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The story and idea is great but I feel that you are not giving the fights enough words and they feel unfulfilling. None of the characters have been introduced much to us and we do not learn how they look at all.
This plot is honestly amazing and well written . BRAVO!!!.Good job author!! It is a very interesting piece full of suspense. I simply love it.
Very descriptive and creative way of writing. The book has a lot of potential if some chpters could be fixed. All in all ,a very amazing novel and definitely recommend to anyone reading the comment.
The grammar and the language functions are upto the mark. Here and there there are few mistakes, but it's alright, everyone is a human and they make mistakes. The story is very interesting, and the convo are pretty solid. BUT, the character introduction is very bad, and the story is a bit fast-paced. You need to know that the protagonist is not the only character needed for a book. The side characters are one of the major reason for a novels plot to move forward. And do keep in mind that giving a solid base to your novel will bring up the chances and make the story even more interesting. Although the author has tried a new "concept" in a way, the execution is only partial. Please do make note of these important points and try to fix your novel. Best of luck from my side.
The plotline is amazing but theres a lot missing and by missing im saying it needs a better title because Im having a hard time seeing why theres almost nobody reading it it was pretty good and I really liked it even though the story gets complicated at times
This is a well written story. the author definitely has skills and a vivid imagination. the story is well developed and the background makes you want to read more to see where it goes.
A very enjoyable read and story..... storytelling at its best! I can only be in awe of the author's skill in creating an original story in the depths of his imagination. prestige! And also keep it up and don't give up on writing. The future is bright ahead.
Upon reading this story, I was ultimately surprised. Although I was kind of jarred when exposition ran me over in the prologue, I solidered through it to contine with the story. The biggest detriment in my eyes is actually the structure in my opinion. You have a particular style that specializes in long sentences and lengthy paragraphs. Your chapters are lengthy early on, and it's just blocks of text, and that discombobulated me at first glance multiple times. You do have a plus since it isn't poorly written, but it is "too" written.I am told too much, and that stuns me as the reader. I was overfed with information, and that slowly put me out. I kept going out of respect, but I suggest watching the exposition exposure. It is better to add details in and expand upon them as they become relevant. Since it is an expansive world, so it saves it. Breaking up more of those paragraphs would likely be beneficial, so review it and then make a decision.
I really like the way of your write and the detailed description of the characters also the flow of the story is not that slow nor boring but overall the story is great and exciting
It seems good,although,the names are pretty hard to follow but although it seems good.....took an overview by the way and I think...I can't say any more but just the names thing is pretty hard to follow...so I would say keep going and I wish you get better and better..best regards..
A very well-written and immersive dark fantasy setting. The lore at the beginning does a good job establishing tone and I was quickly taken in by the story. This author excels at creating atmosphere, and weaves the theme and all essential story elements together with the masterfully. A delightfully dark read.
This novel is fantastic. Amazing world building, exceptional use of mythology and great writing style. Usually prologues are not my cup of tea, yet I read this one without feeling overwhelmed with too much information, nor a feeling of boredom. Further more, even the chapters after very well written. The flow, the choice of words... Everything was just right for me, this novel is going places I'm sure of it.
The book is quite an amazing one, but create suspense to piqued the readers interest to read more. For recommendation, u got ma back there. Many will find it difficult, making a start up like this
This story is really well develop with great starting and eventually an auspicious ending, it's really hard to get a good story, but this one really surpass my imaginations. i urge the author to go on with this incredible story.
I'mma give myself 5 stars for the effort. Now, for the good part. I've begun editing this book from the beginning. I've edited about 9 chapters, ironed out typos and grammatical errors to make the book more enjoyable. If you have been reading this book for a while I sincerely apologize for this inconvenience, as the new story has more than a few differences with the old version. Read to find out 😁. I am trying my best to iron out all the details. So please, bear with me. I promise not to disappoint you. Thank you 🤗
So firstly I just wanna state that this is actually a good novel, could even be great. I have issues with a few things though. 1stly too much exposition, way too much exposition. This novel could actually benefit from breaking up and expanding the first few chapters to flush out more intricate details and better character development and such. I feel as though the Author loves this novel and has a great many ideas he wants to implement and it shows by coming off as if he's rushing the development of the story. There's a distinct difference between withholding information and slowly trickling it in after hooking the reader with great action beats and giving information dumps to get critical information out of the way. There are some grammar errors as well as spelling flaws, but by far the biggest issue is the exposition. Sometimes it even rips the reader out of immersion of the story. We gain information that could easily be told to us in more creative ways. Overall the author is creative and even though this is a systems novel, I feel they do a great job of utilizing it as a tool rather than the main focus. The main focus is the world, and there's thought put into this world, which is why the exposition drives me up a wall because you are taking away from truly expanding the beauty of the world. I know this may seem like a rant or bashing but I'm only being tough because you gotta gem here, slow down and polish that baby. If you establish that beginning right all that juicy tid bits i know your rushing to get to will pay off even more.
Wow an awesome write up. The story is quite intriguing and the plot is great too. The themes are not my best kind of story but I love it all the same... That shows how great the story is.
A very nice read and storyline.........storytelling at its best! I can only be at awe at the author's prowess at making an original story deep within the depths of his imagination. Kudos! And also keep it up and do not surrender in writing. The future is bright up ahead. [img=recommend]
I found this short story to be very interesting. The plotline was engaging and the writing was generally strong, with some minor errors scattered throughout. However, these mistakes did not detract from the overall quality of the piece. The author's descriptive skills really shone through and contributed to the immersive experience of the story. Good work author, keep it up!
The plot as far as I have read is great. Can't wait to find out how Cain and Ashur are related to each other when I delve further. If I have to say my piece, there was a few errors but its interesting overall. I wanted to give a 4.9 review rating but it always went to 4.8. Either way the story is good ignoring the minimal errors at first so I think the 5/5 is okay. So far this novel does not seem to bore me, there were a few errors but it's interesting. the plot is great altho not much I can say about the daily updates tho..... characters are fantastic I wonder if Cain and Ashur are related or brothers perhaps. anyway I give this read a 4.0 / 5 good one author [img=update]
First off, you clearly have a good grasp of grammar and sentence structure. Sentences flowed well with little to no stiffness yet some of that was disrupted by the semi-dump of information. World building is difficult without making it boring and tedious, so thats alright. Secondly, i could see tat you had a direction you were going in and you did well in excuting the plot. Characters are well portrayed, still could do better at least till how far i read, though just a little character develpmoent and im sure youll have had them be their own unique people. Overall youre a good writer and im sure you’ll make it far with enough consistency.
Man this has got to be one of the best plot I have heard so far I the book title really aligns with what the story is all about wowwwww😳😳😳😳😳 you're good like really good keep it up and pls don't ever stop
Hello dear author, I really like the thought that you put into this novel. I also like the world-building you put in. The only thing I would say is that if you can try making it more interesting because I just feel a whole lot of information in your novel.
The plot as far as I have read is great. Can't wait to find out how Cain and Ashur are related to each other when I delve further. If I have to say my piece, there was a few errors but its interesting overall. I wanted to give a 4.9 review rating but it always went to 4.8. Either way the story is good ignoring the minimal errors at first so I think the 5/5 is okay.
It's beautiful to read. The beginning drew me in immediately. The description of that world, the construction of that world is fascinating. I finally found something that made me want to read on. Keep it up!
Wow. This ongoing story is an incredible read. If you are looking for martial arts fantasy with immerse world building, this is for you. I highly recommend!
The plot is quite interesting. I quite enjoy the world-building in the first chapter. It gives a lot of background into the world and makes in clear that the author has through the creation of the world. Excited to see where this story goes. Definitely keeping in my collection.
Creation, oh my ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The plotline is exciting, intriguing and most of all interesting. The Ml's character is a unique one and that's makes it all the more interesting keep it up, author!
Never mind I found it. But there are so many npcs in this back but its solid not a 4 but close
The story and idea is great but I feel that you are not giving the fights enough words and they feel unfulfilling. None of the characters have been introduced much to us and we do not learn how they look at all.
This plot is honestly amazing and well written . BRAVO!!!.Good job author!! It is a very interesting piece full of suspense. I simply love it.
Very descriptive and creative way of writing. The book has a lot of potential if some chpters could be fixed. All in all ,a very amazing novel and definitely recommend to anyone reading the comment.
The grammar and the language functions are upto the mark. Here and there there are few mistakes, but it's alright, everyone is a human and they make mistakes. The story is very interesting, and the convo are pretty solid. BUT, the character introduction is very bad, and the story is a bit fast-paced. You need to know that the protagonist is not the only character needed for a book. The side characters are one of the major reason for a novels plot to move forward. And do keep in mind that giving a solid base to your novel will bring up the chances and make the story even more interesting. Although the author has tried a new "concept" in a way, the execution is only partial. Please do make note of these important points and try to fix your novel. Best of luck from my side.
The plotline is amazing but theres a lot missing and by missing im saying it needs a better title because Im having a hard time seeing why theres almost nobody reading it it was pretty good and I really liked it even though the story gets complicated at times
This is a well written story. the author definitely has skills and a vivid imagination. the story is well developed and the background makes you want to read more to see where it goes.
A very enjoyable read and story..... storytelling at its best! I can only be in awe of the author's skill in creating an original story in the depths of his imagination. prestige! And also keep it up and don't give up on writing. The future is bright ahead.
Upon reading this story, I was ultimately surprised. Although I was kind of jarred when exposition ran me over in the prologue, I solidered through it to contine with the story. The biggest detriment in my eyes is actually the structure in my opinion. You have a particular style that specializes in long sentences and lengthy paragraphs. Your chapters are lengthy early on, and it's just blocks of text, and that discombobulated me at first glance multiple times. You do have a plus since it isn't poorly written, but it is "too" written.I am told too much, and that stuns me as the reader. I was overfed with information, and that slowly put me out. I kept going out of respect, but I suggest watching the exposition exposure. It is better to add details in and expand upon them as they become relevant. Since it is an expansive world, so it saves it. Breaking up more of those paragraphs would likely be beneficial, so review it and then make a decision.
I really like the way of your write and the detailed description of the characters also the flow of the story is not that slow nor boring but overall the story is great and exciting
It seems good,although,the names are pretty hard to follow but although it seems good.....took an overview by the way and I think...I can't say any more but just the names thing is pretty hard to follow...so I would say keep going and I wish you get better and better..best regards..
A very well-written and immersive dark fantasy setting. The lore at the beginning does a good job establishing tone and I was quickly taken in by the story. This author excels at creating atmosphere, and weaves the theme and all essential story elements together with the masterfully. A delightfully dark read.
This novel is fantastic. Amazing world building, exceptional use of mythology and great writing style. Usually prologues are not my cup of tea, yet I read this one without feeling overwhelmed with too much information, nor a feeling of boredom. Further more, even the chapters after very well written. The flow, the choice of words... Everything was just right for me, this novel is going places I'm sure of it.
The book is quite an amazing one, but create suspense to piqued the readers interest to read more. For recommendation, u got ma back there. Many will find it difficult, making a start up like this
This story is really well develop with great starting and eventually an auspicious ending, it's really hard to get a good story, but this one really surpass my imaginations. i urge the author to go on with this incredible story.
I'mma give myself 5 stars for the effort. Now, for the good part. I've begun editing this book from the beginning. I've edited about 9 chapters, ironed out typos and grammatical errors to make the book more enjoyable. If you have been reading this book for a while I sincerely apologize for this inconvenience, as the new story has more than a few differences with the old version. Read to find out 😁. I am trying my best to iron out all the details. So please, bear with me. I promise not to disappoint you. Thank you 🤗
So firstly I just wanna state that this is actually a good novel, could even be great. I have issues with a few things though. 1stly too much exposition, way too much exposition. This novel could actually benefit from breaking up and expanding the first few chapters to flush out more intricate details and better character development and such. I feel as though the Author loves this novel and has a great many ideas he wants to implement and it shows by coming off as if he's rushing the development of the story. There's a distinct difference between withholding information and slowly trickling it in after hooking the reader with great action beats and giving information dumps to get critical information out of the way. There are some grammar errors as well as spelling flaws, but by far the biggest issue is the exposition. Sometimes it even rips the reader out of immersion of the story. We gain information that could easily be told to us in more creative ways. Overall the author is creative and even though this is a systems novel, I feel they do a great job of utilizing it as a tool rather than the main focus. The main focus is the world, and there's thought put into this world, which is why the exposition drives me up a wall because you are taking away from truly expanding the beauty of the world. I know this may seem like a rant or bashing but I'm only being tough because you gotta gem here, slow down and polish that baby. If you establish that beginning right all that juicy tid bits i know your rushing to get to will pay off even more.
Wow an awesome write up. The story is quite intriguing and the plot is great too. The themes are not my best kind of story but I love it all the same... That shows how great the story is.
A very nice read and storyline.........storytelling at its best! I can only be at awe at the author's prowess at making an original story deep within the depths of his imagination. Kudos! And also keep it up and do not surrender in writing. The future is bright up ahead. [img=recommend]
I found this short story to be very interesting. The plotline was engaging and the writing was generally strong, with some minor errors scattered throughout. However, these mistakes did not detract from the overall quality of the piece. The author's descriptive skills really shone through and contributed to the immersive experience of the story. Good work author, keep it up!
The plot as far as I have read is great. Can't wait to find out how Cain and Ashur are related to each other when I delve further. If I have to say my piece, there was a few errors but its interesting overall. I wanted to give a 4.9 review rating but it always went to 4.8. Either way the story is good ignoring the minimal errors at first so I think the 5/5 is okay. So far this novel does not seem to bore me, there were a few errors but it's interesting. the plot is great altho not much I can say about the daily updates tho..... characters are fantastic I wonder if Cain and Ashur are related or brothers perhaps. anyway I give this read a 4.0 / 5 good one author [img=update]
First off, you clearly have a good grasp of grammar and sentence structure. Sentences flowed well with little to no stiffness yet some of that was disrupted by the semi-dump of information. World building is difficult without making it boring and tedious, so thats alright. Secondly, i could see tat you had a direction you were going in and you did well in excuting the plot. Characters are well portrayed, still could do better at least till how far i read, though just a little character develpmoent and im sure youll have had them be their own unique people. Overall youre a good writer and im sure you’ll make it far with enough consistency.
Man this has got to be one of the best plot I have heard so far I the book title really aligns with what the story is all about wowwwww😳😳😳😳😳 you're good like really good keep it up and pls don't ever stop
Hello dear author, I really like the thought that you put into this novel. I also like the world-building you put in. The only thing I would say is that if you can try making it more interesting because I just feel a whole lot of information in your novel.
The plot as far as I have read is great. Can't wait to find out how Cain and Ashur are related to each other when I delve further. If I have to say my piece, there was a few errors but its interesting overall. I wanted to give a 4.9 review rating but it always went to 4.8. Either way the story is good ignoring the minimal errors at first so I think the 5/5 is okay.
It's beautiful to read. The beginning drew me in immediately. The description of that world, the construction of that world is fascinating. I finally found something that made me want to read on. Keep it up!
Wow. This ongoing story is an incredible read. If you are looking for martial arts fantasy with immerse world building, this is for you. I highly recommend!
The plot is quite interesting. I quite enjoy the world-building in the first chapter. It gives a lot of background into the world and makes in clear that the author has through the creation of the world. Excited to see where this story goes. Definitely keeping in my collection.
Creation, oh my ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The plotline is exciting, intriguing and most of all interesting. The Ml's character is a unique one and that's makes it all the more interesting keep it up, author!
Never mind I found it. But there are so many npcs in this back but its solid not a 4 but close