Bab 33: Can't Be That Simple

~ SASHA ~

She opened her mouth to say it wasn't that simple. But his voice broke in first.

You can trust me, Sash. You know you can.

Except… his lips didn't move. She blinked. Then blinked again.

"What the—how did you do that?" she breathed.

He held her eyes and she knew she should be worried about keeping the car on the road, but she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

"It's because of the wolf. I told you, we have some… characteristics they do. I can talk to your mind. If I want to. If you wanted to, you could talk back, because we're bonded."

"I… what?!"

Zev blew out a breath and tore his eyes away to check the mirrors, then came back to her, his eyes dark in the dim light, but soft on her. "Wolves can talk to each other telepathically. They do it with images, but because I'm human I can also do it with words."

She stared, her mouth open. She needed to speak. To react. To tell him this was crazy. But he snorted like he'd heard the thought and his voice bloomed in her head again.

You know you're beautiful even when you look at me like I'm nuts.

An image flashed in her head—herself, staring like a crazy person. Gaping at him. But it wasn't just the image. It was… his feelings. Her lower lip was full and inviting… her eyes, the fear in them, made him sad. Her breasts had filled out since—

"That's enough!" she snapped, jerking back like she'd been slapped, her cheeks heating.

Zev grinned just like he used to in high school when he knew he was being cute and it slayed her, a crackle of electricity right to her heart—and lower in her belly.

She sat back in her seat, emotions rolling over each other as she tried to take this all in.

Somehow, impossibly, she still felt safe with him even though every stinking thing that came out of his mouth told her that she shouldn't. She still wanted him—hell, she still loved him! And he was here and saying all the right things about her. And if those feelings were real, the things he'd felt when he looked at her…

It was her dream come true.

But then her brain kicked in and she imagined talking about this with Rob over coffee in the morning.

"Yeah, he abducted me from the street, forced me back to my apartment to pack a bag, treated me like shit, then forced me into a car he'd hidden out in the woods… oh, and did I mention he can turn into a wolf and talk to me in my head?"

She felt that hysterical laughter bubbling up again and swallowed it down. She wasn't cracking up. She was under stress. And she needed to make a decision.

Except… hadn't she already made it back then? Running from him in the car and when he headed her off…

If she'd needed anymore proof that she was, in fact, still in love with the Zev she knew five years ago, the fact that she'd just walked through a horror movie and was still thinking about kissing him had to be it.

Then the thought of him breeding with other women slammed into her head and stopped her breath.

Her Zev. Her sweet, thoughtful, hot-as-lava Zev had had his hands all over other women.

Wait…

A breeder.

Did that mean…?

"How many?" she croaked, staring at the dashboard because she knew if she looked at him she'd just melt again and let herself forget about all this.

"How many what?"

"How many women have you… bred with?"

He took a deep breath and she braced herself. "There were five before you," he said quietly. "The tests. They're all dead now." The grief in his voice was a spear to her gut.

"And after you left me?"

She felt him flinch at the words, but refused to apologize. It was only the truth.

"I don't know," he said. "A lot. None the first couple of years. But once they brought me out of the Chimera and back here… a lot. A few a month."

"A few… every month?!"

"It depends on whether there's a hunt and what's going on in the research and… but yes…" She did turn to look at him then because he wasn't looking at her. Those little muscles at the back of his jaw flexed and his hands opened on the steering wheel again. "They meant nothing to me, Sash," he said softly. "It was literally… But I was always in the wolf."

"Wait, WHAT?!"

His Adam's apple bobbed. "When Chimera mate, it's usually more successful if they're in animal form. And on a practical level it's easier. My wolf can scent when she's—"

"Stop! No! I don't want to hear this. I can't… I don't want to… I can't, Zev. I just… I can't think about that."

He lifted a hand off the wheel to claw it through his hair. "Please, Sasha," he said, and there was a soft pleading to his tone that made her eyes close. "Please, forgive me. I thought… I never thought I'd get you back. I thought… I thought it was what I was made to do."

"That's why this is such a problem, Zev," she said, her voice too high. "Because until just now I would have sworn I was made to love you. I was so certain… I couldn't even think about sleeping with anyone else. Everyone called me crazy. They said I was obsessed, that I'd built you up in my mind. That no one was that perfect. And I tried to tell them… but they were right. Right?" She swallowed hard.

A tiny noise broke in his throat and every muscle in his body seemed to tighten.

"Sash… please…"

She shook her head, her heart torn in half between wanting to hold him and wanting to hurt him. But then his hand appeared over hers and their fingers twined, and the smell of him wafted over her.

Sasha closed her eyes and let her head sink back against the headrest, and clung to his large, thick hand, so warm when hers were so cold.

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