Bab 182: Those who stab you in the back (2)
I started my minivan before turning it off. It made it feel like this was an extension of my work.
I put on prescription-less glasses and a hat and headed towards the subway station. It has been a long time since I've taken public transit. I hadn't been able to go out this freely since Making Film broadcasted either.
I saw celebrities' faces everywhere I looked on the main street. Outdoor display panels, posters, banners, and billboards.
There was something unique about this normal view to me. Pretty Girls' new song playing from an open café, and a bus stop with a poster of a soda drink that Neptune is negotiating a contract extension with.
Although I had gathered a bunch of posters at home, seeing them outside like this felt completely different. When people showed interest in them, my heart tingled, and I felt proud.
It also gave me the drive to jump up the steep stairs.
When I saw a male actor displayed on the banner of a clothing brand, I hoped Nam Joyoon would become more successful and did something like that as well. When I saw a concert poster, I wanted Neptune to hold their own concert. And when I saw foreigners, I dreamed about Lee Songha's debut into America.
My thoughts extended out like spiderwebs.
When I saw an actor that I had a good impression of, I thought about which company they were currently signed with and wondered when they would be available on the free agent market. When I saw someone with a unique aura, I wondered whether they aspired to be celebrities.
I saw Lee Songha wherever I looked on my way to the station.
There was a poster of her on a contact lens specialty shop, and on the same block, photos of Lee Songha wearing her sponsored earrings and necklace in a jewelry store. She was also in a soju banner at a BBQ restaurant.
Seeing the girls, who I was more familiar with seeing with my own eyes, gave me a strange feeling.
"Wasn't the model for that soju originally Son Chaeyoung? When did they change it to Lee Songha?"
"It's been a while now, you shut-in."
Young men chatted in front of the banner.
"Isn't Son Chaeyoung prettier than Lee Songha? That's what I think."
"Dumbass, it simply comes down to preference between those two."
"I want to date Lee Songha but marry Son Chaeyoung. Lee Songha seems like someone I need to put on a pedestal, but Son Chaeyoung seems more like an elegant lady. Someone who'll put on an apron at home, right?"
Nope, you're wrong.
Elegant lady? Those words will bring you an early death.
"Hey, of course, you need to put Lee Songha on a pedestal if you marry her! They say she earned 10 billion won last year!"
Not that much.
"What useless debate. They'll date and marry celebrities or conglomerate families!"
"What? Can't we even imagine it?"
The chatting men cursed each other as they disappeared.
I stared at Lee Songha's banner momentarily before going on my way.
The subway station was crowded. Only after standing for two stops did I finally find a spot to sit. I put earphones on and pressed my hat down even more. Since I wasn't a celebrity, people would usually stare out of interest when I was discovered, but some weird people appeared on occasion.
I observed people's daily lives through my glasses.
"Hey, hey, look at the man next, next, next to you. Isn't he Jang Sunwoo?"
Jung Sunwoo you mean.
A woman, who seemed like a university student, poked her friend's side and glanced at me.
"I think so? Check if there's Lee Songha nearby."
"Why would a celebrity ride the subway? They would be in a van or car!"
Our girls ride the taxi a lot too. Sometimes, even scooters.
Thinking about their whispers, a smile unknowing crept up my face. I didn't drive my minivan because it felt like this was an extension of my work, but I kept thinking about the girls and work. Especially Lee Songha. It seemed like she had completely rented out a corner of my mind.
It made me realize that my work was deeply ingrained in my life.
"Uncle!"
"This is soy sauce fried chicken, and this is green onion fried chicken. Eat until you explode."
I threw two chicken as bait to the rushing quadruplets. I used to be fine when the four of them clung to my arms and legs, but it was impossible now. I didn't dare. They grew up like beansprouts during the time I didn't see them. Has it been two years since I last saw them?
Quickly snatching the chickens from my hands, the kids chattered,
"You want us to eat until we explode? Uncle, are you underestimating us?"
"It's been one chicken for each of us since last year. That's showing proper respect to the chickens!"
What respect? My brother and sister-in-law must be suffering a lot.
"Uncle, when are you planning on making our cousins?"
"Grandma and grandpa were sad, saying how we're all grown up now."
"I hope that our cousins are also quadruplets! Quadruplets are hereditary!"
"Don't say such scary things."
I entered the living room while pressing my head. It was filled with the smell of roasted sesame oil. I heard something boiling and something frying in a pan. It has been a long time since I heard these sounds.
My sister-in-law walked out of the kitchen. She had a bright smile on her face, which looked so young it was unbelievable that she had four children.
"How long has it been? Maybe it's because we've seen you on TV, but you seem like a celebrity!"
"Ah, did you see the broadcast?"
"Of course, we did! The younger coworkers at my work watched it a lot. I was really tempted to tell them that you were my brother-in-law."
"You should have told them. It's not a huge secret."
"I can't. If I tell them, it'll be exhausting for me and a bother for you. They'll definitely make a fuss, asking for someone's autograph. Also, they'll pester me about inviting celebrities to our company track meets or weddings. It's so obvious."
My sister-in-law said bluntly before beaming.
"How's work these days? Is it still fun?"
"Yes, I'm doing it because it's something I enjoy, so it won't do if it's not fun."
"That's good. Go talk with your brother, lunch is almost ready."
As soon as she said that, my brother tossed the book he was reading on the sofa. Then he brought me to the kids' room. The room with the bunk bed was messy. They had put up celebrities' autographs I had gotten for them on the walls, and albums were organized on their desk.
"Tell me, what relationship advice? Are you dating someone? Are you thinking about marriage?"
My brother urgently said. For someone who was usually boringly quiet, his eyes were particularly shining at this moment.
"At your age, you date while thinking of marriage. At your age, I-"
"Had four kids. I know."
I sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed. Then I picked my words. My mind was complicated when I thought about it myself, but I didn't know what to say first.
This was difficult.
"I'm not dating anyone."
"Then is it that, what do you call it, flirting situation? Or one-sided love?"
"This is a bit complicated."
"Is the person a celebrity?"
I nodded.
My brother paused for a moment before cautiously asking,
"A woman? Or a man?"
"… A woman."
It was such an unexpected question that it broke the serious mood.
"No, it's because you said it was complicated. The entertainment industry is open to that. You said that you packed a lot of side dishes for Mr. Nam Joyoon last year too."{1}
"No. It's Songha."
My brother's eyes became as large as saucers. Then he rummaged through the kids' desk and took out Neptune's mini-album photobook. He flipped through it and showed me a page. It was a photo of Lee Songha looked at the camera.
"Lee Songha?"
"Is there another Songha around me?"
"Hey, even if you have high standards, isn't that too hi-"
He stopped mid-sentence and got up. He went out of the room and brought in two glasses of cold water. He was in such a hurry that the tray was overflowing with water. I gulped down the glass and glanced at the closed door.
Then I began talking about what I had been holding back.
"I think Songha likes me."
"… What? Did she tell you?"
"No, I asked her if she likes me, and she said she didn't. Never. Even if she dies."
My brother, who was listening with bated breath, frowned.
"Then she doesn't."
"But I think she does. At first, I thought she was simply leaning on me, who was helping her out, because she was feeling a lot of pressure. But it's not. The more I look, you would have to be a fool not to notice."
Initially, I simply had my suspicions that she was acting this way because she had this excessive desire to have me to herself like Seo Jijoon and Chief Lee Bongjoon's relationship. But, no matter how I saw it, that wasn't the case. While I wasn't as quick-witted as LJ, I wasn't a complete idiot either.
"When, when did it start?"
"It's a been a while. More than a year."
My brother dumbly gaped his mouth.
"And you acted like you didn't notice all this time?"
"What am I going to do if I acknowledge it?"
I asked back while tilting my head. My brother fixed his glasses and pondered.
"Ah, you said she told you that she didn't like you. But if you like her back, you could try talking to her. A lot of celebrities date these days. Or is it because she can't have a dating scandal since she's a spokesmodel? Then you can just date in secret."
I shook my head.
"There's no such thing as a secret in this industry. It's only a matter of time."
The paparazzi was growing in the country.
If this broke out, the advertisers would cause a fuss and it'll also negatively impact her image. It'll also slow the growth of her fanbase at an important time. In this industry, someone beloved today could be cast aside tomorrow.
The public's reaction might be less intense if it was Seo Jijoon or Im Joowon, who appeared in the same drama. However, it would be iffy with me. There was no doubt that there would be more negative reactions than positive ones.
However, the bigger problem was…
"If we are in that sort of relationship, then I have to quit being her manager. There'll also be problems at work. If we continue to stick together like we are now, then there'll no end to nasty rumors. And if we break up, it'll be even more difficult to work with Songha."
I stared at Lee Songha's photo.
The time we spent practicing reading her lines, experience hate comments and controversies, and eventually succeed while looking up at the same goal flashed past my eyes.
"So I acted like I didn't notice. It might also be why Songha's vehemently denying it."
Above all other risks, I couldn't bear to risk shattering our current relationship.
Rather than breaking a relationship with someone I would like to work forever for a love relationship that could one day go astray, it was better to bury my feelings.
And I thought about this.
If, after a few more years pass, I have a firm foundation in this industry and Lee Songha had reached a position where she could bear dating whoever she wanted…
If Lee Songha's feelings didn't change even then…
Maybe…
"You did, but why do you suddenly want advice?"
My brother asked again. The sentiments that filled my mind were wiped away. A familiar snake slithered in their place. I wet my mouth with the cold water before saying,
"I've experienced a change."
"A change?"
"Songha said she wanted to stand on her own. She wants to try working with someone other than me."
The snake shed its skin. The smell was repulsive.
"This is something I should be commending. The fact that Songha is trying to fix her excessive reliance on me. And it's a positive for her. But…"
"But?"
"I didn't like that."
It felt like poison was dripping from my voice.
"I didn't like that Songha would depend on someone other than me. It also bothered me. It makes me want to do something crazy. So I'm a bit confused right now. Is this the normal feelings of love for someone or an excessive possessive desire between a manager and celebrity."
If it was the second one…
I came to the thought that I might be the one who might use Lee Songha's weakness to tie her down and become disillusioned by myself and not CEO Baek Hansung. That I might be someone actually capable of that.
I asked my brother, who looked taken aback, again,
"What do you think this is?"
{1} For context, general awareness of homosexuality is increasing in South Korea, but it is not as wide spread as some other countries. Same-sex marriages are not legally recognized in South Korea, according to Wikipedia.
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