Bab 101: Accident? #101
Say hello to the infamous duo, Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee!" the announcer concluded the introduction, gesturing to the left entrance as two short, round men entered the arena.
The one walking on the left was wearing an old-fashioned blue suit with a split tail at the back and a top hat, with a golden cane hanging off his left arm as he walked to the center of the ring with arms crossed in front of his chest.
The tweedle on the right wore blue pants, similar in color to his cousin, a striped, black and blue shirt, and yellow, oversized shoes, which wasn't the most ludicrous part about his appearance.
That honor went the helicopter hat, slowly spinning over his head as he and his cousin stopped before me, striking a pose with their backs against each other.
I felt my eyes twitch at the side view of their bulging stomachs they gave me, which they proudly displayed by thrusting them forward as if they were a national treasure of sorts, worthy of the louver museum.
'What the actual fuck...!?' I mused, resisting the urge to scream my thoughts at the sight of the two Tweedles, who were arguably even more goofy looking than the condiment king himself.
I was more amused and confused by this turn of events than anything else. The fact I'd have to fight two opponents didn't really bother me, but facing two Alice In Wonderland rip-offs was off-putting, to say the least.
"As you all know, one simply cannot have Tweedle Dee without Tweedle Dum, so an exception was made..." the announcer explained as if the reasons he gave made all the sense in the world.
I honestly didn't care enough to object, and the spectators were too busy shitting their pants in excitement as they cheered and whistled to give a fuck, so the announcer went on, uninterrupted.
"And considering their first opponent, it's only fair they get to tag-team him. Wouldn't you all agree?" the announcer concluded as he turned to the crowd, to which they erupted in even louder cheers.
'Peer pressure much...?' I felt the urge to slap the announcer, immediately realizing what he was doing. The son of a bitch was trying to pressure me into not objecting by using the crowd.
Not that I had any objections, mind you, since I could end the fight in a second if I wished, which I might do now out of petty to make the match as dull to watch as possible.
"I trust there are no objections, yes?" the announcer said as he turned to me, giving me a neutral smile he used to hide the intense aura of smugness he radiated like a fucking lighthouse.
'You're gonna get it now bitch...' I frowned, now fully intent on making the match as boring as possible, and who knows? The announcer just might suffer an accident or two before it ends.
"None from me..." I replied, keeping my tone neutral as I nodded and turned to the two tweedles who were maintaining the same ridiculous posture as if waiting for something.
"Very well, then. With that out of the way, may the contestants please take their positions at their respective sides...?" the announcer politely asked, prompting the two cousins to break their pose and walk into position.
Meanwhile, I wordlessly did the same and calmly walked to my side, contemplating who to orchestrate the announcer's accident without making it too obvious.
I wanted him to know it was intentional because he tried to fuck with me. But at the same time, I wanted him to be unable to utter a single word of protest by making the situation look like an accident.
'Looks like I'll have to prolong the fight a bit then...' I stopped as I reached my spot and turned to the two Tweedles, already in theirs, sending me glares, which I ignored.
I'm not going to humor two middle-aged dudes dressed as Alice In Wonderland characters, and that's final. God knows my life is crazy as it is right now without two Humpty-Dumpty looking-ass motherfuckers thinking they're my arch nemesis or something.
"Are the contestants ready?" the announcer said, to which both I and two round villains nodded. "Then let the match begin!" the announcer concluded, waving a hand to which the bell rang, officially starting the match.
"Now look-a here, Tweedle Dee," Said Tweedle Dum with a grin as he stared at me and pointed with his golden cane. "Looks like we got ourselves a vigilante without his toys..." he added with a chuckle.
"Doesn't like soo scary without his guns all over the place, does he, Tweedle dum?" said Tweedle Dee with a grin of his own, standing akimbo next to his cousin in an attempt to look intimidating.
However, as I looked at him, intimidated was the last thing I felt since I couldn't remove my eyes from the silly helicopter hat spinning over his head.
A meme song from my past life started playing in my head, and it will probably be stuck there for a while since it was catchy as it was hilariously stupid.
"Let's get this over with..." I remarked as I started walking to the center of the ring, approaching the spherical duo while ignoring their snide remarks, to which they seemed genuinely offended.
"It looks like Mr. Wraith here doesn't think much of us, Tweedle Dee," Said Tweedle Dum, frowning as he gripped his cane tighter, obviously pissed at my disregard.
"Then let's show him why he's wrong, Tweedle Dum," Said Tweedle Dee, to which his cousin nodded, and they too started moving to meet me halfway.
We reached the center of the ring, and the comically shaped villains were the first to make a move as tweedle dum pointed his cane at me, releasing a stream of green acid.
I saw it coming and stepped aside, letting the attack fly right past me, as Tweedle Dee reached for the helicopter blades on his hat and pried them off before throwing them at me.
I dodged again, and the two took it as their cue to close the distance. Tweedle Dum was the first to reach me, and he lunged, trying to catch my torso to keep me in place.
I placed my hand on his bald head and kept him in place, but he grinned as he retrieved a spherical object from his pockets and threw it into the ground, releasing a smoke screen.
'Now's my chance...' I smiled as I caught Tweedle Dee before he could retreat and threw him outside the smoke screen to where I knew the announcer would be.
Considering the two grunts of pain and the low thud indicating flesh colliding into flesh, I'd say I hit my mark. I put my hands into my pocket and retrieved a small, black spherical pellet, which I threw on the ground.
It exploded, releasing the compressed air inside, which dissipated the smoke screen, revealing my figure, Sentient Steel Wire in hand. I didn't want people (well, more people anyway) to know about my super strength, so if anyone asks, it was the steel wire that yeeted Tweedle Dee into the other side of the ring.
Now with my petty grudge finally satiated, I can end the fight, which I did, by tripping Tweedle Dum with the wire as he charged and knocking him out with a kick to his shiny bald head.
One Penguin Henchman hurriedly came into the arena to check the conditions of the two tweedles and the announcer before declaring my victory, prompting several more to show up with their stretchers.
Listening to the henchman concluding the fight, I had no more reasons to stay in the ring and took my leave as the henchman hurriedly started hauling the announcer and the two unconscious tweeds away on stretchers.
I found the same henchman who escorted me into the arena, waiting for me at the right entrance, to which he smiled and nodded at me while congratulating me for my win.
"Was that entertaining enough?" I blankly asked as I followed the henchman after he started moving to escort me back to the VIP spectators' lounge.
"Very. But I don't imagine our dear announcer is feeling very entertained right now," the henchman replied with a relaxed chuckle, shaking his head without stopping.
"Tragic accident that. I hope the guy will be okay..." I remarked, barely holding back a scoff at my words that couldn't be any more hypocritical even if I tried.
"A terrible accident indeed..." the henchman replied, trailing off at the end of his sentence. "However, you know what they say; the show must go on..." he went on, tone amused.
"There's no need to fret. A replacement will be ready before the next match begins. We can't have our dear guests growing bored," he added, stopping as we finally reached the VIP area.
"We are here, and my duty as your guide is over for the day..." the henchman blankly said, taking a step back and gesturing for me to go inside.
"I will see you tomorrow, sir."
...
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