Bab 99: Mush, Pony!
God, it felt good to be a space pirate again, and with the Batarian Hegemony just sitting there like a lemon, just waiting for me to come wreck their asses and take their stuff I got the double whammy of being a space pirate and a noble hero taking a stand against slavery in the galaxy.
Looks like we've done another U-turn on that topic.
I feel like someone should make an anime of my adventures in space called 'Is it wrong to kill all these aliens and take their stuff?' and drop a Hestia in my lap. Maybe not. Cock might kill a little thing like that. But it'd be fun to find out though.
While I thought these complex thoughts on rape, pillage, and anime tiddies Jack made her way up from the bed and too the bathroom to ralf her dinner up.
Been a real long time since she's done anything like that.
"Eh… you want some help there, champ?" I asked the woman currently praying to the sci-fi porcelain throne.
"Fuck off. I got this shit." She denied like a boss.
"You want to get a med-scan done?" I offered, "The med bay is only one deck down."
"It's just some nausea…" Jack refused, "Its just been so long since I felt like this it took me a while to figure out what the fuck was going on."
"I'm sure it's not a sign of anything." I rolled over and went back to sleep.
In the coming weeks Jack only had a few more instances of nausea before her immune system finished destroying whatever Space AIDS variant was bothering her, and Jack kept leading the boarding parties as we tore our way through Batarian space freeing slaves and slaving ships to sell back on Omega. We were making money hand over fist, which was a real good thing because feeding a crew of Spartan Krogan was fucking expensive, or at least it would be if the Batarians didn't always bring dinner with them. Feeding Jack was getting pretty scary though, and four months into our glorious raiding season she couldn't fit into her armor anymore.
"Damn babe." I sighed, "We are going to have to start cutting your rations because this belly is getting ridiculous."
"I know, but I am just so fucking hungry all the time. I just don't get what is going on." She complained as she absentmindedly rubbed her swelling abdomen.
"How the fuck can you two not understand that she is pregnant!" Wanda yelled from her place on our bed.
"Don't be silly Wanda." I laughed, "Jack and I can't have kids. Our DNA is way wonky."
"I know. I know. You don't have DNA strands, you have DNA megastructures. But how did you two geniuses not figure out that after she ate Krogan everything matches up now?"
"Huh." I frowned, "She's right. Gonna have to get my pull out game back on point."
"Look on the bright side." Wanda smiled as she spread her legs, "You can cum in me all you want."
Can I get a fuck yeah for silver linings? Or pink in this case.
"Yep you are definitely pregnant with a son." I read off the data from Jack's med scan, "Who knows what kind of hell beast this boy is going to be though."
"Isn't that a major cause for concern?" Asked Jean who had taken up medical studies to help out all the people we were freeing from Batarian captivity, "The whole birthing strategy would have to be built around the shape of the child."
"Chill girl." Jack chuckled, "With high speed regeneration like we have the kid could chew his way out of my belly at lunch and I'd be holding him at the dinner table that evening like nothing happened."
"Fuck me I hope it doesn't happen like that." I shook my head, "I have to like the guy afterwards and eviscerating my wife would be a shit first impression."
"You both are taking this really well." Jean commented.
"We've had a life full of rolling with the most outlandish punches anyone has ever had to roll with." Jack laughed, "It was about time something normal happened to us."
"I've been a father thousands of times." I shrugged, "With my experience ruining my children's lives I have a what not to do roadmap that I can use to avoid so many pitfalls the kid's life is bound to be awesome! I literally couldn't do a worse job if I tried."
"Oh my God, I used to sleep with this guy." Jean muttered while looking down at the floor in absolute defeat.
"We are going to kill people and take their stuff and eat them!" I cheered while pumping my fist, "It's going to be a non-stop father-son party from now till the end of foreva!"
This must be how Omni-Man felt when he had Mark. Planning father-son world conquest is tight.
"You've got Grax, God Emperor of Krogankind, Breaker of Chains, and currently eater of this plantation owning Batarian bastard." I greeted while I sat in the luxurious throne located in a gold gilded office on a major Batarian plantation and enjoyed a savory gravy covered roast with vegetables.
"Grax, put the call on full display, I've got someone interested in business with you." Aria spoke on the other end of the line and I placed a holo emitter on the desk just far enough that it wouldn't interfere with the visual presentation of my dinner.
"Oh hey, Liara!" I smiled as a pair of Asari were projected in a warm orange over the desk, "I haven't seen you in like, eighteen years. What's new girl?"
"This is the first time we've met." Liara answered, "But Aria has informed me of your…eccentric existence and you come recommended by someone I trust to shoot straight with me, and he mentioned that you may have a possible solution to a problem I have been working slavishly to fix for a long time now."
"Your beef with the Shadow Broker, right?" I chuckled while I fondly remembered laying hands to the big Yahg in an epic fist fight. "I can have that shit resolved fast. You want to come with or do you just want confirmation the job is done?"
"I am on Omega right now." Liara told me and I nodded my head.
"Mush, pony!" Grunt shouted at the ball-gagged and saddled former Shadow Broker as he rode him around the totally bitchin ship on Hagalaz.
It felt bad doing a former enemy dirty like this, but it was pretty fucking hilarious watching my brothers arguing about who's turn it is to ride one of the most powerful men in the galaxy like a horse. That is some next level big dick power move shit.
"It almost feels unreal how easy this was." Liara stated as we looked out the window at the eternal storm that chased the slowly setting sun.
"Time travel shenanigans for the win girl." I laughed and knocked back the Horn of Party Hardy full of wine from the private stock of the Jade Emperor.
Dude has taste.
"Plus with the way I have integrated the tech of several advanced galaxies together, my Clan are the strongest warriors in almost all of sci-fi." I added.
"Is that what everything is for you. Just an unfolding fiction." she shook her head, "I don't like the way that makes me feel."
"I've always viewed life as an endless series of parallel narratives and it is up to each of us to make sure that we never become supporting characters in our own stories." I told Liara, "Moving through a series of fictional universes doesn't change that."
"And these women you have collected around you like a pack of trading cards?" Liara questioned, "How tenuous is your grip on reality and sentient agency when you do things like that?"
"Jack and Kat are the only two I pursued." I admitted, "Linda is more Jack's lover than mine. Jean and Wanda came to us themselves."
"And now Jean is looking for a way out and has no idea where to find it." she stated.
"Yep." I nodded, "The girl is powerful, educated, and very wealthy. She'll land on her feet wherever she ends up. Whether that is with us or out in the galaxy."
"I didn't expect you to be okay with her leaving." Liara admitted while looking quite embarrassed, "I've been building you up in my head as this unreasonable savage hoarding mates like shiny baubles. I am sorry."
"Jeez Liara," I teased, "you make me sound like some kind of violent madman. What exactly brought this on."
"Jean asked if she could stay with me." Liara said, "It was rather sudden, but I am quite taken with her and the attraction seems mutual."
"Damn." I chuckled, "I just got played by Mrs. Steal Your Girl. Good thing you aren't a male, otherwise I'd have to kill you."
"Thank the goddess for double standards!" Liara threw her hands up in the air in mock praise.
"Amen sister." I laughed, "If I didn't have double standards I wouldn't have any."
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
JManM
JManM Alright, so Jack is pregnant and Jean proves that you can leave this harem in ways other than a body bag.
I'll get the next bonus chapter out tonight.
Contribute to next week's bonus chapter stockpile at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
Bab 100: THE EDF DEPLOYS!
"Cutting it close there on the call to battle, Shep." I told him over the communication system on the bridge of the Kruban Bound III, "I was starting to worry about my kid showing up before the fight."
"It was a long and hard road to get here, but now is the time to end these Collectors once and for all." the Commander announced.
"Don't worry too much." I grinned, "I brought enough warheads to see us through this mess."
As our ships made the jump to the center of the galaxy though the Omega 4 Relay, I went up to my cabin to look at a photo of Jack who was not on this mission on account of being thirty six weeks pregnant.
I channeled the spirits of all the great Shepards before me who remained true to their Liara romance and all the idiots that did the same for Ashley Williams. I did this right before entering a four way with Linda, Wanda, and Kat, securing my place as the greatest pre suicide mission captain's cabin scene.
"Fire everything!" I shouted as we came through the Relay and were greeted by the Collector defense fleet.
It was a damn good thing I brought enough missiles to crack a small planet and the space between us and the Queen's Palace lit up like a badass scene from Gundam. I left the bridge of the Kruban Bound III and joined my strike force in the cargo bay where they all donned an Archwing system. I'd spent months designing and building these things and they were fun as hell to pilot when you aren't doing so from a keyboard and mouse, and goddamn I could pack some major dakka onto these things. I had a particular fondness for the quad barreled assault cannon known as the Grattler.
I led my fighters out into space where we mopped up the remaining resistance quickly and started hammering the defenses of the Queen's palace, securing the LZ for the Normandy to land while the Kruban Bound III's AI pilot would hold the position ready to engage any reinforcements that may come, but with the war crime level bombing I just pulled off on them, I'm not sure they have any ships left.
I activated the recall function on my Archwing and we began our ground game against the Collectors. The Queen's Guard in their dark armor fought tooth and nail for every inch of the palace we took, but were slowly losing the battle of attrition. The sounds of plasma autocannons never ceased, sending rivers of hot plasma bolts down range to keep them tucked into cover while we maneuvered to ever more advantageous positions. They attempted a few good ambushes at melee range by swarming from hidden passages, but our Spartan Krogan Powersuits proved themselves superior to their mil-tech prosthetic limbs and chassis.
As we pushed along the EDI plotted route to the heart of the Fortress, we entered an enormous chamber with stadium seats all around and on the center stage stood the incredibly long form of Kela De Tharn. Her mechanical body looked lumbering, but she quickly put that idea to rest by leaping in the air and pulling herself laterally with a grappling line while launching mini rockets from her legs and shoulders. She then leapt off the wall and landed in the center of our formation, putting many on their asses via shockwave before she leapt away and pelted people with shotgun blasts.
I leapt after her with hammer in hand.
"You're the one that killed Kryl!" she shouted as her shotgun shells petered out against my omni-shield, "You'll pay for that!"
"I doubt it." I responded and hit her with my hammer, sending her flying into the other side of the stands.
"GO!" I ordered my brothers, "I got this. Keep pushing the battle!"
Kela caught me with a teep kick that revealed a hidden boot shotgun that sent me to the ground.
The woman had some sick tricks, too bad I would soon be killing her.
It was an exhilarating fight, but I recovered near instantly from everything she tried to do to me, and she did not do the same from my reprisals. Eventually, one of her sturdy robot legs gave out and it was just a game of whack a mole after that.
I followed the path of carnage to find Mini Me pulling the head of Vay Hek out of his mecha combat frame and crushing the screaming politician in his hands.
"Nice, bro." I complimented his brutality.
"Someone had to shut him up." He shrugged and we continued on our way until we were stopped by Captain Vor.
"You go no further." he said before revealing the bombs he strapped to his body and running at us.
I thought quickly and threw Jacob at him as hard as I could, tripping the charging Collector Grineer officer up causing him to detonate without killing anyone that mattered.
"Well that explosion was disappointing." I commented on the rather unimpressive radius on that detonation.
"Jacob will be remembered as the hero this mission deserved, but never wanted." the Commander declared as we pressed into the throne room.
The Worm-taur Queens waited within, their deformed bodies turning snakelike below the belt.
"Fucking Krogan." the larger cursed, "Why can't you worthless reptiles just leave us to our business with the humans?"
"I fuck a lot of humans." I answered.
"You're here cause the human's let you get your dick wet with them?" The smaller harlequin-like queen asked.
"Yeah." I responded.
"I'll let you fuck me if you switch sides." she ran a hand down her petite upper body.
"Silence Worm." The elder queen shouted, "We will not parley with primitives."
"Ahh." the younger queen complained, "What's the point of having a pussy if it ain't getting fucked?"
If she wasn't some deformed technophile monster this younger queen would make for a sweet lover.
"I've heard enough of this horse shit." the Commander declared and shot the Queens with his Cain.
When the mushroom cloud cleared, I gave him a fist bump.
A little more exploring led us to the lab of Tyl Regor, the man weeping next to a pulsing orb.
"You will pay for what you have done today." Tyl shouted and pounded his fist into the ground.
"People keep telling me that." I smirked.
"You may have beaten us, but we are far lesser than we were in the past." Tyl insisted.
"We know, you guys were what's left of the Protheans." I sighed, "Already been through that shit."
"Ignorant reptile." Tyl spat, "This beacon has already sent its message into dark space. The Ravagers will come for you just as they came for us, and the Shadow of New Despair will settle on all your primitive worlds!"
"Does the term buggernaut mean anything to you?" I asked the distressed mad scientist.
"Good, you know the horror of what's to come!" Tyl shouted before pulling an axe off a nearby table and being beaten to death by my brothers.
"What do you know of what he was talking about?" the Commander asked me but I was already singing.
"To save our mother Earth from any alien attack
From vicious giant insects who have once again come back
We'll unleash all our forces, we won't cut them any slack
The EDF deploys!
Our soldiers are prepared for any alien threats
The navy launches ships, the air force send their jets
And nothing can withstand our fixed bayonets
The EDF deploys!
Our forces have now dwindled and we pull back to regroup
The enemy has multiplied and formed a massive group
We better beat these bugs before we're all turned to soup
The EDF deploys!
To take down giant insects who came from outer space
We now head underground, for their path we must retrace
And find their giant nest and crush the queen's carapace
The EDF deploys!
The air force and the navy were destroyed or cast about
Scouts, rangers, wing divers have almost been wiped out
Despite all this the infantry will stubbornly hold out
The EDF deploys!
Our friends were all killed yesterday, as were our families
Today we might not make it, facing these atrocities
We'll never drop our banner despite our casualties
The EDF deploys!
Two days ago my brother died, next day my lover fell
Today most everyone was killed, on that we must not dwell
But we will never leave the field, we'll never say farewell
The EDF deploys!"
"GOD I LOVE MY LIFE!" I shouted in joy.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA
JManM
JManM
So the Collector Grineer got rolled and have summoned the aliens that destroyed their empire, the Ravagers! Its time for bug mashing combat... whenever they show up. Followed by giant robots, mini death stars, dinosaurs, dragons and lots of other ridiculous shit. And they do it all because they are trolls.
Its time for endless WAAAGH!
You can contribute to the weekend bonus chapter stockpile at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
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