Bab 33: -Trade their blood and livestock-
(Sometimes I forget I'm living in a world very different from human society. Even with all the aliens and stuff I can't help but want to think of them as such. But...do I even know what human society was like anymore? -Bill Cypher)
---
I don't know why I told Teeth (and a roomful of strangers as well) but part of me just wanted to confess. It felt good to get it off my chest. Teeth was quiet for a few weeks, very unlike him. I caught him talking with Ammy and Pyronica when they thought I wasn't around.
I wanted to eavesdrop but I also wanted to give them their privacy so I purposely blinked away. What little I heard of their conversation was Teeth asking Pyronica about what she knew of my past. Which wasn't much.
---
I was cooking breakfast when Teeth came up to me and asked me what sorts of things I liked. I turned to him in confusion as the breakfast started preparing itself without my supervision. "What do you mean 'like'?"
"Favorite foods? Games? Is there anything that you particularly want right now?"
"Um...I like Ramen..." I respond hesitantly. What was Teeth on about?
"Ok thanks Bill! Rᴀᴡ ᴍᴇɴ?" Teeth mutters as he leaves the kitchen. I float there for a bit before shrugging and going back to cooking. At least Teeth is talking to me again.
---
"Hey Bill. How do you feel about putting on a blindfold and getting in the teleporter?"
I stare incredulously at Pyronica. "ExCUSE me?!"
"Ok look, Teeth wanted to do something to cheer you up, he felt kinda guilty for what happened and well...we've all decided to take you out somewhere fun~but it has so be a surprise."
"I'm MORE suspicious now."
"Oh come on! Don't be like that please~? We've been planning this for a while. And Teeth feels really bad about bringing up your past..."
She gives me her best sad pupper-snup impression. Wide, slightly teary eye, wobbling lower lip and a dead bird held in her mouth. I caved in just a few seconds. "Fine."
She spits the bird out and cheers. "HEY TEETH!" She shouts across the house.
"WHAT?" I hear Teeth shout back.
"BILL SAID YES!"
"SWEET! OPERATION RAW MEN IS GO!"
I have a growing feeling of dread.
---
It was weird to be blindfolded. I'm not used to being so...vulnerable. Pyronica was holding my hand as I floated along in my small size. I was tense and jumpy. "So where are we going?"
"It's a surprise Bill."
Pyronica's idea for a blindfold was putting a sack over me so I'm sure I resemble an odd lumpy balloon. I can feel amused confusion from the people around me. I'm beginning to suspect Pyronica covered me with the sack so people didn't realize who I was while she and Teeth led me to where we had to be.
Teeth was ineffectually stifling his laughter as I bobbed along in the air. Ammy would poke me randomly just to watch me jump and hiss at him. "Quit that before I get annoyed."
I hear loud music playing. Have they taken me to another club?
"Do you have ID's?" A gruff voice asks.
"Pfth- who needs ID's?" Pyronica giggles. "Oh come on~we're not even from this planet~" the tone of voice she's using lets me know she's doing that thing with her eyelashes. That cute fluttering thing when she's trying to charm someone into doing what she wants.
"...And...what's in the bag?"
"Nothing important." She says quickly. I inwardly wince. Pyronica is not good at bullshitting. Note to self. Sit everyone down and teach them how to bullshit.
"Lady, open the bag."
"It would be better if I didn't..."
There's the sound of cracking knuckles. "Lady, you got 5 standard galactic seconds before I do my job and toss you all out."
I sigh and take the bag off myself. I can tell the instant the people around me realized who I was. The bouncer goes pale. All conversation stops. The music plays on through the door as the people inside don't know I'm here yet.
"You guys took me to a club?" I ask with a sigh. Sure the last time I went wasn't all that bad but still.
"Well...not entirely."
I hear some cheering hoots and laughter coming from inside. A few flickers of images later and..."You brought me to a STRIP CLUB?!"
"Raw men?" Teeth says hesitantly.
I blink at them slowly before face palming so hard my hat fell off. I was going to just head home but seeing Teeth's hopeful expression (though I use the term expression lightly) made me pause. Teeth did this for me. Because he wanted to cheer me up. I sighed.
"I guess we're going to a strip club tonight."
Teeth chatters happily. Pyronica sighs in relief. Ammy questions what a Strip Club is. Xanthar was dragged along to this outing and was mostly just curious about the cheering coming from inside. "Xan should not be here." I tell Pyronica simply.
"But...he's always sitting out from our trips." Pyronica pouts.
"Xanthar sits out because he is a delicate cinnamon loaf who must be protected." I flew up to hug Xanthar's bread face. "Places like this are inappropriate for him to be."
Also, a Strip Club would only upset him. I quietly ask Xanthar if he'd like to go home or hang out in Iznang and he responds with images of flower fields covered in butterflies. Iznang it is. I blink him away before FINALLY turning to address the Bouncer.
"So. Are my companions and I allowed inside?"
"D-do you have an ID?" He tries fearfully to make an excuse to turn us away.
I roll my eye and my ID appears in a flash of blue flame. It wasn't exactly a Federation standard ID. It was more like a business card. I started making them to pass out once I figured out how to Copy and Paste things into the world. It was similar to my ability to create stuff from loose particles of matter but instead of building things from scratch I can set my powers to automatically create the object by using another as a base.
My card had my picture complete with the zodiac surrounding me, my name, occupation (All Seeing Eye), age (Old Enough) and other miscellaneous information.
"Does this count? For many obvious reasons I can't just walk into a Federation office to get my picture taken." Or CAN I? Maybe try that and see what happens? At the very least I might get a kick out of it.
"Um...I'm not sure that..." He glances up to see me tapping my foot in irritation as I stare unblinkingly at him. He cowers a little. "Please don't kill me. I haven't even found a Mate yet." He squeaks. I cross my arms and sigh. "Look kid, so long as no one messes with us, I won't have any reason to hurt anyone. Got it?" He nods quickly and my group was allowed inside.
It wasn't as crowded as I thought. There were plenty of people though, all different races from across the galaxy, crowding around the stage where the performers were dancing. There was the scent of cooking meat coming from many grills. One of the dancers made a wide sweeping lunge, to loud hooting from the audience, and one of the crowd holds up a wad of cash. "I want that leg!"
The chef for that stage grins widely and takes the cash. The dancer laughs as she thrusts her thick meaty leg out. The chef raises his cleaver and easily hacks her leg off. She moans in ecstasy and arches her spine back, showing off all the dotted lines drawn over her flesh labeling the different parts for purchase. On the next stage over was another girl posing while her chest cavity was clamped open.
This was a Strip Club. A place where people go to eat the dancers. As they performed, the customers dish out money for which 'strip' of flesh they wanted. Dinner and a show. It was really fucked up. All the dancers were Sine-Dolorians. A species that feels all sensation as intense pleasure. They die a few days after mating so some business savvy members of their race started up this profession.
If they were going to die anyway, why not let them go out in a way that makes them feel good and earns money to support the orphanages? Since all the parents die, orphanages were the norm for their species. Each mating produces multiple eggs so at the very least their species wouldn't die out anytime soon.
It's a really fucked up way of life but it makes them happy and I won't judge. Even if it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I see a male dancer on another stage shudder with bliss as a chunk of his side is carefully sliced away.
No one sees anything wrong with this. All the participants are consenting adults and happy. I can understand why some people see the appeal. Pyronica already eats people so she has no problem. Teeth worked at a restaurant that serves PINEAPPLE so it's not like he hasn't seen some masochistic people before. Ammy is watching in curious fascination as a dancer loses her arm to an enthusiastic customer.
It's a good thing I managed to send Xanthar away before he saw this.
A few people noticed me and some of the sound dies down. I sigh. Raw men huh? I didn't know if I should laugh or cry at the misunderstanding. I wasn't feeling up to eating any of the people here but my twisted interest for gore had me wanting to at least stay to let Teeth think he's managed to cheer me up. Plus, I could see bones sticking out of one dancer and it was pretty cool looking.
"B-Bill Cipher?" One of the workers asks as he approached our party. "Yes?" I ask as politely as I could.
"Are you...here as a customer?"
"I suppose I am."
He gives me a hesitant/terrified smile. "Please keep in mind that only our dancers are for eating. We don't want any trouble..."
I wave him off. "It's fine. Don't worry. I'm not gonna cause any trouble if no one starts trouble with me or my friends."
Sheesh, I devour a planet ONE time and no one ever lets me live it down. Great, now I'm upset again.
A few of the others relax and everyone quickly gets back into the swing of things. I float over to one of the tables that has a good view of the stages. Teeth looks at me hesitantly as he takes a seat as well. "Is this...good?" He asks.
"It's not quite what I meant by Ramen, but I appreciate your efforts."
"Ooh~that gal's got some MEAT on her~" Pyronica purrs at a particularly voluptuous dancer sliding down her pole jiggling with fat and muscle.
I scanned to see what currency was accepted on this planet. They accept multiple types, an alliance with the Federation meant they had exchange offices for changing out one for another. The Federation uses this planet as a food supply. There were many contracts and agreements made for this planet to have Federation protection in exchange for giving them some of their people. I broke out of my Scan, the images on my bricks fading away.
I don't actually have Credits or any type of paper money. I can't create them either since counterfeiting bills is illegal and I don't have any Credits to Bill's name due to a lack of a Federation ID. This is why I always search for places that'll accept precious metals and other raw materials as currency. They accept Rhodium as payment here, which is good to know. A little more difficult to make than Gold but perfectly do-able.
I make a small slab of Rhodium, around the size of a playing card and a centimeter thick. Copy-pasting it a few times I hand then out to my friends. "Go have fun and don't spend it all in one place." Oh my god, I feel like a parent.
They cheer and go off to enjoy themselves. Ammy follows Pyronica to see what she does, learning by observation.
I lean back in my chair and wonder how my life came to this. This place is an atrocity. It's disgusting and exploitative but it's also perfectly legal and accepted by the society here. There are so many things in the multiverse that would have revolted me as a human. I was still unhappy about some of the things I've seen but this is 'normal' for them. Their species has lived like this, evolved for the purpose of living like this and that's just how things worked.
I try to keep an open mind. They're happy. They aren't really hurting anyone. Even if it makes me mildly sick. Then again. The twisted part of myself loved watching as bits of flesh and meat were carefully cut off them. A Sine-Dolorian woman practically orgasms as her front is peeled away to expose her ribs and pulsating organs. There's another one at a stage branding themselves with a waffle-iron. Apparently the many ridged texture it leaves their skin is considered an attractive modification. "I'm already half cooked~" I hear a cute male dancer coo at a customer as he shows off the waffle burns along his leg.
I'm not exactly disgusted by their culture or anything but I'm not going to eat them either. That's still...something I cannot bring myself to do. If they killed them first I might, but once again, eating something while they're still alive was too much even for me unless there was an emergency. There's the sound of meat sizzling along with more excited hooting from the customers.
While I'm lost in thought another group of customers enters the establishment. I recognize them as the the Literatura familia. A long reaching Mafia family with several dimensions under their influence. I've actually done many Deals with their Dons over the centuries. They change leadership every 50 standard galactic years and each Don ran the family differently. Many of them called me up for information on various things.
I haven't personally met the current leader but I knew his grandfather and ancestors. He was a surprisingly decent man, despite being a merciless criminal. He was honorable and believed in sticking to a promise. Pretty much the type of Client I enjoyed working with. Sadly, the current leader inherited nothing from his nonno except his ruthlessness.
I watched as the current head, Jorgio Literatura Don #28, strut around like he owned the place and has his men shove some other customers away from a stage with a particularly pretty woman with waffle burns all down her back. She is spinning gracefully around a pole. He leers at her and licks his 3 lips.
"I want this one." Jorgio says to the chef beside the table. "Which part of me would you like sir?" The girl asks with a cute fluttering of her secondary eyes. Jorgio slaps a huge wad of cash onto the the counter. "All of her." He says, still speaking to the chef. The chef blinks and looks at the girl. "All at once sir? We don't have a grill large enough for-"
"Not to eat. I want HER." Jorgio rakes his eyes up and down her form with a completely different kind of hunger. The chef frowns. "I'm sorry sir. This is not that kind of establishment."
Jorgio snaps his fingers and one of his men grabbed the chef. I'd seen enough. I flicked my fingers (secretly jealous that I couldn't get that sharp snapping sound that Jorgio managed so easily) and the chef is teleported safely onto the stage next to the scared dancer girl.
"Oi. No violence in here please. With my luck I'll be the one blamed for it." I float up to them twirling my cane. Don Literatura looks at me and grins in surprised recognition. "Ah. Bill Cipher. Fancy meeting you here."
Because of the long history of Deals I've done with the Literatura family, many of which didn't turn out horribly for my summoners because they were courteous and kept their end of the Deal easily enough, I suppose this would mean we are on friendly terms. This was helped along by the fact that I pretty much helped them get the power they had now. It would be a shame if the current generation ruined all his family's centuries of carefully built rapport.
"Fancy seeing you too. How's the familia? I haven't really gotten to see any of you since Don Tonio stepped down."
"Ah, honorable Nonno, tis a shame you didn't get to see him before he passed."
"It IS a shame. Old Tonio was a good man." Entropy marches on. He lived to quite the old age too. I felt a little guilty for not visiting more often but Toni's son was always wary of me. Would explain why he never summoned me once during his rule.
I was going to say more but Pyronica runs over waving a spiced roasted leg happily. "Bill! Teeth and I have a huge haul of food! Those weird metal sheets you gave us were apparently REALLY valuable!"
I know the instant Jorgio notices Pyronica. The feeling of 'lust' and 'greed' coming off him made my bricks burn unpleasantly. I twitched but managed to hold myself back from anything rash. He hasn't done anything yet. He's just looking. There's nothing wrong with looking.
"If you really bought that much food you better eat it all." I don't like wasting food. I suppose it's even more important in a place like this.
"You're not having any? But you love food?" Pyronica looked incredibly confused. I sighed. It still felt really weird...but it's consensual so there really shouldn't be anything inherently wrong with it...
"Just not in the mood for it right now."
"You have the weirdest hang ups Bill." Pyronica knows me well enough to tell when I refuse something because of various emotional reasons.
Jorgio pipes in "Hello there. Not to interrupt but mind introducing me to your lovely acquaintance here?" He gives Pyronica three charming smiles.
"Of course. Jorgio, this is my friend Pyronica. Ronica, this is Don Jorgio Literatura." I debate if I should introduce Jorgio's men as well. "Jorgio's grandfather was a good client of mine." Tonio summoned me surprisingly often. I still remember the last Deal we made right before he stepped down to let his son take over...
"Would you mind terribly if I were to share a table with you? I wish to speak with signore Cipher and catch up. I have heard many stories from my Nonno but haven't had the honor of meeting him in person."
"Ah...if Bill says it's ok?" Pyronica glances at me. I shrug. "It would be nice to talk. I'd like to hear how Tonio spent his final years."
So we head over to the table where Teeth and Ammy were desperately trying to balance the platters of meat they bought. I flick my fingers and levitate the food safely onto the table. "Hey Bill, who're these guys?" Teeth asked.
"This is the grandson of one of my old clients. Do you mind if they sat with us so we could talk?"
"Sure?"
"Are they friends?" Ammy asked, already taking out a notepad from his blocks (we've recently discovered that I CAN in fact sort of decide what abilities his blocks have while I feed him my flames, sadly they all have to revolve around transport or storage-sub-space, I was quite disappointed I couldn't give him a Death Canon).
"Not really. I'm sort of allied with his familia but as we haven't done any Deals in 2 generations, I'm not sure if they still need me."
"Of course we are still allies. We just haven't had a real pressing issue that needed your help, didn't want to bother you signore Cipher." Jorgio hastily said. He knows better than most how important it was to keep me on his side.
We sit around the table, Jorgio's men standing behind him and I take this time to really look at them. All different kinds of species, only two of them were the same type as Jorgio (Kmuont, a humanoid creature with 3 mouths, smooth dark skin and a tendency to spit acid when angry), there was a large lobster-like creature (Crabavores), some Manrillas, a Jabber, a robot cleverly disguised as a Manrilla...wait what?
I did a double take and scanned the robot more closely. No, not robot, there was someone inside there. I blinked at it and jolted in surprise when I spotted a square-like shape. For a wild second I thought it was a miraculously surviving Flatlander but there were no bricks, just strange tick marks and lines. It took me a few seconds to recognize the buck teeth and the compass design. KRYPTOS?!
I was getting feelings of 'unhappiness' 'stress' and 'pain' coming off him. What the heck was he doing here. I was going to look it up but Jorgio was talking to me and I refocused back to the present.
"Sorry, I was checking something, what did you say?" I asked, my friends were used to me just spacing out for hours at a time. They just assume its due to me being an All Knowing creature watching some important event happening across the multiverse. In reality I'm just an air-head who gets lost in thought all the time.
"I asked if you and your companions would like to come to my estate after this?" Jorgio repeated. I looked over at my friends.
"Sure. Can I bring Xanthar too?"
"Your pet-?" Jorgio tried to say before my Curse took effect and all three of his mouths were stitched over. He panicked before I flicked my fingers and freed him. "Sorry 'bout that. It happens whenever someone disrespects him."
We finish our meal and head off to the teleporters. I'm still curious about what Kryptos was doing here. Plus, the Literatura estates had some lovely gardens. I know I helped the 3rd Don plant and grow the vineyard. They didn't have grapes but instead Krapes, fruits that were similar in shape and made some really delicious wine.
But it's not like I just agreed to go with Jorgio because I wanted Alcohol! I'm just going to figure out why Kryptos was here. Getting some wine was just a bonus I swear!
---
I made a quick blink to Iznang to pick up Xanthar. To my surprise the Queen was with him. She was gently petting him and feeding him some nectar. She looks up at me and sighs.
"Hello again Bill Cipher. We need to talk." She looks...not upset but mildly unhappy and unsure about something.
"What is it your majesty?" I'm warily being a little more polite.
"Why am I still alive?" She asks bluntly.
It takes me a few seconds to understand what she meant. Iznang moves at a different pace in terms of temporal progression than many of the Federation owned/run dimensions. Technically, all dimensions naturally run at different time speeds from each other but if the Federation takes over a whole dimension Time Baby can force that dimension to synch up with the others.
Iznang and the world it exists in, has not surrendered to Time Baby's despotic rule yet, nor does this dimension hold any value for Time Baby to bother taking it. Also, as a 'safe haven' for me and my friends, as per my Deal with the Queen, Time Baby cannot touch them for political reasons. The issue at hand right now is that this dimension runs slower than the ones I've been hanging out it.
So, from my perspective, it has been many millions of years since my Deal with the Queen. On her end, while her time may run slower, it has still been at least a century since she's last seen me. Therein lies her question. Why was she still alive? I glance at the Queen and note that she hasn't changed at all since I last saw her. Which shouldn't be happening. She should be super old or died of old age by this point but there she was, as young as the day I left her.
"I know it is your doing. I am...unsure how to feel about this. I have been able to hide my condition from my people and have already stepped down from the throne. My son runs the kingdom now. He is already grooming my granddaughter to take the throne."
She looks a little melancholy. "I have not been able to see my family. I faked my own death once it became apparent I could no longer hide my body." She gestures to a small cottage I can see hidden partially behind tall flower beds. "I set up a place for myself to live here. It is peaceful and calming. I appreciate this one's company." She gives Xanthar a fond pat. "But now that I have managed to find you before you leave with him, I need to know why my body is like this."
I winced. "I...didn't realize my Deal would have this side effect. I'm really sorry..." To be honest it didn't even cross my mind to wonder at how the Queen was still alive. I knew Iznang ran at a slower time and I just lost track of the years. "Would you like me to...break off the Deal?"
"No, it is fine. Who am I to turn down immortality? Most people would give their very souls for such a boon." She still looks a little sad though.
"Are you sure? Immortality isn't really all that great."
She gazes at me with understanding. "I know. Here I am, having barely lived more than two centuries and already the weariness is setting in. How much have you suffered Bill Cipher? You, who are said to be older than the stars themselves?"
"It's...hard sometimes." I admit. "Well, your case is different. You do not age but you can still die if your body is destroyed, if you are killed. I cannot grant true immortality even by accident."
She breathes deeply, a tension in her form relaxing. "That is good to know. If I ever tire of this life, I will have a way out. I take it that you do not have the same luxury?"
"No. Even if my body is destroyed down to my atoms, I will live on and reform within a few centuries. I will be conscious the whole time."
She shudders "That sounds truly awful. I pity you. What pains you must have gone through. I think I can understand better now, the reason you act the way you do." She sighs and leans against Xanthar's side.
"Are you going to be okay?" I ask her, still feeling guilty for the pain I have inflicted on her unintentionally. She gives me a small smile. "I will be fine. I may be forced to live in isolation for now but in a few more decades I will be able to walk amongst my people once more. When no one alive remembers who I was."
She presses a thin hand on Xanthar and smiles more genuinely. "Besides. I am not lonely. This one keeps me company. He is very sweet."
"Xanthar's the sweetest." I agree as I float up to hug him. The Queen watches how Xanthar lovingly nuzzles me with his bread face. "The rumors about you are dirty lies. You are a kind man." She remarks.
"I'm really not. I'm dangerous. I'm selfish. And I keep hurting people. I'm just nice to those I like. I've killed millions of innocent people." Xanthar pokes me with 'irritation' and 'stern protectiveness' leaking from his form. He doesn't like it when I bad mouth myself.
"You are hard on yourself." The Queen sighs. "Well, I'm sure you must be going now. Feel free to visit whenever."
An idea strikes me. "Would you like to come with us? Leave this world and explore the universe?" Be my Friend officially?
She is quiet. Contemplative. "No. I will not leave my people. I love my country. I will stay to make sure they will grow and prosper."
"Oh." I say as disappointment weighs on me. The Queen smiles though. "I will not come with you. But I would like to call you 'friend'. Would that be acceptable?"
I light up at her words. Relief, joy and hope making my bricks glow. "I would love that!" She laughs. "Alright then. Be sure to come visit again soon."
I wave good bye and blink away, still glowing happily. A friend. A non-canon friend. It was possible for me to have friends. I felt giddy even as I took Xanthar into a brachistochrone curve through time to end up at the Don's estate with everyone else mere seconds after their arrival instead of the months that would have passed if I'd just gone straight there.
That's what happens with dimensions that run at different speeds. It's a thing I need to keep in mind whenever I travel through time and space.
---
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
Mlzuum4
Mlzuum4 Also, I have a bunch of random misadventures that the gang gets up to in my head that I've never written down and yet I write stuff while still having those adventures in mind and I apologize for that. Like, there's a whole scene of Teeth bartering with the chefs but since Bill isn't with them, you won't see it happen.
Same goes for the many, MANY other scenes I have for what the idiots get up to whenever Bill isn't home. Like when Pyronica robbed a clothing store and dragged Ammy along to help her smuggle the clothes straight home. Or Teeth's many auditions for acting roles in plays and movies...and that's not even getting into the adventures Xanthar and Queen get up to...