Bab 35: Parting’s Such Sweet Sorrow

The morning of the fourth prince's birthday banquet, Yu Lan personally came to the guest rooms where Yan Zheyun stayed to perform a final check on his costume. She had a critical eye for detail that Yan Zheyun couldn't help but appreciate. She would have been on the fast track to manager in his firm, no kidding.

"You're as ready as you'll ever be," was her evaluation. But she didn't look happy for this student of hers and Yan Zheyun knew why. He gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"I'll be all right," he said.

She shook her head. He had still never seen her without her veil on but the faint crease on her forehead told him that she was frowning. It was a sight he'd seen a lot in this past month or so but never so forlorn.

"They're committing a sin," she sighed out at last, shaking her head, the ornament dangling from the single hairpin in her tresses shimmering as it moved. "This isn't right. You're a boy, they shouldn't—"

"They shouldn't do this to anyone, male or female," Yan Zheyun interrupted gently. "He gave her a respectful bow. "This student thanks his teacher for taking care of him so well. Teacher, you may very well have saved my life."

Yu Lan was still in a daze when she left. Yan Zheyun didn't try to snap her out of it. He knew that his words were shocking for this time period, that someone like her, who despite all her artistic achievements was nothing more than an expensive prostitute, would never even have begun to contemplate the idea that men and women could be equals.

But Yan Zheyun couldn't resist saying it anyway. His face darkened as he considered the possibility of one of his siblings being the one to transmigrate instead of him. Maybe Yan Lixin would have transmigrated into the body of Yan Yun's missing little sister and have to suffer through the indignities of being the subservient sex in this world. Or Yan Liheng, his gentle, innocent little brother who was even more sheltered than Yan Lixin was…

If it had been Yan Liheng stuck in Yan Yun's body instead, Yan Zheyun didn't even want to think about the consequences.

"Young Master Yan, is something the matter?"

Yan Zheyun hurriedly schooled his expression back into a neutral one. He had walked out of the doors without noticing it and was now stopped by the guards stationed around the guest residences. The Minister of Rites had specifically ordered them to be at attention at all times and Yan Zheyun was not allowed in and out of the area without proper reason.

He had thought initially that this was because the Minister of Rites feared that his precious present to the fourth prince would change its mind and attempt to escape. But after a couple of days of hearing Wu Bin call out his name from outside the walls with a lovesick tone, Yan Zheyun realised that the guards were there to kill two birds with one stone.

Yan Zheyun might be a prisoner but Wu Bin was the pesky pig they were tasked to separate from the juicy cabbage.

He couldn't help but snort at the mental image.

After a couple of failed attempts, the guards must have alerted the Minister of Rites again because Wu Bin had stopped coming over after a while. This had helped Yan Zheyun to relax despite his house arrest, although it had taken him longer to trust the meals they'd served up to him. Once bitten twice shy, after all. He had nearly fainted during the first couple of days of dance training until a tray of food was brought to him one day with the character for 'bell' written on it with sauce.

After that, he had eaten all his meals without worry, as long as it had this marking on it. This meant that his food had been prepared by Wu Zhong and he was a hundred per cent certain because he'd taught Wu Zhong how to write it himself. 'Bell' was 'Zhong' but no one else in this world would be able to write it like that unless they were also transmigrators. Yan Zheyun had purposely chosen the simplified characters to teach to Wu Zhong instead of the traditional ones used here that Yan Zheyun sometimes struggled with himself. If he hadn't been a calligrapher, he would have been in so much trouble.

Wu Zhong.

Now that it was Yan Zheyun's last day in the Wu Household, he found that he was reluctant to part with this dear friend.

"Big Brother," he said, chewing on his bottom lip as he turned to peer up through thick lashes at the guard that had stopped him. "Today is Yun's last chance to see his friends, Yun was hoping to say his farewells."

The guards exchanged uncertain glances. On one hand, their hearts had melted at the sight of this poor, little lamb. They had been worried initially about being sent to guard this disreputable slave, had heard stories about how he was a cunning seductive fox that would sneak out of the windows to rendezvous with the young masters in their beds. For fear of their jobs and lives, they had decided that they were going to ignore him if he spoke to them and just focus on fulfilling their roles.

But this Young Master Yan hadn't been anything like the rumours had suggested. He'd stayed put when told to, faultlessly obedient, and hadn't tried to escape even once. In comparison, the big young master had been way more problematic and the guards now looked on him askance when he so much as came near the guest residences. They had once thought that the big young master had been seduced but now they knew, it was the big young master who was shamelessly pursuing an uninterested target.

"…Young Master Yan," the guard said worriedly. "The master had explicitly stated that you were to stay indoors unless attending training or after obtaining special permission."

Yan Zheyun nodded. He gave them a weak, watery smile. "I see," he said with sad understanding. "Yun apologises for putting you in a difficult position…" He turned away like he was going to walk back in, bringing a sleeve up to wipe at the corner of his eyes surreptitiously. It also conveniently hid his smile.

As expected, "W-wait!"

There was a slight stirring amongst the guards, their panicked expressions reflected on each other's faces. They didn't seem to know what to do but Yan Zheyun could see that they were starting to hesitate. Good.

"Would—" He purposely paused with a troubled sigh, to give the impression that he had a suggestion but was unwilling to ask them for too much.

"Young Master Yan, please go on."

After nearly a year in this stupid, convoluted world, Yan Zheyun felt like he was ready to receive a Golden Horse for acting.

"Would it be too much to ask big brothers to escort me to the kitchens and stables?" He performed an earnest salute, the way a scholar would to an equal. These guards, who had never been treated as anything more than grunt labour in the past, immediately became flustered.

"N-no wait, Young Master, don't be like this, you flatter this small one, who is unworthy—"

[For fuck's sake, how much longer do we have to spend trading niceties? Xiongdi, you need to work on your green tea radar.]

Swallowing down his impatience, Yan Zheyun plastered a pleading expression on. It worked like a charm.

"If—if you make it quick, then escorting you shouldn't be a problem?"

"Yeah…but hurry okay? We'll follow you so don't try anything funny!"

Yan Zheyun brightened up. On his original face, this expression would have been terrifying because he only ever used it whenever he had come up with a particularly cutthroat business deal. But with Yan Yun's gentle beauty, it looked like sunrise.

"Thank you very much, Big Brothers," he murmured with grateful tears welling in his eyes.

And thus, this bizarre entourage headed towards the kitchens first and then to the stables, drawing double-takes from all that they passed by.

Wu Zhong didn't look happy to see him. His eyes were bloodshot like he hadn't been sleeping well and Yan Zheyun could tell that he was bursting from the urge to say something but after a dark, scathing glance at the guards that flanked Yan Zheyun, he held his tongue.

Yan Zheyun was proud of him. The last thing he needed now was for Wu Zhong to lose control over himself and blurt out something they would both regret, like a confession. If Wu Shengqi found out, Yan Zheyun did not doubt that Wu Zhong would be dead by tomorrow morning.

"Ah Zhong ah," he said softly. "Take care of yourself." He rummaged in his sleeves and pulled out a small tattered pouch that was filled with his savings. "Here, share this with Xiao Ma, I won't give it directly to him because he'll spend it all on sweets." He'd considered asking Wu Zhong to help him pass a message to Mingyue too but quickly changed his mind. Mingyue was now out of their reach because as a bedwarmer she was now Wu Bin's woman and it was no longer convenient for male servants to seek her out. If she didn't sneak out to find him, he couldn't get close enough to bid her farewell.

Yan Zheyun didn't expect Wu Zhong to accept the pouch straight away but it still stung a little when Wu Zhong pulled his hand away from Yan Zheyun's hold like he had been burnt. The pouch fell to the ground, some copper coins rolling out of it.

"You—" Wu Zhong said in a strangled voice. He ran a hand through his hair, chest heaving with heavy, frustrated breaths. "You're always so—"

Yan Zheyun bent down to pick up the pouch. He patted the dust off it and held it out again. But this time he didn't try and place it into Wu Zhong's hands. "If you're not going to use it for yourself," he said. "Then buy something nice for Matron Wang or Xiao Ma."

"Why would you still care about that little traitor?" Wu Zhong gritted out. Hurt and anger flashed across his face and Yan Zheyun forced himself to look away. "Why are you always taking the fall—"

"Do we have a choice?"

Wu Zhong fell abruptly silent.

"Do we have a choice, Wu Zhong?" Yan Zheyun asked again, in the coldest voice he'd ever used with Wu Zhong before.

Before Wu Zhong could reply, he held out his arms, displaying the clean, scholar robes that he was currently wearing. He even turned around once so Wu Zhong could take note of just how much better he was faring right now than in the past.

He needed Wu Zhong to give up. To understand that Yan Zheyun had no choice in the matter and could not stay here and continue playing servant with him. That as long as Yan Zheyun 'complied' with the orders from above, his life would only improve.

As long as Wu Zhong didn't have any more romantic ideals, he would be safe.

Wu Zhong's eyes reddened. Yan Zheyun had finally gotten his point across.

"But you're not a commodity," he muttered weakly.

Yan Zheyun shook his head. He pushed the pouch into Wu Zhong's chest and this time Wu Zhong reached out to grab it. His fingers twitched against Yan Zheyun's like he wanted to hold on, but Yan Zheyun pulled away the second he felt the warmth of Wu Zhong's fingertips.

"You're wrong, Ah Zhong," he said. "I am a commodity. We both are."

This was the lesson Yan Zheyun had taken months to learn but it had finally sunk in.

Xiao Ma was both easier and harder to say goodbye to. Easier because he didn't have a complicated tangle of feelings that Yan Zheyun had to unravel. But harder because he was still avoiding Yan Zheyun. After trying and failing to find Xiao Ma, Yan Zheyun gave up and said his reluctant goodbyes to the stable master before going back to take a fragrant shower.

For the first time since leaving Wu Bin's residences, he was using the bath beans again. It had a light floral scent that wasn't too strong, just a hint of rose and osmanthus that was here one moment and gone the next. It felt both coy and innocent at once and Yan Zheyun knew that this was the effect he was supposed to achieve later on.

He sighed. They really gave him too much credit.

[Yan Yun ah, Big Brother is relying on your face to hard carry later on.]

Later on, at the main entrance of the Wu Estate with a carriage pulled up in front of him, that Yan Zheyun turned around to give the place one last parting look. All the people who had made his life difficult had already left for the banquet ahead of him. Only one person had come to see him off. Even then, she stood far away, throwing him a small lofty smile as she waved slender fingers at him.

Yan Zheyun saluted Meng Die. No doubt she had done her part to whisper words in Wu Shengqi's ears that were in his favour. He didn't mind even if she had acted only out of self-interest. Wasn't he the same as well?

He hoped she got what she wished for. Because he wished the same chaos upon the Wu Household.

He turned towards the carriage. He was already wearing the golden half-mask and the full regalia of his costume, which was cumbersome. A young servant bent over to offer him their back as a step and this time around, Yan Zheyun didn't refuse.

Xiao Ma's eyes watered. He bit his lip to prevent himself from crying when he felt his Big Brother Yan's weight sink down upon him.

But he let out an audible sob anyway when a warm hand ruffled his hair.

"What are you crying for?" he heard that gentle, elegant voice murmur. "Big Brother is off to a lavish life."

They both knew that it wasn't true. Xiao Ma wanted to stop him, to help him to run away. He had grown up overnight because of that incident, he knew what was going to happen to Yan Zheyun later.

But just like that time, he had been powerless to stop it.

The carriage pulled off into the distance, the horses' hooves kicking up dirt into Xiao Ma's eyes. But he didn't blink, just stared after it until it turned down the street and vanished from sight.