Bab 57: Darkest Thoughts 3
Sain sometimes stands in his house in front of the window leading to Neil's house. He waited the whole time in case Neil came out of there. In fact, no. Neil stays inside his house.
Sain knew Neil was alone remembering about himself there. How many times has Sain tried to barge in straight to Neil and hug him tightly, saying that he is not alone anymore? However, Sain could not. If he did Neil would go far from him and Sain might never see him again.
Neil is like a breath to Sain, he becomes breathless all the time without seeing Neil even just his shadow. He had to at least see Neil once to stay afloat, to be sane.
When right on the first day Sain entered high school when he was standing on the terrace of the house. Like the daily activities of looking at the house, for the first time, Sain almost lost his breath, not because of the previous reason, but because the feeling of pleasure that welled up was too strong.
Sain's legs went limp like jelly at that instant, with his heart beating fast and his blood rushing up and blooming on his face. Sain was frozen in silence, his eyes did not escape looking at the figure who was very far below Sain's expectations all this time.
Neil.
The name that always buzzed every day, evoked another feeling that was buried in Sain's mind after not seeing him for a long time. Sain was panting just from looking at Neil once and of course, that wasn't enough. Sain wanted to see him more clearly, touch him, kiss him, and whisper words of longing and praise to Neil at that moment.
Neil is very different and far from the shadow of Sain's fantasy. Neil grew up well, far from what Sain expected. His pale skin shone from a distance in the faint light of the morning sun, with a soft rosy hue on the surface of his cheeks. Dense black hair arranged in such a way, that Sain wanted to sink his fingers there.
The gray-white uniform he was wearing looked perfectly wrapped around Neil's slender body. Sain panted the longer he looked at Neil who seemed to be standing there restlessly.
Sain glances away at the logo of the uniform and immediately chuckles in displeasure.
However, Sain quickly got distracted again when Neil rubbed his long neck and piled up alternately from one leg to the other. Sain wanted to replace that hand with his lips exploring there.
Damn.
Sain felt a pain at the bottom as he held back his hardening just by looking at Neil. Sain's cheeks felt hotter and longer, his feet seemed to be glued to the floor and it was difficult to move from there.
Damn. He wanted to get close to Neil and hug him tight. Want.
Sain blinked when Neil's father, Raihan came out of the house with a happy face. He put his arm around Neil's narrow shoulders and smiled. Sain wanted to take Raihan's place now, embracing Neil in his arms.
"You don't want to change your mind? I don't want to meet people." Neil's soft voice came in gently caressing Sain's ears.
Sain had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from letting out a muffled sigh. Sain had to tighten their grip on the bag hanging from his shoulder.
Damn. Sain was able to get out just by looking at Neil, he never thought he was like a perverted bastard who was often on the streets.
Sain even had a hard time taking his eyes off Neil who was shining so brightly in his line of sight. How can Neil who grows only indoors be so perfect?
"Neil, look at me," Sain whispered to himself and did wish that Neil was looking at him.
However, he should have predicted, that Neil had forgotten about him. Their childhood was fun.
Sain had even become gay only for Neil when he was in third grade and realized that the feeling Sain had in his chest was not just friendship and affection, but much more.
Until his first high school graduation, Sain imagined a huge Neil figure that he created himself and started touching his body parts for the first time.
However, Sain only found out recently that he was different from other people. Because no other normal man thinks about other men as intensely as Sain, unless he's gay, but Sain doesn't like anything else at all. Only Neil.
"You have to meet people." Raihan's voice confused Sain's wandering mind.
Sain refocused to look at Neil with those sparkling eyes at his Father to persuade him.
"I don't want to. I want to stay home, Dad."
Sain shook his head slightly in place, he didn't want Neil to lock himself back in the house again.
"Not Neil," whispered Sain which sounded like a gust of wind.
"You're never exposed to the sun, and rarely exercise is not healthy Neil. I just want you to hang out with other teenagers. Not to lock yourself up in your room all the time," said Raihan, which Sain heard faintly from a distance.
"Dad, I don't want to."
Sain's eyes widened, he pressed his feet to hear Neil's voice again whining a little at Raihan. Sain really couldn't stand being here. On one hand, he wanted to keep seeing Neil from here, on the other side, Sain wanted to escape to the room, then lock the door and finish the things that had happened there.
Sain took a deep breath of air that he accidentally held in and exhaled roughly.
"Let's try it first, I don't want you to be alone at home," said Raihan stroking Neil's head.
"I should have done that," Sain sighed very quietly. He started to move with a strange feeling between his legs. He wanted to see Neil up close.
"Dad keeps busy at work," said Neil with a closed expression on his face.
Sain wanted to scream that he was with Neil, even to warm his bed.
"Damn it," Sain chuckled again to himself who for some reason kept thinking dirty things.
"That's for Neil," Raihan said his arms wrapped around Neil who was shorter in their vehicle.
When Neil got into the car, Sain let out a disappointed sigh.
However, then he stiffened when he looked directly at the father figure of the person who Sain loved so much.
He froze where he stood and tried not to look embarrassed when he was caught looking at his son in an almost inappropriate way.
"Why are you looking at Neil like that?"
Sain blinked at his best friend's father and moved restlessly trying not to be too obvious as he covered something growing under his pants.
"I've never met him again," said Sain politely, although his condition was very disrespectful because of the child of the man standing in front of him.
"Please stay away from Neil," asked Raihan suddenly which Sain immediately rejected.
"Why, Uncle? We've been friends for a long time, why now I have to stay away after so long?" asked Sain unable to hold his tongue to say many things. He had been waiting for this moment to return to see Neil, conveying the longing that had piled up deep.
"Neil doesn't remember anyone now, so there's no problem with that," said Raihan stubbornly.
Sain will never agree on anything that separates Neil from him again. Sain raised his voice again and said, "Why?"
"Even though Neil has grown up to what he is now, he doesn't understand a few things. So it's best to just stay away."
Sain was about to stomp his feet because annoyance rose from within him with Raihan's rambling words. "Why can't you? Don't understand what?"
"The way you look at Neil is wrong and Uncle doesn't want Neil to be like that too. He's been at home too long and Neil is very easily influenced. So please stay away," Raihan pleaded in front of him.
Is Sain's gaze so obvious? Sain wasn't even one step closer to Neil, but he was stopped before he even started. It's not a Space Science if he gives up because of a talk, even if it's from the father of the person he loves the most.
"Let Neil stay normal."
***
Sain quickly took care of his transfer letter to the same vocational high school as Neil and was placed in the same class as much as possible. He wouldn't spend any more of his days imagining Neil. Sain wanted to see it in person. He quickly ignores Raihan's words to stay away from his son, which Sain will not be able to do when Neil is so seductive and perfect in body, behavior, and nature.
"Riksa, can I call you that?" Sain's whole body trembled when for the first time in a long time Neil said his name with that small nickname that only focused on him. Sain feels very special when Neil keeps calling himself by the nickname that Neil often used for Sain when they were little.
"Whatever, you ask a lot of questions," said Sain quickly.
However, Sain hated his body which sometimes acted impudently against his previous thoughts of being gentle with idols.
"Okay we're not friends," Neil said curtly.
***
"Check?" Sain saw Neil washing his hands in the sink and washing his face with water. He observed how every drop of water flowed down Neil's smooth face. Sain envied the water that touched Neil's skin without guilt touching it first before Sain. After Neil waved his wet hands in the air he refocused his gaze on Sain and looked at Sain with his eyebrows raised. "What is it?"
"Seeing you," said Sain quickly half dreamily, and immediately bit his tongue when he mispronounced. However, everything has happened.
"What?"
One thing that can always get the attention of Neil who has lost his memory is by acting like Neil's enemy. Making as much trouble as possible in front of him and saying harsh words in front of Neil who is a nice guy. This is what Sain always managed to do. However, he could not touch and embrace his.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone