Bab 34: Needy

~ ZEV ~

Neither of them spoke.

Zev could feel her tension, the argument she was having with herself. How she swung back and forth between wanting to pull him closer and wanting to push him away. But he knew she had needed to know. That this would lay between them. And if she'd taken him back and then found out…

Sex had always been important to her—and it was to the Chimera too, so when they were growing up he'd understood, perhaps better than her fully human friends. After all, historically any Chimera that had sex was bonded for life. Being careful about that choice was important. And the culture within his people hadn't changed. Most of the Chimera still lived with that "flaw" as Nick called it.

But looking at the pain on Sasha's face at the idea of him with those other females, Zev was starting to think maybe the Chimera had it right.

He clung to her hand, willing her to decide to forgive him. To take him. To see that his love for her was real.

When twenty minutes passed and she still didn't speak, and didn't look at him—but also didn't let go of his hand, he cleared his throat.

"Sasha," he murmured, "I didn't want t—"

"Don't."

He gave a heavy sigh. "You have to understand, I was literally made for this. There's nothing in it—"

"I said, don't, Zev. I can't… I don't want to think about what you've done or with who, or why. What I have to figure out is what you are now. Who you are to me. And what we'll be together."

He blew out a breath. "That's easy," he said quietly.

She did look at him then, her brows pinched together. "How can you say that?"

"Because, you belong to me. And I belong to you, Sash. Can't you see. Can't you feel it? No one has ever made me feel the way you do. No one. Not even fear. I just… I walk through most of my day numb, do you understand? I do crazy shit with crazy people and I just… do it.

"I mean, there's a weird thrill sometimes when you get the guy, or when something was hard and you got through it. But other than that… I've been dead inside since I left you. Except when I could see you. Being anywhere near you, hearing your voice, it was like a drug for me. Do you understand that, Sash?"

"God help me," she whispered. "I do. Everyone thought I was crazy, Zev. But it was like I could feel that you were still out there and all I had to do was wait. But no one believed me."

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, willing her to look at him, to see his love in his eyes.

She shook her head. "Even I was giving up the last few months," she said softly, looking down where their hands were clasped so tightly. "I was starting to believe them all. I thought I needed to find someone to replace the space you'd made in my heart…"

Zev knew. He wanted to growl. "That guy, what was his name… Knox?"

She turned and stared at him. "You do realize that telling me things like that just makes you more and more of a creeper that I should run away from, screaming?"

"I wasn't following you, Sasha… I mean, not very often, at least."

She raised one eyebrow. "You knew Rob's name. You know Knox."

Zev growled without thinking—that Knox guy always made him feel furious. "That dickhead was a player. I couldn't believe you didn't see through him."

"I did… it just took some time."

Zev shifted in his seat. He was asking her to forgive him for mating with dozens of women. He could forgive her one boyfriend who was a douche. But fuck… that guy was such a tool!

"He didn't seem like your type, what drew you to him?" he asked, finally, the question that had been burning for him since the day he'd learned she went on a date with the guy.

Sasha, oddly, laughed… a weary laugh.

"The truth?" she asked quietly.

"Of course."

"The first time I saw him, I thought he was you," she said, shaking her head. "We were at a bar and I caught sight of him out of the corner of my eye and my whole body lit up, Zev. You said being near me was like a drug for you? I get that. I mean… sometimes I would just stare at him, trying to get that feeling back."

Zev started to smile, then it turned into a deep frown. She'd been looking for him. That was awesome. And also terrifying.

"He's nothing like me," he said emphatically.

She shrugged. "I could ignore that for a while. I was supposed to be getting over you. It seemed like a good middle step. Of course, I hadn't seen you in five years. He's more like the Zev of five years ago. Now you're… this," she said dryly, flapping a hand to indicate him from his knees to his head.

"What is this?" he asked, trying not to smile.

"Please, don't play games with me, Zev."

"I'm not!"

She turned and looked at him finally and he met her gaze. "You are. Stop. I'm trying, okay? I'm here. I haven't lost my mind—or at least, if I have, I can still string a logical thought together. Just… let a girl have some pride."

"Pride about what?"

"About being needy."

"Needy? Are you serious? I turned into a wolf in front of you and you fought me. You're many things, Sash, but needy isn't one of them."

"Then don't make me talk about how much hotter you are than me, because I'm still… coming to terms with that."

"Hotter?" he said, frowning. "Sasha, there's no 'hotter' between you and me. We're perfect for each other. I don't know how it happened. I don't even know how it's possible since I'm… this thing, and you're a real person. But I'm not going to deny the pure truth: We were made for each other. In my case, literally. So… so do what you need to do. I'm asking you to forgive me for giving up and giving in. But don't ever doubt for a day that if you'll have me, I'll never turn away from you again. Ever."

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