Bab 497: So fragile
They continued to drive in silence as at one point Lulu was just so exhausted that she closed her eyes. She was not sleeping, far from it, she was just resting her eyes.
Benjamin continued to occasionally glance at her, checking every ten minutes or so to see if she was alright and she still seemed to be breathing, which was a relief to him.
He did not know why, but he kept on feeling that any minute now, it was like Lulu would just disappear, out of his reach, never to be seen again, and that thought really scared him.
Lulu did not open her eyes until the car finally came to a stop and her eyes open as she was both surprised and confused to see where they were.
"What are we doing here?" she asked as she looked at Benjamin who had just parked the car and turned it off.
"I didn't think that you were ready to go home yet." he replied as he turned to look at her.
"But why here?" she asked, not sounding upset that he hadn't taken her home as she had wished, but more curious and confused as to why they were here of all places.
"Because I thought that the bowling alley would be too crowded." he said to himself, he had wanted to say that out, but he doubted that it was necessary for him to say that at this time.
"You'll see, come on." he said gently as he opened the door and got out of the car, waiting for Lulu to come out as well.
He was about to go and open the door for her when she did it herself and stepped out of the car.
She looked around, highly puzzled as to why they were at the beach of all places. It was a weekday, only jobless people came to the beach at this time of the day.
No wonder they had drove for almost an hour. If not for the fact that Benjamin was not a stranger, she would have find it highly unusual for him to drive them all the way to the beach other than somewhere else.
"Are you okay?" asked Benjamin as Lulu looked at him and nodded.
"Come on." he said as he locked the car, leaving both their cellphones in there. He led the way as Lulu followed behind him silently.
Her silence was killing him, and even worse, making him worry. If you knew Lulu well, then it meant that you knew that Lulu and silence were not best friends. She had to be seriously shaken up for her to be this docile.
The beach was quiet and peaceful. There were only a few people there, which was expected considering the fact that it was four o'clock in the afternoon on a weekday.
Benjamin continued to walk for a while until he suddenly stopped, walked down from the pathway down to the beach and he sat down hoping that Lulu would do the same and to his surprise, she sat down beside him on the sand.
Lulu looked at the beach quietly. She saw the blue shining sea. She could hear the sound of the soft crashing waves. She could feel the gentle wind blowing in her hair.
She just sat there, staring at the sea. She never once looked away. Her focus was on the vast blue ocean beyond.
Benjamin continued to glance at her. He felt relieved, she looked a little bit more calm and peaceful. Although, her eyes were still dull and lifeless, they had lost their colour, their vigour. They had lost the light in them that was one of Lulu's most likeable traits.
The both of them remained there unmoving, just staring at the sea, until Benjamin suddenly stood up and walked away.
Lulu did not move an inch. She had no fear that Benjamin would leave her here, however, she was curious as to where he had gone, but she made no attempt to follow after him. She was sure that wherever it was that he went, he would come back for her.
In a matter of a few minutes Benjamin was back and he sat down beside her.
"Ice cream." he said as he handed her a vanilla ice cream and she turned to look at him, confused, but still not saying anything.
She looked at him and then at the ice cream in his hand. She saw that he had one for himself in his other hand as well.
Benjamin did not rush her decision, he just looked at her, waiting for her to make a choice, and to his relief, she took the ice cream wordlessly.
Benjamin did not know what scared him the most, was it the cold, drained look in her eyes or the silence and absence of words.
She licked her ice cream as Benjamin did the same. He could see that she was much more calmer than before so that prompted him to say what was really on his mind.
"Louise are you okay?" he asked as he waited for a response but he was met with a sigh.
"Are you okay?" he asked again as Lulu looked at him.
"You want to know the truth?" she asked as he nodded.
"Well no, no, I'm not okay, I'm not okay at all." said Lulu, her tone shaky and sounding as if she was about to cry again.
"Today was terrible, so terrible, from getting stuck in that stupid elevator to almost dying." she said.
"I almost died today... I did... I'm telling you that I was so scared... so very scared." said Lulu.
"When I accidentally looked down, I literally saw my entire life flash before my eyes." she said, her voice barely a whisper.
"In that moment, nothing else mattered. It didn't matter who I was, or what I did, because nothing like that would save you in that moment." she said.
"I just felt so scared, I was overwhelmed with panic, I don't even know when I jumped, but I did." she said as she looked at the ocean.
"I don't know, but in that moment, I just realized how fragile life is... I realized how you can be here one second and completely gone the next."
"And yet, we live our lives as if it will never end. We live as if we are immortal, we are angry with one another daily, we hold grudges, he hate, we envy, and we continue to argue with each other completely oblivious of the fact that anything could happen and all we thought was important was not actually important." said Lulu.
"I am glad to be alive, and I am lucky to be alive, I know that very well, but this incident just opened my eyes to how life is just nothing..." said Lulu.
"I'm scared, and I'm exhausted, and I just feel so overwhelmed because the thought that I could have died today never left my mind." she said as the waves began to move faster.
"I know that I must probably sound like a depressed brat right now." she said.
"No, no you don't, you have every right to feel the way you do. You're right, we both could have died today, and we should be glad that we didn't" said Benjamin as Lulu groaned and buried her face in her arms.
"I honestly don't know how or what to feel. Call me crazy but I just feel that life is useless, what exactly are we doing trying to live our lives the way we deem fit when it's neither in our power or might to know how long we have left." she said.
Benjamin was worried, this was what he had been worried about. This wasn't Lulu speaking, it was her fear, she was letting her fear get the best of her. It was okay for her to be afraid, but to let it change the way she thought was just too much.
Lulu was happy, she was cheerful, this was nothing like her at all. He honestly did not know what to say to cheer her up, to make her feel better.
"Life is useless." she groaned as Benjamin felt like he had to say something now before she felt even more depressed.
She did not want to feel like this. She did not want to feel as if she was hopeless, as if nothing mattered, but she just could not shake off the feeling of of despair that she had.
She felt even worse that she was pouring out all her feelings to Benjamin, she knew that he could not care less about what she felt, if anything, he was relieved that he was alive.
"No...no it's not." he said as Lulu raised up her head to look at him.
"Louise, I know that you feel so scared right now, that you feel like what's the point of living when at any time you can die." he said.
"But that's the wrong mindset. It's criminal to think that way"
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
Dan_does_it_all
Dan_does_it_all Hahah Hiiii everyone, sorry I might not be able to upload a second chapter today, but if I can't, I promise you that I will upload it tomorrow.
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