Bab 58: Part 13: Irresistible blue
The wind thought that humans did not want to see it or ignored it; because it could not be detected by the sense most acclaimed by mankind: touch.
But how could the wind be touched by mankind again and after centuries?
And to think that if the ancestor of the wind became invisible it was for mankind to find him something like "The Mystery Boy".
You know that everything mysterious and, apparently, unreachable cannot leave us indifferent. With that, during those dreams that we cannot remember, where the consciousness is the sleeping beauty, the wind needs some lips to wake it up or it could fall asleep forever.
Consciousness needs attention 24 hours a day, but when night comes, it cannot do it by itself. At that instant, its innate protective forces give way to sleep.
Who will protect the consciousness now?
Well, for that the wind has to enter us at night. Since at night there are more "wet facts" than sighs, the dragons are still awake; but not with the same strength.
Remember that saying: "Sleep because otherwise El Coco will come"?
"El Coco" can be any kind of supernatural being or not with which they wanted to scare you to go to sleep without further delay.
In Luz's case, yes it is the fruit called coconut her worst nightmare. First, because it has always caused her stomach pain to consume it. Secondly, a supernatural being covered with a fur quite similar to that of this fruit, is the one who wants to snatch the place from the air. Of course, instead of trying to make the consciousness wake up in the morning, it seeks to make it dream forever... or so the wind has told me.
As you know, not all consciousnesses wake up; but what I am interested in clarifying is that the wind, at night, has an easier time playing with the truth within us and that makes the heart beat even slower. Dragons do not like change.
While every heartbeat in us is like a dragon; dragons of this kind do not exactly eat meat. These dragons consume the air that is made of sighs that have been released and, therefore, given to nature.
Dragons do not need water, they need fire and there is nothing that burns more than dreams that have not yet been touched by light. The sighs are the ones that guard this type of dreams.
But what if those sighs dream of something that cannot be seen or touched?
What if the dream involves unreachable beings?
How can you be caressed by what does not exist?
These kinds of sighs were the ones given by the 14-year-old Luz. The girl who had more air than she needed to support all the weight...
"Just get in the box, imagine it doesn't work and you can't get out of the box like a doll. Alexis wants to see you as a Barbie doll. The Barbie is already there (Margot winks and touches one of Luz's golden curls); but you have to try the box. You know I'm too much of a perfectionist, look what I'm risking with you to get out of class when we should be in the classroom."
It had been about a month since Luz noticed that Margot had changed with respect to her. Luz was still the nerd and Margot was still the popular one, but when there was no one around her she would talk to Luz. Only the day before, when it was her mother's birthday, she had called her with a voice that was both sobbing and choked at the same time.
Luz didn't understand her at all, but it was clear that Margot needed her urgently. The problem was that, with her mother at home all day, she would never be able to go to Margot's house. She could not even escape through the window. Her mother would go up to her room every hour to talk about musical culture and the cinema; through the old magazines that the woman bought from an octogenarian lady who sold antiques to eat, about what Luz would like to eat that day, about how Luz did at school, etc.
Although her favorite topic was asking Luz about how she thought she should deal with her siblings. Luz kept to herself all the pain and anger she had been carrying for who knows how long. Her siblings on the other hand externalized their hatred and sadness. They fought with blows and insults. This was every day, so the stress was weighing her down. The only daughter she trusted was Luz and she knew it.
How could she not feel 50 years old if she was the one who was supposed to give parenting advice to her own mother?
Shouldn't it be the other way around?
The only thing that her mother's questions caused in Luz was that she agreed with her father: "Your mother does not know anything, she is like a fearful child. If I fail someday, you are my first born; so you have to analyze everything, before someone else analyzes you first. Think so that the world doesn't eat you alive."
Marisa's books had made her realize that she longed for a life and friends her own age. Consequently, she decided to contradict her mother during the whole conversation about the superiority of the music of yesteryear to that of today. She knew her mother was very irritable because she was already at base 5, or so the woman herself said of herself.
With the angry mother she would no longer want to go up to Luz's room. She would probably have to clean her room herself for making her mother angry; but that sacrifice was nothing compared to the feeling she felt when she was able to give the counter and, above all, to be able to restore the bond of friendship with Margot. To have as many friends as the ones she read about in the online stories and, of course, to get a lover.
All that was what Luz was going to get whatever it took. Unlike her parents, she was going to fulfill her dreams.
She climbed out of her window and hopped on her bike to head to Margot's house.
In her defense, I must say that Margot gave Luz a small cell phone that is only good for receiving calls. With this, Margot could call Luz at any time. By accepting the cell phone, Luz was agreeing to be bought as a friend. For her, the perfect job.
"If it were up to my father, he would dominate the whole world; but he must settle for kicking the brains out of the four beings in the house.
If it were for my mother, she would seek to be the martyr of the whole world; but she must be content to be the martyr of the house of her four nightmares.
Three nightmares with the deadly smile of the moon.
The one that leaves halfway through any conversation that really interests me.
A belted nightmare that makes dignity burn hotter than the summer's most scorching sun would.
And all
All for... I'd like to know why I have to hide all this awareness.
My mother's soul is the martyr of the family's future.
But her ego is as joyful as a child's
My ego is scrubbed like a fucking teenager's..."
Those were one of the few words Luz remembered saying when she first drank who knows how many glasses of wine offered by Margot.
"It's very high quality, you have no idea how much my mother loves it and you know mothers are always right. Although I thought I heard once that your mother scolded you for sneaking out of your house to go to my end of grade school party, do you remember that?"
The Margot who greeted her at home was not the same Margot who had called her 20 minutes ago. Once brooding and hysterical and now overly euphoric. No doubt it was because she had already started drinking before Luz arrived at her house.
Margot played the role of the girl who talks excessively about her fanaticism for the publication of the latest chapter of her favorite online book. It was the same paranormal romance story that made Luz's heart beat a mile a minute.
"...I totally agree with this sentence. Publicly, in the light of day I'm a rich, popular bitch; but away from the student gossip, under a kind of opaque light, I have the heart of a nerd like you.
My mother, Luz, my mother is that opaque light. You play dumb, but I know very well you knew I was waiting for my mother to come pick up my notebook. But my father came and only to make sure that I have such low grades that I will never be able to get into the darn college that he would have to put his entire fortune into so that I could study there.
My mother believed and believed me so much that she signed an agreement in which I was left without any financial protection if I didn't get into the university. To that university that only a few get into. And not for lack of money; but for lack of a millionaire project. A project so incredible that it makes all the poor rich people lay their money at your feet.
The entrance to that university is my entire inheritance. Only the world's elite know about that university, but I am telling you so that I don't feel like the only unfortunate person unable to get in.
My mother is so determined to make me smarter that she spends every damn day doing things to make me smarter.
It would be a historical fact that after years of years someone would create or propose a feasible project that would make this university open its doors again. It is only open to students with superhuman brains.
Maybe deranged, but in a very different sense than the one that applies to you... Did I mention that I consider you my best friend?"
A lot more could have happened that night, but that's something that stays in Luz's subconscious. I must assure you that I know for a fact that subconsciouses are dangerous zones, I was told so by a reliable source.
Can you imagine the subconscious of a girl like Luz?
No, no thanks.
But back to what happened the day after the binge. Luz's mother didn't notice thanks to the little pills Margot gave her the next day. It leaves you looking impeccable.
It could have been a day of celebration and flirtation between Alexis and Luz. She believed that this was the opportunity for Alexis to confess what she thought he also felt for her. However, Margot's plans would not deal with a Luz who began to have so much social interaction that she no longer needed to hear how sincere Margot wanted to be with someone. Margot needed an opaque Light to shine, she wanted to keep The Deranged Girl.
Luz couldn't see past her need to be part of the world outside her house. She wanted to believe that the world was as the young romance books painted it. She didn't want to agree with her mother who overprotected her so much from the outside. She made her lose interest in living.
Why live outside the same vicious cycle she suffered every day inside her house?
She didn't think twice and let Margot put that huge cardboard box they had kept in the cleaning room for the past week on top of her.
Margot had already bought off most of the cleaning staff. You could say they were all alone in the sparsely frequented hallway of the school. Most everyone else was in class. Those who were not in class were the girls who belonged to Margot's group of friends.
"It's time babes."
Luz didn't understand the reason for "babes?".
Suddenly, the weight of a body knocked her to the ground. Then she was joined by another and another. Luz felt her lungs bursting and her dignity crushed between egos too heavy.
Her lungs struggled to get air in. Perhaps, unconsciously, we know this and that is why the mind produces what we call delusions. These are nothing more than sighs, but these sighs hold desires that come from the subconscious. This undoubtedly throws something like a rope to the wind; so that when Luz falls asleep at night, the wind can arrive before El Coco to awaken the consciousness and the dragons throw their flames where the soul of Luz requires it.
To free her, the wind used Luz's desire to comb the tail of a unicorn. The air took on the attitude of a ponytail and shook itself free from its captor, the wind.
Which unicorn will the tail that the wind caught belong to?
You know that unicorns don't just use their tails to defend themselves. They are too much like horses in the way they defend themselves against humans. Like them, the unicorns used their legs to give Luz's companions a good kicking.
They felt those kicks like an air so icy and swift that it pierced their hearts. No, not through them to cut off their heartbeat. The purpose was that the heartbeats were cooked to their respective hearts.
The sentence was said: Their heartbeats would never be free, their heartbeats would always be tied to the incessant coming and going of the heart. This heart would always be like another organ of their bodies. Without a life of its own. Tied to the power of the eternal chain made of blood.
Perhaps being aware of this was the true adolescent karma.
"And who is addicted to that consciousness?
Who is addicted to my voice?"
As her classmates scurried off amid nervous, forced laughter. All to pretend they didn't feel what they felt.... blessed redundancy that only makes the tail of my red shadow curl into one of the lines of Luz's palm. I'm talking about the heart line.
Now that he has taken off the box with the little strength he has left; watch the blood right on that line. She has always thought through her feelings, but this time she has realized that her romanticism has only damaged her ego more.
"My heart is worthless in this world. My heart is just another organ they can put in another body when I die.
No, I'm not going to die. No, not without killing you first you bastard."
Alexis was no longer the only one who could see me. And my shadow was already made of Luz's unconscious words. All because now she was aware that I was living in "A bubble with holes".
Now the unconscious words became conscious in her eyes. The blood flowed slowly like a heartbeat about to stop.
Luz went to the showers and turned on the faucet to sit on the white tile; while the cold water soaked her thoughts.
"Your sinister, sensual, intangible figure has always urged me to be a free wild being and fit into that absurd concept of sexy. Just like them and I am just like them, but you make me want them to see that I am just like them too.
If I didn't wish that, if you didn't inspire that in me... I couldn't even listen to you.
But that square, my look will be like that square. Yes, my eyes will be like a pair of squares and they will form your cage. I will remember this day so that you will never go out again for others to see you and see my need.
I've had enough of being so honest with the outside world.
My gaze will be square like everyone else's. Always repeating the right angle of the folder to join you with the right angle of another folder. Love in real life is shaped like a square."
He banged his head against the wall and felt something in the side of his brain. Luz hadn't realized that there was an indentation of dirt next to a white tube. A red rose had grown there. It looked so beautiful and lonely. He wondered how the rose would feel to receive so much water coming from "bodies with such sad curves".
How could that flower have survived?
Before, the whole island had been a field full of life. As with everything beautiful on earth, for one reason or another, man invades it and destroys its beauty.
Luz smelled a very strong scent that undoubtedly came from a male cologne.
Luz's mother always saved up to buy perfume for her brother. He demanded the same rights that Flavia had. If she smelled good, so did he.
Luz would not have minded this scent with all the pain that had exploited her, but she heard his voice: "Do you think he likes this scent? I hate it, but if she likes it. I guess I can put up with it for one night."
He heard Margot's voice too and guessed the game was about to begin. It hurt her every step with which he walked away at Margot's side.
Luz decided to focus on the beauty of the flower. On the fact that she feels alive every time he speaks to her. She felt alive every time Margot spoke to her. And she felt so upset at the thought that she saw it as a betrayal when he tried unsuccessfully to say beautiful phrases for someone other than her.
"Words are for me the sign that I exist for others. If I strive not to think, to speak what my heart says, it is because I want to feel my existence. I want someone out there to speak to me from the heart.
If you don't have a social life you are dead.
How could you survive pink?
My society is people and I know I am part of them when they talk to me.
How do you know you are part of nature if you are so lonely?
How have you convinced nature that you must survive?"
Luz could no longer ignore the burning she felt from the speed with which the water bathed the wound in her palm.
"My blood is such a deep red, like your red Rosa. Dogs also love intense smells.
Could it be that in your world intensity is what it takes for you to exist in nature?
Maybe the intensity of your color is the same as words for humans. Maybe I have wished with the cat's vermilion intensity and not with mine.
Nature must have given you a reason to exist, maybe it will give it to me too if I used my own intensity.
They say we all come from nature, we all have the green of your stem; but the color of the petals must be special, right?
If humanity doesn't make me feel I exist, nature will. Nature has to want my sincere heart.
The green of nature, of the leaves that absorb the rays of the sun (Light touches the stem of the rose), mixed with my intense color that is not red. No, I am rotten with sadness. I have already chosen: my color is an electric blue, like the night where tears are seeds.
But how do I get rid of the red of the cat?
I will survive materialism. Just like you, Rosa... I read it in a book. My mother and her obligatory readings, but in one of the sentences of that book was the solution:
TEMPTATION ONLY CEASES WHEN YOU FALL INTO IT.
I know, I'M GOING TO SIN AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Luz ran with a joy and exhilaration that contrasts quite a bit with how sore her muscles were among other affected organs.
As Luz guessed, everyone was in the stands waiting for the comparsa to start the soccer match.
Alexis was standing there, playing with her hair and watching the stands. She seemed to be looking for someone with her eyes.
It might not be the team captain. Nick plays a thousand times better than Alexis. Most of the girls agreed, however, that Alexis possessed the sweet, fine-featured face of an angel; but his gaze was as mischievous and mischievous as that of a demon in love.
Could it be Margot's?
She was dressed like what she was, the captain of the soccer team. She kept sniffing him like a bloodhound and, according to the movement of her lips, she seemed to say that she loved that scent.
Most boys don't go near the bushes around the school. It was said that the bushes were capable of wiping away any trace of perfume or cologne you might spray on yourself.
That was what Alexis needed, according to Luz.
She ran with everything and her wet uniform to Alexis.
"What happened to you, I was going..."
Alexis let Luz pull him to the bushes behind the school. All in the eyes of half the school, but since the event had not yet started.
Why are we going to complicate our lives?
"What are you up to?"
Luz made him kneel down and brought his face close to the bush. Then, he took a deep breath and her scent faded in the wind. Or maybe the unicorn needed a strong scent to catch the attention of a friend.
Possibly the dog I got rid of is coming back in the name of revenge.
"I'm leaving now, good luck."
Alexis chased her around the school grounds, complaining that they weren't kids anymore and Luz stopped.
"At least tell me why you're wet."
Luz turns, but doesn't go near Alexis and asks him not to go near her either.
"Maybe the water made itself invisible so you don't have to explain. Maybe it just wants to feel our tired skin."
She drives the drop at the corner of her lips straight to his collarbone and sinks her nails a little on the skin. Alexis got a twitch in her eye and bites her lip.
"Are you coming back after you change?"
Her voice was tremulous and she seemed to hold something back.
"You know I always come back, but for the game, I don't think so, I have to get ready."
Alexis looked disappointed, but wanted at least a straight answer.
"Don't string me along, I know I do sometimes, but I want you to be direct...tell me what you're going to prepare for."
Luz breaks into a run, but Alexis is no longer chasing her and she screams.
"I'M GOING TO SIN!"
Alexis could barely process that exclamation. At the same time that she screamed, he thought: "If you only knew that you don't need perfume or words, your look is what attracts me to teenage Luz".
Yes Luz, yes, it is your look. Your look is going to kill me.
Your way of looking at life is the way of my next death.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone