Bab 16: TO TELL THE TRUTH
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The girl trembled slightly as she stood there staring,
"Watch", the masculine voice behind her said and so she watched and not once, not once did she look away.
At a distance was the boy whom she had fallen in love with, who she had thought loved her too, with her more beautiful best friend. It was the most painful thing anyone could ever be made to see. But she had to see it, she had to. She had to see it and not back down and as such she stood there and watched them even though she was dying inside. She balled her hands into fists, fought back the tears and watched.
'No, she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't.
A pair of arms wrapped her in a hug, but she didn't flinch, she just stood there, watching. Until he turned her around to face her. She stared at his blue eyes with her misty eyes.
"Go on", he said.
"No. I'm fine", she said.
He hugged her.
"No you're not. Go on", he whispered.
She started sobbing until finally she broke down in tears. Crying loudly, she wet his shoulders with her tears.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry....", she stuttered.
"I tried to"
"It's ok", he patted her.
He hugged her for a while before letting go. He stared at her.
"Tell me, what did you think I meant when I said you needed to get control over your emotions?", he asked her.
"You...you meant I shouldn't let myself get affected by anything", she stuttered.
"No. But even if that was I meant, do you think watching everything till the end while trembling and digging your nails into your palm to remind yourself is you not getting affected?", he asked her.
"Gaining control is not letting your emotions or your feelings cloud your judgment. It's being able to see things clearly and analyze perfectly even in your most unstable state. Control is shutting off your heart, and it is the only way you won't get hurt again"
"Do you understand?", he asked.
"Yes", she nodded.
****
Tiana's POV
We stood there staring at each other. Neither one of us saying anything. We both seemed calm outwardly but they were many questions running through our minds.
"Is that so?", he finally said, cutting the thick silence that had enveloped the class during the course of our altercation.
I stared at him, trying to analyze him, trying to understand, to see if he really knew. But there was no way he knew. I had been able to keep it for years from the people I see everyday and we had met how many times? It was impossible for him to know. No one had ever been able to read me before, even Sky had trouble understanding me sometimes. I couldn't believe that someone like this boy would be able to read me so easily. He was probably just saying things blindly. Even if he did know, I would never give him satisfaction of acknowledging it.
"Mister Williams, please take your seat. You shouldn't interrupt a classmate like that and saying things like that no less", Miss Winston said after some time.
"I'm sorry ma'am", he said before glancing at me.
"I'm sorry Tiana, I was just worried that's all", he said with a small smile before turning around amidst the murmurs that now resounded in the class.
I stared at him for a long time before I heard Miss Winston say,
"Ms. Almirez please do continue"
I took in a deep breath and turned to her, I flashed her an apologetic smile before saying,
"I'm sorry ma'am but I'll have to excuse myself. I need to use the restroom"
"Oh? Then in that case you can", she replied.
"Thank you ma'am", I said and left the class.
I stood in front of the mirror in the toilet. I put on the water and splashed some on my face. I stared at my reflection on in the mirror.
'You need to pull yourself together Tiana!', I reminded myself.
'He probably doesn't know anything', I tried to console myself.
But something told me it was likely he knew. The time when he had called me pretentious replayed in my head. Also what did he mean by me showing a fake smile? Did he really know? I asked myself. I didn't know. I was confused. All his words kept replaying in my heads and it was deafening. His voice was loudly playing in my head. I put my head in my hands as I felt a dull ache. I tried to calm myself. It was no use staying here wondering if knows or doesn't know. And besides, even Sky can't read me at times, how could he be able to? You are thinking too much Tiana, I told myself and patted my cheeks, reassuring myself. I pulled myself together and headed back to my class. I walked into the class ignoring everyone and took my seat. The rest of the classes went on uneventful and soon it was time for lunch. While everyone else prepared to leave, I lazily leaned on my chair and fiddled with my phone. Sky had sent me a message. I tapped on it.
Dada my DNA🥺: "Where do you want to eat from today?"
I thought for a while before replying,
"Haven't really thought about it. I'll just have cafeteria food today"
"Ok", came his reply.
"I have something to do, so I'll join you at the cafeteria a bit later", he added after a while.
"K", I replied and sighed.
I put down my phone and packed my things. When I was done, I walked out of the class, my phone in hand.
I settled down at a table in the cafeteria. Grace and Steph weren't here yet, so I just sat there waiting for them, with a book.
Not long after Steph arrived,
"Hey, B", she greeted.
"Hey", I replied
"Have you been waiting long?", she asked as she sat down.
"Nope", I responded.
"Oh,ok.Grace isn't here yet?"
"No"
"Jinjja? I dropped by her last class and she wasn't there. I thought she was here already"
"Maybe she stopped by somewhere", I stated.
"Hm."
"Ah! So tired", she exclaimed as she stretched.
"Haven't you had anything?", she asked
"Mmh mh"
"Oh right! Where's Sky? Isn't he buying?", she asked.
"I told him I wanted to eat cafeteria food today", I replied nonchalantly
"What?!!", she exclaimed.
I remained calm as I flipped the pages of my book.
"Waeyo? Wae?! Wae?!", she exclaimed in korean.
I smiled.
Grace, Steph and I had one thing in common, we absolutely loved K Dramas. We had binge watched many k dramas and as such we couldn't stop ourselves from adding some korean words in our speech sometimes. Although you could say I was a bit more obsessed than them. Whereas, Grace and Steph only loved K dramas and listened to only a little bit of K Pop, I was interested in K Pop, K Dramas, C Dramas, C Pop, and even Thai dramas. Although I mostly Thai Bls, sometimes I also watched Vietnamese and Japanese Bls and I listened to Thai OSTs a lot. I was really into the entire Asian Entertainment Industry, as such I got teased alot in middle school. Especially for the fact I liked BTS, most of my classmates called me obssessed and made fun of me but I didn't mind. BTS songs are my peace of mind.
"I just felt like eating from the cafeteria today, Steph. And one more thing it wouldn't be good if you become too dependent on Sky. What if he gets fed up?", I said.
"Fed up?", she scoffed.
"That's impossible"
"Is it?", I asked.
"It is. Hello, Sky wouldn't get fed up of spoiling me because I'm your friend"
"And what about when he gets fed up with me", I said casually as I dropped my book.
"What? Sky fed up with you?"
"Oh please don't make me laugh", she said.
"If Sky had romantic feelings towards you maybe he might get fed up. But do you know what makes you guys unique? He doesn't. Sky has doted on you, spoil you and been there for you without having any romantic feelings. He's been doing all that because he genuinely cares for you. And he's been doing it for a long time.", she stated.
"Still....", I made to interrupt.
"Sky would lay the entire world at your feet, if you tell him it would make you happy. Sometimes I'm envious of you, you have someone who would dotes on you without reason", she said.
"That doesn't mean you or I should take advantage of him", I told her.
"Who's taking advantage of him? I'm just tapping from the advantages that comes with being your friend, O Great Queen", she teased and I smiled.
She was right about one thing though, Sky would do anything to make me happy and I always wondered why. He didn't really have any reason to dote on me the way he does but he does it anyway.
"Oh! Grace!", I heard Steph call pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned and saw Grace walking towards us.
"What took you so long?", Steph asked her as she took her seat.
"I had to stop by the teachers room for an errand", she replied as she eyed me.
"Oh? Alright then, it doesn't matter. Let's..."
"What happened?", Grace asked me interrupting Steph.
"What do you mean?", I asked her coolly.
"I heard you had an argument with the new boy", she said.
"An argument?", Steph repeated confused.
"It wasn't an argument. It was a clash of opinions, something that is very common in social studies class, I must say", I responded as I picked up my book.
"Really? A clash of opinions?"
"Yes. A clash of opinions", I replied placing my book on the table with a slight thud and looking her straight in the eye.
"Wait. Hold on. I'm lost. What happened?", Steph asked.
Grace turned to her.
"Apparently Tiana and the new boy got into an argument about mental health issues in social studies class. If one could even call that an argument or a clash of opinions for that matter. The new boy asked her if she had gone through mental health challenges", Grace narrated and eyed me again.
"What?", Steph asked in surprise.
"Where did he come up with that?", she asked.
"I don't know but do you know what some people are saying? Some people are saying it's probably true, that it may be the reason why you act like a bitch", she said as she stared at me.
"It doesn't matter", I replied.
"It doesn't matter?", she asked me, a stupefied look on her face.
I remained silent.
"At least tell me, tell me why you chose to talk about mental health", she asked.
"I don't know!", I responded getting slightly irritated.
"Seriously? You don't know?", she asked.
I remained quiet.
"Then what did he mean when he said he saw you crying?"
"That....."
"Tiana tell me the truth, are you ok?", she asked me sincerely worried.
"I'm fine Grace", I assured her.
"Don't tell me you are beginning to doubt the state of my mental health as well because of this issue?", I asked her.
She didn't say anything else.
I didn't feel bad lying to my friends about I really felt. Them being aware of my condition wouldn't help in anyway. Although I knew Grace suspected something was wrong with me, the period I hit rock bottom and I didn't have Sky to help me control my emotions then, she had suspected but she never asked me straight up, until now. Until this new boy showed up. He was going to ruin everything for me. 'The persona and the image I had worked so hard to built, he nearly ruined it', I thought to myself.
"Hi, can I sit here?", someone asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I looked up to see Lucas smiling at me.
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