Bab 37: He made her feel worthless
"L-let go of me." Li Caiyi used all her willpower to suppress the urge to break free from his hold. She could not make a scene here.
"Xiaoyi?" Meng Renshu noticed how her complexion turned ashen, so he leaned in to check her condition closely, but doing that created a counterproductive result because Li Caiyi looked like a cat whose tails got stepped on.
"I said, let go!" Li Caiyi couldn't care less about her surroundings anymore. She struggled frantically and sighed in relief when she broke free.
Her intense reaction rendered Meng Renshu speechless. That was Li Caiyi's strongest rejection of him so far. She hated him so much she did not even want to be touched by him anymore. His mental took some damage from this, as a hint of hurt flashed across his face.
After escaping, Li Caiyi finally realized what she had done. She looked around, and sure enough, everyone's gazes fell on her—some with curious looks, some with jealousy.
Li Caiyi intended to ask a few more things from Mo Shen Qiang, but it did not seem like she could continue anymore with Meng Renshu here. She did not even want to see him, but considering his class was just right beside this room, it sounded illogical to ask him to leave.
Li Caiyi quickly apologized and bade farewell to Mo Shen Qiang before she scurried off. Throughout all that, she did not spare a single glance at Meng Renshu, which was akin to rubbing salt on his gaping wound.
Meng Renshu's body moved faster than his mind. Before he knew it, he had grabbed Li Caiyi by her wrist. "Xiaoyi, wait!"
Li Caiyi wanted to shake his hand off, but she knew she could not go on like this. Eventually, she would have to face Meng Renshu. Running away would not help her with anything. She made a mistake by reacting impulsively earlier, so she needed to recover from it.
'It's fine. You are an adult, and he is just a teenager. Do not be afraid, Li Caiyi,' she encouraged herself inwardly.
After taking a deep breath, she turned around and faced the person who had brought the most nightmare in her dream. "What is it?"
Meng Renshu could not discern any warmth from her voice. It was as if she was talking to a stranger. In dismay, he suddenly forgot what he wanted to say to her. "I…."
"Brother Renshu, can you let go of me first?"
"Oh." Meng Renshu looked down at his hand, which was holding her, and reluctantly let it go. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay. I should be the one apologizing. I was too surprised back there, so I reacted strangely."
Meng Renshu smiled bitterly. "Li Caiyi, did I do something wrong to you?"
'Yes, you did. You broke your promise.'
Or so Li Caiyi wanted to say, but there was no way the current Meng Renshu would know about that.
"No," she answered gloomily. It was a good thing Meng Renshu did not remember anything, but she couldn't help but feel conflicted.
"Don't lie to me. You have avoided me three times, including today. Tell me, what happened to you?"
"There is nothing, really." Li Caiyi did not know how to explain this, so she made up a random excuse. "I am not a child anymore, so I would appreciate it if Brother Renshu started treating me like an adult."
"Huh? But we have known each other since childhood. We grew up together. I have always treated you like my own sister, so it's kind of hard to stop now," Meng Renshu said dejectedly. "I don't know it displeases you so much."
Li Caiyi was sick of hearing that line in her previous life. She did not resent Meng Renshu for not loving her back, but she felt hurt from how he could abandon her so ruthlessly, at times when she needed support the most. Even if she spent all her time hovering around him, acting like an obedient little sister, a caring friend, or a virtuous wife, it could never amount to anything in the end. Not even a friendship.
He made her feel worthless, and that was one thing she could not allow to happen again in this life.
Since this conversation was not going in the direction she wanted, Li Caiyi thought she should give him a final ultimatum.
"What if I can not get a boyfriend because Brother Renshu keeps acting friendly with me? Please do not touch me so casually again, and stop treating me like a child because I can do things by myself just fine! If you do that, then I will seriously cut ties with you!"
Meng Renshu felt like he was just being struck by lightning. Li Caiyi's words were so sharp it made his heart bleed all over again.
He never knew Li Caiyi could be this fierce, especially to him. His brain, which was supposed to be only second to Li Junjie in the entire year, stopped functioning altogether, and he could only stare at Li Caiyi blankly.
He looked like he could turn into ash and disperse into thin air anytime. Li Caiyi suddenly felt a guilty conscience. Had she gone too far?
Then, the bell signaling the end of break time reverberated in the hallway, saving her from the awkward silence.
"Then, I will return to my classroom first. Uhm, thank you for catching me earlier, but please be mindful of your actions from now on, Brother Renshu."
Leaving the dry and aghast Meng Renshu behind, Li Caiyi returned to her classroom.
***
After investigating the two Sheng Qiangs, Li Caiyi concluded that none of them were the Shen Qiang she was looking for. The first one was definitely out, while the second one has some similarities, but not quite there yet.
She went back to square one and currently felt disappointed in herself.
If she knew it would be like this, she would try to learn more about Shen Qiang before she died. They both were determined to die, so they skipped the 'get-to-know-each-other-better' phase and just went along with the flow. She regretted it so much.
What else could she do to find Shen Qiang?
While she was mulling over that, Li Chunhua entered the room with a bag of biscuits in hand. "Xiaoyi, Mom is calling for you."
Li Caiyi raised her head from her study desk and wondered what Su Suyin would want from her. Her last conversation with Su Suyin did not go well; she thought her mother would not speak to her again.
Li Caiyi went out of the room and found Su Suyin, who looked busy preparing something in the kitchen. "Mother? Did you call for me?"
Su Suyin turned her head, and her face turned into a troubled expression when her gaze met with Li Caiyi's. Ever since their last conversation, Su Suyin had mixed feelings whenever she looked at her eldest daughter, so she always avoided her. However, now was not the right time for that.
"Xiaoyi, your father has been staying at the hospital for two days. Can you go deliver a change of clothes and these foods to him right now?"
Li Caiyi's head went numb when she realized how familiar this scene was. An awful premonition suddenly hit her because she still remembered the same scene from her previous life.
Li Caiyi's hand trembled ever so slightly. "Mother, do you have to go out somewhere?"
Su Suyin nodded, while her hand did not stop moving. She kept moving and rearranging the position of the food so it would look more appetizing. Li Caiyi's heart aches for her.
"I have to attend a charity event in place of your father. You only have to put this in his office. Do not disturb your father's work."
It was the exact same answer as before. Li Caiyi bit her lips and weakly nodded. "En. I understand."
After Su Suyin finished packing everything, she handed it over to Li Caiyi with a gentle smile. "If you meet your father, don't forget to give him words of encouragement. Your relationship with your Father might turn better if he knows how much you care about him. Don't be stubborn this time and listen to Mother's words. Got it?"
Li Caiyi's heart was in pain. The bag in her hand should not weigh that much, but it felt heavier than anything she ever held in her life.
Su Suyin hesitated before she put her hand on Li Caiyi's cheek. "I know you are struggling, but don't blame your father too much. He is actually pretty caring if you know how to coax him. You just need to be more patient with him. Do you understand?"
"No, I don't understand." Li Caiyi felt so indignant about this. "Why are we the only ones who have to be careful and considerate about Father's needs every time? Mother, don't you think this is wrong?"
Su Suyin sighed helplessly. There was a trace of disappointment flashed across her eyes. "You are still saying that. How can you live without your father? You still need to finish your education, and he is the one who brings food to the table. How can you speak of him like that?"
"Mother…"
Su Suyin retracted her hand while shaking her head. "Let's stop arguing about this. It will be best if you go now. Your father is waiting."
Li Caiyi watched her mother leave with inexplicable emotion before walking out listlessly.
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