"I am not happy about this." Jack grumbled as the asari technician finalized the gel lining of her new helmet.
"I don't care about your happiness, just your odds of surviving a headshot." I grunted at her while admiring the asari's steady hands as she worked her equipment.
After arriving on Illium, Jack and I took off to resolve the issue of her running around in a string bikini top on a battlefield. Her argument of it always working for her before held no merit when our primary enemies are mercenaries, androids, cyborg insects, and cyborg zombies. Only one of those categories only one gives a damn about tits, and even then it is only 50/50 considering the number of non-humans we battle.
Fortunately, Illium is the best place to armor the humanoid female form outside of Thessia with a nice bonus of being a super corporate world, so no red tape for a pair of goons buying military hardware. I ended up getting her fit for a heavy set of plate armor with a glass dome style helmet similar to Ryder senior from the andromeda game and Emile from the best Halo game. She actually looked more like the Spartan than the Pathfinder considering the level of protection we were buying, but I'd never let her do something as edgy as scratching a skull face onto her visor (it was cool though).
The biggest benefit to suiting her up on Illium came in the biotic boost the armor gave her, hugely boosting her barrier power, and providing a moderate boost to biotic power cooldown and max sprint speed.
The quick space Hokage black and orange paint job the store did was super sick; believe it, and we ended up broke after leaving that store. Broke in the wallet but full of wholesome armored girlfriend goodness.
We caught up to the team at the bar run by Liara's 'dad' and the sight was like a study in coiled badassery. Despite boasting the largest cast in the games, ME2 delivered the most solid coterie of companions. Even the flat note in the form of Jacob Taylor still rang far higher than the lows that would be felt in the original, the sequel, and the mistake.
I am surprised people didn't have heart attacks just looking at all of us together.
"I see we decided that nipples are not in fact the best defense in a firefight." Garrus snarked from his stool while we took our seats at the bar table briefing.
"The best defense is what Grunt did to that prick back on Tuchanka." Zaeed spoke up, "Never seen a krogan head that fucked without explosives."
"Saw the pics." Jacob grunted, "I'd prefer that the squads chat board not be used for spreading gorenography or pornography."
"Agreed." Said the Commander, "Jack, the squad chat is not the place to disseminate the details of your sex life."
"Don't be such a pack of girl scouts." Jack complained, "Those shots are all good."
"Yes." Oddly agreed Mordin, making everyone look at him shocked (salarians lack a biological sex drive), "Jack shows an excellent grasp of composition and lighting. Very talented photographer. Would likely achieve wider appeal if subject matter included less krogan genitalia, but that is just opinion. Best art comes from place of deep passion."
"So Jack's porno pics are good because of her passion for big lizard dick?" asked Kasumi in what I think is the first time I have ever heard the master thief speak.
"Despite prevalence of Grunt's penis in Jack's body of work, believe it is krogan said penis is attached to that ignites artistic spark." Mordin corrected the thief's misunderstanding.
At this point I am pretty sure Jack is grateful that her visor is fully reflective.
"So you see a photo of Jack holding Grunt's cock while covered in his semen and see love?" Kasumi asked incredulously.
"Would have to be blind not to." Mordin definitively stated.
"As wonderful as this conversation about Grunt's penis doing work in Jack's body is," Garrus interrupted, "I believe Shepard has done all the legwork gathering intel on our up coming missions."
"You people are some of the weirdest I have ever seen." Liara's dad, the asari matriarch bartender, spoke while she delivered everyone a round of drinks, "Shoot me those pics. Any porn that has a recommendation from a salarian has to be special."
I sent her a few of the pics Jack had shared and she pulled them up without leaving.
"You take good care of your skin, kid." she commented.
"Gotta guy on the Citadel." I responded.
"I know that guy." she nodded her head in approval, "Probably the smartest krogan alive. Made all the products he sells himself."
"Guy's a genius." I agreed.
"Keep doing what he tells you and you'll stay beautiful." She told me, "This way if the whole killing people thing gets dull you and your girlfriend can still make a mint on the ExtraNet with content like these."
After delivering her sage advice, the matriarch went back to slinging drinks.
It is ironic that the wisest of the matriarchs is behind a bar, a laughing stock, while her less intelligent peers are held up as pillars of asari culture. The downside of pragmatism in a widely liberal community. Like a fellow once said, 'ain't that a kick in the head?'
If I live as long as she has, I hope I have the introspective capacity to reflect on my life enough to understand that peace and prosperity do not last and I need to prepare for the times when they are just a memory.
My navel gazing ended when Shepard brought us back on topic and started explaining what we need to accomplish on this planet.
"From what we have gathered, the justicar, Samara, is conducting an investigation that will have her clashing heads with local law enforcement. This has the cops afraid as the justicar code allows for her to cooperate with law enforcement for a single planetary rotation before she is compelled to continue on her path by any means possible. We will have to get to her location and provide assistance before that process plays out." Shepard took a drink after explaining the first mission and continued, "Tonight we have to be on site at the towers being built by Nassana Dantius. Thane Krios, the drell master assassin, is targeting her this evening. He isn't taking contracts any more, so the best way for us to meet with him face to face is to beat him to his target."
"Sounds fun." I chuckled.
"It likely will be." Shepard agreed, "I know first hand that Nassana makes enemies faster than anyone else. She is likely going to be surrounded by a morally bankrupt army."
"I should probably dust off the old Archangel alias." Garrus murmured.
"After we finish those up we will be on shore leave until the weekend when Miranda's sister and her family will be ready for relocation." Shepard finished the brief.
"And here we just spent our last credit arming up." Jack sighed.
"I'll have you taken care off with some per dium discretionary funds." Shepard looked at Miranda pointedly.
"Of course." Miranda fake smiled.
"Just try not to have too much fun." Shepard announced, "I don't want to hear about any of you signing yourselves into slavery."
"I believe the asari call it 'indentured servitude'." Miranda corrected the Commander.
"It's just slavery with extra syllables." I grunted, "The asari like to pretend it isn't slavery because they don't treat their slaves like the batarians do." I just shook my head in disdain, "Congratulations, you people aren't as terrible as the worst sentient species in the galaxy."
"That is a lot of hate for a species you hardly know." Shepard reprimanded me.
"A Shepard from Mindoir would agree with me." I grumbled.
Illium is my favorite Mass Effect world besides Virmire. We will be spending a fat chunk of time here with two back to back combat chapters and another slice of life chapter followed by Miranda's loyalty mission. Then we come back after the collectors are canned for the start of Lair of the Shadow Broker.
Leave some comments and reveiws if you want to support me.
"Why are we the only ones doing this mission?" Jack asked me as we set foot in the space port Samara had come to in her investigation.
"Money." I told her plain and simple, "By doing this alone we get a much bigger cut of the milestone money and all the loot and salvage, plus it gives Space Momma time to personally oversee the planning for our invasion of the Dantius Towers tonight."
We marched our way over to Detective Anaya, the purple skinned asari in charge of this rapidly deteriorating situation. She figuratively clashed heads with the squat and scummy volus smuggler Pitne Four and looked ready to blow her top.
"And who the hell are you two?" She growled at us in frustration, "Bounty hunters, pirates, rando psychos?"
"Yes." I answered, "Add problem solvers to the list and you got yourself a winning description."
"I've got massive hostile merc presence and a justicar my superiors have ordered me to detain. I need more trouble like I need a new smile carved across my neck."
"You're taking fire from every direction if you stick your head up right now." I told the beleaguered detective, "But we have solutions. I am Chief Gatatog Grunt, and this is my girl, Jack. We are here to recruit the justicar for a mission that her code won't let her ignore. If the mercs between her and us decide to get antsy, they won't be a threat to you anymore either."
The detective palmed her face and shook her head.
"I can't believe I am considering this, but I need help that I am not getting anywhere else." she admitted reluctantly, "Okay, I'll get you approved to go behind the police lines and follow after the justicar. Just get her out of my district as soon as possible."
As Jack and I made our way over to the active murder scene slash insurgent hotbed, she spoke up.
"So this Samara chick has everyone scared and just charged into Eclipse territory alone. Sounds pretty hardcore."
"Justicar's are real hardcore." I agreed with her, "In asari space they are undisputed as judge, jury, and executioner for anyone. They all live by a code that paints everything as either black or white, and they must destroy the black or die trying."
"Why the hell are we picking her up then?" Jack shouted, "The whole damn ship is black as sin."
"Justicar's can suspend their observance of the code to take on missions like ours." I explained, "That is what we are going to ask of her, and if she doesn't like it and gets hostile we'll kill her and scoot before the cops show up."
"This sounds like a shit show." She stated as we crossed the police line.
I activated my armor abilities, sparking up with Foucault current before taking on the orange glow of my holographic armor. My shotgun projected the red image indicating my inferno ammo mutation.
I tapped my backside and said, "On my ass and keep your head on a swivel. I sweep right, you sweep left."
Jack fell in line as we entered the back alleys owned by the local Eclipse mercs. We tagged some salvage for pick up and netted a sweet 3000 credits before forwarding a message about stolen goods to a Mr. Thrax who shot me over an additional 1500 creds with his thanks.
We heard the Eclipse mercs before we saw them as they jogged down the alley with some mechs to go fight the raging justicar that descended on their naughty heads. A quick overload on the mechs and a shockwave attack from Jack put them all on their asses and made them easy pickings for our shotguns.
We crossed another line of police holotape signaling the end of Anaya's crime scene and saw an Eclipse Sister get flung across the room and land hard on her back.
Samara came into view as she used her biotics to float down from an elevated platform like a graceful blue skinned ghost, "I need the name of the ship."
"Go to hell!" The merc shouted before Samara used her heel to snap the woman's neck while commending her to their goddess.
"Damn." I grunted, "She is almost as hot as you babe."
"That was pretty sweet." Jack nodded her head.
"My name is Samara, a servant of the justicar code." the woman stated as she sauntered over with the sway of a seductress, "My quarrel is with these Eclipse Sisters, but I see two well armed people before me. Are we friends or foes?"
God I love her voice.
"I'm Jack," Jack answered, "And this is my guy, Chief Gatatog Grunt. We tracked you down to join us on mission that Grunt says your code won't be able to ignore."
"Is that so?" Samara intoned not an ounce of doubt, "You honor me, but I have an important investigation of my own to conduct here."
"An investigation we will support you on." I told her, "The mission is one with great odds of us not returning from, so we will help you with what you need to ensure you do not have anything outstanding weighing you down when we make the final charge."
"I sense the truth in what you say, and it humbles me. I track an incredibly dangerous fugitive." Samara spoke, "I had cornered her here, but the Eclipse Sister's smuggled her off world. I need the name of the ship she left on before the trail goes cold."
"Then let's get moving." I told her as I used my omni tool to scan a pass card off the Eclipse leader Samara killed.
A little backtracking and a formerly locked door got us into the real hideout, a warehouse and office building they used for their smuggling operations. With Samara on our side we went from too much for the gang to handle to way too much for them to handle, and we fought through the next batch of mercs with contemptuous ease. We entered a room of the main hall and found Elnora, the murderous asari, fake surrendering to us. She sold her spiel till I interrupted and let her know that I know how Eclipse mercs get their colors before blowing her away. We picked up a nice new shotgun and the Biotic Hyper Amp research the mercs had picked up. Potentially crippling stuff for a roughly 20 percent boost to biotic power, but survival is a game of inches.
We went up the stairs and encountered heavy resistance in the form of an entrenched enemy with lots of cover between us. Lots of blue blurred by me as Jack and Samara dueled the enemy biotics and I kept up the temperature with superheated shotgun blasts. In the end we outclassed them in both power and precision and I got to loot the room for another 9000 credits.
Up another floor and through the doorway and found us in the docking bay of this hideout. I launched a potshot incinerate at the hovering gunship which immediately withdrew and the mercs came at us with more biotic warriors and combat mechs. The Eclipse vanguards knew better than to try slamming into me with their biotic charge ability after the first got introduced head to head with Mjolnir and promptly exploded in a shockwave of electrified innards.
Good times.
We picked up some refined platinum and an audio journal where Elnora admits to slaying the Volus merchant in Anaya's investigation.
The gunship came back around briefly in the next docking bay, but a quick application of M-920 Cain ended it rightly.
I do appreciate the bullshit carrying around my BFG saves me from. I'd make these things standard issue for the Gatatogs if I could trust them not to shoot each other and themselves with it. No point fantasizing about that impossibility.
We picked up evidence against the surviving volus merchant, Pitne Four, and 6000 more credits in the next room. After that we got the real treat of encountering one of the smuggler's kidnapped employee's high as a kite on toxic red sand and believing himself to be a biotic god. A quick pimp slap and a mutter, 'puny god.' saw us free of the round distraction and onwards to the leader of this band of cutthroats, the luscious Captain Wasea.
"Everything has gone to hell since we smuggled that filthy creature off world the powerful asari complained loudly to us as she put down her datapad and drink, "Now I have to deal with a justicar and you people."
"You could also surrender and give us what we want!" I told her.
"I'd rather mash your heads into a pulpy mess!" She screamed as she used her biotic power to fling a canister of red sand at us.
I dodged and called dibs as I charged her while drawing my crackling hammer. Wasea tried to fling me away, but the blue field of her power washed ineffectually over my shield and she ate an explosive golf swing to the chest that threw her into a shipping container. I leapt after her and smashed down another exploding swing that she managed to roll away from before getting rocketed off by the blast. We played a demented game of whack a mole until her body couldn't take any more punishment and the asari warrior came face to boot with her fate. I yoinked her M-300 Claymore shotgun for Jack, it was already modified for recoil dampening and ultralight construction, I wouldn't have to spend much to give it the ol' Grunt Special and give my baby a proper boomstick.
Jack wrangled us some more credits while I hacked Wasea's omni-tool for the same. We came away with an extra 55,000 credits for my effort and once finished I saw Samara put down the datapad that contained the information she needed.
"She left two days ago aboard the AML Demeter." She told us. "You have helped me continue my hunt and proven yourselves worthy comrades." She began to glow and kneeled, "Before we go, I must swear myself to you, so that I do not have to choose between your orders and the code."
"By the code I will serve you, Chief Gatatog Grunt." She vowed.
"Your choices are my choices."
"Your morals are my morals."
"Your wishes are my code."
With a blue flare around her body, the oath finished and Samara stood.
"Well isn't that something." Jack mused.
"Remember, if you lead me down a dishonorable path, I will have to kill you at the end of it." Samara told us matter-of-factly.
"Our ship is crewed by some of the roughest and toughest people in the galaxy, and funded by the most blackhearted organization since the batarian hegemony, but the mission is more righteous than any cause you can find." I assured her, "Our enemies have begun a covert war against humanity and it is the follow up act to the attack on the Citadel. If we succeed, we save the galaxy. We fail and doom all our civilizations to the harvest."
"Then I have chosen the right man to follow." the justicar stated.
Illium combat mission 1 is done. Show up Friday to catch the Dantius Towers assult.
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