Every time I can, I think of you. You keep growing. I'm smiling because of you. All day, I can only see you... -- I Can Only See You, Red Velvet's Wendy and Seulgi
xxxxxx
[Setsuji]
As soon as I laid down on the grass, I only heaved a heavy sigh. I'd been doing a lot of that lately but I wasn't wondering anymore why I was doing that. My mind was in a mess; that was it. And I mean messy that I didn't know how to fix it.
I was at the seaside park just near Uminaribara since the dreaded dance practicum was finally over. That park was my sanctuary, especially when so many thoughts would bother me and I needed a quiet place for me to think.
While doing that, I couldn't help but suddenly smiled when I remembered Fukuizumi.
It was obvious that she was surprised when Tachibana-sensei announced that Fukuizumi and I got the highest marks on that dance practicum. I had to admit, even I was surprised but then I think I already knew the reason why it happened like that.
Fukuizumi and I prepared for that dance practicum. Somehow, we came up with a temporary truceーas she suggested, much to my disappointmentーso we could do the practicum right. We had to set aside our petty fights for the meantime. It was the only way for us to be able to do it. We only had one and a half weeks for us to practice so we did our best in practicingーwithout even knowing that the past one and a half weeks would seriously change a lot between us.
Fukuizumi and I weren't the only pair who had to perform the waltz but we decided not to practice with the other pairs. To be honest, I was glad about that because Fukuizumi's time and attention were for me alone even if it was just for a while and she was oddly civil to me.
That week and a half made me see things in a new light. Holding Fukuizumi gently in my arms like that while we were dancing gracefully together felt so right. I won't deny that even to myself. I even wished I could hold her like that forever. But perhaps because of my continuous teasings to her and her sky-is-the-limit irritation to me, my wish would be impossible to even happen. Besides, the truce was over.
That was the only thing that until now, I couldn't fully accept... and I had no idea why. Again! This bothered me!
But it wasn't even in my dictionaryーin Mitsuta Setsuji's dictionaryーto falter like that. I was up to that challenge laid out in front of me.
Fukuizumi Rinako was the challenge I wouldn't give up dealing with.
That dance practicum was the first time I saw Fukuizumi wear a gown since costume or proper dancing attire was required. Even though it was simply madeーeven her face didn't have any traces of make-up or anything, the gown suited her. I nearly gapedーthank goodness and Fukuizumi didn't notice thatーwhen I saw her like that.
Thankfully, Mayu helped me not to make it obvious to Fukuizumi and even to our clubmates. That would be embarrassing if she noticed that or even the others. I won't be able to face any of them if that ever happened. I just didn't pay attention to Seiho and Mayu's simple teasings while Fukuizumi and I were dancing on the stage in front of the others.
But even though we didn't talk, it didn't bother me. The silence between us was calming. The music just made it feel so wonderful. I couldn't understand why but that was what I exactly felt while dancing with Fukuizumi.
I released a heavy sigh once again after thinking about what happened a while back. I had to admit, it was one of the most wonderful memories I would never forget. I won't ever stop replaying that in my mind over and over, especially when I was sure that that memory was one of the things that would make my college life complete.
No, maybe not just my college life but perhaps even my entire life.
Weird... Why would I think it like that?
I stood up and was about to leave that place when I heard someone singing softly yet loud enough for me to hear not far away from my position.
I stopped walking when I heard that. The voice was familiar to me. It was from a girl. I couldn't tell the reason why my hearing seemed to become sharp whenever I hear a girl speaking or singing.
But it didn't take me long to find her, though. And I was right, it was from a girl. I didn't know but I felt something weird that it was from Fukuizumi.
"So she was also going there..." I whispered to myself. But then... why was she singing that song now, of all times? Did something happen again that I didn't know?
I saw her leaning on a large old maple tree. She probably didn't know someone was watching her. And to think that "someone" was meーthe guy whom she hated in some way or another, whether I admit it or not.
I frowned as I heard her voice, especially now that I was slightly closer to her position. Just great... What kind of life did I have at the moment acting like a stalker when it comes to this girl? Seriously, how could I even live doing something like this to her?
But then I won't deny that I could sense bitterness... and confusion in her voice as I heard her sing the song. Weird...
Well, if she was singing that song to become a reminder, then that explained it. What happened between her and Nakagome Yushiro was probably that traumatic on her part, making it a possible reason why she was distant towards our guy classmates, especially to me. But it was a different issue when it comes to me and Seiho. My twin brother was just an affable person, which was why Fukuizumi wasn't avoiding Seiho.
As for me, she was only dealing with me when I was annoying her. Well, that was the only way for me to get her attentionーwell, that was before. It was like my teasings to her were my way of letting her know that I was existingーeven though her irritation towards me was above boiling point ever since.
If that girl hadn't even suggested something about the truce, nothing would have seriously changed between Fukuizumi and me. But I accepted it without me even knowing that hell of a truce would seriously change everything a great deal.
I think I entered into a mess when I accepted that. A mess in my mind... and maybe even a mess towards my feelings.
Now I knew one of her fearsーand that was to fall in love again and end up making the same mistake twice. What was I supposed to do now that I knew all that? In the first place, was I supposed to do something? And how would it benefit me even if I did something?
But before I could even think of anything else, I saw Fukuizumi take something out of her bag. My eyes widened before I could even stop myself when I saw the flower I entrusted to Mayu that was to be given to Fukuizumi right after the dance practicum.
It was a Sweet William that I thought of getting from my aunt's flower farm when I visited the place the other day. I intended to give it to Fukuizumi through Mayu because of the flower's meaningーas usual. Since when did I give a flower to someone without considering its meaning in the language of flowers?
Maybe that flower could at least grant my wishーto see her smile a real smile at me. I continued watching Fukuizumi see her reaction regarding the flower. She was just staring at itーwith a blank face at the truly disheartening start. But as I said, it was only at the start. A few seconds later, I saw it.
But I felt unable to breathe properly when I saw a certain view that seemed to have become a wish granted for me. Fukuizumi was smiling a real smile! She was smiling as she was staring at the flower that she was holding. I couldn't believe it!
~"Aunt Mari, what's the meaning of Sweet William? And why are you giving this to me?"
My aunt looked at me. "Didn't you mention to me that you wanted her to smile at you? That flower only says what you want. Sweet William means 'grant me one smile'..." ~
I remembered the conversation I had with my aunt on her flower farm the other day. My aunt was right. The flower said what I wanted from Fukuizumi. And now, I saw it with my own eyes even though she wasn't smiling at me but at the flower that I gave to her. But to me, it felt like she was smiling at me.
It was an amazing feeling, to be honest. I knew it was weird of me to feel that way but I couldn't help it.
I also smiled as soon as I recovered from the amazement I felt because of her smile. Along with that, I felt my heart beating like a drum and it was fast which only happened when it comes to Fukuizumi. I acknowledged that now. I never felt this intense feeling in other girls before. Yes, I was attracted to them but there was a certain reason for that. And maybe that was all it could ever be. That beauty held a dark secret that I so desperately wanted to expose and destroy, which made people know me as a heart-breaker.
But I couldn't stay doing the same thing over and over any longer. It was for the best, right? And that moment, I realized something after looking for answers that seemed to evade me these past months ever since I met her.
The moment I placed a hand on my chest where my heart continued to beat fast, that was when I fully understood everything. Oh, shit! Could this be it?
When I looked at herーstill with a genuine and gentle smile on her face, I found the answer.
Perhaps Seiho was right. No matter how many times I shake my head just to find the answer I was looking for when it comes to this girl, it seemed that only one conclusion would appear to answer everything.
I was in love with Fukuizumi Rinako... and I would end up dead because of it.
Great! Now I would be doomed!