Bab 181: Redo as a healer [1]

[Zero's Pov]

'Can't I just stay like this? Do I have to force myself to continue?'

Standing on top of the water, life suddenly felt so incredibly easy. After spending a year in this world, with all kinds of things happening and with a lot of things never going as I wanted them to, it was very alluring to just stay here.

However, standing here had imprinted me with only one thought, in the end, nothing mattered. The past and the future didn't even exist. The past was already gone, and if one tried to grasp it, one would inevitably catch nothing. Because such were the nature of time.

The future was something we all riled ourselves up for, forcing ourselves to do everything we could so we didn't have to be scared about what would come. Yet, no matter how much effort one put in, you couldn't understand something that wasn't real.

Just like water, both of these would undoubtedly continue flowing without hesitation, without consideration, and without any doubt.

As James, I had thought that I covered all the bases to make sure I would get to survive, yet, in the end, my attempts had only hastened the process. So why couldn't I just allow myself to exist? To allow Zero to just be?

If the fishes below my feet could live their life in that way, why couldn't I?

'You already know the answer.'

A shrill, almost feminine voice echoed in my head, a voice that I had used for the majority of my life.

'I do, don't I? And yet, we still don't want to.'

'This is merely the beginning. If we stop here... No, we cannot allow ourselves to stop. Because if we stop, we lose our meaning. And there is no living without meaning. If we allow ourselves to lose the reason to move forward, there is no life. Even the pools of fish under our feet are moving forward in their own way, they are also trying their best to live.'

'Haa... I don't remember us being so poetic on earth, but I guess you're right. It's time to go.'

And with that, I opened my eyes and let go of the sensation of nothingness, the sensation of getting a moment without expectations or pressure. And when I opened my eyes, the first that met my sight was...

"Sophie? Are you okay?"

A giant girl with pink hair was standing on the edge of the pond, her eyes watering, most likely, because of guilt, and maybe a bit of awe at the man standing on the water. Sighing inwardly, I began my journey back to land, this time making the lilies turn a bit in response to the ripples my steps created.

****

[Sophie's Pov]

I didn't know how long I stood at the edge of the water, trying my best to open my mouth and say something to the young man I had angered through my stupid actions. Despite this, my mouth wouldn't open.

Seeing him with his eyes closed, it felt as if he finally got a break from the tragic reality around us, and we hadn't even seen a fraction of it yet. Somehow, as much as this display made him look more divine, it also made him look a lot more human.

This world was... No, both of the worlds I had lived in were cruel, unemphatic, and relentless, but even then, Zero didn't want to give up. Even with him having the most unfortunate fate of us all, he had kept trying, kept his chin up, and moved forward.

In spite of this, even he needed to escape sometimes. He had only been here for a week, and he had already had to face reality. I didn't know what kind of view he had before he was allowed to see the outside world, but there was no doubt it hadn't been what he pictured. Or maybe it was.

Maybe he already knew but didn't want to believe it.

Suddenly, the blue glow that illuminated the water started retreating, slowly going back to its origin, the person who appeared to finally be ready to keep going. As his eyes slowly opened, I couldn't hold my tears back anymore, with guilt eating me from the inside out.

"Sophie? Are you okay?"

Once again, I was met with a face of worry. A face that told the story of how little he cared about my mistake, and how he had most likely already forgiven me.

With a lump in my throat, I watched him walking towards me, the water lilies responding to his steps by slowly dancing in tune with his steps. And then, he was standing before me, making me have to crane my neck to look into his sky-blue eyes.

The next moment, I felt his little hand land on my forearm, and he released me from my burdens, "Sophie, it's okay. I'm not angry at you, and you shouldn't feel guilty. You just followed the twisted, unspoken rules of this world, and I just told you that I believe them to be wrong. You are free to believe whatever you want, but I'm just happy to see that you care this much."

"Zero..."

"Also, I don't think I'm without blame either. Haha, looking back at it, I acted pretty rashly. I apologize, Sophie, for using you to try and convey a message. I am truly sorry."

Right then and there, it felt as if I was talking to James again. Not in what they said, but in the feeling they gave off. Although Zero was a lot more open with his feelings, he was still determined to go forward with his own power. Neither of them had any thoughts about truly relying on someone.

However, before I could even open my mouth, the innocent youth's face suddenly paled as he looked at his smartwatch, "Oh no! Class is starting!"

Hurriedly, he started making his way back to the academy buildings, only turning around to say some meager concluding words, "I'll see you later, Sophie!"

And with that, he ran off on his own, leaving me behind. Like both of them so often did.

****

[Zero's Pov]

'Room H-2, room H-2... Found it!'

After struggling a bit to find the right door to my next class, I finally arrived at the right place. Though I knew that Jessica was probably hiding somewhere nearby, I didn't want to ask her this time as well.

After all, what kind of adult would I be if I can't even find the right room?

Feeling the relief of success, I opened the door in front of me, only to be met with a completely white training room, with absolutely nothing in it. No, there wasn't anything in there, but there was someone. In fact, there were already two people in the room, both standing around, clearly waiting for someone.

And I already knew both of them.

One of them stood proud in a white lab coat, his face adorned with the same pair of rectangular glasses he had worn when he checked up on my body. The other... was someone who managed to create a ball of stress in the pit of my stomach.

"Ah, you're finally here. Welcome, Zero."

Dr. Smith talked politely as always, while still carrying a hint of warmth in his tone. As I walked up to the two people, I tried my best not to mind the other person who stood at his side, worried that my emotions might act up again.

Because the person was...

"Ah, as you can see, you will be having your lessons with this girl, as well. From what I've heard from Sarah, you have already met, so I don't think there's a need for introductions."

Yes, the girl who I would be having my healing lessons with was the princess of the country herself. Like always, her golden hair shone beautifully under the lights, and her blue eyes felt as deep as the Mariana Trench. And yet, there was only shallow attraction inside of me.

It had to be said that even though we might have spent a lot of time together before, but if there was something I knew, then it was that time wasn't the factor that created bonds; it was experiences. And for James, the experiences they shared had been more than enough to see a future with her.

Maybe it was because I had been alone for so long on earth, or maybe it was me mistaking love for wanting to be loved. But I didn't care.

That's why it partly broke my heart to see her without feeling the angst that I knew I should, almost giving me the feeling of having moved on. Even worse was that I saw that the feeling of uninterest was mutual.

"Nice to see you again, Zero, and it's nice to see you on your feet."

As she even went as far as to lightly bow to show respect, I had no choice but to accept things as they were. In this form, Sarah was just another woman, another person. In this form, she wasn't my Winter Bloom, she just was.

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