Bab 46: The Walk to Darkasin City
The walk to Darkasin City was going as Leon had expected.
Alex had stolen the limelight, and the protagonist's women were being 'taken' away by him.
Penny and Alex walked together in the front, leading the way to their destination. They had been talking nonstop about the beauty of the once-existing city. Valora walked a few steps behind them and would jump into the conversation every so often, asking questions with curiosity. Even Seven was interested in what Alex had to say.
So yes, it was going just as Leon had expected.
What he didn't expect was that Rey didn't seem to be bothered at all.
There was no pinch of anger or jealousy. Not even a look of annoyance at how much Alex was talking.
Instead, Rey seemed to be more content walking behind the party and holding his hand.
"Your women are being taken away," Leon dryly commented.
"They're not my women," Rey replied.
"Right, I forgot. You have a one and only,"
Rey tightened his hold around Leon's hand, "and you,"
Leon rolled his eyes and mocked, "And me, lucky me~"
Rey made no reaction to Leon's childish response. He only held his hand tighter, which happened to make Leon remember that there was something he needed to discuss with the protagonist.
"You need to stop holding my hand," Leon demanded with all seriousness, "It's unbecoming and weird that you're acting like this,"
At that, Rey frowned, "No,"
"Rey, I'm not asking. I'm telling you. You need to shape up and stop . . . doing whatever you're doing right now,"
"What am I doing?" Rey refuted.
Leon sighed, "We're what, thirty years old now? You shouldn't be holding my hand like some lost child," Leon yanked his hand out of Rey's grip, "And I can shower and sleep by myself. I don't need you babying me,"
Rey grabbed Leon's hand and held it again, "I don't-"
"-I'm not 'Leon.' I'm not going to do whatever you want," he yanked his hand out of Rey's grip again and sped up.
"I know," Rey chased after Leon's hand again, only for it to be smacked away.
Rey stopped in his tracks, a little annoyed that he'd been brushed away once again. However, as he stared at his empty hand, he felt a familiar sadness blooming in his chest.
The Leon who would never avoid him. The Leon who always wore a smile on his face. The Leon who would have forever stood by his side. He knew that Leon no longer existed. He had disappeared on that cliff, never to return.
He knew that the Leon who stood before him now, was one full of anger and resentment. He was cunning and deceitful, living for some unknown reason yet also prepared for death at any given moment.
However, whether it was his 'Leon' or the Leon now, to him, they were still the same person. Because . . . if this was the Leon that was pretending to be the 'Leon' he once knew, doesn't that still make him the same Leon that he grew up with? There's just more under that goofy smile now, that's all.
So, why is it that even though Leon had come back, there was still a hollowness in his heart?
That even though Leon was 'alive' now, he still felt a sense of loneliness.
Was it really because this isn't the 'Leon' he knew?
Or was it . . . because he knew that Leon wasn't truly back?
Or that he himself doesn't believe that Leon is back?
Rey looked up to see Leon's fading back in the distance.
He closed his palm and brought it to his side.
Whatever it was, Leon was the last and only person he had left.
The only problem right now is that he just doesn't understand why Leon won't hold his hand.
They've been holding hands every day for five years. Sleeping on the same bed every night for five years. Bathing together in the same shower for five years.
And now Leon wants that to stop?
How is he going to stop?
It's what he's been doing to keep Leon alive for all those years.
To keep him breathing.
To hear his heartbeat.
To feel his warmth.
If he stops now, that means . . .
If Leon dies, then . . .
He doesn't want Leon to die.
So he can't stop.
There's no way.
Especially now that Leon is talking and walking, he doesn't want that to happen.
But . . . if Leon did want to die, he knows he'll follow. He'll let it happen. He was willing to let it happen.
But . . .
No.
Rey is confused.
Utterly confused on what to do.
His mind is jumbled with hypocrisies that he can't seem to undo. Constantly contradicting himself in ways that even he gets annoyed.
To live or to die.
To keep or to let go.
What does he want?
What does Leon want?
He doesn't know.
"Rey!" Leon's voice calls from afar, "If you don't start walking, we're leaving you behind!"
Rey walks. One foot in front of the other. He follows after Leon's trail, the only thing that keeps him moving.
He watches Leon from behind.
He watches how Leon smiles and laughs with the others, despite only knowing them for a little over a day. He knows that there's something Leon is hiding under that face. There is something Leon wants and Rey doesn't know what it is.
Then Rey sees Leon frown and he knows that something must have ticked him off. Leon was like a time bomb, something that didn't take long for Rey to notice. The littlest thing could set him off, just like earlier this morning.
He wants to go and comfort him, but then . . .
Tap.
Rey's solemn mood takes a turn for the worse.
Anger.
Jealously.
Possessiveness.
That's what Rey feels when he sees Leon bump his shoulder into Alex's.
'He looks at me as if I'm dirt, but Alex is different?!'
Rey spirals.
He, too, is a ticking bomb, just like Leon.
And before he knows it, he has Alex by the throat. Seven and Valora seem to be yelling at him about something. Probably for him to stop. Penny had fallen to the ground, glancing between him and Alex, but unable to say anything. And Leon just stands there with a disappointed look.
He hates it.
Hates how Leon looks at him.
"Leon," he calls.
Leon only stares at him.
"Leon," he calls again.
And Leon sighs in annoyance.
"Leon," he calls once more, his voice, almost begging.
But Leon doesn't reply.
He never replies.
Never.
He just stands there and stares.
Rey wants to yell. He wants to lash out his anger. He also wants to cry. He wants this feeling to go away.
He wants Leon to look at him, but not like this. He wants Leon to be happy, but with him by his side. He wants Leon to live, but can't let him go.
It's selfish.
He knows it.
But, Leon is the last one.
He can't lose him too.
As Leon stares at Rey, who has Alex by the throat, he thinks about how annoying the protagonist is.
He doesn't know what exactly set Rey off, but he does know that Rey isn't the same protagonist as before. The holding hands, the sleeping together, the bathing together—these were things that they'd never done before unless forced to. For some reason, Rey also seemed to be really attached to that.
And him (Leon), for that matter.
So Leon wanted to make that stop now rather than later. He doesn't understand why it's so hard for Rey to just do that. Leon may not be the same 'Leon' anymore, but he's still physically here by Rey's side. Other than that, nothing has changed.
"Leon," Seven begged from beside him, "Please,"
Leon rolled his eyes, but did comply.
As much as Leon would like to use the "Let him go" or the simple "Stop," he knew that would only worsen the situation. It was best to just pretend that Alex currently didn't exist.
"What's wrong, Rey?" Leon asked, nonchalantly.
"I don't like it," Rey answered.
"Don't like what?"
Rey shook his head. He won't tell. He can't say it. The reasons are selfish. It's wrong.
Leon sighed in frustration, but he wasn't going to pry it out of the protagonist. Instead, a sudden thought jumped into his head.
'You weren't waking up, I thought you went back to sleep,' was what Rey said this morning. He sounded . . . well, Leon wasn't going to go too deep on that, but he would take advantage of it.
And so, Leon mumbled, "I'm tired,"
Rey's eyes shot open, and his hand loosened around Alex's neck, ". . . Why?"
Leon continued speaking, "We've been . . . walking for a while now," an excuse he made on the spot, "I don't have the same energy as before,"
Rey immediately let go of Alex as if he were a sack of grain and went to check on Leon. He eyed Leon up and down, making sure everything was in the right spot.
"I'll carry you," Rey stated and threw Leon onto his back, piggyback-riding him.
Leon shrugged, 'Saves more energy for me,'
'Crazy bastard!' Alex cried as he rubbed his throat.
And like this, they continued their journey onward.
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