Bab 69: Genocide, Baby!
"Cole!" I greeted, "My friend. I see you and Baird have come to join the winning team."
"Fuck no, Grunty." Cole denied, "How many times I have to tell you I ain't living around so much swinging dick. My eyes is sensitive."
"I thought you were always talking big game when you said you guys were doing good on the radio." Baird stated, "I thought it was code for the situation isn't complete shit. How the fuck are you people actually doing good?"
"Take a deep whiff, Baird." I commanded him, "That is the smell of discipline and organization leading to victory. Plus we got a magic hammer and sword that kills the shit out of imulsion. Fucking EZPZ bois."
"That is fanfuckingtastic." Baird grumbled, "Why didn't we just think to use our magic hammers and swords to fight the Lambent. It would be EZPZ!"
"Why didn't you?" I asked the exacerbated man like I didn't honestly understand why they didn't kill their enemies with magic.
"If it was all so EZPZ they why are you still keeping women in camps as breeding cattle?" Private Sam, a new addition to Cole and Baird's usual team spoke up.
"I like the sound of your voice, woman." I grinned at her.
And I really did. She was voiced by Claudia Black in the game, the same voice of my favorite video game romance of all time, Morrigan from Dragon Age.
Not that I didn't love Jack more, just the romance between Jack and Shepard wasn't very solid in ME2. Plus now I have to kill any Shepard I encounter that romances a Jack. By the laws of algebra, all Jacks are mine. It's fucking math, dawg. Irrefutable.
"Okay…" she got a little bug-eyed at me, "You aren't going to put me in your breeding camps, are you?"
"Nah girl." I denied, "The camps are for those that want to be there. You non consenting types are all free to fuck off and get killed by the Lambent, or the Locust, or starvation. I am happy for you people to all be problems for someone else."
"What do you mean by 'you people'!" Cole shouted in fake outrage before giggling, "Yo man, we got a bird loaded up with shit to trade for food. Hook your boy up."
"I got you man." I laughed, "We got more food than we can store, so I am going to load you guys up with my personal gas barge and help you guys fly it out."
"Gas barge?" Baird questioned, "You stole one of those things from the grubs."
As I led them to my menagerie, they all gasped.
I'd stolen every kind of beasty the grubs made over the years, beat them into submission, and put them to work for the Legion. The gas barge in question was bigger than the standard used by the grubs, using two of those balloon monsters hooked up parallel and a manual steering system rather than the imprecise autopilot used by the Gears in the game. I had a pair of Brumaks loading up pallets of food crops for the guys and I weighed my Hydra with extra firepower and ammo for the long trips we would be setting off on to free Marcus's dad and slay the glowies and grubs for good, or until Microsoft needed a winning IP to compete with Sony.
We arrived to see the ship that currently housed what was left of the COG forces getting wrecked by a glowie Leviathan. Nothing some heavy chain gun fire couldn't solve. We met up with the rest of the famous Delta Team when their life raft hit the shoreline where we loaded them up to fly to Anvil Gate where Colonel Hoffman had the mcguffin we needed to find Adam Fenix so we could use the mcguffin he made to win the war for survival. It was smooth sailing as the chain guns I mounted on the mega barge and my Hydra tore through the lesser Locust barges we encountered and Myrrah turned back from her attack when she saw me.
I wonder why.
We touched down in Anvil Gate with enough time to go over Prescott's data disc before the Locust and Lambent showed up. The mother fucker definitely gets points in my book for hiding his island retreat in a perpetual hurricane he somehow generated. That is some next level Bond villain shit.
We would need to use an old submarine Hoffman knew about to get there, but only after we Mad Max'd it and fought our way through a bunch of bullshit to get there. Fortunately, Hoffman had a fuck ton of the ammo used by my chain guns so throwing back the Locust and Lambent attacks was easy as was the trip to Mercy to load up our fuel truck with imulsion to power the sub.
The town was empty and the pumps were down. In the spirit of nothing going right, some crazy fucker had set explosive charges on the pipeline.
"The fuck is he talking about." Marcus asked when said crazy bastard took off, "Some kind of fever, people turning violent."
"Sounds like the townsfolk are going glowie." I answered.
"People don't go Lambent." Sam denied.
"Just because you say it in a sexy voice doesn't mean you're right." I countered.
"What the hell is up with you and my voice?" she demanded with some fire in her belly.
"I want to bring you incredible sexual satisfaction so that I can hear the sounds you make in absolute bliss." I told her.
"Well… damn." she responded.
The team got a healthy dose of the stakes rising when they found the Lambent humans in the sewers who chased them all through the town. They were weak. At least the Locust showed up and our combat caused the Lambent to start shooting up stalks to drop in its own forces to battle all of us. It was fucking glorious.
My hammer arced around in an absolute blur, turning everything it came into contact with into paste, or rubble, or splinters. Despite my efforts, the humans were getting boxed in and worn down. Until Dom hopped in a truck and drove away. You could see the betrayal on Marcus's face as Dom drove down the tunnel away from the town.
Then he drove it right back.
What a chad.
Dom's suicide attack burnt the whole fucking town down and anything stupid enough to not hide behind a metal barrier was taken out in the incendiary blast.
Cept me.
They say cool guys don't look at explosions, but what about the guys who just face tank the explosion and walk out of the fiery wreckage slow? I am that guy right now and I feel fucking cool, but I don't get to see me doing it. It is a damn shame we aren't filming this.
We arrived in the city of Char. Perfect name for the scorched dump. The burned corpses of the citizens had persisted to this day, the ashes welded together by the heat of the Hammer of Dawn attacks.
"Reminds me of the home world." I breathed in the apocalyptic air around me, "I really miss Tuchanka sometimes. Korlus can go fuck itself."
"Tuchanka, Korlus?" Anya asked.
"Tuchanka is the krogan home world." I answered as we moved across the wasteland and avoided bumping the pillars of human ash, "I was made on Korlus."
"Kinda weird that you brought up your conception." Sam joked.
"I wasn't conceived." I shook my head, "I was made. In a lab. The perfect krogan."
"What were they like?" Anya inquired.
"We reduced Tuchanka to a burned out wasteland. Only the most brutal and enduring creatures could survive there, like the krogan." I answered, "I can't seem to remember what the Shaman said about Tuchanka, something along the lines of it killing the weak, slaying the slow, and murdering the dumb. Sera does the same with you humans, and your species will either die, or become stronger for it."
"Lovely." Sam snarked.
"There is a simple beauty to it." I agreed, "It would do your pathetic species some good if I could breed with you people. Jumpstart your evolution with a generation of real power, but until I find some magic that makes my swimmers compatible with humans you people will just have to wallow in the misery of not being immortal and nigh invulnerable."
Our conversation ended when a local started setting off traps to kill us. He came out and made nice after his efforts summoned the Lambent, but I still wanted to murder his punk ass. At least he was kind enough to take us to his leader who I grabbed by the neck and pinned to his desk.
"We want fuel." I told him, "Point us in the direction of fuel."
The guy's goons revealed they had kidnapped our truck driver, Dizzy, trying to leverage his life against us.
"You will return our truck and its driver, or I will let Marcus show you a few tricks he picked up in prison." I growled.
"You think I am scared of you COG mother fuckers and your lizard attack dog?" He asked.
"Drop your pants Mark." I commanded, then shut my eyes.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" my prisoner screamed and his guards backed away from Dizzy.
"If you don't comply I will have Marcus rape you." I made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
"I comply!" he shrieked, "I fucking comply! Please just make him put it away! It's like it has its own gravity, pulling my on my soul!"
After the Griffon stopped sobbing we were on our way to pick up some fuel.
We only encountered minor resistance in getting the fuel to our new stealth submarine. Myrrah sent her forces at us heavily when we started moving the sub through the dry dock, but we were in a confined space and I am a krogan with a hammer. She didn't have enough fighters in her leftover army to fill the gaps between my teeth let alone inconvenience me.
The others had a very different sub ride than I did. They all fit in the gunner pods. I had to take off my armor, turn sideways, and shimmy just to get through the entryway. And I thought I would have had a tough time in the Navy in my human body.
It was just as big a hassle getting off of the sub at the COG's VIP island retreat as it was getting in the damn thing.
"Never again." I complained as I got redressed.
"Can't have been that bad." Sam teased, "After all you finally got to show me your trouser snake."
"So you were looking." I muttered, "I knew I should have helicoptered it. Would have hypnotized you into the sack."
"Would it have really?" Sam joked.
"Do you like cock?" I asked.
"Well… yeah." She answered.
"Then the sight of my majestic cock twirling around would have been too much for you." I told her.
"I fucking doubt that." She denied.
"When this is over I am going to sit you down and prove you wrong." I stated.
"You're on, lizard man." she accepted the challenge.
We navigated the island stronghold with the help of Adam Fenix on the radio. We battle through Myrrah's entrenched forces and shut down the Maelstrom Generator by destroying its cooling units causing the massive sci-fi storm phallus to blow up.
With the generator gone the storms somehow just up and ended. The sun came out and things felt like victory. A sure sign of imminent FUBAR if I ever saw one.
Cole and Baird showed up on a King Raven and Marcus sent Sam and her pal Jax back to the inbound fleet to coordinate the troops.
"Did you two just have a touching moment?" I asked Baird in regards to the tenderness he showed Sam on her way out.
"Fuck no." Baird denied.
"Cool. Cause I am going to introduce her to the glory of smooth lizard cock." I told him.
"Fuck no, dude!" Baird shouted, "I take it back! That was totally tender. Go get some other chick! Dibs, dude. Respect the dibs."
"Goddamn bro code." I grumbled.
"Thank God for the bro code!" Baird exclaimed.
"Forget pussy!" Cole shouted, "It's time to get some motherfuckin vengeance for Dom!"
"I do love pussy." I nodded my head, "But motherfuckin vengeance is the shit."
"Hell yeah!" Cole agreed, "We gonna fuck the grubs and the glowies right out of existence! Genocide, baby!"
"Oh hey." I pointed to the sky and to the inbound gas barges and Reavers flying crimson Legion flags, "Jack and Legion showed up. Guess this fight is going to be real fucking easy."
Jack touched down next to us with her own Hydra and put the thing in park while our forces destroyed the fucking stupid catapult emplacements the grubs put down that would supposedly prevent the COG and the UIR forces Cole and Baird brought from landing.
"I figured we'd blow this popsicle stand after this battle, so I brought the boys in for one final hurrah." Jack smirked as her Legion started landing on the island and taking the fight to the Locust with a brutality the grubs had only ever seen from themselves, "Just look at them. There is hope for these Serans yet. They all have a snarling beast inside them, just waiting for someone to smash down the walls of pussy trapping it. Here, carry this."
She handed me our go bag.
"Yeah." I agreed with her, "Despite this world being pretty hardcore, I was getting antsy for a change in scenery too."
"You're just going to leave?" Baird asked with a little accusation in his tone.
"Yeah." I nodded my head, "No matter which way things go for you guys, we are moving on."
"That's cold, baby." Cole shook his head.
"That's life, bub." I told him as we ascended the COG's final fortress while the Legion beat the locust to death with their own torn off arms and legs.
Jack grinned when Adam warned us to watch out for Myrrah in her desperation.
When Myrrah showed up on top of her personal mount Jack hit the bitch with a biotic lash and ripped her off of it and crashing into the floor in front of us.
"I always used to hear about how badass asari commandos were and how they could rip people in half with their minds." Jack said as she lit up with blue biotic power, "How's my impersonation?" she giggles as she pulled Myrrah in two.
"On point, babe." I grinned and walked over to stomp on the skull of the downed Locust Queen.
"Your mine now bitch." I laughed as I jumped onto her personal mount, the Tempest.
The beetle-like creature obediently let me control it.
"I am going to go ride this thing around before your dad's weapon kills it." I told them and Jack jumped up and sat in my lap.
"Lets put this thing through its paces." She grinned and we took off to use its heat beam mouth attack to fry both the grubs and the glowies.
We had a genuine good time until Adam's weapon went off.
With our flying mounts slain, Jack used her biotics to glide us over to Marcus and the others as he knelt by the ashes of his father, who had tested the weapon on himself at various levels of Lambent infection.
I cracked out the Horn of Party Hardy and set it to tequila.
"Drink up buddy." I handed him the ultimate Daedric Artifact, "You use rubbing alcohol to treat outside wounds, and drinking alcohol to treat inside wounds."
He spat out the first sip.
"You just had tequila?" he grumbled.
"That horn is a portal to the concept of liquor." I explained, "I have it all, in infinite amounts. Just think about what you really want, flip it over and let the party commence!"
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
JManM
JManM In honor of chapter 69 and the donation of MrBadMan17 this chapter is two chapters long and finshes the Gears of War Arc.
We are on to the Brutal Legend and a world of metal, motors, and beautiful fucking music.
You can contribute to the weekend bonus chapters at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
Bab 70: Brutal Legend Jump Chapter (Formerly Brutal Legend)
"Um… like, big thanks for saving me from those creeps in the robes. I am just going to back away… slowly… Don't mind the axe. Totally not threatening you with it, just picked it up cause it felt right." Eddie Riggs calmly talked us down while backing away, "I am just going to stop that guy from shocking himself trying to get that guitar. Please do not eat me while I am doing so."
"Dude, it was just a case of interdimensional munchies." I informed the Jack Black insert character in Brutal Legend, "Stop being weird about it. In fact, it's weird that you didn't join us. We got the memories of the guys we ate and we know that you ported into this world too."
"Oh thank God there are other people who got here like I did." Eddie put a hand over his heart, "I was kinda freaking out about the sudden transport. Sorry about the eating people thing. I didn't know interdimensional munchies was a thing, but when I get high I am like the Terminator and burritos are my Sarah Connor."
"No problem, man." I told him, "It will be nice having someone along for the ride exploring this world."
Eddie picked up the guitar off the altar of Ormagoden the Fire Beast and played some strings causing lightning to come down on a pair of Tainted Coil Druids frying them to death.
"Babe." Jack said as she got up and wiped demon blood from her mouth, "You grew horns."
I reached up and felt the impressive rack of horns that had sprouted on my head. The graphite plates of my forehead had risen and separated allowing a set of curling horns like the Arishok's from Dragon Age 2 to grow from my head. He had my favorite horns in gaming and now they are mine.
"Dude." Eddie greeted, "They are fucking sick. You look like an absolute Hellbeast."
He turned to Jack who had pulled on her Dragonslayers jacket and dressed in her finest biker girl clothing and threw me the go bag, "And you, madam, look like a heavy metal Valkyrie."
"Your name is Eddie, right." Jack asked while she laced up her boots, "I like you Eddie. Stick with us and these demons that keep porting in here won't be a problem for you."
Jack grinned and started hacking the slow and pathetic demon swordsmen up with the Ebony Blade. While she did that I slipped back into the dragon leather pants she loved so much and put on my nord champion belt. It had three golden disks in the front with a bear, a dragon with a broken horn, and a Hist Tree on them. Along the length of the belt were golden plates with the names Farkas, Aela, Kodlak, Skjor, Torvar, Athis, Rhea, Njada, and the most recently added Dom. This outfit was joined with a pair of comfy boots and my own Dragonslayers jacket made with the wing leather of a Legendary Dragon.
I joined her and Eddie in battling the Tainted Coil Druids with the Hammer of Might.
"Have you ever done this before?" I asked Eddie as he split a Druid from neck to navel with the Separator, the axe wielded by his mother before him.
"First time." Eddie answered.
"You have some sick edge alignment for a first timer." I chuckled as a Druid turned into paste under an overhead swing from my hammer.
Eddie hit a note on his guitar that generated a temple shaking shockwave.
"Bring the house down!" I laughed as we killed more of these guys.
With two more shockwaves the temple crumbled, revealing the beautiful world of the Age of Metal to our eyes. I stepped to the ledge and breathed in deeply.
"Babe." I grinned, "This is home."
"Fuck yeah it is." Jack agreed, "We are on the temple to a Firebeast built atop a mountain of monster bones. The whole world is made of Fire, Blood, Noise, and Metal. This place fucking rocks!"
"Don't think you can fool me with the whole, nun look. You're going to turn around and be a big ugly demon." Eddie shouted at the Battle Nun that arrived on a prayer operated walker, "Aha!" he pointed as she turned around, "Big ugly demon, but kinda sexy though in a weird way."
"Lady. You can either surrender and get fucked by a real demon, or fight us and die unsatisfied." I told the Battle Nun.
"Oh my." She drawled and looked me up and down, "Quite the good looking Hellbeast you are, but the Emperor's commands must be followed."
"So be it." I shouted as I leapt at her and took her head off with a swipe of Volendrung, "This is the hammering you asked for!"
"Dude," Eddie got my attention, "I heard that killing nuns is bad luck, so we better get outta here."
We loaded up onto the walker that Eddie powered with a prayer to Evil. He only tripped up at the end when he asked for Evil's 'good graces' causing the walker to trip over and dump us into a trap where four Druid's pooled their magic and trapped us in a glowing orange energy field.
"Surprise motherfuckers!" I shouted as I disabled the field with a wave of my hand.
I now had the magic potential of three of these Druids combined, their knowledge, plus and aftershock dose of Oghma Infinium, causing my knowledge of Demon Magic to shoot through the roof. These guys didn't stand a chance against me!
Jar-Shak would be so pleased. We are finally a real spell flinger, and all we needed to do was eat three other spell flingers to get there.
"Nice!" Eddie shouted as we burst forth and slaughtered these fools.
Eddie's axe was stopped by a dual bladed block and the red hood slipped off to show the face of a beautiful young woman.
"Oh no!" Eddie exclaimed, "Don't tell me I have been killing hot girls this whole time."
That would be a genuine tragedy, but we were slaying ugly ass demons.
Eddie and Ophelia got their meet cute, but she cut it short on account of the arrival of Emperor Doviculus.
"Doviculus don't got shit on us, girl." I smirked, "Let him come."
"I have no doubt of your might Hellbeast, nor the Valkyrie with you, but Doviculus comes at the head of his army." Ophelia defended the choice to leave.
"Alright, girl." I agreed grudgingly, "It will be hard to both kill the Emperor and keep you both alive at the same time. Let's go."
We worked our way through the Druids and Battle Nuns till none remained. Eddie and Ophelia checked the gate while Jack and I looked around.
"It's like we are in a temple dedicated to speed." She commented on the various engines and exhaust pipes and other vehicle parts strewn about the place.
"We are, babe." I agreed, "And so much more. The metal itself is filled with the need to go fast, faster, fastest!"
I felt the pull of the world's will on my magic and let it draw from my knowledge of engineering to guide my hands in the creation of something that pleased the gods of Metal. Before I knew it I had assembled a massive motorcycle, a chopper with high rising ape handlebars and a set of exhaust ports coming out the sides of the vehicle that could spray the flames of Ormagoden on punks around me. It sported two cycling plasma machine guns that rapidly fired bolts of divine Firebeast flames at enemies in front of me. It was Fire, Blood, Noise, and Metal put on two wheels.
"Holy shit dude!" Eddie cried out as he looked at my bike, "I was worried about how we would all fit in the Druid Plow but then you make this unholy abomination of pure awesome."
"I call her The Good Morning," I grinned as I looked upon my work and saw that it was good, "Cause the whole neighborhood is waking up when this beauty turns on."
To prove my point I hopped on and started up The Good Morning. Her engine screamed like the death wail of the Firebeast, and she thrummed under me with power and the affection of the gods of Metal.
"Goddamn." Jack purred as she got on the bike behind me, "And here I thought you couldn't get any sexier."
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA
JManM
JManM
Welcome to Brutal Legend. When this story turned into a jumpchain I knew I had to come here, but wasn't sure what to do here. After playing the game and going through the wiki's I know that this is likely the most important arc since the first. I have so many ways this world will build off the worlds previously visited and will impact the worlds to come.
Play Metal louder than Hell, boys and girls.
You can support me and my family and contribute to the weekend bonus chapters at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
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