Bab 4: 《Numb》
*Axel's POV*
"What the fuck do you mean?!"
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"Miracle is gone?!"
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"MIRACLE?!"
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"Gone?"
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"GONE?!"
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"She's gone?!"
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"I hate you!"
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"YOU KILLED HER! I TOLD YOU TO FOCUS ON THE ROAD!"
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"YOU KILLED MY LOVER! YOU KILLED YOUR SISTER!"
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"YOU'RE A FUCKING MURDERER!"
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"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I KILL YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"
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"WE'RE DONE, AXEL! WE'RE DONE! FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE MY ENEMY! I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN FOR THE SHIT YOU'VE DONE!"
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"I'LL KEEP YOU ALIVE TO TORTURE YOU! TO KILL YOU WHEN YOU'RE STILL BREATHING!"
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"I'M NEVER LEAVING YOU LEAD IT PEACEFUL AFTER KILLING MY LOVER! THE ONLY GIRL I'VE LOVED!"
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"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU, AXEL JULES HAWKS!"
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"You're fucking dead to me."
Back there, the doctors and nurses struggled real bad to stop his yells and threats. Though, I never wanted them to stop him. We both were on the floor, he was trying to punch me with his right hand or choke me with his casted one. Don't know how we got into that position, but fury does really blind. But, every single word he uttered sank deep down and now I feel a knife's tip engraving his words in my mind; slowly, painfully. I'll never forget them and as much as they hurt so bad, I deserve it. I killed his lover. I killed my sister.
And now, I'm here, in the family's mansion. Facing the rest of the dread.
....
"You have always been a disappointment to this family."
"Grayson! How could you say that?!"
"SHUT UP! THE WAY YOU SPOIL HIM LED TO MIRACLE'S DEATH!
"OH, HOW I WISH YOU'D DIED IN HER PLACE!"
I do wish, too.
"YOU DESERVE TO BE DISWONED!"
"FROM NOW ON, AXEL! YOU'RE GOING ABROAD FOREVER! DON'T YOU EVER, EVER DARE TO STEP INTO THIS MANSION AGAIN!"
"Grayson, no!"
"THIS OR SHOOTING HIM RIGHT NOW!"
"You're forbidden from all the family's rights. You're not a son of mine. I wish I'd rip my last name off yours."
.....
And the knife is still engraving in my mind. Nothing feels like anything now. Walking up to - what was once my room - throwing in all the stuff I've. I'm never coming back here by the order of Grayson Hawks, my dad, or who was once my dad. I deserve it. I know. And I'm taking in all the backfire of the shit I've done. It's just kind of really surprising that it's really so easy for him to disown me, kick me out and send me away. It's like he was waiting for the moment he does that.
And he did.
"Grayson, please. Don't do this, please."
"Shut the fuck up, Mercedes! That's the only option I'm giving aside from slaughtering him now!"
"That's Miracle's fate! You can't punish him for an unknown truck crashing into all of them! He was on the verge of death, too!"
*slap!*
"If you say one more word, you're going with him!"
I hear her hurried footsteps which seem to be heading to my room. Soon enough, the door swings open with mom's puffy cheek from his slap and puffy eyes from tears.
"Please, don't go. I'll convince him. Just don't go. Not you, too, Axel. Please, my baby." Her pleading teary eyes with her gentle hands cupping my cheeks are probably the last thing I'm going to see of my mother's. She's always been that kind soul who adds a loving touch to the family.
Just like Miracle.
I can't say anything back to her. I just want to have her sight with me all along. Her direct pleading stare are in mine, the blank one.
"What am I going to do without you?! Why are you going to leave me, too?!" She starts sobbing sitting on the edge of the bed, hiding her face between her hands crying hard.
"You never know. I may kill you, too, if I stayed any longer." And that...that comes out colder that it ever should be. It made her look up at me with a frown.
"You didn't kill her! You loved Miracle more than us all! You'd never do that to her!" Don't even try, mom. Don't even try to make me feel any less guilty for that.
Zipping up my suitcase, I pull it behind me, taking one last glance at my mom, then I leave the room.
I don't know where I'm going, what I'm going to do or what's going to happen. And honestly,...I don't care anymore.
*48 hours later*
Foreign country, strangers, foreign language, streets, buildings, cars, addresses, loss, lone, confusion, fear, danger, eerie; what else do I have to feel?
An apartment in the middle of a district, I don't even know its name. I could be easily killed in here with no one knowing anything. I'm already enrolled in a university; of course, by the power of Grayson Hawks. I don't know what I'm going to study or even how I'm going to live. I barely have any money to shut my hunger. I'm literally so alone and lost. I'd be fully lying if I say I'm not scared.
What I feel like doing is to lay down, cry myself to sleep, yell, scream, break things, but I can't. I've to stay composed against this. I've dealt with shit, but not like that. Not so lone. Not so hated. Not so damaged.
*Door bell*
Hell, here we go. It's midnight, who would ring a bell?
"Mr. Hawks!" A voice of a middle-aged man makes me jump alittle, triggering my fear even more. His voice sounds familiar, but I can't put my finger on his identity and the fact that he knows me. Still not fully trusting him, I grab the penknife on the kitchen's counter - which I bought to defend myself with - and slide it into my pants' back pocket.
"I'm Kal, the assistant. I'll be dropping you money from your mom. Every Monday on midnight." I knew it'd be mom because dad would never do that. I can't accept it. I'm not going to live on her money nor risk her into dad knowing that she sends me money and hurt her. He's strict to the point where he's almost turning merciless with everyone, even his family and here I'm, a living example.
"Tell her I love her and I don't need the money. She better not send it again or she'll be astray just like me." I say behind the door, watching him from the door's peephole. I see him sigh, shaking his head.
"She knows you too well to not expect you refusing this. She tells you she insists and not taking it back no matter what." The type of attention and love mom gives us makes her expect our responses. She's so smart to know what Miracle was thinking and how she was going to react to anything. She used to tell me 'I'm hard to read' when she, now, knows what I'm going to say.
"Listen Kal, I'm not taking this. So, have it for yourself and act like I took it, okay? I'll explain everything to her later."
Kal deserves it much more than I do. He has been working with dad since I knew how to walk. He's patient, very patient to be working all those years with him. He's kind, honest and considerate, at least that's what Miracle and Mom said. But, it shows now when he's risking it all by coming here to me. I can imagine what dad would do if he knows about this, and it won't be pleasing at all.
"I know you know that, but...don't ever mention to dad that you came here. You don't deserve whatsoever he's going to say or do, Kal." I say, lightly pulling myself off the door, about to throw myself on the couch when he speaks. "Stop blaming yourself for it, young hot-blooded."
Tears rush to my eyes making me press my lips together to prevent any sobs coming out. If I start weeping, I know It'd be so difficult to stop me because I'll be letting out floods of confused, furious emotions that would crash anything they come across, they're already crashing me from the inside. I lay on my back, placing the back of my arm over my mouth letting more tears trail down my cheeks as I hear him walking down the couple steps from my doorway, leaving.
I can't stop blaming myself for it. I can't stop seeing myself guilty for it. I can't stop dreaming about her last words. I can't stop feeling her last gentle touch by her hand, full of blood on my cheek with her teary eyes staring into mine, saying goodbye. Goosebumps creep onto my arm when I recall everything as fresh as if it happened moments ago. I don't know for how long I'll go on with this grieving weight on my chest. I killed Miracle, everyone hates me even Ferrari, my only best friend. More tears rush down making me gasp for air to ease the suffocations filling my lungs. Can't it be a nightmare? I can't bear reality, it's too hard.
My phone starts buzzing in my pocket as I jump alittle at its sudden startle. Here you're, Axel, flinching like a baby when no one could have stared into your eyes. Checking the caller, it's mom. I can't talk to her in my state, she'd get worried and realize the fact that I'm slowly breaking down. I decide not to pick up for now, resting my head back on the couch's arm, closing my eyes tiredly. Let's sleep, hoping not to ever wake up, but expecting to wake up to face the real dread. The lone world's dread.
*Next Morning*
Buzz...
Buzz...
Buzz...
What? Rolling over the couch intending to shut the phone's buzzing, I find it's an unknown number.
: "Hello, Are you Axel Hawks?"
"Yes?"
: "It's Queen's University. You've been accepted and are requested to come and complete the rest of your enrollment's procedures as well as choose your major."
"Yeah, sure. I'll be there shortly."
The call is hung up making me absolutely annoyed. Did he call them already to address me so rudely? Plus, where the hell is Queen's University? They didn't even tell the address.
*Door knocks*
What's wrong with y'all? It's literally 7 in the morning. I approach the door, looking through the peephole. A ginger-headed guy with freckles upon his upper cheeks with his nose bridge, looking enthusiastic for some reason. I open the door not bothering fixing my messed up hair.
"Hello, new neighbor! You look like a foreigner, too! The country says hi!" He speaks it all in one shot, making me scrunch my nose in annoyance. From where did he absorb such energy for such rambling greetings to an absolute stranger? I'm getting annoyed by the thought, not to mention he's right infront of me.
"Excuse me, who are you?" He doesn't seem taken back by my cold, obviously, unwelcoming response.
"I'm Uriah Heep. Your neighbor." He points to the apartment right next to me. I nod, staring at his smile. "And you're?" He initiates, extending a hand. I take it, trying to be as not-so-snappy as possible. "Axel Hawks." He nods in return shaking hands.
"Here's your welcoming pie." He extends a plate with apparently an apple pie placed on it. I take it with a nod which's supposed to be a thank you. "Well, have a great morning!" He says and leaves me at the doorstep, walking back to his apartment. I sigh, stepping inside, closing the door, placing the 'welcoming' pie aside.
I head upstairs with lots of thoughts swirling around my head.
Can't even decide on a major.
Miracle.
Ferrari.
My parents.
Autumn....
I left her suddenly with no explanations, no goodbyes, nothing at all. Will she ever excuse me for this? By the time I come back, will she ever remember me?
I step into my room's bathroom, taking off my clothes. Trying to wrap my thoughts around any plans I should have.
Let's see what the world has got in store for me.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone