Bab 10: Clean Ending

Li Caiyi woke up at the sound of birds chirping. She remembered she had just the best dream in her life, so she shut her eyes again. She didn't want that pleasant dream to end so soon.

However, she soon opened her eyes again when she realized she wasn't in her room.

After a few seconds, memories of last night's chain of events flashed through her mind. Her cheeks grew warm, and her heart accelerated its pace in her chest.

'Last night, I and Shen Qiang really….'

Her train of thought was interrupted when she heard something stirring behind her, and suddenly, a thick, muscular arm snaked its way through her waist and enveloped her body in a warm embrace. She could feel his temperature and the sound of his steady heartbeat through her back.

Li Caiyi let out a small sigh as she looked down at the hand that kept touching her last night. Immediately, her face blushed hard at the image of Shen Qiang's ferocious and dashing appearance as he pressed her down with enthusiasm. She felt like she would melt whenever she remembered that again.

With this, everything was really over, right?

Li Caiyi's head got cooler after she thought about the recent happenings. She could hardly feel anything about those incidents anymore, but she would be lying if she said it didn't bother her anymore. Although she didn't regret it, she couldn't help but find it disappointing to end it like that.

It wasn't she who drugged Li Chunhua. She wanted the entire world to at least acknowledge that fact.

The Li Caiyi from yesterday wouldn't think this was such a big deal since she would commit suicide, anyway. She didn't owe anyone anything, so it was up to them if they wanted to believe her or not, but she would never admit something she never did.

But after she knew how it feels like to be cherished and loved so tenderly, she had a bothersome thought that perhaps Li Chunhua was still crying over this matter and that her parents and older brother might be worried a lot about her. Meng Renshu too…

Li Chunhua was the closest to her. She was bright, clever, and innocent. She often held Li Caiyi's hand when she was sick to sleep. Once, she mumbled in her sleep, calling Li Caiyi's name while crying, begging her not to leave her. Even though everyone had always loved Li Chunhua more than her, as long as Li Chunhua still needed her, she could bear it. For Li Chunhua, she dared to do anything, including returning her rightful place to her.

At some point, Li Caiyi thought she was initially part of Li Chunhua's life, and her existence hindered her sister from having a complete and fulfilling life. The thought depressed her even more whenever she thought other people must also feel the same.

Li Caiyi felt like her whole existence was denied, and she suddenly lost the joy of doing everything. She didn't feel like interacting with people because they would forget about her when they met Li Chunhua, anyway. She lost interest in studying because she didn't want to hear anyone compare her to Li Chunhua's excellent academic record despite her health shortcoming. She gave up on Meng Renshu before even trying because she knew he would never look at her as long as Li Chunhua was still beside her.

Thinking back, her life had always revolved around Li Chunhua, making her question herself. Who was Li Caiyi? Does she even exist?

Her mind was full of negative thoughts, and it felt like a yarn tangled messily and couldn't be straightened anymore. Overwhelmed by this complicated and heavy feeling, Li Caiyi took a drastic decision.

If she took her life and died, then wouldn't it prove that Li Caiyi used to be alive? After all, how could a person die if they never lived in the first place?

If she took her life and died, then wouldn't her loved ones finally remember her as Li Caiyi and not the inferior version of Li Chunhua?

Yeah, that was it. She should've done that since the beginning. She was sure that everyone, too, had long wished for her to disappear, just like how Meng Renshu decisively pushed her away.

Li Caiyi was drowned in her thought and only snapped out of it when Shen Qiang pulled her closer to her, so they practically glued together. His chest pressed against her back, and she could feel his warm breath on her neck.

Li Caiyi felt sour immediately. In her life, only Shen Qiang had truly wanted a gloomy, boring, and dull person like her. Hearing him calling her name amid their passionate night together was enough to tug on her heartstring and get her teary eyes.

'That's right. I, too, have someone who is willing to be by my side now. So it's okay even if they don't want me anymore. Now, everyone shall be happy.' Li Caiyi thought to herself.

She carefully outstretched her hand to her phone on top of the bedside drawer so that she wouldn't disturb Shen Qiang's sleep. She tapped on one of the files on her phone and smiled faintly.

Li Caiyi had one hobby which nobody knew, that was to write a story. Born under a family that pursued scientific achievements, she couldn't say this hobby of hers out loud. She didn't want her father to chastise her even more than when he scolded her for not being good enough. Her father was a regular doctor in a neighborhood hospital, but he was always proud of being one, so he hoped his children would be the same.

Although Li Caiyi couldn't fulfil her father's expectations, she always had good grades in liberal arts. Unfortunately, in her father's eyes, that subject was worthless and couldn't be compared to math or science subjects, which Li Caiyi was particularly bad at. To avoid conflicts, she hid her hobby and only did it once in a while when she got too overwhelmed with life. It helped her take her mind off things for a moment.

Currently, she has one unfinished novel. It was initially her diary, but along the way, she changed it into an original story with her as the main character. She also thought it was embarrassing, but other than this, she didn't know what way she could do to get her feelings across.

This novel was supposed to be left just like that. Unfinished and hidden, just like Li Caiyi's life.

However, after her heart was filled to the brim thanks to someone, she thought it would be a waste if she left without finishing this story first. She wanted to give a clean ending for both her real and imaginary versions.

Li Caiyi typed the happy ending she always wanted with a heart as light as a feather. To think she used to fear how this story would end. She felt it was ridiculous of her because the one who could make it to a happy end was herself. The answer had always been right under her nose.

Li Caiyi typed for some time, and by the time she finished, she smiled satisfactorily at the result. She looked back to stare at Shen Qiang's face and felt very grateful to meet him.

"Thank you," Li Caiyi whispered to him softly. Shen Qiang still had his eyes shut, but she could just imagine him smiling at her, giving her the encouragement she needed.

Li Caiyi sent the file to her online friend. If she wasn't mistaken, this friend of hers worked in a publishing company. They found each other in a book forum and clicked a lot since they had the same interest. Although they had never met before, she would like it if this friend of hers could read her story.

She attached the file under her text, saying :

"This is my original story, and I brooded over whether or not I should send it to you until the end. I want to give this novel to you as a gift. Please read it if you have time. I hope you'll like it. Thank you for everything."

After she clicked on the send button, Shen Qiang stirred behind her. Li Caiyi looked back, and her gaze met with his warm one.

"Good morning," he said in a hoarse voice.

Li Caiyi smiled back at him, "Good morning too, Shen Qiang."

He kissed her forehead while stroking her waist. "Since when did you wake up?"

"I just woke up as well," Li Caiyi put her hand on top of his as she enjoyed the shared intimacy between them. "Are you hungry? Let's eat breakfast first before we go."

"I'd love that."

Li Caiyi giggled when he showed the same puppy-like expression as last night. "Then you go wash while I make something for you."

Although this probably would be her last meal, Li Caiyi felt more refreshed than ever when she thought about who she made that for. Time to put all those cooking skills to use!