We stayed a few more days with the Seraph company holding the Snowden Drift passes into the Gendarran Fields, a Company that would soon redesignated themselves the Blood Angels and now pray for the coming of the enemy, and dinner. Before we left they painted their equipment red and I noticed a distinct enhancement to the speed of their maneuvers in the field.
I'd have to keep my head on a swivel, cause if the Greenskins are here then this world really is fucked.
The rapid transition from snowy mountains of the Shiverpeaks to the lush fields of Kryta worked wonders for my general mood. Just over two months in the freezing cold had left me happy to put aside snow and ice for a good long while. Lake Gendarr would prove a lovely source of fun in the coming days as the water in Tyria was buoyant enough for even an armored hulk such as myself to swim safely though it, and a seemingly endless supply of pirates patrolled the lake looking for easy plunder and booty.
Too bad for them I am possessive of all the booty gathered around me.
We had our first encounter with the swashbuckling scallywags as we stayed as guests at the eccentric Almuten Mansion, a lakeside home consisting of a house built on a raised pier to keep it above potential flood lines with an upturned renovated ship forming the upper levels and roof.
The owner Master Wrelk, an Asura (a race of house elf like creatures with every large hands and feet hanging off their tiny bodies, primarily participate in a scholarly meritocracy), was very sad to hear we had not come to his home from Lion's Arch. The little creature was not taking his retirement from the Lionsguard very well and was desperate for news from the city he spent his youth fighting for.
The man's wife, Broga, was far more at home in their large estate. Happy to order about their platoon of servants and take care of their young daughter Mipp. A small thing suffering from the isolation from her peers living on this country estate, her only companion a Norn bodyguard named Tholaun.
Despite Wrelk's obsession with his former home, the family was more than interested to hear of our adventures among the Kodan and our journey south and west. We had just finished laughing about whatever curse made everything I crafted so evil looking when the cannons started firing from across the vineyards.
"Pirates!" screamed Wrelk in frustration, "Lock the doors! Close the shutters! Batten the hatches! Don't let those villains anywhere near me!"
"Dinner and family friendly activities!" Wanda grinned, "You guys really know how to entertain your guests."
"This is for real!" Mistress Broga shouted, "Real pirates are attacking!"
"And for that my family and I thank you." I declared as I opened a large nearby window, "You have been lovely hosts and very generous in offering up your neighbors to us in sacrifice. I graciously accept your gift and provide to you my blessing."
With that I jumped out of the window and a huge pair of arms shot out of my back and extended into wings.
"Crap!" Wanda cursed, "That's cheating!"
"Git gud, scrub!" I laughed back and flew over to the attacking pirates.
By the time dawn came around the Jackdaw pirates were a thing of the past and their booty was ours.
Traveling west from our evening revelries across the lake landed us outside of the Ascalon Settlement, a town established around a signal fire beacon by survivors of the Ascalon-Charr war. Many of the residents believed that one day they would reclaim their kingdom from the Charr, but the fact that the town was currently under attack by Centaurs and losing put lie to that.
The Centaurs were fast in the field and hit hard both physically and magically with their potent earth mages, and they have nearly destroyed humanity across Tyria, but the Charr war machine would crush the horsemen. When you are losing to the guys who would lose to the people you want to fight… Hope is an interesting concept, that's for sure.
Personally I couldn't see why these people would want to live, as the settlement looked like a Tuscany postcard minus the horsemen attacking with their pet rock dogs, one of which glowing gold and grown to epic proportions by potent earth magic.
We of course couldn't miss the chance for some good violence and fresh meat, and set about attacking the Centaurs with our usual enthusiasm and that evening I was happy to spread the good news of meat being back on the menu to the people of the beleaguered settlement.
As I carved up horse meat for the hangry crowd I overheard a conversation between two villagers that made me chuckle.
"Why don't they just leave us alone?"
"Ascalon has a long history of conflict with primitive races. Centuries ago, it was the Charr. Now, it's Centaurs."
"But why?"
"Why do savages ever do anything?"
"(Sigh) 'Cause they can."
These people just can't catch a break, and before long its going to be dragons and their corrupted minions they'd need to fight for control of this patch of land and the chance to live another day.
"Excuse me. You there!" a bald man in full steel plate armor under a cream tabard called out to get my attention.
"Come for some dinner." I offered the man some cuts of deep red meat.
"No thank you." he denied much to his loss, "I am Captain Bradin Glenavon. I am the Commanding Officer in charge of Nebo Terrace and I am in need of aid reclaiming the town after the Centaurs routed our forces in the area."
"That is a terrible thing to hear, Captain." I said, "My family and I would be happy to help fight the Centaurs as much as we can."
"That is excellent." Bradin smiled in relief, "We'd received a description of your family from our eastern forces and having such capable warriors in the area is a godsend after so many of my men have been captured and killed. If we don't retake Nebo Terrace the Centaurs will be able to spread their warfront across all of the Gendarran Fields."
"We can't have that." I told him.
"No we can't. I'll take a rack of ribs." He agreed and became the latest in my effort to turn this war around by turning humanity into some Centaur chomping war hounds.
The Captain rallied what was available of his Seraph forces at dawn for the counter attack on Nebo Terrace and they followed behind us as we charged into the Centaur warriors holding the walled town. Despite the location's strategic importance, it was held by the common rank and file of the Harathi and Tamini tribes. They were nothing more than snacks walking around on four legs for us, but the day wasn't won yet, because as the Seraph fortified their position, Bradin sent us into the field to track down and rescue the townsfolk and any members of his command the Centaurs had taken to work as slaves.
I was getting a very Dothraki vibe from the Centaurs now that I think about it. A race of savage horse men attacking everyone for slaves and loot. I still dig it, but it was a little disappointing to see such an obvious parallel.
Our mission took us across the Bloodfields and up the fortified Blood Hill Centaur Camp. We took the opportunity to take out several of the more powerful Centaur leaders in the area while we worked our way through the various slave pens, and somehow Medusa convinced their rock dogs to turn on their masters.
I don't know how she did it, but we definitely left an impression on the fleeing Centaurs as they cursed us as demons.
Someone should call Masterchief and let him know we hijacked his nickname.
I have one more chapter to get thorugh tonight.
As always drop your stones and leave a review. Bonus chapters are up for grabs on every thousand stones and hundren reveiws.
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I am getting sick of all these mother fucking Centaurs. Our first steps into Queensdale and already we run into these guys as they attack the Shire of Beetletun, and if the Voice of Kodan was to be believed they will be attacking the Village of Shaemoor when we get there. Shaemoor being the last stop before the walled city of Divinity's Reach, a Minas Tirith like location with slightly more Italian leanings in design.
Rather than help the people of Beetletun, we just charged through the Centaurs on our way to the Queen's Forrest. Ruthless I know, but these people are probably gooning for Caudecus Beetletun, which means the Centaurs are only putting up a minor probing attack to make it look like Lord Beetletun isn't a total traitor, which he is.
If the dude hadn't fathered a smoking piece of ass like Demmi he would have been a straight up waste of human skin. But he did, so some forgiveness for his treacherous ways must be given.
Spending time thinking of all the clappable cheeks in waiting for me in Divinity's Reach filled my mind happy thoughts as we walked through the game preserve forest. I have never been one to enjoy the woods. I get that some people like the woods, but I am not one of them. Ticks people. Ticks live in the woods. Not even being a nigh indestructible quasigod was going to stop my hibijibis in regards to those vicious little parasites.
When we left the woods we saw the defensive position of the Shaemoor Garrison lazing about unassulted, and continued through the fort and across the river into the village. The village was a small settlement built at the foot of the same hill that housed the massive Divinity's Reach.
We set up in the local inn and I was putting the moves on the owner, Norah, while contemplating the fact that so many of the women we'd encountered, both Norn and Human were absolutely clappable and a half when the screaming started.
The Centaurs had broken through the garrison in a massive wave of horseman flesh and were now assaulting both the Seraphs attempting to hold the garrison and the village. We got up from our dinner and laid a brutal smack down on the wild ponies until none other than the Queen's personal white knight and simp, Logan Thackary, came down from Divinity's reach with another platoon of Seraphs.
The local guards and warriors joined up with them and we all fought our way to the garrison and pushed the Centaurs back across the bridge to the other side of the river where a Modnirr High Sage in an epic display of all men not being created equal summoned up a massive pair of earthen arms to resume the siege of the fortress.
Rather than let the Sage pummel down the walls of the garrison, we charged over the bridge to take the massive earth elemental on. The hands exerted a telekinetic control over the nearby earth, tearing it up and causing it to float in the air where it would rain boulders down on our forces like cannon shots. It also sheltered the High Sage in a mobile core of earth, preventing attacks from reaching him. Thackery proved himself a powerful if not particularly effective Guardian by maintaining a strong and long lasting Shield of Absorption, creating a dome of protection for the Seraph to drag the injured to for treatment.
The magic sustaining the hands was the kind you could just whack until it fell apart, so that is what we did and when it could take no more of our righteous fury, the earthen core protecting the Centaur High Sage slammed back into the ground and exploded, slaying few but leaving many injured.
We helped carry the wounded to a rather delectable Cathan (the Cathan's are basically the Chinese of Tyria) Priestess of Dwayna named Amelia. We ended up spending a few more days helping the people of Shaemoor rebuild and hunt down any Centaur survivors on this side of the river, but all that changed when the man, nay, the myth, nay, the legend Lord Faren host to the prestigious Divinity's Reach Fanciest Cat Competition arrived heralded by trumpet call. Just the one trumpet.
"Yes, dear friends and people of Shaemoor, it is I, Lord Faren. Host and Champion of the Divinity's Reach Fanciest Cat Competition three years running and six time winner of the Best Smile Award according to the Krytan Herald Newspaper."
"Yay!" some children cheered in an acidic show of sarcasm that burned all the way over here yet seemed completely missed by the dandy Lord Faren.
"Do my eyes deceive me, or do I see the family known as the Heroes of Shaemoor before me?" Lord Faren dramatically inquired.
"Nah, man." I answered, "Your eyes are working right."
"Excellent!" He shouted then rushed over, "Barnabas!" he snapped and the trumpeter blasted another note, "Hahem. It is my deepest honor to present to you four an invitation to a party this evening in the Salma District celebrating your valiant defense of the Village of Shaemoor and your epic clash against the villainous Centaur High Sage!"
The man presented an elaborate invitation on high quality parchment and I heard a Seraph guard nearby complain, "Hey, why are they getting all the credit. We fought too."
"Yeah, we fought." said his partner, "But they didn't suck ass at it."
"I resemble that insult." The first guard chuckled at their combined incompetence.
"Sweet, block party!" Wanda smiled as she lifted the invitation into the air, "Snazzy invite too."
"Only the best, my lady." Lord Faren slid on up next to Wanda, "I must confess myself, an ardent admirer of your father."
"Husband." Wanda shut the dandy man down.
Unfettered Faren slid on up to Jack, "I must confess myself, an ardent admirer of your father."
"Husband." Jack parroted and Faren slid over to Medusa.
"I must…" He stated before Medusa interrupted.
"Master." She said.
"I can work with that." Faren grinned.
Medusa made an circle with her finger and her thumb before penetrating it with her other index finger and pointed to me, "Master…"
Faren, rather than be displeased, turned to look at me with stars in his eyes, "Teach me your ways, oh Great Sage!"
"You can't handle my ways." I denied him.
"I shall endeavor to prove you wrong, Great Sage, and will someday be your greatest disciple." Faren took on the aura of harem protagonist, a metaphysical flame burning around him as he raised his fist and huffed greet streams of air in and out of his nose.
In truth, Faren had a lot more going on for him than your typical harem protagonist. He was tall, in great shape, handsome, rich, observant, and downright brave. This guy definitely deserves more pussy than people like Issei Hyoudou.
"You know what kid." I put a hand on the dandy man's shoulder, "Keep that attitude up. That's the first step on the road to anything."
"Yes, teacher!" Feran nodded and led us up into the last great stronghold of mankind on this savage world.
Short chapter as I felt it hit a natural endpoint with the transition from meeting Faren and attending the party.
For those not in the know this chapter was brought to you by our sponsor SeekingRaven.
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