Bab 85: Chapter 3
"Rackie, you won't bring up that topic again, right?" he suddenly asks full of worry on his face.
I look away and went to check on the twins, I know that running away from him and not answering him will hurt him but I can't say that I won't bring up the topic again.
After eating lunch and feeding the twins, Master is busy folding the clothes of the twins. "We had an agreement, right? That we'll go to the house every Friday, right?" he said.
I nod. "Can we talk about the topic we set aside this morning?" I started.
He sighs. "Okay, I'll listen to your reason."
I look at him full of determination. "Master, I… I am just doing this so you could be happy." I said with bitterness that I can hide. Yes, I am doing this so I could make him happy. I don't want to shackle him from the marriage that he is pushing because I don't want to oblige him to marry me just for the sake of the responsibility. I will never want him to do that, and I don't intend to imprison him in the marriage if he needs to be free. If I have to decide like how I have done before, then I can do that one more time like how I set Red free. I do not want to feel betrayed again and I will not allow it, not within the marriage.
"Hmm… so, you want me to be happy?" he asks lifelessly. "Do you know that what you're doing right now makes me unhappy?" he asks looking straight through my eyes.
"Master, you knew very well that this marriage is shotgun marriage. My family pressures you to marry me because of what happened and also because of the twins."
"Don't you want to have a happy whole family of your own, Rackie?" he asks again. "Well, if you are going to ask me right now, I want to have a whole family, wherein I could introduce them without difficulty and confusion that this is my wife, this is our children." He said. "There's nothing wrong with saying that these are my twins, and this is our firstborn. But, Rackie, I want one woman in my life who can only bear my children alone."
"As I said, I want you to be happy." I firmly stated.
"Happy?" he asked in disbelief. "Abstract, you're telling me you want me to be happy? However, why are you hurting me right now? Can't you see that?" he closes his eyes and massage his head. "Yes, I know… I am well aware of what you feel for me, I am aware that you do not love me the way I love you," he said full of pain. "Why do you keep on doing this to me just so you could break free from me?"
"It's not like that… liste—"
"What have I done wrong this time?" he asks.
"You didn't do anything wro—"
"I see…" he felt relief. "Okay, my mom came to tell you something that sets you off." He said while nodding. "I'll tell you this, you won't need to care about whatever she told you because whether she likes it or not, I am going to marry you and no one else."
I stared at him. Why is he so determined to marry me? what have I done to deserve this man in front of me? "It's not your mom… it's just that I don't want to bind you to a marriage that love is just one-sided." I said.
He set aside the clothes that he is holding earlier and put them inside the bag that we bought for the twins. "You knew that it's fine with me, I don't care. You knew very well that I am happy whenever I am with you."
I sigh. "Don't put your happiness on me. Don't depend on your happiness when I am around." I said.
"Abstract, do I know I depend my happiness on you? well, I am going, to be honest, now, you are my happy pill and I am not addicted to you as a happy pill. It just comes naturally, you're making me happy but right now, you are cutting me into pieces and it hurts because you are pouring salt into the cut you caused."
Oh my, is he a masochist? Is he reading or watching too many dramas lately? From the way he describes it with that serious face, I can fully say he can win an award but setting aside the drama, I knew that I am hurting him but what I am saying right now is true. It is better to cut him with the truth than to feed him with lies. I saw him wiping his tears. "By the way, to answer your question earlier… yes, we had an agreement that every Friday we will go to your house to change the environment," I said. "Just think about what I have suggested. You do not need to answer right now."
"You are the one who told me that when I have to beg, I don't need to look pitiful, I don't need to kneel and cry in front of you, right?" he asks, I just nod as a reply. "Then, I am begging you right now by following what you have taught me. Tell me, what do you want me to do? I am so desperate that I wiped my tears, holding my tears not to fall again and trying to make myself not kneel and never look pitiful in front of you, to be honest, I don't know what to do anymore," he said then looked up. "Abstract, tell me, at least tell me what to do so I can spend the rest of life with you that the law of the world and through the eyes of God approves. That I can tell the whole world that, I am exclusively yours." He held my hands and sweetly caressed them. " Rackie, please tell me, don't shut me out of your life. I will do everything you want once we got married. This is all I want; I will never ask you for anything anymore after our marriage. Please, just spare this one…" he said and put his head on my shoulder.
I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes so I could stay composed because seeing him begging like this, break my heart. I tap his shoulder. "I am sorry, this tim—"
He suddenly lifts his head, holds my shoulders then looks at me intently. I am confused by the way he is looking at me. His eyes are sparkling as if he thought of something that delights him. "Wait…" he smiled sweetly then chuckled a bit. "Are you doing this because you are experimenting so you can write the right expression and emotions of your character that you are currently writing?" he said in a serious tone however, his face express differently.
I looked at him, scan his face, blink a few times and crook my forehead. "What? Of course, n—"
He suddenly claps his hands in front of my face and laughs. "Oh, Rackie!" he said as he can't stop smiling. "Oh, I forgot to tell you that I bought the cookies that you like, I forgot to bring them with me but they are in the fridge at the house." He said and caressed my head while smiling at me. " You know what; if you like to see that kind of reaction just tell me after so I can calm my nerves. You really are full of surprises that make me feel nervous."
Is he just changing the topic so he can cut off the topic or he is naïve? I want to put my palm on my face and then have a little force on my palm so I could hit his head to wake him up however, I need patience. "Master like I was saying—"
He smiled at me again. "Do you want a massage?" he suddenly asks. "The twins are getting heavy each time I visit them and you always carry them when you need to put them to sleep. It's the least I could do so I can pay how you take good care of the twins while I am not around."
"Are you for real, Terric?" I voice out in frustration. "You don't even make me finish what I want to say?"
He looks at me and then frowns. "Rackie, are you saying that you are serious with what you said earlier?" he asked with seriousness. I can't look him straight in the eyes. With that kind of tone, I knew that he is serious. "Hey, look at me," he said, it sounds like begging but with authority. I shook my head. He sighs. "Abstract, do you know how much you will pay if you back out?" I nod. "Did you read the condition after the compensation?" I shook my head. "Hmm… then, let me tell you, after the compensation…" he stopped and move his lips near my ear. "…you will grant one request from me and you cannot say no, whatever request I want." He whispers. "It is written on page xx, clause xx." I looked at him and he smirked at me. He tapped my shoulder. "Well, if you are not convinced, then why do you can see it yourself." He said and left to check the twins that are in their crib.
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