Bab 22: Star - The Alpha’s Explanation

Star

When I had learned that all the food I had been eating lately was made by the Alpha I felt like my stomach had dropped and my throat had frozen over at the same time. Why was the Alpha cooking meals for weak wolves like me? Was he doing it so that we would owe him? But that made no sense at all. He was doing so much for us already, why make our food on top of it?

"Star, can we talk for just a moment? Please?" His question was gentle and calm. It was clear that he was not trying to intimidate me, that he was giving me the chance to say no if I was not up to it. But that also confused me. He was the Alpha wasn't he? Couldn't he just demand that I meet with him? Why was everything so different from what I was told to expect?

I nodded my head. There were a lot of people nearby so I didn't think he would do anything to hurt me. It seemed like they were trying really hard not to scare the boys that they had brought here.

Those boys also confused me. I thought about them as I followed the Alpha out of the room and into the one adjacent to it.

There were six boys. Seven if you count what Kent had said about his brother. None of the boys I had met had seemed like his brother to me so maybe he was staying somewhere else.

But the boys themselves seemed to adore Kent and the Alpha. Were they really not as bad as I thought they were? Were they not like the people that my family told me would kill me if they ever found out who I was? Just what was going on in my life anymore?

I noticed that the Alpha had taken us to a sitting room of sorts. There was a fireplace but its grates were empty and cold. The only light in the room had come from the small lamp the Alpha had turned on as he walked past it.

The Alpha ignored all the furniture in the room and walked over to the extra large bay window and sat down on the bench that was level with the window. The window itself was actually a seat with soft, green cushions lining the wall near the window as well as the flat of the bench.

I bypassed the furniture and went to stand by the window with him. He had sat down and was facing away from me. He stayed in that position for a few moments without saying a word. But soon he heaved a sigh and turned to look at me.

"Come on, sit down if you want to." He was patting the bench next to him.

I hesitated for a moment. It would put me close to him, closer than I had been to a lot of people. But I had been that close to him before. Closer even.

After just a little bit of hesitation I moved closer and sat at the very edge of the bench. I was close to him, but I was only barely sitting there. We weren't exactly close, really. He could reach out and touch me, but just barely.

"Star." He called my name, trying to get my attention. He didn't realize that I was already paying very close attention to him and where he was at the moment. "I'm sorry I scared you the other day." He was hanging his head in shame when I finally turned my head to look at him.

[Why are you apologizing?] I asked him with my notepad.

"Because what I said, what I did, it wasn't right of me." He heaved another sigh.

[It's what you believe isn't it? It's what you want]

"That still doesn't make it right. You weren't ready, and you may never be ready. I need to understand that and let you be the one that controls things between us."

[Why not just take what you want?] It wasn't like I wanted him to do that, but he was bigger and stronger than me.

"Star?" He seemed appalled by my words. "I would never do that to anyone, especially you."

[What makes me so special?]

"I know you're special to Chay because she needed a new friend and she hates to see people get hurt. She has a strong sense of duty and so she wants to protect you. For Kent, he is willing to lay down his life for anyone who has ever been treated that poorly. He wasn't able to stop his family growing up so he is working extra hard now." He trailed off then, looking out the window again.

[And you?] I asked him, since he had not mentioned why he wanted me here, what he wanted from me.

"For me? When I see you, it's like I'm finally awake. It's like for the last fifteen years of my life I have been stuck in a rut. And now, it's like I have my eyes open for the first time and I can see everything around me. And you're the one shining like a beacon in the middle of it all."

I had just sat there listening to his words as they stunned me more and more. I was already not talking so it's not like he stunned me into silence, but I was unable to move momentarily from how shocked I was. I was just looking at him, wondering what it was he was actually thinking.

After a few moments, however, I started to recover and I could finally respond to him, in my own way.

[How is that possible? What makes you see me like that?]

"There are a million different answers I could give you. A millions different excuses or explanations that just won't do it justice. The simplest way, the most honest answer I can give, is that I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I knew I would love you before I saw you, when I first smelled your scent. To me it spoke of my one true love. And when I saw you my heart stopped, stuttered back to life, and started beating at double time. I know you can't understand it just yet, because you can't feel the mate bond like I can. But just knowing you're safe, knowing that you will continue to be safe because those monsters don't have you anymore, that alone brings me joy. And as long as you're happy I will be content. If I never get to love you, or have you love me, the way I would like that's fine. Because what matters most is that you're out of there and you can live your life now."

He was telling me he loved me. Those were words I had never heard from anyone really. Except for Reed and Bailey, they had loved me and they had tried to help me. I didn't trust the Alpha yet. No, Artem. But I didn't hate him either. He was not out to hurt me like I had been led to believe. And whether he was a slightly different version of Uncle Howard yet remains to be seen. But something I did know was that Artem was a kind man who took care of others.

[All the stuff that Chay brought me today?] I intentionally left the question open so he could fill in the blank part for himself.

"I went with her to buy it all. I helped to pick it all out. I picked out what you have on now. That tank top and jacket. And I think even the shoes. The jeans were a pick by Chay though."

I looked down at his words, at the clothes I was wearing. He had picked them out and bought them for me.

[And the other things?]

"You mean the personal items, I bought them too."

[No] I was shaking my head as he read my answer.

"Then what?" He was confused.

[The books]

"Oh, those." He ran a hand through his hair, nervous and afraid for some reason. "Yeah, I picked those out too. I hope I got at least one thing that you want to read."

[I want to read them all] I was grinning at him before I thought to add more. [I have not read a book in so long]

"I'm glad I could make you smile." He was looking at me like I had made him happy instead of the other way around.

[Thank you] I added to the note and then, for reasons even I don't even know, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him quickly.

As soon as I realized what I was doing I pulled away, a look of fear and embarrassment on my face. I was frozen in shock as I looked at him and waited for his angry outburst. But all I saw was a man who looked happier than anyone and anything.

[I'm sorry] I wrote the words out on the notepad quickly and sloppily.

"Don't be. I'm happy to hug you anytime you need it." He grinned at me sheepishly, like he was embarrassed that he had just said those words.

We both looked away in embarrassment for a few minutes, but after a little while, Artem started to talk again.

"Anyway, I called you in here to explain something. Yes, I am the one who has been cooking your meals for you. I've made all of the meals that were brought to you so far. But I didn't do it to get anything back from you or to make you feel like you owe me. I don't have a staff yet and we divide chores, I cook for the whole house. But I did make the last few days extra special because you haven't had real food in so long. I just wanted to spoil you, make you happy. I thought you deserved it."

As I watched him run his hand through his hair I thought again about how handsome he was.

"Also, I didn't buy you the clothes and other things to make you feel obliged or indebted either. I just wanted you to have something of your own. A room that's yours filled with stuff that is yours. You deserve that at least."

[Thank you] I didn't know what else I could say, I couldn't express it all properly. But I needed to thank him at least, didn't I?

After Artem gave his explanations it seemed that we would be parting ways. It had started off uncomfortable, but by the time we were leaving I was glad that I had talked to him. I hoped things would continue in this way so I could learn to trust them all and feel more comfortable around them.

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