Bab 129: Scared To Die

(From Blue's Perspective)

For the first time, I was scared that I would die. Before, I had never felt like this. I wanted to live, but I was never scared to die either. After all, death was a better option than all the things I faced in my family. 

I never could bring myself to kill myself. Perhaps it was because I had always been a coward. I was so much of a coward that I could not kill myself, neither could I live. It was always a state in the middle of living and death. 

'Was I a zombie then without any thoughts of my own and was just living because that's what I'm supposed to do? Only breathe and think nothing, like a body and mind without a soul...'

But now, I was scared, scared to die. Every time I could not breathe, it felt like it was the end. But I did not want to see the end yet. I had finally been happy. Did I not deserve this much happiness? Or was my life always supposed to be filled with despair?