend.
"Friend?" They asked. It wasn't quite a word they had yet. I was forced to explain "Not threat. Helpful. Safe."
"Safe?" They asked.
"Yes." I state gently.
They didn't believe me until I started giving them helpful advice for stuff, as a show of goodwill, as a show of how I really was a friendly entity. I'm not something to be feared. They appreciated my insight.
Under my direction they learned how to grind up plants so they were easier to chew. They learned to dry out meat in the sun. They learned to heat up their food so that they could gain more from it. The heat denatured the plant's hard cell walls, releasing its nutrients into a form they could digest.
I didn't tell them EVERYTHING though. Part of what made humanity so amazing was their ingenuity. I gave them pointers and let them learn on their own. They experimented. They came up with their own ideas. They grew and learned and changed and it was amazing to watch.
Sometimes they ask me for help. I didn't give them the answers in a straightforward way. I gave them clues. I gave them pieces of the knowledge they wanted. If they want to know, they needed to work for it. They needed to figure it out themselves.
The years went by and the different hominids grew, developed and went extinct. I watched as the other species died out, interbreeding with each other until their original race were lost and finally, only one race of humanity existed. Sure, the humans in different parts of the world still held the genetics of those whom had died out long before but ultimately humanity was now a single species.
A species that spread across the planet, learning, innovating, communicating…
Like fuck, they figured out how to make simple breads on their own from grinding up dried grain plants! And they haven't even discovered agriculture yet! Just...found these grains and using my suggestion of grinding and cooking, they discovered flat bread!
I was unbearably proud of them and I wanted their growth to be natural. I want to see how far they could go on their own. What they would create without my input.
I hid myself a little better inside their dreams. They still noticed me of course but for the most part I remained a passive observer unless they specifically asked me for my assistance.
They drew me in the dirt. In caves. In their thoughts. I watched them all and they in turn saw me. It was exhilarating. Humanity. How wonderful you are.
-----
The day of the wedding was coming up.
Hectorgon and Keyhole (of all people) took over the planning process. Hec told me I can be in charge of cooking and making the wedding dress if I really wanted to help out. "Bill, you are the worst workaholic I know, calm the fuck down and do something fun."
Which was kinda a nicer way to say "Get in the kitchen and let me handle this." But I won't deny he is correct in this instance. I thought of who our guests were gonna be, their dietary needs and how to make food that was both palatable, digestible and above all, delicious.
It was actually quite calming to just cook non-stop. I sent the finished food into storage with a Preservation effect so that they would still be fresh on the day of the wedding. I was in William's form so I could taste as I went along, singing softly to myself as I bustled around the kitchen.
I was excited for the wedding. We all were. Google came by and watched me sing to myself as I worked. I do this a lot, no matter what my form is. Though I've only taken William's form around the Death Star ever since Google showed up. I don't want people connecting Bill to my other identities after all.
"Mitsumeau dake de~Kodoku na kasokudo ga~"
"I've seen it a lot these past few decades and it never stops being weird." Google sighed as she dropped off some more groceries.
"Isshun ni kudakechiru~Anata ga suki yo~"
Kryptos was watching me dance around the kitchen with a fond look. "What's so weird about it? Bill loves music." He asked Google as he helped her sort the groceries and put them away.
"Toumei na shinju no you ni ~Chuu no uku namida~"
Google twisted her letters up faintly "He's adorable." Kryptos tilted his eye at her. "Yeah. He is. I don't see the problem?"
"Higeki datte kamawanai ~Anata to ikitai~" I did the pose while calling out "Kira!" as sparkles danced around me when I winked.
"..." Google's eyes twitched. "He is TOO adorable. How the fuck is he the most reviled demon in the multiverse?"
"Because he's just as scary as he is cute." Kryptos rolled his eye. "You've seen him mad. Besides, Bill said he was much worse when he was younger, angry and upset all the time." He starts washing some of the ingredients so he could help out the food preparation. "He IS capable of planetary destruction you know?"
"Ryuusei ni matagatte~Anata ni kyuukouka ah ah~"
"I know he's dangerous. I'm asking why he keeps up an act of being 'a bad guy' in public."
"Not all the time. Bill only really puts on an act when he wants to manipulate people and take advantage of his reputation. If he intimidates people into doing what he wants then he doesn't have to use force."
"I guess." Google agreed "It's still...sad." She adjusts her maid outfit. "I'm sure if the Federation calmed down their paranoia around Bill he would actually cause less deaths. Half the time those idiots get themselves killed."
"Noukon no hoshizora ni~Watashitachi hanabi mitai~"
"Pfth-if they're stupidly trigger happy enough to get themselves killed, that's their problem." Kryptos grumbled. "The only issue I have with it is how sad Bill is afterward."
"Feeling guilt over a kill is good so long as you don't let it consume you." Google shrugged. "I admire Bill Cipher's ruthlessness but his guilt is something I find quite odd."
"How so?"
"Kokoro ga hikari no ya wo hanatsu~"
"He is very old yes? Older than the universe itself. Veteran assassins have their guilt well managed after a few decades on the job. You become numb to it. You'd have to or else go insane."
"Bill IS insane." Kryptos deadpanned.
"I know, but what I'm trying to say is, why has he continued to allow himself to feel guilt? He could easily discard it but he clings to it. As if in punishment for what he does."
"...I wouldn't be surprised if that WAS the reason for it. Bill is...very self deprecating…" Kryptos winced. "We've been trying to help for years. I think he really needs a mind healer…"
"The problem is finding one who could be trusted to learn all his deepest, darkest issues without selling that information to the highest bidder." Google mused.
Kryptos nodded. "It's why I'm considering learning it myself. There's also Bill's sister but I don't know how much he tells her."
"Bill has a sister?!"
"Adopted. And their relationship is a secret." Kryptos frowned at Google. "No offense but I don't know if we can trust you with that information."
Google sighed. "Will I have to be like you all to be trusted with such a thing?"
"You would have to make a Deal to agree to be bound to his side as his Friend for pretty much eternity or just a Deal of secrecy I suppose."
Google was quiet for a while before she sighed. "I love living here. More so now that Bill has lifted my restrictions so I can come and go as I please. There's food and shelter and all the comforts I could ever want…" she closed her eyes. "...and I'd probably go insane if I had to live like this forever."
"Until the end of time is a scary thought huh?" Kryptos said sympathetically. Google shuddered. "How do you all do it? How do you all have the strength to say yes?"
"Well all of us had different circumstances...and Bill didn't actually explain the whole 'until the end of time' to half of us so we kinda didn't know what we were signing up for...but…" Kryptos smiled. "...I don't regret my decision. I can't speak for the others but I'm sure they would say the same."
"But isn't it scary? The thought that you would be forced to live until the universe itself ends, when all life is snuffed out?"
"Of course. But at least we will be together. We won't go through that alone." Kryptos shivered a little before his hands clenched into fists. "And frankly, the idea of Bill being forced to go through that alone is far scarier. I don't blame him for making other people stay with him through that."
The two continued talking, not noticing I had stopped singing to work quietly. I wiped some tears, feeling a swell of love and gratefulness inside my chest. My Friends were going to stay with me until the end. They weren't going to make me face eternity alone.
I didn't want them to realize I was eavesdropping so I went back to singing and even posed in front of them. "Hey, do you think this could be my theme song?"
----
There were more guests for the wedding than I originally thought. Aside from us, there was Flora's family...all of then…
8-Ball and Xanthar were setting all the benches. No way we could have individual chairs for everyone. Hectorgon had spoken with Flora about the location and they chose Flora's homeworld of Jo-Ad since there was a huge field that don't cost money to set up the event and plenty of space for us to build. It was agreed that the location would be given over to the locals as a public space afterward for future weddings or community events.
We moved the tables to line the sides of the clearing. I set up all the hundreds and hundreds of plates piled high with food of all sorts. I baked so many Bunzelberry pies with the bunzel crops I purchased from the local farms owned by Flora's extended family. The meat were from various beasts Pyrone hunted down around his and Flora's farm on another planet. We wanted this to be a nice gathering of stuff from everyone in the family.
Pyronica and I got to meet Flora's parents. I already knew all about them (having stalked them invisibly for a few months) but this would be my first time meeting them formally. Pyrone apologized for not introducing us much earlier. Her parents were nice people. Simple folk who were open and friendly, if a little wary about their daughter marrying a Cyclopian and also becoming part of Bill Cipher's family.
I tip my hat politely. "It's very nice to meet you two. This is the groom's mother Pyronica-"
My best friend waved. "Hello."
"-and I am her co-parent, Bill Cipher."
Flora's father shook Pyronica's hand carefully but just gave me a polite nod, that's fair. "Nice ter meet'cha both. I'm Harvey and dis here's mah wife Marigold."
They were very pleasant people. The extended family...not so much…
"Can't believe little Flora's marryin' one 'ol them." I heard one of her uncles say. My eye narrowed and Pyronica quickly steers me away. "Don't listen to them Bill."
That same uncle was shoveling food into his mouth messily and dropping stuff EVERYWHERE! Pyronica pet my bricks soothingly. "Don't look at them. Just...go check on Flora? See if she needs any adjustments to her dress?" She pushed me into the bride's tent. I see Bibbity leading a group of their species as the Flower Sprayers.
Weddings have different ceremonies depending on the species and culture. Cyclopian's have weddings, but only among the noble class. Pyronica was from a poor family so the most they did was have the males give their intended mate a piece of jewelry to keep around. And that's for couples who actually loved each other.
Pyronica obviously wasn't in it for the romance.
So there weren't any wedding traditions from our side of things. We asked Flora for her people's traditions. Pretty typical, food, flowers, more food, an altar where they summon the nearest harvest god to bless the couple for a fruitful union and such. It actually really appealed to me due to how many beautiful decorations I could create and just make this ceremony the loveliest thing ever.
I let Pyronica shove me into the bride's tent where Flora was fussing with her dress. She had wanted a green dress but I informed her the shade of green she wanted clashed horribly with her skin tone. We sat down to go through multiple green, brown and other earthen toned palettes for her to pick from. I personally liked how the dress came out and Flora liked it too.
"Hey~need help?" I asked as I floated into the tent. Flora smiled at me and let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank the farm. I have never seen a dress so pretty and fancy! I have no idea how to put this on."
"No worries! I'm here!" I grinned as I went up to help Flora adjust her dress. She managed to put it on well enough but I had to pull a few of the straps and ribbons aside so it hung properly. When I first started helping Flora with her dress the girl was a little worried about wandering hands from some older man like me. I assured her I had no such intentions and had Pyronica sit in with us as well, since she was gonna be Flora's mother in law.
Once she realized I truly had no ill intentions towards her, she were quite alright with me helping prepare her wedding dress. The three of us even chatted a bunch and I made Flora laugh with funny stories from Pyrone's childhood. "-then he tried to tell me that he didn't eat the cake I was in the middle of preparing despite having frosting all over his mouth."
Flora giggled "I bet Py-dear was an adorable child." Flora was looking at herself in the mirror. "Oh my! I...didn't know I could be so pretty…" She blushed.
"Yeah. He was cute...oh man…" my breath hitched and Flora patted my hand when I started sniffling. "He grew up so fast! It feels like just a century ago he was a tiny little newborn I could hold in my arms…"
"I think that WAS a century ago, sir." Flora sighed. "Hey, I know you love Py-dear a lot. He loves you too. Talks about you and the rest of his family a lot. You're all really close." She smiled reassuringly. "And I know you've been trying to give us some space to build a life for ourselves but...I wouldn't mind if you wanted to drop by and visit."
"Really? I'm not...overbearing?" I sniffled.
Flora shook her head. "Maybe a little? But it's not BAD. Just...give us a heads up before you come visit. Popping in without warning is problematic."
"...ok…" I wipe at my tears. "You're a nice girl Flora. Please...take care of Pyrone for me."
Her smile was bright "Oh course!"
"....an' give me lots of grandkids…"
She started coughing and blushing. "Ah...I don't know if we're compatible for children. There's a procedure that can take our genetics and mix them in a tube but I'm not comfortable with such a thing…"
"It's fine if you aren't. I understand!" I waved my arms quickly. "I'm not saying you HAVE to produce kids together! Just...if you ever adopt or something...I want to come and meet them too…"
She giggled. "Sure mister Cipher."
"Please, call me Bill. We're gonna be family soon after all." I pulsed with giddy happiness and nerves at the idea. The two of us chatted for a bit before Bibbity bounced in to tell us that everything was in place. I left the tent to find Harvey and Marigold. They had to carry their daughter down the aisle in a wheelbarrow after all.
I sent Flora's parents to her tent and flew off to see how Pyrone was doing. He was blindfolded and fidgeting with his suit nervously. I took a moment to admire how much he's grown. "Hey my little ice pack! How are you feeling?"
"Bill? Oh thank the void." He gasped. "I'm so nervous. What if I mess up? What if I embarrass Flora in front if her family?!"
"Breathe, kid." I rub his back as he tried to get his nerves under control. He wheezed. Jo-Adian weddings had a little tradition of putting the bride in a wheelbarrow along with several other women. The women would all be wheeled before the blindfolded groom and he had to figure out which was his bride to be without sight.
"What if I mess up?! What if I can't tell which one is her?!" Pyrone groaned. I pet his hair fondly. "You're gonna do fine Pyrone. Don't panic, don't rush. Think about who Flora is, why you decided to marry her to begin with…"
"She's strong." Pyrone slowly calmed as I made him talk through this. "I once saw her lift a truck and hurl it at a Malolian Worm-bat. Knocked it right out of the sky…" he sighed. "And despite her strength, she's so incredibly careful with the delicate stuff."
He leaned back in his chair with a fond smile. "She doesn't like trampling the flowers, even the wild ones. I've seen her struggle to try and step around them. It's adorable."
I materialize a chair to sit beside him. "I feel kinda bad I haven't spent as much time to get to know her."
"Well you've got important stuff to do. And...I think Flora wants to get to know you and mom better." Pyrone reached around blindly until I gripped his hand. "So you should come over more often."
"I thought you wanted your space…"
"I did. But that doesn't mean I don't miss you or mom, or Nelope and everyone else." He shook his head. "Seriously. I didn't realize it would be so...lonely without you all. I love being with Flora, having my own space and the quiet of our cottage...but I guess I need a little chaos in my life too."
He pulled me into his lap for a hug. "I missed you guys."
I lean back against him, enjoying the chill from his ice. "I missed you too. We all need to hang out more often."
We sat quietly for a bit, I was nuzzling him as I rumbled in content. He rests his head against the top of my hat. "Hey Bill?"
"Yeah?" my eye was closed as I relaxed against Pyrone.
"What was dad like?"
I slowly open my eye and tilt up to look at my baby boy. He was frowning softly. "I've never heard you or mom talk about him. I know he was eaten because that's how we were able to be born...but...what was dad like?"
I stayed quiet. Well...frankly I didn't know. I could look it up but what sort of thing could I tell him? My bricks flickered and I frowned. Well, it wasn't anything BAD but…
"He was a postage worker. Carried crates across the desert to make deliveries." Monotonous work. It wasn't a difficult job. Male Cyclopian weren't as physically large or powerful as the females but they were still quite strong. Plus their natural ice made them great for transporting food without it spoiling. He carried crates back and forth between cities. As for his personal life…
"He lived in a small apartment with a few roommates. Didn't really have close friends, just lived paycheck to paycheck while bar hopping to try and find a partner so he could pass on his genes."
It was a pretty boring life all things considered. He stayed alive for the sole purpose of trying to find a mate so he could breed and die. Reproduction, what a sad, limited mandate. But I suppose if he was going to die he had no reason to aspire for anything greater in life. All the good careers, positions and salaries went to women anyway.
Why bother giving a male any important work if they could die anytime they chose to start a family?
Pyrone was quiet. As a male, if things had been different, he would have ended up like that too. But things ARE different, not just for Pyrone, in a move to actually do some good, the Federation has been make progress with developing a cryogenic pill for Cyclopian use. A pregnant female only needs to take the pill daily throughout her pregnancy to keep her temperature low enough not to kill her fetus. It was a wonderful innovation that was slowly catching on.
I normally hate it when the Federation tries to force cultural change upon another species but in this case, I found myself begrudgingly accepting their move. There were some Cyclopian couples who opt for the pill treatment but most are still hard wired for spousal cannibalism. Perhaps in a few generations there would be enough children born through the new method to enact some real biological change?
Either way this wouldn't effect Pyrone since he wasn't mating with another Cyclopian but I wonder if Pynelope would go for the drug treatment or eat her mate like her mother did. Considering she hasn't been able to keep a boyfriend of ANY species longer than a few months I wonder if she'll even find someone she likes enough for such a thing.
Pyrone pulled on my arms absently as he thought of what I had just told him about his birth father. "But...what was he like as a person?"
"....I don't really know." I confessed. "I only met him the one time." And it wasn't like I had cared to know him. He was a lamb for slaughter, why would I try to get to know a man who would be dead before the day was done?
Pyrone was running his thumb along my palm now. Quiet and somewhat melancholy...the flavor of his current emotions are difficult to pick through. I was a little worried I might have upset him. This was an awful time for such a discussion anyway and part of me wanted to change the subject. After all, it was almost time to start the ceremony.
"Are you ok?" I asked finally, unable to stand the silence. Pyrone sighed, leaning heavily onto my hat. "I'm a little disappointed I guess? I mean, I never really thought about who my father was. He fucked you and mom and then mom ate him. That's all it was."
"Actually he didn't fuck me. I was just in the room to help make sure you were conceived." I corrected. He rolled his eye underneath the blindfold. "This is a really gross conversation and I'm kinda sorry I started it…" he frowned "But I suppose it's nice to finally know who my father was."
"...are you sad you never got to meet him?" I asked.
Pyrone didn't answer. I hear the signal from outside the tent saying the girls were all in position and I float up to lead Pyrone out of the tent, holding his hand as I pulled him toward the altar. I suppose we were dropping the subject for now. We shouldn't be thinking of depressing stuff on Pyrone's wedding day.
I led the blindfolded boy down the aisle, I could see my friends on one side cheering and waving. On the other side was Flora's family. Her parents were happily cheering but the rest of them were lazily making sounds that could vaguely be interpreted as a cheer...if you were blind and deaf.
I pulsed red for a split second and I see Pyronica waving at me with an almost panicked look on her face. She shook her head and shrugged. Keyhole was waving at me as well. Xanthar was signing the word 'peace' and 'calm' over and over again.
I take a deep breath. Right. Calm. I cannot ruin the wedding. I will not ruin the wedding. I led Pyrone down the aisle and saw Flora sitting in a large wheelbarrow alongside some of her cousins. She waved at me cheerfully and I grinned back. Remember. This is not about me or my pride. It's about Pyrone marrying the girl he loves.
"There are stairs coming up." I warned Prone and he nodded before carefully stepping over them. I brought him in front of the women and let go. Pyrone moved his hands around for a bit, unsure what to do. "Flora?" He asked.
"""Yes.""" All the women said together, their voices mixing. I see Pyrone frown under his blindfold. "Oh. So it's like that...um...am I allowed to feel your faces?"
The women all giggled. One of her cousins took Pyrone's hands, shivering a little and carefully placed them on her head. Pyrone awkwardly felt her ears and moved his hands around to find the next girl. He went around the wheelbarrow feeling their ears and face as everyone else watched quietly.
He seemed worried at first but eventually he relaxed and stopped in front of Flora. "Found you!" he grinned. Flora gently pulled his blindfold off and grinned widely. "I knew you could do it!" She squealed before jumping out of the barrel and hugging her husband to be. The two laughed as they spun around.
Everyone clapped and even Flora's extended family seemed begrudgingly impressed. We cleared off the altar as Pyrone and Flora linked hands in front of the sacrificial pedestal. They would place some crops they had grown there and summon the nearest Harvest God to bless their union. Everyone else sat back down.
I was so proud of my baby as he held hands with Flora and the two placed vegetables on the pedestal. They bowed their heads and chanted "O harvest god~please accept this offering." Everyone else bowed their heads as well.
With everyone focused on the ground before them, no one noticed my bowtie buzzing. My eye widened and I debated if I should answer this particular summoning. Eh...I glanced around but no one was paying attention to me…
I split myself in half and the other Me answered the summoning. There was a gust of wind and a bright flash of light above the pedestal. Everyone looked up to see a figure come into view. A humanoid figure dressed in elaborate, flowing robes descended softly from the sky.
"For what reason was I summoned?" Xin asked gently as his long hair floated behind him like ribbons. Pyrone's head whipped back to stare at me incredulously. I shrugged, sheepish. Hey, what can I do? I technically counted as the closest harvest god. My friends were all groaning behind their hands and I just tried to hide my embarrassment.
Flora and her family were staring at Xin in awe. "W-who are you? I'm sorry but I'm unfamiliar with which god you are." She asked with her head bowed demurely.
"I am called Xin." I bowed with a dramatic sweep of my robes. My antlers were glowing softly while exuding a comforting aura that made all the plants around me grow healthier. Well...at least Flora's family seemed to like me...sigh.
"Oh great harvest deity, we have summoned you here to bless our union." Flora requested politely. I gave her a kind smile. "Very well." I floated a little further away, wondering how I would do this…
"By my power as the dragon-god of the sky and earth, may you two be blessed with a happy and fruitful life together." I meant it just as a simple speech to play the part but my eyes widened when I felt my powers react. Against my will I felt them reach out to Flora and...bless her. Oh...oh dear…
Well...this isn't a bad thing right?!
I pasted a pleasant, gentle smile on my face and bowed again before vanishing in a burst of light that caused the entire meadow we were in to sprout lovely flowers. During the flash of light, Xin recombined with me and I flushed a dark orange. As Flora's family cheered, I nudged Pyronica's side. "Good news? We don't have to worry about a lack of grandkids."
"What did you do?!" Pyronica hissed at me.
"I swear I didn't mean to do it!" I moaned in panic. "I was just...I...didn't even know I could give BLESSINGS! I've only ever given Curses!"
"Well...Blessings are a good thing right?" Kryptos whispered when he overheard our conversation. I whimpered as I glowed a brighter orange. "B-but this is...oh...oh dear…"
"Wait...what kind of Blessing did you even give her?"
"...fruitful…" I covered my face in embarrassment.
Kryptos blushed. "Oh." He made a weird face. "Oooh…" he looked over at Pyrone and Flora nuzzling each other "Oh….." his eye twitched.
I made a strangled whimpering sound.
Pyronica suddenly started laughing. "I'm gonna get SO many grandkids!"
Pyrone looked so confused when I tossed a condom at him and told Flora that the harvest god who showed up had given her a fertility blessing. She blushed but looked quite pleased at the idea. Whatever. This was THEIR problem now and I really didn't want to know...
----
The rest of the wedding was a little more friendly. Apparently Flora's family were sufficiently impressed with both Pyrone and the successful summoning. Not all couples were able to get a god on their first try. Some had to give more offerings or chant for a much longer period of time. They believed that how many offerings and time a couple needed to catch a God's attention would be an indicator how how well they suited each other.
The fact that Xin had shown up so quickly reassured them that this was truly a pairing accepted and blessed. They were still iffy about ME but they had accepted Pyrone into their family and that's really all I ask for.
I will say, Flora's family enjoyed my cooking. Though I get the distinct feeling they didn't realize I was the one who cooked it. I kept quiet in case that would upset them. We had a nice time. Then the alcohol came out.
I know I probably shouldn't. But there was music playing, everyone was enjoying themselves and the giddy emotions flowing through the air made me want to let loose and enjoy myself.
I was giggling after my first cup. I was swaying by my second. I was halfway through my third when Hectorgon took me by the hand and led me over to Xanthar. "You should lie down." He told me gently. I blinked at him (all five of him) and slurred "B-but...thersh sshtill...ssshpeechesh…."
"We can handle that part Bill." He gave me a gentle tug and I laid down on Xanthar's arm. He pressed his bread-face close to me and I giggled. "O...Kay…" I slumped over. Woo~
"Who let Bill get to the alcohol?" I hear Hectorgon hiss quietly as I laid with my eye shut. PaciFire groaned "I'm sorry. He was giving that look and I just couldn't stop him…"
"Well have 8-Ball keep his eyes on him until Bill recovers. I'm worried about what would happen if anyone tried to start something while he's in this condition."
I once again felt a warm feeling in my chest. It was...nice to know they were looking out for me, protecting me in their own way. I don't know what I did to have such great friends as them.
I don't deserve them.
I shake my head before that thought got stuck. No. No angsting today. It's Pyrone's wedding! We're here to celebrate!
Through my blurry vision I could see Pyrone and Pynelope chatting by a food table. They hadn't seen each other since her graduation and I was glad they got this chance to catch up.
Everything was going fine until I hear footsteps and 8-Ball called out "I'm sorry, please don't bother Bill. He's not feeling well."
"Laid out from just a few drinks? Some great demon he is eh?" A slightly slurring voice mocked. I hear 8-Ball get up, his ever present chains clicking as they moved (he claims it's his aesthetic, space-punk?). "Please go away."
"Oi Cipher! The party's barely started! Yous gonna sit out like some kinda lazy chump?"
"Go away NOW." 8-Ball growled and I hear the man loudly protesting when the ogre picked him up to carry off. Xanthar wrapped himself closer around me. I relaxed. Maybe I could afford to sleep for a bit? The world was spinning dizzily after all.
I wonder if there was a way to raise my alcohol tolerance?
I dozed lightly, noticing my friends popping by to check on me and keep people from bothering me. I had pretty much recovered by the time we get to cut the cake. I wanted to be there for that. I worked so hard on that cake. A giant 12 tiered work of art.
Flora wanted to cut the cake. Pyrone had the better knife skills (courtesy of my brilliant cooking lessons) and helped guide her hand. I note they were holding hands even after the cake was cut and served.
The speeches part was mostly just family members giving their own blessings and well wishes for the happy couple. For obvious reasons I decided to keep quiet least I accidentally bestow another Blessing by accident. Didn't know I could do that. Were my powers growing stronger?
The thought actually terrified me.
I thought I was finally getting a good grasp and control over my powers so if something new was developing I was worried about what OTHER powers I might start to develop in the future.
I've also been afraid of my power growing to the point that I could no longer maintain my small and cute size. Condensing my entire being into such a small shape was...uncomfortable enough already. Even now I found myself wondering if it would be a good idea to tear my bricks open and let the 'real' me surge out.
Discard my exoskeleton and allow my power to run free. It would feel so good.
I make a note to visit the Nightmare Realm after this. I have too much excess energy right now. Is there a better way to use it up? Maybe I can do some public service work and go around repairing roads or refilling power generators.
Oh man, I remember back I needed to absorb the mass from a nearby star to form a body large enough to eat a planet. Now, being that huge was actually MORE comfortable. But it made me feel so self conscious.
None of those pretty clothes at the crafts fair would fit me if I was that big. And having my bottom side so...wide was so embarrassing! People could see my Slot when I was that big!
….how big was my Piece when I was that big?
No! Bad Bill! Bad thoughts! Not here! Not now! I am at a wholesome, happy wedding and I will NOT be contemplating lewd things while here!
Dick. Dick. Dicks. PENIS!
FFFFFFFFFFFFF-!!!!!????
I really shouldn't be allowed to have alcohol…
Luckily the rest of the wedding went off without much issue. I almost ate one of Flora's aunts when she sassed me out for not speaking up during the well wishes speeches. I snarkily commented that as a god of Chaos, any attempts to make such a speech would result in some pretty bad things.
She tried to challenge me on that but Xanthar pulled me away before things could escalate. I did notice Google narrowing her eyes at the woman as I was dragged away. I got the distinct feeling she was going to have an 'accident' sometime in the following months.
I couldn't bring myself to care.
With that, the wedding concluded and the happy couple were going on their Mating Voyage together at a nice resort that Pyronica and Hectorgon had helped pick out. It was kind of like a honeymoon but not really? I was surprised to learn that my friends had all pooled their credits together to book the trip for them. I told them I could pay but they told me that they wanted to.
"You already pay for everything else, let us handle this." Hectorgon grinned.
I waved bye to them along with everyone else. Part of me was worried about my 'Fruitful' Blessing but...if it was a Blessing it should be fine right? I decided not to worry about it and just let the kids have their honeymoon in peace.
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