"Space Momma!" I shouted in realization while Eddie plowed through the wooden temple gate and started splattering the demon army of Emperor Doviculus on the grill of his hot rod.
"Oh my God you're right!" Jack yelled in agreement, "She sounds just like Shepard!"
"I knew something about her was tickling my memories." I said, "It just took awhile to put the pieces together since we haven't seen her in fifteen years."
"Small multiverse." Jack chuckled and we took off in the wake of Eddie's destruction, glowing bolts of flaming plasma firing from our side mounted auto cannons. Like the car mounted guns in the game, my plasma weapons had a bit of a mind of their own, accurately targeting enemies for termination in a small cone in front of my bike.
With our extra speed and maneuverability we had no problem passing up Eddie and Ophelia, giving them the front row experience to our path of annihilation against the Tainted Coil. I may or may not have been laughing maniacally as we passed by.
Our path hit a roadblock in the form of a raised metal gate and the presence of a giant demon tapeworm monster. It was as disgusting to look at as anything we'd ever seen.
"I got this." Jack grinned as she stood up on the back of the bike.
She attacked it with a biotic Charge as the arc of our jump into the feeding area descended and clung to the beast while chopping it over and over with the Ebony Blade. Damn thing fucking hurts, you feel every once of the life its magic rips away.
Damn thing was probably grateful when the last swing finally finished taking its head off.
"Hoho! Nice!" Shouted Eddie as he power slid his hotrod to a stop in front of the gate, "Now how do we get this gate open and get out of here?"
"I got it." Ophelia hopped out of the car and opened the gate a few minutes later.
Our route was smooth sailing until the Tainted Coil launched an artillery strike on the bridge columns underneath us, causing the ancient highway to begin to collapse especially quickly under the sections supporting their unweildy walker units. We navigated the rapidly diminishing path and hit a big jump off the final section of road as it overturned to fall into the sea, landing safely on the other end.
I could feel Eddie's disappointment when Ophelia said she "Can't wait to show it to Lars." in regards to his rather epic car.
At least the ride to Bladehenge was sick enough to throttle the poor guy's downer mood.
We pulled up to the giant sword sticking out of a cratered hill to see Lita, Lar's little sister manning the entrance and its rather flimsy defenses.
"Ophelia!" She cried as she stabbed the rim of Eddie's back tire with her bicharde, "What manner of demons have you allowed to follow you home this time?"
When Ophelia told us not to mind Lita as she was a little 'high strung' I couldn't help myself.
"My dear." I smirked, "You need to relax, as those who are high strung often cannot bear the strain."
"Get back Hellbeast!" Lita rudely poked me with her polearm.
I gripped the blade and slid it down my exposed abs loudly several times, the hissing complaint of a edge scraping against a surface to hard to slice sounding loudly.
"The only thing you will accomplish like that is dulling your blade." I chided.
"What manner of being are you?" Lita gasped in astonishment.
"Girl," I grinned widely, "You ain't never had a friend like me."
"So you are all travelers from other worlds." Lita led the conversation looking for an expansion on the since glossed over topic as we sat around a campfire and drank flagons of mead. The locals only had kegs of beer, but I granted Eddie his wish for mead by cracking out the Horn of Party Hardy. The people here were rightly impressed not just by the infinite and multifarious nature of the horn, but also its demon god origin.
"Go easy on Eddie." Jack joked, "It's his first time."
The man took the joke and the girls' giggles on the chin like a champ, earning a bit of my respect. Too many people get their haunches up when anyone questions their sexual prowess or preferences, and those are really the lowest form of shit a person can fling.
"Yeah, well. We all can't be packing an interdimensional transport device in our pants… Oh wait, I totally do!" he grinned and pointed down to his sick belt buckle, a miniature of Ormagoden's head, "I was brought here by this little guy."
"You were brought here by Ormagoden, the Eternal Firebeast?" Lita gasped.
"The Cremator of the Sky." Lars added, raising his gaze and his fist to the air.
"The Destroyer of the Ancient World." Ophelia said with reverence.
"Damn, dude." I grunted, "Making me feel bad for getting here with my dick."
"That is a pretty sick super power, dude." Eddie chuckled as the local trio conferred before doing a soft reveal of an prophesied warrior who would either destroy or deliver mankind.
Eddie pushed all that off onto Lars citing his role as roadie, not the leading man.
"I don't know if that is a good idea, buddy." I counseled my metalhead pal, "I've dealt with a couple Chosen Ones before. The prophecy got fulfilled even when I pushed the Chosen One out of the spotlight. It just turned out that I was the weapon that destroyed the Sith and brought balance to the Force."
"Dude." Eddie looked at me in awe, "You went to Star Wars?"
"Fuck yeah dude." I grinned, "Nearly conquered the whole galaxy before we transported to the next universe. Darth Jar Jar was totally true."
"I knew they shouldn't have trusted that floppy eared bastard" Eddie roared in excitement, "He was sketchy as fuck!"
"Darth Jar Jar?" Lita aked skeptically.
"An ancient lord of dark magic." I smiled thinking about that epic battle, "He used his magic to bulk up his body to be even larger than me and could hold himself together so tightly that no matter how much you slashed, stabbed, or bludgeoned him you couldn't defeat him. We ended up burning him to death. When in doubt, kill it with fire."
"Metal." she signed wistfully.
We spent the rest of the evening telling the tales of our adventures while Eddie tried to explain the future world he came from with Ophelia, Lars, and Lita speaking of their limited knowledge of the Brutal Lands. I had a good feeling about these people.
Jack and I were up after the rest of them went to sleep and we found some old instruments of various sizes and states of rot. We found an oversized bass guitar and a beat up six string that needed just a little elbow grease to get into fine working condition. We didn't know how to play them, but we knew for sure that those old guitars felt good in our hands.
We experimented through the wee hours of the morning, not like a pair of idiots, but using our vastly enhanced minds and senses to figure out how to manipulate the instruments into making their various noises. Once again I felt the guiding hands of the Titans as we worked. This was a world that wanted music blaring out, and would support those seeking to make it so.
Eddie came by after sun up while I was working a funky riff from my memories.
"Is that Chili Peppers?" he asked as he approached.
"I am almost there." I nodded, "Not quite yet channeling the great spirit of Flea, but baby steps. Just started learning last night."
"You picked that up in one night?" Eddie seemed affronted.
"If that has got you bothered check out Jack." I grinned and the wife started working a blistering guitar riff.
We could all feel the magic working in the music and Eddie pulled out his guitar Clementine and started working with us on the music. Once I got a sense of underpinning the songs, the healing magic of the bass started working on all those who could hear it.
We spent that first week in the Brutal Lands working on our music with Eddie and exploring the region around Bladehenge. While the wildlife certainly kept things fun, the freeing of our first Bound Serpent Statue was what really turned me on to scouring the land. In the games, freeing the Bound Serpent Statues turns Eddie into a demigod bit by bit for every ten statues he frees as his body is mixed with Ormagoden's flesh, blood, scream, and fire. We each felt a little something enter us through the action under the approval of the Titans in the form of a small fire tribute. With it, freeing the statues became my primary goal in the brutal lands, far more than helping Eddie and defeating Doviculus.
Every tenth statue the feeling changed, for the first ten we freed our flesh mingled with Ormagoden's and we became all the tougher for it. The next ten doubled our healing speed as Ormagonden's blood mixed with ours. In the final ten that we found that week, Ormagoden's scream strengthened our voices, Eddie gained a healing aura that restored those of a friendly disposition and Jack gained a sonic scream similar to Black Canary. Just what the doctor ordered more destructive powers for Jack. I pity the fool that gets hit with it after she figures out how to mix it with her biotic power.
I got the Battle Cry, a simultaneous buff/debuff with a small impact zone around me, just enough to knock a normal human sized target to the ground and stagger bigger foes. With all three of us gaining separate powers from the scream I was excited to see what we got from the fire coming up. I know game Eddie got a slight boost to flight speed in his demonic RTS form, but unless Jack and I sprout wings suddenly, (a real possibility with Brutal Lands demon heritage) we shouldn't get the same ability.
By the end of the week, Eddie had his Brutal Lands sea legs under him and it was time for a revolution. I was pumped to go on another kick as adventure with my friends when Lars dumped cold xenophobic ice all over my enthusiasm. I'd have been impressed with his brass sack if I wasn't furiously contemplating murdering him.
"The revolution must be fought by human hands." Lars said as we were packing the Druid Plow with post victory beer kegs, "We appreciate your support, Grunt, but cannot have you fighting beside us if this uprising is to mean anything."
This asshat was kicking me, rise up and slay the gods Grunt, from the heavy metal revolution.
It took me a minute to figure out what to say, I wanted to smash him for sure, but that would totally prevent him from getting his scrub ass killed by Doviculus. That was a far more demeaning death.
"If that is the hill you want to die on." I growled and put the kegs I was carrying down.
"Of course there is room in the revolution for you, Jack." Lars nodded as he threaded closer and closer to fist to cranium related death.
"I knew I could smell stupid wafting off you." Jack spat, "Come on, babe. Lets get the fuck out of here before our xeno taints the human revolution."
We packed up our shit and rode out into the Brutal Lands.
Experianced my first bit of jank with the publishing software used by this platform when I finished editing this chapter and all of it suddenly vanished and I was left with a blank screen were my words used to be. Thank God I use a different word processor for my drafts and just copy and paste here for the final editing and formating.
Throughout the various jumps people have reacted poorly to Grunt's appearance, but come to love and support him for what he represents and stands for. For the first time he has a positive initial reaction but gets rejected for what he represents and stands for. I didn't think about that inversion until after I made the choice to have Lars reject Grunt.
We got to see a bit of Grunt's vindictiveness and megalomania in his thoughts regarding the matter, but outwardly he dealt with it using a similar grace he respected Eddie for when the man was under sexual ridicule.
I am American through and through, so I will have to disappoint everyone who has been brainwashed by Xanxia fiction into thinking that a protagonist needs to react with psychotic implacatable rage any time someone disses him. Grunt isn't going to fly off the handle and slay Lars and his family from his grandfather to his gransons over some trifling bullshit.
Good news everyone. Thanks to MrBadMan17 and SeekingRaven you will all be treated to two bonus chapters this weekend.
If you want to contribute to the bonus chapter pool, you can do so at
ko - fi . com / jman
We traveled east to the nearest Motor Forge and took our first trip into the heart of the world. We rode the dark tunnel into the glowing red core where giants worked stone anvils and the Guardian of Metal, a deific being shaped as and voiced by Ozzy Osborne waited impatiently.
"About fucking time!" He shouted as we stopped in front of him, "I have been waiting for you both since you got here. Sick bike by the way."
"I wanted to collect a bunch of fire tributes before coming here." I admitted, "I hate seeing things I can't afford. Makes my hands itchy."
"And we wouldn't want that." The Guardian smirked, "The gods were very pleased by your arrival. Two maniacal ministers of Metal moving through the multiverse. People who eat, sleep, and breathe brutal, it would have been a fucking shame if you didn't come to our corner of existence."
"We're fucking stoked to be here." Jack grinned and shouted, "ALL ABOARD!"
"AYE AYE AYE!" The Guardian of Metal crowed then coughed into his hand in embarrassment, "I don't know what came over me there. Anyway, it's good that you've started the process of becoming demigods. Keep that up." He mused, "There are several more opportunities available to you should you wish it."
"Lay it on us." I grinned.
"You have within your possession several demonic artifacts that can be empowered while you are here. A certain hammer, ring, and sword."
"Neat." I said.
"Very," he agreed, "Now Malacath is a demon god the Titan's approve of, give me the hammer and it will be reforged to contain Ormagoden's flesh, blood, scream, and fire. The latter two will require a little augmenting on your end to express. As for the ring, Namira will require a bit of a specific pleasing to grow the power of her artifact. Eat the liver of Doviculus if you want the ring to power up. I have personally partaken in some nasty meals, but to eat the liver of a guy that calls himself an infection. Fucking nasty, man. And the blade…"
Ozzy looked like he didn't want to speak of it.
"We Metal Heads are fine with a lot of shit, but we are brothers and betrayal has always been a step too far." he shook his head, "The gods will have nothing to do with the blade; however, there is a sea - a lake some may call it - of black tears. Use the blade to destroy that ancient abyss of treachery and madness and it will become more powerful than it was ever intended to become."
I tossed him my hammer and he returned with the beast reforged.
"Don't mind the lack of weight in the hand, its mass has become a bit conceptual after the union. Light as a feather, but striking like an enraged dragon's tail. Better yet, the more blood shed with the hammer the stronger it becomes. I doubt you will have any qualms feeding the beast." The Guardian chuckled as he handed me my reforged hammer.
The metal of the hammer had darkened and taken on an incredible gloss. The heart of the hammer had transitioned from a blood red to a fiery liquid orange.
"Sweet work on the hammer, but what can you guys do for our wheels?" Jack asked.
"So much." Ozzy grinned and we spent our fire tributes upgrading the power of our motorcycle and its guns, as well as the quality of the tires and suspension, and picked up a sick Ace of Hades paint job.
"I'd also recommend a trip to the Spider Queen's layer." He spoke, "Get yourselves some more powerful strings and a proper job restoring that bass guitar and six string. They should be able to continue working their basic magic even across the lines of the universes. Healing and inspiring respectively."
"Thanks, Guardian of Metal." I tipped my head to the man, "We're off to take divine power for ourselves."
"Go forth and shine the glory of Ormagoden on the multiverse!" The Guardian screamed as we took off back to the surface world.
Our trip to the Motor Forge had raised our spirits considerably. So what if we weren't going on a badass adventure with a pack of good friends, we had quite a few new opportunities to hunt down, the first of which had me waiting out in front of the Spider Queen's Lair while Jack ran a stealth run on the eight legged freaks. She returned with enough strings to upgrade a dozen guitars and we set off to pick up more fire tokens via jumps and dragon statues so we could purchase some excellent power ups for our instruments.
We soon discovered what the fire of Ormagoden did for us when we freed our fortieth statue. Jack could now ignite her biotic powers, causing them to burn anyone caught in them and explode in fiery conflagrations when she detonated a combo attack. I gained the power to breathe fire. I could now murder foes with fireballs and streams from my mouth, but the more important aspect was the ability to heat up metals using my breath. Not only did my breath heat metals faster, but made the metal easier to work with, more pliable to my will. This would be a godsend for more stubborn materials like the titanium gold I used to build my power armor all those years ago, or especially the Phrik from Star Wars. That stuff really didn't want to cooperate.
While we were exploring the northern coastline, we encountered Fletus, a Road Demon of the Motor Freeks clan. The big grey bastard was standing by his car just waiting for challengers when we came up. I briefly wondered how he ate when his teeth were all smoking exhaust pipes.
"That's a sick bike, boy." he grinned, "But you won't be getting any respect in this world unless you build a car and learn to race."
"Is that so?" Jack asked with healthy skepticism.
"It is, lass." the Road Demon answered, "The clan has a garage nearby. Let's see what kind of instincts you got, boy."
The Motor Freeks garage was packed full of cars being worked on and the various demons working on them. They were a colorful and shapely bunch, and by that I mean they were all sorts of weird colors and shapes, not that I wasn't in the same boat.
"Got a new build!" Fletus shouted and the work in the huge garage stopped, "Go on, boy. Show us what you got."
With the parts available and some quick applications of my metal forging breath I put together a convertible muscle car with a turbocharged twelve cylinder engine and a pair of boost tanks on the back. They had some nice off-roading tires and suspensions that I helped myself to and a classy chrome air scoop. I engraved 'The Good Evening' on the shiny grill and called it a day.
"Wheeew!" Fletus whistled, "Damn, boy. You got talent," he admitted then shouted to the rest of the garage, "But can he race?"
"Race! Race! Race!" The demons shouted and led us out to a nearby starting line.
"Just follow the spotlight!" Fletus grinned and revved the engine of his muscle car, The Squealer.
"Blow doors down, babe." Jack ordered from the passenger seat.
We raced along the roads of the cliff strewn northern coast being guided by a magical spot light beaming down from the heavens. Either the Druid Plow is faster than my car, or the game went too easy on Eddie, cause the Road Demon dogged my rearview the entire time and I remember being able to crash my car and still beat this dude in the game.
In the end we won the race and picked up a nice fire tribute from the Titans and some street cred with the Motor Freeks. I ended up racing a few more of them with similar to far greater results, making my grin wider with each new win and the incoming love of the Metal gods.
The Road Demons threw a huge party in honor of my wins and we left the next morning with a new social circle and the location of other Motor Freek garages marked on our map.
We spent our days scouring the Brutal Lands, raising Buried Metal, hunting down the Tab Slabs, freeing the Bound Serpents, Viewing Legends and Landmarks, jumping through clouds of Lighting Plug Bugs, and winning races which became all the easier after a couple of trips to the Motor Forge turned The Good Evening into a howling beast of speed and power.
Jack and I freed the final Bound Serpent Statue deep in the jungles of the eastern Brutal Lands. I can't imagine why we would save the jungle for the end of our continent crossing journey. No, I certainly can't imagine why a giant lizard man of obscene sexual prowess would hope to have no reason to leave the jungle anytime soon.
Oh no, is that the Zaulia surrounding us.
I can't imagine how this is going to turn out for us.
If you want to support me and my family and contribute to the Bonus Chapter Stockpile, you can do so at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
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