As we rolled up on the taco stand, I knew for sure that my life was a wish fic. Most people would wish for some superpower to trivialize the dangers and struggles of life, others would ask for some reality warping system to control their afterlife and make them slaves, I'd wish to be able to eat at Pedro's again.
The little taco shop looked different when built on the high tech terraces of a vertically built up sci-fi world, but the inside fully captured the spirit of the original and my heart almost stopped when a little red tray came out with the thinnest chips ever to our table still hot from the fryer. Reverently, I mixed the house salsa with their hot roasted chili sauce and took a chip between my gargantuan fingers. A single taste brought me back to my youth, eating lunch with my father in the middle of the work day.
"Damn, that is good." Jack grinned after she dipped a chip in my bowl.
"You ain't seen nothing yet." Draug barked a laugh.
The krogan bounty hunter looked pretty average despite the extra ridges on his face plate and short neck. The guy looked a bit like a crusty ball sack stretched over a turtle. Between the two of us we'd dropped over three hundred creds ordering a mountain of tacos and when they arrived I felt a deep satisfaction looking at the thin and crisp shells containing finely shredded cheese and lettuce and underneath, the beef of the gods.
I'd been known for inhaling these tacos before I could fit six in my mouth, but I settled on eating them one at a time after drawing a line of hot sauce on each. Draug grunted his approval and Jack moaned in pleasure as they ate theirs, but I remained silent and lost in the memory of my best friend and I driving 25 miles on the weekend in a blue pick up truck as old as I was just to get the tacos you could get nowhere else. I realized what I had to say at that moment. RIP homie.
"This beef is making my dick hard!" I shouted, disturbing the family restaurant during the dinner rush.
"Damn straight brother!" Draug roared his agreement.
"Fucking weirdos." Jack sighed as people stared at us.
Let them stare. I just recreated one of my favorite memories in my new favorite place in the galaxy.
After finishing our meal we left in an introspective haze, or at least I did.
I spoke to Jack, "The collectors, the reapers, I would have fought them because my blood demanded it, but then you came and I had a personal reason to destroy my enemies beyond the pleasure and satisfaction of looking down on the broken bodies. Now my feelings are grounded, there is a place I must defend. Sacred ground I cannot allow to be desecrated."
"Neat." Jack deadpanned but her face looked concerned.
"I feel the same." Draug announced, "When I survived the Rite of Passage for Nakmor, I thought I had found my place in life, and when I had my daughter I had found my person, but Tuchanka… the longer I stayed there the more I felt my hope fading away. I set out across the stars battling for credits with the Bloodpack, then I went independent when that stopped feeling right as well. Then I found the beef, and my heart knew its true home."
"Live for the beef, die for the beef." I stated firmly.
Draug parted with us after that and Jack and I made our way back to our accommodations for the stay on Illium.
"The fuck was that back there?" Jack demanded while damn near radiating emotional heat.
"Beef?" I tossed out unsure of my answer.
"Not your new cow worship!" Jack snarled, "The shit before that, about destroying your enemies because of me. The fuck was that about."
"Hmmm. That?" I said. "Love."
I nodded my head sagely.
"Love?" Jack growled.
"Love you." I nodded.
"You love me?" She asked seemingly offended.
More nods from me.
"Bullshit!" she spat.
"Bulltrue." I defended my declaration.
"And how would your scaly ass know what love is?" Jack demanded with a look on her face halfway between murder and running as fast as she can.
"I am not afraid of anything." I told her, "Not even my feelings."
"What the fuck does that even mean?" Jack yelled in frustration.
"You love me too." I told her and should have turned back on my shields, "You can't admit it because you are afraid that I am going pull off my mask someday and reveal that I was using you all along, or that I am going to die and you are going to know then that it was real and you are all on your own again. News flash, I am who I am without lies or pretension, and I am way harder a target to kill than you soft little earthlings."
"Fuck you!" Jack shouted as she threw me with a pulse of biotic power that fortunately launched me into the nearest building rather than over the nearest ledge.
I caught my breath as she ran off and remembered something that years of happy marriage made me forget. Women have a huge problem with the truth. Lie you dumb mother fucker, lie so you don't get slapped, or chucked through the air by a glowing blue telepath.
Short chapter. For those intrested, I hate wish fics, and if I had that opportunity at the end of the road I'd wish for a clothing store where things fit, a hygene store where things work, and Pedro's.
I could rant about how wish fics are the pits of creative writing, but I don't think anyone would care. Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Stay safe, Covid Part 2 is a thing that is happening and it is just terrible. The most contagous virus ever mutates to become more contagious. All the people who worship mother earth can go fuck themselves. She is trying to kill us all.
"Oh! Oh, spirits!" Garrus cried out as he backed out of the doorway to the port cargo area.
It must have been the visible ryncol fumes that drove him off, not the sight of my glorious naked lizard-man bod. The turian braced his hands against his knees as he sucked in the clean air of the engineering deck while my nest cleared out.
"Garrus, buddy!" I called out to him, "RYNCOL!" I shouted as I tossed back another bottle of the dangerous krogan beverage.
"I can smell that." Garrus commented, "Put some shorts on, I am not talking to you with your dick out."
Smart man. In prison, never let a guy talk to you with no pants on. Whatever he has to say can wait till he is dressed.
Putting on shorts while my blood is mostly liquor proved quite the challenge. I ended up using my face to brace myself against the floor while my hands and feet were busy trying to pull the delightful article of clothing up. I finally managed to complete the task while I front rolled onto my back.
"Success!" I yelled in joy.
"Good job, Grunt." Garrus patronized me from on high, "I am going to need you to keep that momentum going and tell me what the hell happened at the taco shop."
"Fucking good tacos, Garrus." I told him like I revealed the secret of the universe to him.
"For the last two days Jack has been real territorial and you've been drunk." Garrus told me like I hadn't been there for them drinks, "I am going to need you to tell me what went wrong, because there is no way I am getting near her."
"She hit me, Garrus." I revealed the scandal to my team leader, "And I have left her."
"She hit you?" Garrus's surprise fully evident on his face plates.
"Mhmmm." I nodded my head a little too fast and got a little woozy.
"That bitch!" Garrus declared.
"Hey!" I barked, "Don't talk about her like that."
"Domestic abuse is wack, yo!"
I looked at Garrus, never in my life so focused.
"Dafaq you just say?" I rhetorically asked him.
"Please forget that just happened." Garrus put his hands up, "I used to do a lot of youth outreach events for C-Sec back in the day. They would give me a bunch of lines that would be 'cool' with the kids and that horror show just came back up."
"Garrus." I put a hand on his shoulder, "You are the lamest cop I know."
"I still have nightmares about those events." Garrus muttered, "Grade schoolers are so mean. I do not smell like bacon!"
Somewhere on the Citadel, a young Wayne and Garth party on. I just know it.
"The image of you being bullied by children is now seared into my mind." I informed the turian who looked like he wanted to cry.
"Yuck it up." Garrus growled, "Those kids may have been really mean, but those programs were important. A lot of people are just too naïve or too numb to realize that their situation is wrong, but I am glad to see that you aren't like that."
"Just cause I can take a beating and a half doesn't mean people get to hit me." I told the turian, "It's the principle. Principles are what separate us from the varren."
"It's good that you didn't respond in kind." Garrus nodded, "The idea of you and Jack trying to kill each other is terrifying. Wrex told me about destroying a space station trying to kill an asari commando, and I do not want that happening on the Normandy."
We can agree on that.
"What comes next?" Garrus asked me.
"I keep on fighting the collectors, and mercs, and gangsters, and all the other scumbags not smart enough to run the other way when I show up with bad intentions. And maybe, I'd give it a fifty fifty, Jack apologizes to me. And if that comes about I'd say it's another fifty fifty that she really means it and understands what she did wrong. And if those two things happen in a reasonable amount of time, I will take her back and we can get back to our happily ever after."
"Get back to the happily ever after?" Garrus chuckled, "I am pretty sure that is supposed to come after we beat the collectors, not before."
I laughed, "Killing collectors is my happy place. What am I going to do with myself once there aren't anymore bug-man cyborgs to destroy?"
"Quasar?" Garrus replied helpfully.
"God damn you are so lame." I muttered and got off my ass to go do stuff.
Another shorty. More a part 2 to the last chapter than a standalone entry. Up next is Miranda's loyalty mission then the collector ship.
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