Bab 45: Rift
'You see? I think you see now. In my life, I was many things. A child growing up in the ruins of a slaughtered world. A foolish young man dreaming to destroy the Agency. An adult fueled by a great purpose. A scientist, a teacher. A father. But through all of it, one thing about me never changed: I was a wraith, first and foremost. And all of it led me to that single point of time and space after your mother died, when, starting to succumb to the Disease myself, I finally understood what I was meant to do in this world.
We wished to save the wraiths from their fate, and we almost succeeded. But there wasn't enough time. The thing we were trying to overcome had come for us ourselves. And it would have been okay. The basis of our research would have paved the way for the next generation of scientists. The only thing is, there won't be a next generation. The Silent Genocide is too strong, and its poisonous sloth is too infectious. Everyone has given up, and wraiths are dying. If anyone could save them, It had to be us, no matter how old, and tired, and compromised we were. Do you understand?'
He stood up and paced, excited. Something of his usual self, the mad Zero, was sipping back in, igniting his features.
'So, we gathered for one last time -- those of us who remained, the last of sons and daughters of the Second Generation. We evaluated our options. The scientific path was too time-consuming, and time was our enemy. Diplomacy has failed. And that left us with only one option.'
He stopped and looked at us, grave heaviness in his eyes.
'Do you understand?'
Mickey was leaning in, catching his every word, hypnotized. He nodded eagerly and said:
'War.'
I felt cold run down my spine. Suddenly, I was snapped out of it -- the mesmerizing litany of Zero's heartfelt, pain-fueled manifesto. I looked at my small kitchen with new eyes, and saw something that disturbed me to the core -- the intense, almost fanatical gleam in Mickey's eyes. The same gleam I had in mine, too, just a minute ago. I wondered how many horrible things started just like that -- with a passionate conversation between a few people, sparks of anger and perceived righteousness flying in the air, ready to combust into something massive and deadly.
Zero nodded.
'Yes. War. In the end, I came full circle from wanting to destroy the Agency, to joining it, to realizing that, in the end, my initial purpose was right, if for the wrong reasons. The cure will come. The wraiths will be saved. The only thing that needs to happen to allow these things to come true is change. The destruction of the status quo. The death of the Silent Genocide. A new hope for our people, who are beaten down into unwillingness to go on living.'
Mickey was eating it up with an exalted expression. But I was suddenly very, very uneasy. So I asked:
'And how have you decided to go about doing that?'
Zero smiled.
'Ah, a good question indeed. Destroying the Agency would appear to be impossible, but in reality, it's not. Not to someone who knows it from the inside, knows its every weakness, as we of the Second Generation do. They say that to kill a snake you need to cut off its head. Well, the Agency is a beast with many heads. Most of them are hidden in a tangle of secrets and lies, some are not. My brothers and sisters went away to hunt down the latter. My task is a harder one. I need to destroy the former. Luckily, to untangle their secrets I just needed to find the right string to follow. I found it in Seattle, and followed it here, to this quiet, peaceful city. Which, unknown to most, hides the headquarters of the North America Agency chapter, along with its leader, and directions to the location of all the other Grand Protectors. If we manage to find it, all the keys to victory will be in our hands! But I... I can't do it alone. I am too vulnerable. I need someone to have my back in all of this, to be my eyes and hands. To watch over me when I am... when I am lost. I need your help. The wraith kind needs your help.'
Mickey hit the table with his fist.
'We'll help! Won't we, Matt?!'
I didn't answer, and after a couple of seconds, he turned to me, confused.
'Won't we, Matt?'
My eyes weren't gleaming like his. I wasn't smiling like he was. My face was somber and guarded, and when Mickey saw it, he looked confused.
I looked away from him, to Zero.
'Did you say Seattle?'
He raised his eyebrows.
'Yes. Why?'
He knew why. He must have. Or... did he? Maybe it really was that insignificant to him.
'Twenty-three people were killed by a wraith in Seattle.'
Something cold appeared on his face, beneath the mask of the benevolent savior. Zero looked at me and shrugged.
'Yes. So what?'
'Were you that wraith?'
He raised his chin, looking down on me.
'It's war, Matthew. Every war has collateral damage. The Protectors cornered me in Seattle, and I had to defend myself. Yes, a couple of bystanders got hurt. But it's a small price to pay for the survival of our people.'
A car torn in half. Blood smeared glass. Hey, do you think they know? Do you think that they know, and don't tell anyone, because they don't mind killing people?
Suddenly, I felt sick.
Mickey shook his head.
'Why do you even care?'
I looked at him, feeling anger rising inside me.
'What the fuck do you mean, why I care?! He KILLED innocent people, Mickey! And he's, he's not even ashamed of it!'
Mickey looked at me, shocked, hurt. Then he lowered his brows, fury twisting his features.
'Innocent?! Did you fucking say innocent, Matt?! Those fuckers were slaughtering us for generations, humiliating us, locking us into cages to rot away! How can you, how can you fucking be on their side?!'
I stood up, clenching my fists.
'There are no sides, Mickey! There's us, and there are murderers like him! Fucking think for a second!'
I looked at him, then at Zero, flabbergasted.
'I mean, did you even hear what he said? He's planning to storm the PA, take out their boss, kill who the fuck knows how many people in the process! That's INSANE, Mickey! Can you imagine what happens after his suicidal attack fails? Or, even worse, succeeds?! Can you even imagine what hell the PA will send our way if one of their offices is destroyed by a wraith?! You think Mitchel is bad? Wait until there's an army of them here, knocking on our doors! What are going to do then?! How many Protectors are you willing to kill for this fucking crusade?!'
Mickey gave me a cold, calculating said. Then he said:
'All of them.'
I was taken aback. I stood there, mouth open, looking at him in disbelieve.
'Come on, Mickey. You're not a murderer. I know you.'
His mouth twisted.
'You're a damn fool, Matt. Zero said the truth: we are a dying breed, all because of humans. Is survival murder? I don't think so.'
I shook my head.
'Call it whatever you want, it's still wrong, and evil.'
He was silent for a long time, studying me. Zero was silent, too, looking down, a grim expression on his face. Finally, Mickey broke the silence.
'You say you know me. I thought I knew you too, Matt. I thought you are my friend, someone I can trust. Admire, even. But now I see that I was wrong. All you are...'
His voices faltered, but then he got it under control and spat:
'Is just a coward.'
His words hurt me more than I expected.
'Mickey, wait. Listen. You and I, we both... we know how this shit goes. You can't trust him! He's just another of the assholes who presume to know the correct and only truth. You can hate the PA, but how is he different? He's just another bastard who comes and says that he alone knows the truth, and that's why you have to follow. But it's always a lie! He'll use you, and then discard you when his quest...'
'Shut up, Matt.'
Mickey stood up, too. His face was full of cold, wounding contempt.
'Just fucking shut up, you fucking coward. I knew that you were a PA's lapdog from the first second I saw you. It's YOU I shouldn't have trusted. All your talk of learning the truth, and what do you do when Zero gives it to you? Spit in his face and hide your head back in the sand. Fuck you!'
My chest was heaving, my heart beating in a fast staccato. The cold feeling I used as fuel for the past month finally blossomed, filling me with certainty I couldn't understand yet, but that felt healing. I looked at Zero and Mickey - one old and calm, the other young and trembling with fury, and understood that no matter what I say, Mickey won't change his mind.
'Get the fuck out of my apartment.'
The finality of these words hung between us. If we weren't consumed by a conflagration of emotions, they would hurt, but all I felt was a pinch of vast and fading sadness.
Mickey smirked.
'With pleasure. Let's go, Zero. This one wouldn't have been any help anyway.'
'Matthew...'
'I said GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT!'
Zero fell silent, closed his eyes. He sighed, and then put his hand on my shoulder.
'We will leave. Take care of yourself, Matthew.'
It took them little time to get dressed. I stood there, watching them, feeling simultaneously heartbroken and liberated.
There is liberation in despair.
When they were leaving, Mickey turned around and looked at me, as though trying to find words to say something. In the end, he found only one.
'Traitor.'
And then they were gone.
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