(Sorry this is late, as an apology this chapter is extra long)
---
As Pyronica's pregnancy progressed positively (try saying that 5 times fast) I got simultaneously worse and better. I was still hovering around her and mothering all of my friends as my weird maternal instincts went crazy but I wasn't as freaked out by it anymore (even as I felt my emotional state oscillate more wildly than usual). I felt unbearably giddy whenever I Felt the souls growing inside her.
Yes. Souls. Plural.
She's gonna have TWINS!!!
I don't know if it was due to me manipulating the guy she fucked to be more virile or just the sheer amount of times we forced him to come inside her but she had two wonderful babies growing inside her. I couldn't tell their sex yet but I kind of wanted it to be a surprise anyway.
He belly wasn't too noticeable but I could Feel them in there and I would press myself onto her stomach any chance I got. Pyronica put up with my behavior with a fond smile. I asked my other friends if they were planning to have kids anytime soon.
Hectorgon gave me a wistful smile. "Probably not. It wouldn't feel right. I would have to find a new mate, it's just not something I need right now." He actually gave me a pat on the head. "I have you all as my family now. I'm fine with that."
Kryptos and Keyhole both blushed. My darling smol boys were probably still too young to really consider starting families. Kryptos protested "I don't even have a partner yet!" He couldn't look at me for some reason.
Teeth said that he wanted to focus on his acting career for now. He's doing well with his theater troupe. I've gone to a few performances. Their rendition of "Scream into the Abyss", a story of the unrequited love between a space ship captain and a sentient black hole was quite moving. I cried so hard they had to stop the play to calm me down because I was leaking out 'weirdness waves' as I sobbed.
PaciFire said he was planning to find a mate and settle down after he retires from the show. "I want to be able to spend time with my family. I'll probably get a quiet job at the foreign affairs office. I like meeting new people."
Xanthar wanted to find a mate but the problem will be finding any Pani left. There weren't all that many of them and Xanthar informed me through some elaborate charades that even if he didn't find a mate, he didn't mind (I know he was just trying to reassure me, I've caught him humping the sofa a few times so I KNOW he's reached sexual maturity). I resolve to keep looking. His chances weren't looking good unfortunately.
8-Ball made a perverted smile and started describing cute ogre women he'd like to bang, though he wasn't really planning on kids. His eyes rolled around to say 'Yes-Definitely'. 8-Ball's eyes have become a quick way for my friends to get answers to specific questions whenever I wasn't available. I had to make them stop when 8-Ball started getting dizzy.
Ammy had absolutely no interest in such matters though considering he doesn't even HAVE any sexual organs I suspect he's probably a truly, biologically, asexual creature.
So I probably won't be getting any more babies for a while. I tried not to feel disappointed. Pyronica kept laughing at me. She did seem kind of sad that I wouldn't be able to find a mate even if I wanted to since I was the last of my kind. I mentioned that since I was a hermaphrodite there was a possibility I could impregnate myself but it was too disturbing for me to really consider.
I was checking on the Earth more often as well. Considering I created the 3rd dimension, does that make Earth my baby? I certainly felt like it. It wasn't the only planet with life though. There were plenty of places full of alien life and I loved them all but the Earth was special.
Besides, trying to talk to a Plutonian was an absolute waste of my time. Those thick headed, willfully blind idiots were aggravating to deal with. So I kept my attention on the Earth and noticed the splitting timelines of what could have been.
In one timeline the planet never unfroze and it simply became an ice planet. In another the life on the planet diversified to the point nothing could find a mate anymore. Watching these 'failed Earths' was quite distressing. I stayed in the timeline for the successful Earth. The Earth where plants developed and spread across the planet. Where the atmosphere created a sky and the planetary tilt created weather and seasons. Where the creatures slowly moved onto land. Amphibians evolved and grew. The very first trees began developing hard bark skins to protect themselves. Creatures that breathed oxygen formed to take advantage of the abundance of the stuff in the atmosphere.
I spent a few million years just exploring the now lush Earth with it's huge jungles and giant insects. The ocean still had the most freaky kinda things so I avoided it. I might put some deep sea creatures into a madness bubble at some point. Proper nightmares and all that.
There were souls everywhere. Brains, minds, primitive though they were, I felt them and it delighted me every time. As an odd aside, one of my trips to Earth in which I passed through the Nightmare Realm while leaking a lot of energy allowed some Jellyfish to escape into the 3rd dimension through a small hole I accidentally tore. I guess jellyfish really WERE aliens...oops? I slipped inside the body of a large millipede-type creature and marveled at the experience of having so many legs. I loved the feeling of my body being segmented into so many different parts.
Of course the main reason I was so excited was because I wanted to see dinosaurs.
They won't be appearing for many more millions of years but that didn't stop me from being excited for it.
Finally, I decided I've wasted enough time here and headed home. I slipped into the time stream and swam back to when I left everyone.
---
Pyronica's appetite was picking up. I brought 8-Ball and PaciFire on many hunting expeditions where we would go into a primitive planet and hunt large animals for me to bring home and cook for her. 8-Ball was glad to be useful, even if it was just overpowering a large beast and killing it. Keyhole wanted to help but he wasn't the best fighter and usually ran away screaming when a large creature covered in deadly spines ran at him so I made him stay home to take care of Pyronica.
"Dude. Have you told her yet?" I asked him. Keyhole fidgets and shakes his head. "I'm afraid that she'll laugh at me." I pat his head comfortingly. "Keyhole, at most she'll probably say you're too young for her. Which you kinda are. Just try being her friend first. Don't be weird about it. 8-Ball didn't give me a definite 'No' when I asked about it so you might have a chance once you're all grown up?"
He looked hopeful at that. I narrowed my eye at him. "Remember. Don't be weird and creepy about it. If she wants her space, you back off. Also, just thought I should warn you, Jorgio's invited her and us to his mansion for an extended visit."
Keyhole gasps. "Mansion?!"
I shrug. "Yeah. He heard about her pregnancy and was thrilled and happy for her. He wanted to pamper her a bit. She already accepted and we will be going over to his place next week." As I spoke I could see Keyhole frowning. "Aw~are you jealous?" I grinned. Keyhole blushes. "N-no! Well...a little...seriously, a mansion?!"
"Jorgio's the current head of the Literatura family. If you're really that worried, he extended his invitation to me and anyone else I'd want to bring along. Kryptos is opting out for understandably personal reasons, not to mention college entrance exams will be starting soon, and PaciFire was gonna spend the next month on straight filming for Demon Baby Fights. There's still plenty of room for you to come along."
He seemed determined to do so. I felt I should warn him "Please don't antagonize the mob boss. He does like Pyronica but he also got engaged recently. Besides, he knows how protective I am over Ronica so there's no way he would try anything."
I gave Keyhole a hard stare. "That's not an invitation for YOU to try anything with her either. If you want to get with her, ask her first. If she says no, you back off. Got it?"
He nods his head quickly.
I left the kid to his thoughts as I Blinked away with Paci and 8-Ball to the Meat dimension. Pyronica wants some bacon and by the void I will get her the best damn bacon in all the multiverse.
---
We trudged home, covered in blood and dragging a large boar-like creature behind us. Pyronica's eye lit up upon seeing it. Her belly had a noticeable bulge now and those growing babies were ravenous. "Oooh~" Pyronica drools at the boar. I had to hold her back from eating it right then and there.
"Ronica no! I need to clean and cook it first!" I had to grow more arms to push her. She whined. "But I want to eat it now~"
"Ronica...think of the children, I need to make sure this thing is clean and eating raw pork could lead to harmful parasites or other problems." I scolded her as I levitated the boar to the kitchen. "Besides..." I said cheerfully. "It's been a while since my last cooking show."
I could hear groans coming from all around the house. I laughed maniacally.
---
Cooking with Bill!
The cheers from the audience were particularly boisterous today. I waved at them happily as I blew kisses out at the void. "Hey kids! It's me Bill Cipher! I'm so glad to be back with another episode of Cooking with Bill!"
I waved my hands to tell the audience to quiet down. "Now we're having a special episode today. You see..."
A spotlight flashes on beside me and Pyronica blinks into the light. "My dear Co-host Pyronica will be cooking and eating for three today!" The audience cheers.
"Really? Me again?" Pyronica rolls her eye before looking away from the audience. "Seriously, the fact that it's just void out there is really weird. Where ARE we?"
"The audience likes you Ronica. Even when our last show got cancelled halfway through we still got more viewership than my other episodes." I sighed. "Figures that people just want to see a hot girl on TV."
She cackles. "Alright. So can we eat now?"
"No Roni~we need to cook it first."
She groans and slumps over on the counter top. I turn back to the camera with a grin. "So today we are gonna make entire roast pig!"
The audience cheers as the scene changes to me and Pyronica standing in a white room with the giant boar carcass on a tarp. We were both dressed in overalls and had goggles on. Pyronica drools and lunges for the boar. "WHOA there! Pyronica! We have to cook it first!" I barely managed to hold her back.
"I wanna eat it nooooow~" she whines as she stares at the meat longingly. I carefully push her back. "Soon! We just need to cook it! This is pork! You can't eat it raw!"
After making sure she wasn't going to make another go at the body, I turn back to the camera. "Now first of all you need to clean, skin and clean again. Don't want any pesky germs am I right?" I wink with a twinkling sound as a little star pops out.
I pull out a gigantic chainsaw from behind me. The sheer size of this metallic monstrosity couldn't possibly have been hidden behind me but regardless I held it up and pulled the wind up. It buzzed to life loudly. "Well, time to start skinning " I chirp.
Blood and fur flew everywhere.
Pyronica wipes some bloody fur off her hair. "Isn't this more dirty?" She complains.
I shrug, powering down the chain saw (tossing it over my shoulder where it floated off into the distance) and showing the skinned pig. The stomach had been cut open from neck to pelvis and there were blood and organs leaking out. "Well now we need to remove the organs and bones. Also drain the blood out."
"Are we throwing out the organs?" Pyronica asks sadly. I shake my head. "Roni, you know me. When have I ever wasted food like that?" I levitate the pile of internal organs and pulled them out. "We can thoroughly clean out the intestines and deep fry them. It's delicious and squishy." I teleport the organs into a large tub of heated and salted water. The water starts churning it in a gentle wash cycle.
"Now we just hang the pig up so the blood drains out..." I wave and the body lifts off the ground to dangle above a large tub. "We can even keep the blood to drop on people we don't like."
Someone in the audience yells "That's gross!"
I point at them and an agonized scream rings out. Pyronica squints into the darkness again. "Bill...are there ACTUALLY people out there?!" I distract her by changing the scenery again. This time we were sitting on a tarp with the pile of half cleaned organs. "While we're waiting for the blood to drain out we can clean the intestines more thoroughly."
I twirl a knife in hand before messing up and we both watch as the knife flies off in the direction of the audience. Another scream rang out. "Oops." I sheepishly rub my side. "Well here's Bill's Cooking Tip #26 Don't twirl your knife!"
"What are the other 25 tips?" Pyronica asks. I continue talking as if I hadn't heard her "So you just cut the stomach, small intestine and large intestine so that they're no longer connected." Using another knife I carefully sliced the flesh. "Now to clean them out, simply attach a hose to one end and turn the hot water on! Also, if you can get some rock salt to scrub along the insides that'll be great."
I stick a hose to the small intestine and flicked it on. The 30 foot long intestinal track whipped around wildly like a pink flesh worm, it was beautiful to look at. I laughed maniacally as it wiggled around under the force of the boiling salted water I was forcing through it. Completely at odds with my insane laughter was the happy sound effects of twinkles and little hearts that spewed out of the end of the small intestine.
"AHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!"
I stopped laughing abruptly and switched the water off. "Ok this one's clean. Ronica? Do you want to do the others?" She shrugs. "Sure. Gimme the hose."
As she cleaned out the stomach and large intestine I checked on the boar. "Well it looks like the blood has properly drained. Now we just need to de-bone it."
I reached in to push the boar open wider. There was a sound effect going "Wow~" as I got it open. "Removing bones isn't as hard as it looks. Especially not it you have my patented..."
I pulled a long thin knife out from behind me. "... Bone-B-Gone™!"
The screen fades slightly as a narrator voice speaks "Bone-B-Gone! For all your cooking needs (so long as it involves bones) available nowhere near you!"
"Hey Bill! I think these are clean." Pyronica calls to me as I finish cutting the bones away from the muscles. I flick my fingers and basil leaves rain upon her while a chorus of happy voices go "Yaaaay~"
"Great! Now that the intestines are clean and the pig is boneless, we can finally start cooking!" More basil, dill and other herbs rain from the sky. I transfer the pig onto a giant grill.
"Now we can make some sauce that we'll dribble on top while it cooks. Since there's so much meat here it'll take a while to cook." Pyronica groans. I give her a comforting pat. "Don't worry, I'll make you some deep fried pig intestines while we wait."
I mixed some herbs, salt and olive oil together in a bowl and began slathering it over the pig. I turned the whole thing over multiple times and put on more oil. There was a sound effect of "Ooh~" as the pork meat sizzles.
To keep Pyronica from going nuts, I heated up some oil in a pan, shoved a whole leek through a segment of the intestines, cutting off the extra and shoving in another leek in that one until there were multiple leek stuffed intestines. I dropped them into the oil and fried them cheerfully.
Pyronica was nicely distracted eating those while I carefully made sure all the boar was being cooked evenly. "Now kids, roasting an entire pig is a difficult job. I don't generally do something this annoying but Pyronica wanted pork." I shrugged.
Pyronica had finished the intestines and was looking at the pig hungrily.
"Is it done yet?" She asks. I shake my head sadly. "It may be cooked but it still needs to be cut!" I pulled out a different knife and proceed to show it off to the camera. "Now this knife here can slice right through flesh like a light saber through Luke's arm."
I hear chomping sounds and turn to see the pig quickly disappearing down Pyronica's mouth. "Nooo! Roni! I haven't cut it up into nice little pieces yet!!!"
"Mmmph. Ohmm. Nom." She responded as she easily swallows the entire boar within a few seconds. "Ah~that was delicious~" she sighs in content as she pats her belly. I wail in despair at all my careful preparation being ruined.
The screen fades out as the ending theme plays and the narrator voice says cheerfully "Cooking with Bill has been brought to you by Dreams! Dreams! The screen saver of the brain~"
My weeping could still be faintly heard over the music.
—
We all packed to live at Jorgio's place for the next month. It was like a super long sleep over. The truth was that it was summer on Jorgio's planet and he wanted to hang out. Now that he was getting more into what it means to really RUN a mafia family he found that the paperwork and board meetings were annoying and stressful so he decided to take a month off to just relax.
I helped him settle his affairs so that he would have this next month free from any duties (barring emergencies). I hate paperwork. Jorgio had to actually make me a Deal to help him with his paperwork. He owes me SO much wine for this.
"Ah! You're here!" Jorgio lights up in genuine joy at seeing us on his entrance way. Xanthar shakes himself out and I had to quickly grab our luggage before he dropped any of them. Aside from me, Xanthar and Pyronica, Keyhole, 8-Ball and Ammy came along too.
Kryptos still hasn't forgiven Jorgio. He seemed offended that we were still on friendly terms with him but even he understood the upside to having a mob boss on our side. PaciFire's got his job, Teeth was preparing for a big performance and couldn't come either. Hectorgon had gotten some I-mails from the Federation in which they apparently tried to bribe him into forgiving them. He was angrily hacking into their systems to mess with their air conditioning the last I checked. He said he wanted to spend all his focus on making them miserable so I shrugged and left him to it. He was laughing quite evilly and muttering something about setting of the sprinkler systems directly over important paperwork.
I made the introductions and Jorgio's men came to take our luggage. They seemed relieved to see that Teeth wasn't with us. Jorgio tried to help Pyronica walk but she waved him off. "I'm pregnant, not helpless." She scoffed and flexes an arm. "I could probably still beat up one of your guards.
Jorgio laughs. "I don't doubt it."
Keyhole was not so subtly staring at Jorgio and I could tell what he was thinking even without my telepathy. 'What's so great about HIM?!'
I hope his jealousy wasn't going to cause any problems during our stay here. As a distraction I piped up "Hey Jorgio, where's your fiancee? I'd like to meet the future Donna."
Jorgio nods to me. "Of course. I have told her she would need to win your approval before I can truly go through with the wedding Signore Cipher." He looked serious as he sent one of his men to go fetch her.
I look around absently. "Why has she not come to greet us at the door?" If this were a test, she's already got one mark down. Jorgio sighs. "Nartina is...upset that I invited Pyronica and you all to stay at my house." He groans. "She seems to believe Pyronica is my mistress."
Pyronica laughs. "Yeah~no. If this kid was yours, you'd be dead." Jorgio's smiles turns somewhat strained. I hear a distinct thought of 'She really WOULD eat me...'
"Oh Jorgio~so your guests are here~" A high pitched voice rings out. I see a female Trivox come down the staircase. She looks much like Jorgio, three mouths, tendrils from the base of her neck and smooth skin. She was wearing a shirt that exposed her midriff and we could clearly see her gills.
I tip my hat politely. "Nice to meet you ma'am. Name's Bill Cipher."
"Ah...hello..." She looks a little nervous now. She glances at Jorgio and grabs his hand. "You didn't tell me the demon was coming too." She whispers from just one of her mouths.
"Nartina, I told you I was inviting important friends of the Familia." Jorgio says in exasperation. He gives me an apologetic look. "I'm very sorry about her rudeness Signore Cipher."
"Hm. Well her chances of getting my approval aren't completely ruined yet. I'll give her until the end of this vacation to prove she's an acceptable partner for you."
Nartina looks back and forth between me and Jorgio. "Jorgio darling, is this really necessary?"
Jorgio straightened and gives the girl a stern look. "Signore Cipher has the right to check my partners and dissolve any engagements if he finds them...unsatisfactory." To his credit, Jorgio didn't look like he was hoping I would kick this girl out. I knew he wasn't completely into her but it seemed he was making an effort to try.
Were all the other eligible women really THAT bad?
And now I feel bad for him. Even as the boss of a powerful mob family, he's still trapped by tradition and duty. He has to marry a daughter from one of the allied Familia. He's allowed to have mistresses but if any of them have his kid they wouldn't be allowed to inherit. Only the official wife is allowed that honor. Because blood was important.
As the Don's wife is expected to be the 2nd in command (she's not just some pretty face, if anything happens to Jorgio she will be in charge) the Literatura wanted to be sure their wives were capable of it. Many generations back I had one of their Dons summon me and ask for a thorough analysis of his fiancee. She turned out to be an assassin.
Needless to say they started a thing where they would sometimes ask for my opinion. Not all of them did. Tonio summoned me for the first time a few years after his marriage. Jorgio however, is worried about Nartina. Inviting us over for the summer was just an excuse, the true purpose of this trip was so I can judge his fiancee. And if he got to spend time with Pyronica that was just a bonus.
The girl looked a little nervous now. She did not expect her partnership and engagement to Jorgio being so quickly judged. She had thought she'd already won since he picked her out of all the other girls. Now she glances at me and wilted, her smiles twitching. A quick scan of her thoughts revealed general worry but also a determination.
'I love Jorgio and I will not let the demon tear us apart!'
Love huh? I'll be keeping an eye on that. At least she wasn't an assassin. I give a subtle gesture with my hand to let Jorgio know she was 'safe' and he smiles more genuinely.
"Come now Nartina. We shall leave them to settle in their rooms first." He takes his fiancee by the hand and leads her off. "When you're done, come join us in the gardens. Breakfast will be starting soon."
I watched them go and hoped every thing works out.
---
"...you hear a snuffling sound and the elevator thuds to a stop." I say from behind my divider. Everyone sat around me with their character sheets. Xanthar was napping behind me. I poked at his dreams now and then. After breakfast I started a Maid session, explaining the rules as we went along.
"I search for the sound." Ammy declared.
"Roll Cunning." I inform him. His dice had a pretty high sum. "You discover that something large is blocking the elevator from moving up."
Pyronica sighs. "I still don't get why we have a service elevator inside a mountain."
"Well how else are the castle staff going to get to and clean all the floors? The stairs are at the ends of dungeons filled with traps." Ammy says while rolling his eyes.
"I thought we were playing a Maid game???" Keyhole scrunched up his face as he stared at the board on the ground. A tiny scale model of the mountain sat upon it, transparent so that we could see their characters inside a little box elevator.
"We are. A few sessions ago Teeth got everyone fired when he set the mansion on fire so they found work under a new master." I explained. "The new master just happens to be a demon lord with a castle at the bottom of a 10 floor dungeon."
"I go find the thing that's blocking the elevator." Ammy says, the only member of the original party. It might be unfair to Teeth, Hec and Kryptos for me to continue the game while they weren't here but Ammy really wanted to play. In his words "I want to get to know 8-Ball better."
I absolutely could not turn him down.
So here we all were, sitting around in Jorgio's garden playing a round of Maids. Jorgio appeared quite flabbergasted that such a game existed. Pyronica was rolling her eye. Nartina didn't seem to know how to behave around me.
I rolled a few dice and consulted the random events chart. ".....there is a dragon stuck in the elevator shaft..."
"How?! That makes no sense!" Pyronica groans and slumps back in her chair. "This game is stupid..."
"I shoot it with spider thread." Ammy declared.
"Let someone else have a turn Ammy." I admonish. He nods. "That's fair. What do you want to do 8-Ball?"
The big guy scratched his head. "Um..." He squints at his character sheet. "I say hello to the dragon. Being stuck in a shaft must be scary. So I'm going to help it get free."
I smile to myself behind my divider even as I create a mini dragon to stick inside the chute.
They all worked to help get the dragon out of the elevator shaft and ended up adopting her. 8-Ball named her PixieStick and she was happily guarding the entrance to the demon king's dungeon, eating any poor adventurers that dared to approach.
They did a pretty decent job cleaning the floors of the dungeon. Jorgio sacrificed a bunch of dead bodies stolen from the nearby village to summon more demons and then got side tracked building a ball pit on one of the dungeon floors. It was a nice, calm session that got me more insight into everyone.
The thing with games like this, newbies who don't fully understand role playing and creating a 'character' to play as tend to play as themselves and a lot of what they choose to do can tell you about them as a person. It was a good ice breaker.
Nartina was very reserved at first but she actually got very into it and was very insistent on decorating the dungeons with carpets and little vases while cleaning it. "If this is the dungeon for a demon king, it should have traps! Needles in specific spots of the carpets, explosives in the vases triggered by trip wire..."
Nartina was pretty big on security and was more intelligent than I originally gave her credit for. Also, the fact that she wanted those trapped decorations for security against home invasions said a lot.
8-Ball played with the dragon more than anything else but when the others voted him onto laundry duty he did try to do his chores properly. He asked about PixieStick's well being a few times. He also pushed for proper lighting in the dungeon, which prompted them all to go rob the nearby village for light bulbs. Pyronica ate the local law enforcement while Jorgio was attempting to bargain with the store owner so they didn't HAVE to rob him.
Keyhole tried to keep to his chores and avoid conflict but he DID kinda, sorta, attempt to sabotage Jorgio's character while they were helping 8-Ball set up the light bulbs. I gave him a bunch of Stress damage for that. He took the hint and left Jorgio's maid alone.
There were three Stress Explosions during the game and the demon king didn't get dinner because everyone forgot to do that in between their other tasks. To be fair an interdimensional portal opened up right above the ball pit and they had to deal with that. I passed out Favor points to everyone and ended the session.
Pyronica, sadly, just wasn't the type to get into the game. I consider that maybe I should play D&D or Pathfinder with her instead? Something with actual combat?
I wonder if I could homebrew alien races? I'll need to work out the stats for that...
Jorgio informed us it was lunchtime. Pyronica and I both perked up at the mention of more food. The Don said we were going to the beach after lunch. Pyronica was thrilled to try swimming. I wanted to make her pretty bathing suits to wear. The two of us squee'd in delight. Nartina looked so confused.
---
Nartina's eyes twitched as she watched Pyronica shovel food into her mouth like a beast. The girl was carefully and neatly cutting her own meal into little pieces and shuddered in disgust when Pyronica let out a loud belch after finishing her meal. Pyronica always ate quickly. Back on the streets she couldn't exactly take her time to eat, it was grab, swallow and go. She had to be quick about it so she didn't get caught.
I've been trying to train her out of it and she is eating a little slower than when she first met me but when there were large pieces of food she never bothers to cut them up, just shoves it whole into her mouth (to be fair, same). I generally fix this problem by pre-cutting all her meat into smaller pieces. It slows her down so she can actually savor it a little.
I'm still upset over the boar she swallowed whole.
Keyhole and Ammy were used to her table manners. Jorgio found it hilarious. Nartina seemed insulted at Pyronica's behavior. She was a proper woman, raised with strict rules for etiquette. I note that she had her napkin neatly in her lap and was sitting straight in her chair. I also note her mild jealousy that Pyronica could eat so...freely without being scolded. Hm~perhaps Nartina isn't actually as prim as she tries to appear?
Jorgio engaged Pyronica in conversation about her pregnancy. Was she feeling alright? Was there anything she needed? Was she comfortable? Did she know the sex of the child yet? I couldn't help but be amused by the obvious jealous looks being sent at them by both Keyhole and Nartina.
Whenever Jorgio turns to look at her, Nartina would smile pleasantly, cheerful, bubbly and mildly demure. She was hiding her true personality behind a mask of a 'proper lady'. Or at the very least, what she was taught as a proper lady. I get images showing how wives were meant to look pretty and not much else. Unless her husband died or was incarcerated, in which case she would have to run the Familia as neutrally as she can until the next Head is found or her husband is freed from prison. She was intelligent and well educated but was expected to discard all that in the face of her husband.
Oh boy...
"Hey Ronica. If you're done eating I can help you design your swimsuit." I casually interject. She agreed and bid Jorgio a farewell for now. I split myself in two and sent one of Me with Pyronica while the other Me stayed here.
"Hey miss Nartina? Can I speak with you for a moment? Alone?" I ask. She looks at me nervously and then over at Jorgio. "Don't worry you're not in trouble, I just want to talk." I assured her.
Jorgio holds her hand and gives her three reassuring smiles. "It is alright. Signore Cipher is a family friend and he wouldn't hurt you unless you attack him or his friends first." Jorgio really HAS mellowed out. He trusts me more, though I have been trusting him more too.
His confession to me that he loves how Pyronica makes him laugh really made me feel for him. Though it could also be because he's starting to take a more diplomatic route for his method in running the Familia instead of with force as he originally did. He was a young and insecure Don so his early rule was marked with violence as he struck out in fear and wanting to make himself appear threatening. Now that his men were more competent and his staff more loyal, he could relax his hard stance and try negotiations instead of threats.
I led Nartina into a side room where we could talk privately.
---
"I'm starting to get an idea of who you are but I figured I may as well ask you straight out. Do you love Jorgio? You hate pretending to be a brainless decoration and yet you still do it for him." I ask her gently, my gaze soft and sympathetic. Her expression cracks from its 'cutesy' mask and turns sad.
"I really do love him." She confesses softly. "Ever since we were kids." She twirled her tendrils together absently. "Then he grew up to be an absolute BRAT!" She hisses. Little spikes extended out from her tendrils in her irritation.
"He was always strutting around, acting like he already owned the place even before he became the next head. He was rude and dismissive and had NO respect for women!" She snarls. "So when his father died and he became the next head, I didn't bother trying to win his affections to become his wife like all the other girls."
"Something changed I take it?" I asked, leaning back in my chair.
"He changed back." She whispers. "He had returned to the sweet boy I'd met all those years ago. When I saw him at my father's party he didn't treat me like a piece of meat he was entitled to bed. He treated me like a person." She sniffles. "I was so happy. I fell in love all over again."
She composed herself. "So I set to work trying to catch his attention. He...doesn't remember me from when we were kids. It was fine, it simply meant I had to work harder. None of the other girls cared about Jorgio, just his title and his money." She sneered.
"But I won! Jorgio picked me to marry. It was all going wonderfully and then he told me he was inviting a woman over to stay for the summer, a pregnant woman. You can see how I might have been...peeved..."
I nod. "I see where you're coming from but the child's not his. Nor would Jorgio ever sleep with Pyronica."
She sighs. "I know that NOW but at the time...I felt betrayed. And once I found out that the reason Jorgio changed was because of HER...I just..." She trembled lightly with pent up emotion. "I was grateful that she managed to bring back the REAL Jorgio. I was jealous that SHE managed such a thing when I couldn't. I see the way he looks at her and I know he loves her more than he would ever love ME."
She was openly crying now. "I may have won the coveted spot as his wife but I haven't won his heart and I just can't stand that!"
I pat her back and she grabs my other hand to squeeze for comfort. "Have you told him this?"
"Of course not! I sound like a greedy bitch!" She wails.
"No you don't. You sound like a girl who loves her partner very much and just wishes to be loved in return. There's nothing wrong with that." I assured her. "I'm sure Jorgio would understand if you simply told him how you feel."
She shakes her head. "I can't! It's too shameful." I wiped her tears. "It's not shameful at all."
"But even if I tell him, it won't make him love me back. He'll simply KNOW and I don't want his pity."
"Just because he doesn't love you now doesn't mean it'll stay that way. Things change. He doesn't hate you, he holds some affection for you. He wants this marriage to work but it never will if you're not honest with him." I sigh. "And that includes showing him the 'real' you. Not that giggly girly persona you keep putting on around him. I know your father taught you that was how a woman is supposed to behave but I'm sure you could tell by how Jorgio looks at Pyronica that he's not into that kind of thing."
She groans. "I don't want to act like HER."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying that Jorgio isn't the kind of guy who's interested in a 'proper lady' so you may as well drop the act and be yourself. Who knows, he might actually like the real you. I already know he's not all that into you as a simpering wife-to-be, so why not take the chance to show him who you really are?"
She mulled over my words. "You really think he would like me better if I wasn't cute and bubbly?"
"I think you would be happier if you didn't have to pretend to be someone you're not."
I give her a comforting pat on the shoulder-esque area and float back to the dining room. One conversation down, one to go.
---
I returned to find Keyhole and Jorgio locked in a stare down.
8-Ball was oblivious to the tension in the room, happily eating and playing with the mini dragon construct that he asked to keep after the game. Xanthar and the guards could clearly feel it and were awkwardly shifting as the silence dragged on.
I roll my eye. Men.
I clear my throat and they quickly try to pretend nothing was wrong. I let it slide for now. We finished eating, changed into swim wear and went to join Pyronica at the door to drive to the beach. Jorgio and Keyhole both complimented her swim suit. I joined my two halves back together and stared at the vehicle warily.
As they all piled in and I stayed where I was with Xanthar, Jorgio looked at me in confusion. "Are you not coming Signore Cipher?" Nartina was quiet and contemplative beside him. She was in a modest bikini with long tassels that blended in with her tendrils.
"I'm gonna ride on Xanthar. He can't fit in the car anyway." I deflect easily. Jorgio saw nothing wrong with my response and told his driver to go. Pyronica frowned but didn't say anything. Ammy, Keyhole and 8-Ball didn't notice anything off. As the car pulled away, Xanthar started running alongside it. He liked the exercise and I liked feeling the air blow past me. The coolness felt nice against my heated bricks.
I'm not going back in a car. No way. Not if I can avoid it.
---
Ah~the beach. Fine sand particles. An ocean of vibrantly green water. The gentle breeze along my bricks. Solar radiation trying it's hardest to kill me.
"I love the beach!" I cheer happily as I run off to look for seashells, flinging the floaty donut off to land in the sand, I raced towards the water's edge. I don't need no flotation device. Xanthar was rolling around in a little sand pit he dug. 8-Ball was setting up towels, chairs and radiation shields.
"Bill? Are these things venomous?" Ammy asked as he was covered in starfish-like creatures after wading through the water.
"Don't worry. They're only deadly to silicone based life forms." I called to him while picking up a nice shell. Ooh~it was still in tact. Pyronica sighs as she lowers herself onto a chair. "Ugh, these little monsters are rowdy today." I'm at her side in an instant. "They kicked again?!" I sparkle as I stared at her belly.
She laughs and rubs the round bump. "Yeah. They're getting bigger by the day."
"5 more months until estimated arrival." I state as I press my side to her stomach, hoping to feel them. "Hello little ones~are you excited for beach day too?" I coo'ed at them.
"Your clothes changed..." 8-Ball blinks in confusion as my bathing suit shifted from swim trunks to a bikini. I just grin as I waved my seashells around. "Well my mood changed!"
He didn't seem to get it and I didn't care enough to explain but Keyhole and Jorgio were both blushing when they realized I had switched genders, Jorgio looked mildly disturbed. "U-um I'm going to watch my men set up the snack bar...yes..."
I watched him walked away awkwardly. "Yeesh, is he still weirded out by the fact that his grandfather had a crush on me?" Nartina looked back and forth between me and Jorgio. "What?"
"It's unimportant." I dismiss while putting my shells down near Pyronica's chair. "Watch these for me. I'm gonna go find more." I run off cheerfully to poke around the water's edge. 8-Ball came out with me and asked if I needed help. I told him to find any pretty, colorful shells.
"But if you find any square-shaped ones, don't touch them." I warn him while sifting through the sand. "There's a highly venomous species of shell-worm on this planet that can kill most organic life with just one sting."
8-Ball backed away from the water warily. "Um...I'm just...gonna go play in the sand instead." He whimpered. I shrug, my bathing suit changing back into trunks. "Suit yourself."
Jorgio comes back with one of his guards carrying several containers of food and drink. I spot more of his men setting up grills and other cooking supplies. "Ooh~are we having a barbecue?" He seemed relieved I was male again.
"Oh, I'm kinda thirsty..." Pyronica pouts. "And I just sat down too..." She turns her pout to the boys "Can one of you get one for me~?"
"I got this!" Keyhole runs off to grab a fancy drink from the booth that Jorgio's men set up. Jorgio reaches for it too. "I am the host, I should be caring for the needs of my guests."
The two began glaring at each other again and before I knew it the two were fighting over the cup. Pyronica was watching them with an amused look on her face.
"Shouldn't you say something?" I ask her as they tumbled across the sand, somehow still keeping the cup upright. She just cackles. "You kidding? This is hilarious."
Nartina was trembling and glaring at the laughing Cyclopian. "It's NOT funny!" She hisses. "Stop playing with Jorgio's feelings like this!"
Pyronica gives the fuming girl a smug look. "Who's playing? I never ASKED them to fight~I guess I'm just worth fighting over~"
"Um..." I awkwardly float and watch my best friend egg on Nartina. Did this mean Pyronica knew how Keyhole felt about her? To be fair, he wasn't very good at hiding it. But it's not like her to be so mean about it. So what was Pyronica after?
"How DARE you?!" Nartina shrieks before launching herself at the very obviously pregnant other woman. I quickly got a shield up around both of them so no one got hurt. Jorgio stares at Nartina in shock, his limbs still wrapped around Keyhole and reaching for the cup.
He quickly untangled himself and rushes up to his fiancee as she clawed at my shield. "Nartina! What are you doing!" He gives me a nervous look, afraid that I might retaliate over this attack on my friend.
"She is no good for you! She was manipulating your feelings for her own amusement!" Nartina cries. "You should have seen her LAUGHING at you Jorgie! She doesn't care about you like I do!"
"Jorgie?" Jorgio asks in confusion. Nartina blushes and shoves him away to run off. I see frustrated and embarrassed tears. Jorgio stares at her retreating form and looks quite lost. Pyronica nudges his back. "Go after her, you idiot." She grins.
Jorgio gives Pyronica one last look before taking off across the sand after his fiancee. Pyronica smoothly gets up and swipes the drink from Keyhole's slack grip. "About time that girl finally spoke up. I was getting tired of her glaring at me."
"Did you just..." I stare dumbfounded at the distant couple. Jorgio managed to catch up to Nartina and was holding her hand gently. I can see them talking though they were too far to hear.
"I just pissed that girl off so she'd finally say what she really felt." Pyronica says smugly as she sits back down and sips her drink. Keyhole quietly comes over to sit in the sand. "What just happened?"
I watch as Jorgio hugs Nartina and the two kiss. "I think Pyronica just got those two together."
"Eh~wasn't that hard. She obviously liked him and he's too dumb to notice. Dunno how they got engaged when he's THAT oblivious." Pyronica shrugs.
"The other girls to choose from were simply THAT bad." I shrug. "Good job by the way."
"Meh~I just didn't want her being jealous of me this whole vacation. Besides, Jorgio's cute but I doubt there'd ever be anything between us. Might as well get him to move on to someone else." Pyronica turns to Keyhole "Speaking of...I think we need to have a proper talk."
Keyhole turns brown so fast I couldn't help but be impressed. "Talk? W-what about?" He sweats.
"Yeah? What about?" Ammy wanders over to ask. When Pyronica sent me a Look, I gently grab Ammy and 8-Ball to lead them away to where Xanthar was splashing in the water. "It's about none of our business so lets leave them alone to chat..."
---
I don't know what they said to each other. Keyhole seemed a little disheartened but not heart broken. I didn't want to know so I didn't ask. Meanwhile Jorgio and Nartina were talking a lot more. He was trying harder to give her the attention she wanted and she was more open than she's been since I first met her. I sincerely hoped things worked out for them.
It was a relaxing vacation and I amassed a good collection of shells and little rocks. Pyronica was quite amused at my collection. "What are you? A Maagbird?" She laughs. I got a couple summons but managed to do them without any issue. Pyronica asked if I needed someone to come with me and I told her 'no' while feeling annoyed she was STILL asking.
If I'm careful there's no problem. I didn't like how I got irritated at every little thing recently. I shouldn't be so upset. But I was. The flare of irritation inside me felt odd. I'm not used to getting mad at Pyronica and everyone else. I don't know why I was getting so worked up but it was annoying. I normally got that instinctual irritation when Time Baby made demands of me. This felt different though.
Ugh...this better not be some sign of further mental degradation. I did NOT want that to be the case (I was already hiding the fact that I go off to the Nightmare Realm to stab myself whenever I needed my Pain fix). I'm over 400 billion years old and I didn't know how to fix myself if that was the case. How does one repair sanity? The irritation itched inside me. It was uncomfortable. Like my skin was too small. It itched and I couldn't scratch it. I couldn't make it go away unless I left for a few years to let the time and distance from everyone settle this feeling inside me.
Sometimes it got so bad I would tear myself open, shedding my exoskeleton and leaving black trails of blood all over the nightmare realm. Horrible creatures spawned out of my blood. Monsters with more limbs than physically possible, demons with eyes and voices that brought insanity to all who hear or see them...
I started creating nightmares again. The bubbles of madness flowed out of me until I didn't feel so bloated. The itching would go away and I would be able to pull myself together enough to go home to everyone. Sometimes it didn't help as much as I wanted.
I sometimes snapped at my friends. A quick burst of anger and then guilt as I apologized. I felt awful and I couldn't understand why. I felt that maybe I should pull off another heist with my friends. A little supervised rampage of innocent chaos and fun bonding time. Piss off the Federation in a way that didn't give them any legal right to take action against us.
It helped somewhat.
I found a corrupt government official from Dimension 87"/0 who was secretly running a slave trade. We stormed his castle and robbed him of everything he owned. He called the Federation for help but I 'coincidentally' revealed the cages full of kidnapped children under his basement while the officers were chasing me through the governor's house.
While they were distracted arresting the man, I managed to get us out of there. We were all laughing maniacally as we ran off with sacks full of loot. 8-Ball thought this meant stealing was fine and I had to sit everyone down and explain that stealing WASN'T alright unless it's taking stuff directly from a jerk. When 8-Ball wanted further clarification I told him to consult his eyes "Will Bill agree to this?" and go from there.
It didn't really stop 8-Ball from getting arrested when he went off by himself (he was punished for going off by himself despite the fact that I specifically forbid any rampages without me). I was getting tired of bailing him out. My patience wasn't doing so good. Oddly enough my weird mood swings only seemed to happen while I was in Bill or William's form. Jan, Miz and Xin had none of the irritated itching feelings.
I've spent more time as Jan, hosting concerts every few years (the average lifespan of alien creatures was a few hundred years so its not all that strange to have such long breaks between concerts). Instead of planning them out, I asked my fans to vote on which songs they wanted to hear online. They seemed thrilled at this interaction.
Is it narcissistic to watch videos of my own concerts and drool over how hot I am?
Why did I have to make Jan and Xin's forms so pretty?! Uuuugh it's so weird being aesthetically attracted to myself!!!
Pyronica waddled into the room to find me hitting my head against the wall while my laptop was opened to a full page spread image of Jan-Jan lounging on a table. It was taken by a paparazzi sneaking behind the stage to snap the shot while I was stretching before a concert and the only reason I haven't had it taken down from the internet was because I liked looking at it.
It was still kinda embarrassing.
"Um...Bill?" Pyronica asks. I hiss when the itching starts up again. A faint tickle for now but I had to get this dealt with before it got worse. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine!" I say it bit too forcefully before groaning. "Sorry. I've just been feeling weird lately..." I scratch at my bricks but I can't reach an itch if it's inside me.
Pyronica frowns and looks down at her stomach, then up at me. "Could it be...?" She mutters. She goes closer to me "Can I pick you up?"
I nod and she lifts me up to place on her belly. I grumble and wiggle around uncomfortably. She watches me shift for a while before commenting "Are YOU pregnant?"
"What?! No!" I cry indignantly. She hums, considering, and peers at me. "Well I've been feeling fine, despite my pregnancy. It only gets uncomfortable whenever you're not around. So maybe you're somehow getting all the stress that I should be feeling by accident?"
I sputtered. Was that even a THING that could happen? I whine at the horrible itching inside me. "I don't know....how would that even happen?"
"You tell me. I'm not the knowledge god here." Pyronica rolls her eye. I ponder the subject. "Well I AM a telepathic and empathic creature...it's possible?" I scratch at my bricks again. Sometimes it got so bad I wanted to crack myself open again. Was it possible my body THOUGHT it was pregnant from unconsciously picking up sensations from Pyronica and was driving me nuts because of it?
"Well what are you feeling right now?" Pyronica asks.
"Itchy, bloated...kinda horny..." I muttered. Pyronica lights up "Ooh~we should go find you the solution for that~!"
I made an X shape with my hands. "Nope. That is NOT the answer I'm looking for." She pouts. "Seriously Ronica what is it with you and trying to get me laid?" I cried in annoyance.
"It's so weird that you keep refusing it." She says in exasperation. "I know you like the feeling of it but why do you refuse to find a partner?"
"It's not like there's anyone I'm really into, not that it would make a difference. The idea of having sex with anyone is still…gross..."
Pyronica sighs. "I'm just trying to help. Maybe getting laid would make you feel better."
"Well I'm just gonna go and masturbate on my own." I grumble before floating off. "Besides, this is only gonna be until your babies are due so I'll just bear with it until then."
"But-" Pyronica starts to say but I've already Blinked away. I'm gonna go check on the Earth. That should give me time away from everyone for a while.
---