Bab 159: Chapter 9: Expecting ll
"BEN! SPIDER!"
I whipped my head around to find Dayna practically dancing as if there were hot coals beneath her feet. She gestured wildly to the corner of the living room, and with an apologetic smile for my girlfriend, I headed over to squash the bug.
Dayna was calling me to kill spiders. Brandi was tidying up dishes in the kitchen. And a handful of beautiful young co-eds were puttering around my living room filling the air with bubbly conversation while helping to set up for tonight's party. It was just like old times.
Our big dinner announcement had been a rousing success. At first, there was much confusion amongst our friends as they speculated on the nature of tonight's invitation. Bert, Sasha, and Paige were accustomed to being invited over for meals, but they weren't expecting to see the froshlings in attendance as well. Not all of my younger sister's clique was here, but the arrival of Faye, Meli, Lexi, Tammy, Beth, and Vivian certainly had everyone wondering what the hell was going on. To come over to the house for an End of the Semester party Friday night was one thing. But to be expressly told to arrive early and have dinner before the party? Something was definitely up. And their curiosity was only piqued even further when Brandi and Dayna arrived, having left work early to make it here.
The froshlings asked Brooke and DJ what was going on, and the girls explained that they'd have to wait until everyone arrived. The seniors were asking Kim and me the same thing, only to get the same response. But finally Meli and Lexi came in, the last two on our guest list. Everyone assembled in the living room. DJ and I held hands. And we told everyone we were pregnant.
To their credit, our friends got over their shock and awe pretty quickly. At first, some of them were offering condolences, like we'd just received a death sentence or something. But DJ simply wrapped herself around my arm and beamed with that same happy/pregnant glow she'd had in the car. She was HAPPY to be pregnant, not regretful. And with Brandi and Dayna similarly glowing as they jumped around and hugged us gleefully, the mood in the room quickly turned joyous.
Our announcement dinner quickly became a celebration of our impending parenthood. Condolences turned into congratulations. My girlfriend got pulled away from me by her friends to gasp and giggle about baby names and the inevitable questions about whether we preferred a girl or boy. Bert patted me on the back and applauded the verification of my virility. Sasha gave me a warm hug and a murmur in my ear wishing DJ and me the very best. And Paige jumped into my arms, merrily chirping about how April and my baby were going to have SO much fun playing together!
But then other guests began to arrive, and having been reminded that our trust was being put in our closest friends to maintain the secret, any discussions about babies were quickly halted. They would only need to keep a lid on things for a couple more months, anyway. We broke out the bar, fired up the iPod stereo system, and started mixing drinks.
A couple of DJ's casual acquaintances asked why she wasn't drinking, but she made some excuse about her period making her feel nauseous and nobody bothered her after that. Otherwise, we had a smooth-running party and everyone had a good time.
Paige was the first to leave, needing to get home to her own daughter. She wound up driving Bert and Sasha to the BART station as well. Little by little, our other guests trickled out. And rather than let things drag on until 2am, around 12:30 Dayna and Brandi decided to play enforcer and shut down the party, wanting DJ and me to get some rest. But once the last party guests were gone, our big sisters sat us down so they could ask their questions.
Dayna asked about Dawn, of course. And Brandi asked if we were thinking about getting married before the baby arrived.
"We haven't really decided," DJ explained. "We've only known we've been pregnant for little more than 24 hours."
"Well you can't elope," Dayna said with mock seriousness. "Mom would KILL you if she didn't get to help plan the wedding."
"And you might want to do it sooner than later, if you're going to," Brandi suggested. "Think about your wedding photos and how big your belly will be if you guys wait."
DJ shook her head. "Right now, we're just taking things one step at a time. Tomorrow is winter break, and we'll have a few weeks to step back and discuss all those kinds of plans. I'm not going to rush into things. You're right: If we do get married, Mom's gonna want the whole nine yards, not just a quickie ceremony before I pop. But I don't need a piece of paper to tell me Ben loves me. He's with me 100% on this, and that's really all I need."
We were still holding hands, and I squeezed DJ's now at her words.
Moments later, Brooke and Kim emerged from the kitchen and joined us in the living room. We all caught up and chatted just a bit more, but then Brandi suggested she and Dayna leave the poor pregnant woman to get some sleep. And we all said our last goodbyes.
"You take care of my niece or nephew, hear?" Dayna admonished me with a waggling finger.
I grinned and waved both of them out the door. And once I closed it with some finality, I turned around and let out a deep breath. That was it. We were done. Everyone knew.
There was no turning back now.
"C'mon, Deej," Brooke said with a sigh, reaching out and grabbing her best friend's arm and tugging her toward their bedrooms. "We've got a couple more hours before daylight."
At first, DJ seemed like she didn't want to let go of my hand, but Brooke shot her a look and DJ and I both seemed to realize that this would be the first chance Brooke got to sit down and talk with her best friend, since DJ had fallen asleep early last night. DJ allowed my sister to drag her away, and when the door closed it was just me and Kim left in the hall.
"Come with me," she said suddenly but quietly, reaching out and grasping my hand.
"Huh?" I replied as she began tugging me toward the stairs.
"We need to talk."
I found myself in a familiar armchair. Lately it seemed like I was having a lot of conversations in the little sitting area of the master bedroom, and not nearly enough sex on these pieces of furniture. Kim sat prim and proper across from me, her legs folded neatly. Put on a pair of glasses and give her a pen and paper, and she'd make for a pretty good psychologist.
And that was what this was about, I already knew. Ever since the beginning of the year, Kim had appointed herself the arbiter of my happiness. It wasn't that she was trying to shape my romantic life or prevent me from hooking up with whomever I chose, but she DID go out of her way to make me think about the situations I found myself in, to help me analyze my emotions, and sometimes play devil's advocate in warning me away from certain courses of action. This conversation would be more of the same.
"Do we need to do this?" I began wearily. "It's late. I need rest. And don't tell me you think keeping this baby is a bad idea at this point, not now."
"Why? Do YOU think keeping the baby is a bad idea?"
"What? No. I'm 100% on board with this. I thought I made that clear when you and Brooke were with me and DJ discussing this two minutes after DJ showed us the pregnancy test. Besides, YOU agreed with us that we should keep the baby."
"I did. Still do."
"Then what's there to talk about?"
Kim gave me a mysterious smile, and simply held her gaze on me. She didn't speak, didn't even blink. She simply looked at me, and for a moment I wondered if she'd gone catatonic. I waved a hand in front of her face, slowly, like anyone does when checking to see if the other person can still see. And as I did so, Kim's smile rose along with the arch of her eyebrow. "Are you in love with DJ?"
"What kind of a question is that?"
"A simple one."
I shot Kim a look, and then sighed and answered her. "Yes, of course I am."
"You're sure of it?"
"Absolutely."
"Ready to marry her?"
"Yes."
Kim's eyebrows went up. "Wow, that was fast."
"What?"
"You weren't ready to marry her a month ago. Or even a week ago. Happy with DJ as your girlfriend? Yes. But marriage? I think you were firmly in the camp of 'not yet'."
"Uh, we're kind of having a baby now."
"So?"
"So? What more reason do you need?"
"A baby alone is not reason to get married."
"Sure it is. People do it all the time."
"Then 'people' are stupid. It's those kinds of people that end up divorced right after. A couple should get married when they're ready to get married."
"Well, I didn't say I was going to marry DJ NOW. Just a few minutes ago, when Brandi and Dayna were asking us this same question, DJ told them we were going to wait and see. She doesn't need a piece of paper to tell us how much we love each other. And we both agreed to talk about it over winter break."
"But if she wants to get married, you're going to say 'yes', aren't you?"
I shrugged. "She's going to be the mother of my child."
"Just like that?"
"Well, in about nine months."
"No, I mean, you'll marry her just like that?"
"Yes! Isn't that what I've been saying?"
"Full commitment. 100%. No turning back, a lifetime of togetherness. Until death do you part."
"Yes."
Kim's eyebrows went up again. "Like I said: that was fast."
"Kim, she's pregnant."
"I'm aware of that. And no, I'm not going to argue with you about keeping the baby. I'm pro-choice, myself, but I can already tell you both want to keep it. So that's that. What I'm questioning right now is how in the blink of an eye you go from 'waiting for Dawn to come back to you' to 'willing to try moving on with someone who loves you (DJ)' to 'until death do us part'! Two days before Halloween, you said you weren't ready to date anyone. Six, seven weeks later, you're ready to say 'I do'. And that worries me."
"Worries you? What's wrong? You still harboring hope that I'll come to my senses and marry you?"
"Don't be ridiculous. I've already said point blank I don't want to marry you."
"You've also said point blank that you're still in love with me."
"I am. But that's a different discussion."
"How can it be? If you're still in love with me, don't you think counseling me on my relationship with DJ is a slight conflict of interest here?"
"I WANT to see you happy with DJ. I WANT you to find everything you could hope for: marriage, kids, family, everything."
"Then what's the problem? I'm about to have all that with DJ."
"Are you?"
"Again, did you miss the part about her being pregnant?"
"That part leads to kids, and maybe marriage, according to your rules it seems. But pregnancy does not necessarily lead to happiness."
"I'm happy."
"Truly?"
"Absolutely."
"You're happy with your situation? With the way things have turned out?"
"Absolutely."
"No regrets? You don't wish things might have turned out differently? You don't wish that maybe DJ wasn't pregnant?"
"No. Not at all."
"Really? Most guys in your position wouldn't feel ready for a child at 21."
"I'll be 22 by the time he or she is born."
"Don't try to deflect."
Chagrined, I took a deep breath and gave Kim a serious look. "No, I don't regret what's happened. Yeah, an ordinary college student might think that having a baby at this age would be a disaster. I DO know it'll be really hard on DJ, seeing as she still has more than two years to go. She'll finish her sophomore year, but it's looking like she'll have to take at least one semester off, and maybe a whole year. So if I could go back in time and change things, maybe I'd have this happen to us when she was a senior and ready to graduate."
"How about not get pregnant at all? How about just you and your girlfriend, childless until you're ready to get married and raise a family when you're in ... say ... your mid-twenties? Wouldn't that be better?"
I shrugged. "More ideal, perhaps. But then, maybe not. Maybe if we waited that long, something else might happen in our lives to drive us apart. And then we wouldn't be together anymore and might never HAVE that family we both want."
"So you're saying that you believe something could still separate you? Drive you apart? You're saying that your love for each other – having been together as a couple for what, a month now? – isn't so unshakable that it would survive the test of time?"
"I didn't say that."
"Didn't you? Without this baby, without this ... tether ... binding you two together, you JUST said right now that maybe you two wouldn't end up getting married. That maybe something else might happen in your lives to separate you. Next month, next year, three years from now ... it doesn't matter. The future is uncertain, and you could imagine your lives taking diverging roads if DJ hadn't come up pregnant right now."
"You're putting words in my mouth."
"No, I'm not. I'm just asking you: how dead certain are you about your relationship with DJ? Because if you're NOT dead certain, then now isn't the time to get married, pregnancy or not."
"Is that what this is? You don't think I should marry her?"
"It's not about what -I- think. It's entirely about what YOU think. Can you separate your feelings for DJ from this pregnancy? Can you see her as just DJ the girlfriend and not DJ the mother of your child?"
"What does it matter? Hypotheticals and all? DJ IS pregnant."
"But if she wasn't, YOU wouldn't be ready to marry her. Period."
Frustrated, I got out of the chair and stepped away from her, striding for the door. For a moment, I was ready to fling it open and stalk away, ridding myself of this annoying girl who was badgering me to death about my relationship. I'd had such a good time with my friends and older sisters tonight, celebrating the occasion. And now my good mood had been spoiled by this ... this... shrew.
But I wouldn't walk away. This was MY room. And more to the point, I felt that running away would validate Kim's questioning of my relationship. If I couldn't stand up and defend my love for DJ, then how solid WERE we?
"Use your head, Ben," Kim said from behind me, after I came to a stop but before I turned around. "Six weeks ago, you weren't ready to be DJ's boyfriend, let alone husband. Six weeks ago, you were still pining after Dawn. And one week ago, you were enjoying the progress of your relationship but not even seriously thinking about marriage and lifelong commitment. You'd have been happy if you and DJ got there eventually, but you weren't thinking that far ahead."
"A week ago, I didn't know I'd be having a baby."
"A baby is a reason to stay together, yes. The baby deserves to know both of his or her parents. But it can't be the only reason to stay together."
"DJ and I DO love each other."
"Do you really LOVE DJ? Or do you love that she's carrying your child?
"Both! And at this point, it doesn't matter that I love her more because she's carrying my child. All that matters is that I DO. You can't understand, Kim. Knowing you've got a baby on the way changes everything about your outlook on life. And you'll never understand that until you're in that position yourself."
"Maybe not. Maybe I can't understand until I'm in her shoes. But that doesn't mean I can't see how strong your relationship is with her, even now. You loved DJ a certain amount before, but not like you did Dawn. I was there to see how much you loved Dawn. And as fond as you are for DJ, you're not at that same level. I'm not saying you won't get there eventually. But the truth is, even with the baby coming you're nowhere NEAR as in love with DJ yet as you were with Dawn. That's the simple math of only being together for a month."
"Dawn was never pregnant."
"So? Love DJ's baby. Plan on being with DJ, on raising your child together. Maybe down the road you'll be ready to be her husband as well. But not yet. Don't make that decision a month into your relationship. Ask a hundred guys if they're ready to get married a month into their relationship, and ninety of them will say 'yes'. It's because they're in love. It's because they're honeymooning. It's because they're still having wild sex WAY more often than they will be having five years after they've gotten married. Their hearts say 'yes', but even of those ninety guys, most aren't ACTUALLY going to do it. It's too early to make that decision, for anyone. And don't tell me that you and DJ have known each other for most of your lives. You've still only been together in this relationship for a month. It's too soon. Yeah, I'm sticking my neck out and telling you it's too soon. I let you jump into your relationship with DJ less than three months after Dawn breaking your heart, because I thought you'd take your time and not fall into the same traps as before. Yes, DJ's pregnancy moves up your timetable, but still... think about things, Ben. And I hate to say it, but what if she has a miscarriage? What then? Do you STILL marry her? You have to think about these things, and NOT lose your head over this!"
I didn't respond right away. That was a lot of stuff, heavy stuff, especially the question about a miscarriage. I hadn't thought about it. And it took me a little while to wrap my brain around such an unpleasant concept. Part of me didn't want to deal with all these thoughts and possibilities, but the other part of me heard the wisdom in her words. Still ... I was tired of this conversation.
"Fine. I'll think about it," I said with a sigh.
Kim pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows at my dismissive response.
"I will, really. And anyway, this is a moot point. We're NOT getting married anytime soon. We won't elope. And this IS the twenty-first century. There's no requirement for me to make an honest woman out of DJ and have us married before the baby comes. Alright? We don't need any pieces of paper to tell us how much we love each other. Finals are done. We're going to go home for Winter Break. And we're going to take some time away from school to really think about where our relationship is going. Okay?"
Kim looked at me skeptically, hearing my words but not sure whether or not to believe them.
I chuckled and shook my head. "For someone who was so willing to put ME in charge of her life, you certainly don't respect my decision-making capabilities."
"I respect you. I respect your heart. I know you mean well, and want only the best for the people you care about. THAT'S why I was so willing to submit myself to you: because I knew you'd try your damnedest to do what was right for me."
"And I ended up breaking your heart."
Kim took a deep breath. "That part was unavoidable. Even I didn't realize Dawn was going to go off the deep end like that. But I still believe in you."
"Then believe in me now. I want what's best for DJ, and for my child that she's carrying for me."
"And I want what's best for YOU."
"DJ's what's best for me right now, okay?"
Kim pursed her lips, took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. "Just ... remember what I've said. Take your time. Think things through. Don't do anything rash."
"FINE. I won't."
But yeah, I did something rash. Thankfully, though, it was an action I'll never regret.
-- SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2005, WINTER BREAK --
DJ and I woke up together, and just like the morning before, the bliss of cuddling all night in each other's arms led to a pleasant round of lovemaking. DJ pulled her panties on immediately afterward, saying the sensation of my semen squishing around inside of her would keep her happy and remind her of my love.
We spent the morning packing up. Most everything could stay, since we'd be returning in a little more than four weeks. But a good selection of winter clothes, my laptop, and my toiletries all fit into a single suitcase. It was while I was packing up that Amber called me out of the blue, screaming into my ear about how I'd told Bert that my girlfriend was pregnant but hadn't called HER. And weren't we supposed to be FRIENDS? But there was no actual heat in her voice, and when I asked how she'd found out about the pregnancy, she explained that Bert had told Lynne, who'd told Kady and Noelle and Amber. It turned out that Paige had already told Kady and sworn her cousin not to reveal anything until I told them myself, but Bert had gone and spoiled things anyway and I made a mental note to castrate Bert or something when I got back to campus.
Meantime, Amber wanted to give me her congratulations, although she had some serious questions. After all, hadn't I told her that I would be waiting for Dawn? And what was this about DJ being Dawn's little sister? We talked, and I explained, and Amber seemed to accept that I'd moved on, although she expressed thankfulness that she didn't have any family members for David to knock up back home or that would be REALLY awkward when she got back to him.
Then again, SHE didn't have any siblings, but David ... nevermind.
Ultimately, Amber finished up by saying that now she REALLY had to meet DJ, since I hadn't brought her by Stanford since her request the day before Thanksgiving. Although she was still remaining abstinent from men for her David, Amber was perfectly willing to nail a hot chick if she could. Knowing my taste in girlfriends, Amber figured that DJ would certainly be worth seducing. But that was then, and now ... well, actually ... Amber was probably STILL interested in seducing her.
Off the phone from Amber, I focused on closing up shop for the house. I made sure all the doors and windows were locked and emptied the trash cans. And then the four of us headed out the door, ready to leave the house for the rest of 2005.
All three of us hugged Kim goodbye. She'd driven her brother's Honda Accord this past weekend in anticipation of this return. Her motorcycle wouldn't carry a suitcase, now would it? But the Mustang was parked behind her in the tandem driveway, and so I had to get the girls squared away first.
Brooke called shotgun, but DJ tried to pull rank as my girlfriend. My little sister started arguing the point, but then DJ called "pregnant," and a miffed Brooke gave in.
"But you only get to use that for nine months," Brooke griped.
"At least until Ben knocks me up again," DJ teased.
"By then, he'll be driving a minivan and it won't matter."
"NO minivans in this household," I assured the girls. "8-passenger Land Cruiser, maybe."
"Still double-parked!" Kim called from by the Accord.
We laughed, said our final goodbyes, and loaded up. An hour later, we arrived at DJ's house to spend one last night with her family before heading home to Orange County.
And only THEN did Adrienne finally call me back.
"Took you long enough," I teased, walking down the hallway to DJ's bedroom where I could find a little privacy for this conversation.
"You said it was important, but not urgent," Adrienne shot back. "I'm a busy-busy girl!"
"I know, but you'd think that after all we've been through, I might be a little higher on your priority list than whatever mindless party you had to attend last night or however much of a hangover you had this morning so that you couldn't even call me back until its almost dinnertime."
"Last night's party was NOT mindless. It was a very nice gig at this well-connected producer's house. And I didn't drink THAT much. You know I never let myself get too out of control, what with slimy photographers and agents all trying to drink me into a stupor so they can worm into my panties. No, I can handle myself just fine, thank you ver--"
"DJ's pregnant," I interrupted.
"Holy shit," Adrienne gasped immediately.
"We're keeping the baby."
"Holy shit!"
"And I'm thinking about marrying her."
"HOLY SHIT!"
"Now is that 'Holy shit I'm so happy for you guys' or 'Holy shit you can't get married to her because -I- still want to marry you'? Or maybe 'Holy shit you stupid idiot I can't believe you knocked her up' or 'Holy shit I—'"
"Shut up and let me process this for a minute! Wow! Really? Pregnant?"
"Yup."
"Do mom and dad know?"
"Of course."
"Brandi? Brooke? The twins?"
"We told everyone yesterday, including DJ's family. And our friends, too. YOU would have found out earlier but somebody didn't value our relationship enough to bother to pick up the damn phone or return my call when she checked her messages."
"Don't pull this needy passive-aggressive shit. It's not becoming of you."
I laughed.
"Wow! Pregnant? Wow!"
"You said that a couple of times."
"Well, congratulations! You seem excited."
"I am."
"Wow ... pregnant..."
"Still in shock, are you?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, it makes total sense, given how much sperm you splash into so many different girls, especially DJ. And she's always been so in love with you. Wait, I'm assuming she didn't plan this?"
"What? No. She already had me. We were together and happy and we might have made it this far eventually. No 19-year-old PLANS to get pregnant like this."
"You'd be surprised. Some of the girls I work with? The ones who can tell they might not have their careers cut out for them in this line of work? I know of at least five who've deliberately gotten themselves pregnant by some super-rich producer or another simply to cash in and live off the child support for the rest of their lives, assuming they don't end up a trophy wife getting even more in alimony in ten years when they get traded in for someone younger."
I grimaced. "Sounds harsh."
"Dream-come-true for some of them. Especially the Midwestern farm girls seeing their Cover girl dreams vanishing with rejection after rejection. It's no wonder so many of them turn to drugs."
"You're not making me very comfortable with your line of work."
"Sorry. The pregnancy thing hit a bit of a nerve. Back to DJ. Wow! Congratulations, again! And now that I think about it, you have GOT to be sooo happy about this."
"I am."
"I know. You finally got everything you ever wanted." I could hear the pleasant smile in Adrienne's voice.
"Me?"
"You're the dreamer, Ben. You always wanted a wife and family. I could never give it to you. Dawn should have, but in the end she couldn't take the pressure. But now you've got it, and DJ's no second-best. That girl adores you."
"I know."
"So when's the wedding?"
"Wedding? We're not getting married yet," I replied with a laugh.
"Why not? You're staying with her, I assume. That's the whole upshot of this: to stay together and raise a family. Don't tell me you're still thinking of marrying someone else."
"What? No, no. Of course DJ and I will eventually get married. But we're not rushing into things. We've talked about this. She's still in school and by the time we work out all the details, her baby bump will be showing and everything."
"So? (A) You two could pull together a magical wedding in less than three months, before her belly starts to show. And (B) even if you waited, who the fuck cares if she's got a belly in the wedding photos? Isn't being married worth it? I know it is to you."
"Of course it is."
"Then propose."
"Seriously? Just like that?"
"I'm surprised you didn't do it the moment you found out she was pregnant."
"Well, there was a lot going on at that time."
"Then do it tonight. In front of her family. You said before that she was already staying with you for the winter break, right? So this is your one night with the Evanses. What time could be better?"
"Well, I don't have a ring, for one thing."
"Pssht. Like that matters. Get down on one knee and ask the damn question. You know she'll say 'yes', whether you've got a Tiffany's box in your hand or not."
"You think Tiffany's? Not Cartier or somewhere else?"
"All time classic. But that's just me. For DJ ... hmmm ... Like I said, propose first. You two can go ring shopping over the holidays while you've got the time."
"That could work."
"Of course it could."
"And you wouldn't mind? Me marrying DJ?"
"What, instead of me? Puh-lease. We've been over this, and you were right. I like you better as a brother. Don't get me wrong; I love you to pieces. But I was never going to give you the family and stability you wanted. DJ will do that for you. DJ IS doing that for you."
"So you think we should get married right away?"
"Why NOT? Are you still in love with Dawn?"
"What? No. She's moved on. So have I."
"Are you going to be together with DJ forever, or not?"
"I am."
"Then what's the problem? Why not have 'forever' start as soon as possible? Don't you want your baby to be born into a family with married parents? Deanna can spend the month of winter break making wedding arrangements. And maybe you two can cook up something to do it right before you get back to school. What weekend is that, January 13th?"
"The 14th is a Saturday," I replied after thinking about it for a moment. School resumed on Tuesday, the 17th.
"Well there you go. She won't be showing yet. You have a month to plan. Everybody wins. I can even start booking my own travel arrangements. I may not be the best friend for returning a phone call, but you can damn well bet I'm not missing your wedding, mister!"
"But it's all so sudden. Kim was just telling me last night that we should probably wait a little while and not do anything rash."
"I'm sure Kim means well. From what you told me about your relationship, she really does just want the best for you. But you also told me that she's still in love with you. How much can you ever trust the opinion of a girl like that?"
"Aren't you supposed to still be in love with me?"
"Sorry, bro, but that ship has sailed. Love you? Yes. 'In' love? No."
"But Kim raised some good points. Two months ago I was still hung up on Dawn. Less than a week ago, DJ asked if I was ready to marry her, and I couldn't tell her 'yes'. Has my heart really changed that much in just a few days?"
"What's your alternative? Not marrying her? Raise your baby together, but as a boyfriend? What kind of security is that for a single mother? If you love her enough to stick with her and be a father, why not a husband? And for what, to decide LATER whether or not you'll be ready to marry her? Ben, seriously. If you aren't going to be ready to marry her BEFORE your baby arrives, what does that say about how ready you'll be AFTER the baby is born?"
"I suppose."
"Worst case, you two get divorced. I don't think that's going to happen, but it's not impossible. Meantime, I'm sure you BOTH want the security and comfort of being married to each other. There's really no reason NOT to."
"I suppose. But again, if I wasn't ready to say 'yes' to marriage a week ago, can I really trust that I'm ready now?"
"Can you trust that a person is going to feel deliriously happy after they've won the lottery? That's what this is for you. Family. Marriage. Everything you ever dreamed. Huh. Maybe you shoulda found a way to knock up Dawn before she broke up with you."
"Whoa, whoa..."
"Sorry. Shouldn't have gone there. Man that would have been a fucked up marriage, what with all the shit she had going on in her head. A baby would have only made things worse. But that's also how you know this is the real deal with DJ. Dawn would have been freaking out about her destiny trapping her into a marriage with you, the baby forcing her to settle before she could spread or wings or some other bullshit. But I know DJ, and from the sound of how happy you've been, I don't think she's reacting like that. She wants this just as much as you do. She hit the lottery. She got everything she ever dreamed of, including you."
"Yeah..."
"So yes, I say trust your heart. Did you go from 'not ready' to 'ready' with a single baby? Yes. But that's what babies DO. Babies can have that impact on a couple."
"Spoken from your wealth of experience with children?"
"It's common sense. Your change of heart has everything to do with this baby. Having a child together is a tangible bond between you and DJ that can't ever be broken. It's the security in a relationship you always wanted."
"Security ... I LOVE that security."
"I know you do. It's why you gave me a promise ring."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. Your heart was in the right place. Your target just wasn't right for you. But I do think DJ IS right for you."
"Weren't you telling me years back that Dawn was right for you?"
"Dawn's cracked. DJ still gives you everything you ever wanted."
"But how can I be sure I'm not settling for second best?"
"I think Dawn knocked herself from the top rung by herself. You're not settling, you're settling down. With someone who WANTS to settle down with you, not run screaming from it right into Jaron's arms before bailing to a forest retreat for an entire year."
"Adrienne..."
"Sorry. You're not the only one bitter about how Dawn treated you. I'm just trying to say ... I'm happy for you, alright? It takes a burden off my shoulders. It takes a lot of guilt away from me."
"Guilt? What on earth did you feel guilty for?"
"Uh, for dumping you? For letting you dream of picket fences and 2.5 kids and all that jazz with ME? And then rejecting it and running off to New York to be a supermodel? That guilt?"
"You did what was best."
"By leaving you to fend for yourself."
"I had Dawn at the time."
"And I thought she was The One. It's the only reason I left you. I wouldn't have been able to go if I thought you'd be abandoned. And when Dawn did bail, I seriously contemplated coming back to be with you."
"And what? You'd give me the family I always wanted?"
"Maybe I would have had to. After all, YOU gave ME the family -I- always wanted."
"That's different."
"Not really. I owe you. Still do. But marrying DJ and having kids gets me off the hook."
"Hey, you know I'd never tie you down to a marriage you didn't want."
"I have varying degrees of 'want' when it comes to you. For you, yes, I'd get married. But I'll be relieved for you to find somebody else and let me keep playing sister."
"Well, you've got just that. I'll be quite happy together with DJ."
"And I'll be quite happy to be Auntie Adrienne."
I chuckled and let out a big smile. "So you really think I should propose tonight?"
"I'm telling you: she's going to say 'yes'."
"Of course she will."
"Then what is there to question? You love her. You want to be with her. You want this family she can give you. Does it really matter that this was all brought about by an unexpected pregnancy? You're not going to abort it. So this is the reality you're faced with. You love her. She loves you. You'll be raising a child together. End of story, except for the Happily Ever After part."
I took a deep breath. "You're right. I know she'll say 'yes'. Nothing left to question."
I sat back, looking around my girlfriend's ... no ... my wife-to-be's bedroom. I'd finally found my family, my happily ever after. With DJ. It's not what I was expecting. It's not what I'd planned when I was nine. But really, how many people end up doing the exact things they planned on when they were nine? Me, I thought I'd be an Astronaut. Look how that turned out.
I can be happy, and I can have my family with DJ. It works out for everyone. My family is happy. HER family is happy. We're all joined together and unified the way everyone wanted. The way even I wanted. Different daughter, but that's okay. Dawn had her shot, and she blew it. DJ never broke my heart.
And now she was going to bear my children.
"I'm going to propose tonight."
Adrienne cheered on the other end of the line.
I floated on air as I emerged from DJ's bedroom. Even though I had no ring burning a hole in my pocket, I felt quite anxious to get down on one knee and make the proposal before I either suffered a heart attack or some catastrophe like "The Big One" earthquake hit. But now wasn't the time. DJ was lounging in the family room watching a movie with Brooke, still de-compressing from the stressful week and the brain-drain of Finals. I wanted to let her relax and calm down a bit before springing this on her. After all, it had been less than two days since we all found out DJ was pregnant. So much had happened in less than 48 hours, and I think everyone needed a moment just to catch their breath.
Also, her family wasn't ready yet. Jack Evans was in his office, actually working even though it was a Saturday. Plus, Brandi and Dayna wouldn't be coming by the house until dinnertime, and I knew both older sisters would kill me if I proposed before they arrived.
So doing my best to play it cool, I settled onto the couch with my girlfriend and let her snuggle in beneath my left arm. DJ kicked her feet up onto the coffee table and sighed happily as she pressed her cheek to my chest. And I did my best to let the movie distract me from my proposal-anxiety, wanting to make sure I was calm and thoughtful before actually doing the deed.
I'd finished the phone call with Adrienne hyped-up and eager to make DJ my wife, but as the movie played I found my rational brain catching up to me. I hadn't forgotten Kim's concerns that DJ and I were moving too fast, but I didn't see any alternatives. I loved her. She loved me. I wanted to be a father to my son or daughter, and a husband to the baby's mother. So we HAD to get married. Period.
Kim had also warned me not to do anything rash, but despite the concerns she had raised, I still thought making this proposal was the right thing to do. A proposal doesn't really change a whole lot, if you think about it. Being engaged is a mental commitment, a step up from being boyfriend/girlfriend, but it's still not a marriage. We wouldn't be eloping, and we wouldn't even necessarily get married before the baby came. But I definitely thought that DJ deserved the security of a proposal, to know I was committed to being with her and to raising our child. And it was better for me to do so before leaving this house, so that I could do it in front of Dayna and her parents.
Not that my parents would be thrilled to know they'd missed the proposal, but my alternative was to wait until both our families were together, and that wouldn't be until next July. I couldn't wait that long, and given a choice between proposing in front of my parents or in front of DJ's, well, the role was for ME to take away THEIR daughter, so it had to be tonight.
It would be tonight. And she would say 'yes'. I knew it.
And knowing it, I finally started to relax.
With her head nestled against my chest, DJ literally felt me relax. Rubbing my belly, she glanced up at me, and returned the warm smile I was giving her.
"Hey, you doing okay?" she asked me quietly.
"I'm doing great, as long as I have you," I replied sincerely.
She stretched up to peck my lips, and then settled back into place to continue watching the movie.
'Happily Ever After', here I come.
It was the perfect moment. I don't even remember exactly what DJ said to tell me it was the perfect moment – something about being thankful to have me in her life – but I just knew.
Everyone was gathered together for dinner. DJ's father sat at the head of the table, his wife immediately to his right, followed by Dayna and Brandi. I sat to his left, with DJ and then Brooke by my side. We had just finished a wonderful meal together, topped off with a little wine for everyone. Jack Evans had announced a toast, to me and DJ, and to the new addition to our mutual families that everyone was certainly looking forward to. Everyone clinked glasses, although DJ's was filled with soda. But she didn't seem to mind, beaming at me and making that comment about having me in her life.
"I'm thankful, too," I replied sincerely, looking into my girlfriend's eyes. "So very thankful, in fact, that there's something I need to say."
Everyone at the table was silent, waiting and watching me as I took a deep breath and fought to keep my tongue from feeling too thick. My heart started POUNDING in my chest, so hard that I was surprised nobody commented on the bump denting out my shirt two times a second. But as the adrenaline-fueled blood raced through my skull and filled my ears, I seized on my sense of unwavering purpose and slid my chair back, standing up straight and looking at everyone around the table, from DJ to Brooke to Brandi to Dayna to Deanna and finally to DJ's father, Jack.
Still silent, they waited for me. Everyone could tell I was about to make some big speech or something, and expressions of curiosity and amusement spread across their faces. Deanna was beaming, still wearing the smile that hadn't left her face since finding out her daughter was going to bear my child. And letting her enthusiasm fuel my confidence, I finally turned my gaze back to DJ and then sank to one knee.
The air was suddenly sucked out of the room by the sharply inhaled gasps of five women. DJ's eyes opened WIDE as I reached up and took her left hand, holding it in mine and then covering it with my right. And then, unrehearsed and unplanned, I spoke the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm sorry that I don't have a ring to give you right now. This wasn't something I'd planned to do when I woke up this morning. A lot of things about this week have been unplanned, but that doesn't mean I'm not thrilled with what is happening to both of us. I do hope that this will be one more thing to be thrilled about.
"Dorothy Jean Evans ... I love you. I want to be with you. I choose you. I'm not asking this just because you're pregnant. I'm asking this because I decided I want to spend the rest of my life with you, baby or not. I'm asking this because of the way you make me feel, about myself AND about my future. I'm asking this because of how much YOU love ME, and because of that I know with absolute certainty that my life can only be the better for having you by my side.
"I want you to feel what I feel. I want you to feel cherished, to be desired, and to feel safe. I want you to know that I will stand by you no matter what else happens in our lives. And I want you to know that -I- want to be your partner in raising our family together.
"So Dorothy Jean Evans ... Deej..." I grinned at the delighted smile on DJ's face. "Will you marry me?"
She choked, a rather incongruous sound considering the huge smile she sort of half-covered with one hand. Tears of joy were spilling down her cheeks, the moisture still in her eyes making those sky blue irises shine in the overhead dining table lights. Her lower lip quivered, and she took a deep breath, readying herself to give me her answer. And in those brief moments of silence, my mind flashed to a vision of DJ and me, standing at the wedding arch hand-in-hand while the officiant stated aloud, 'If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.'
No one objected. I didn't waver my eyes from DJ's, but I could feel our sisters and her parents pressing around us, anxiously awaiting her positive response.
And then the doorbell rang.
No, seriously?!?
But it didn't matter. DJ didn't hear the sound. How could she? Her entire world had shrunk down to a 3-foot diameter circle surrounding just her and me. Tears of joy still rolling down her cheeks, she took my other hand, pulled me up to her, and said, "Yes!"
And then she kissed me.
I lost myself in that kiss. The girl I loved had just accepted my marriage proposal. Everything else faded away. Nothing else mattered.
I forgot about Brooke and Brandi standing behind her. I forgot about Dayna next to them. I forgot about Jack and Deanna. And yes, I forgot about that doorbell.
We kissed and we kissed and we kissed. We were the only two people in the world, well, except for the baby growing in DJ's belly. We lost track of time, and we lost track of space. We were engaged, and we both were completely delirious in our joy at realizing we would both get our happily ever after. Never before had either of us been THAT happy...
... which is why it was such a shock to finally separate our lips just long enough to take a breath, and then glance to the side to see Dawn standing beside us, looking anything BUT happy.
"Umm..." I began, flabbergasted to see her, especially with the dark brown-dyed hair. "Hi..."
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
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