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Tulis ulasanNot enough overall design. He is going from one place to another at a flip of a dime, plus things are going super fast as in way too fast for the story. You could have extended the chapters by adding discription for what he will do and why instead of it being on a whim. Overall the story has a chance to be amazing but it just needs a lot of work.
Good job man I love the way you are designing your story hopefully you keep it up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***********************************************
Not enough overall design. He is going from one place to another at a flip of a dime, plus things are going super fast as in way too fast for the story. You could have extended the chapters by adding discription for what he will do and why instead of it being on a whim. Overall the story has a chance to be amazing but it just needs a lot of work.
Good job man I love the way you are designing your story hopefully you keep it up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***********************************************