Bab 23: The last time
She was standing on her patio after having breakfast with Jacob. She saw Jacob's concern when he noticed that she barely touched her food. He refused to leave her, but she managed to convince him that she would be fine.
The sun was already up, but she did not see the beauty of it. The sky was clear and the ocean was calm, but she was beyond acknowledging it. The wind was picking up, blowing the short tendrils of her hair, but she barely felt it.
She was blinded and numbed by the thoughts that were going through her mind. She had played several scenarios on how she was going to confess to him. Trying to find the best one that would make him forgave her for her deceits, but none seemed to be good enough.
For almost half an hour of just staring at nothing in particular, she still felt that all her plans were doomed to fail. Apologizing or even groveling at his feet would never be enough. Thinking about it, she could not even forgive herself for doing it.
She lied to him about her identity. She made him believed that she was someone else. She almost started believing in her lies.
She finally admitted to herself. The real problem was herself. Her true identity, Sabrina Sanders. It would have been easier if she could stay as Sky for the rest of her life, but it was not that simple. She was still the daughter of Enrico, the sister of George and Margie, the actress and the mistress of Brad.
The last part was what was her true concern. It was the bane of her existence. It was the last nail in her coffin. If she did not take that path, she would not be in this mess. Then again, it was also the reason she was here. She would not have met Rafael Walker if she did not go hiding.
Then again, was meeting him under this circumstance a good thing? Would she rather not met him at all if she would lose him in the end?
"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Jacob asked again, packed up and ready to leave. "You know I would cancel everything. I don't want to leave you in your condition. I could stay here for as long as you need me."
That alerted her of his presence. She quickly inhaled deeply, cleared her face, and turned around to face him.
"You were right. That video would eventually get buried with the latest news. People will soon forget about it, about me and Brad. It is just a matter of time." She turned around again to gaze at the blue sky.
That was a fact in showbiz. The press and the fans would eventually move on to the next hot topic. It was not exactly her concern, but the people in her life, would they be able to forgive and forget what she did.
"What about Raf?" He moved closer to her, placing his arms around her.
She looked behind her, "What about him?" She sounded uninterested.
"I know you don't want to admit it, but I could feel that he plays a bigger role in your life than what you lead on." He placed his head on top of hers as they both went silent for a while, staring ahead to the open sea. Lost on their thoughts.
Jacob loved this woman more than a friend. From the moment they met, he knew that their life would always be linked together. He swore to protect and care for her because she was family. He loved her like a sister even though they never shared the same blood.
"No, I'm good. Don't worry. I'm a big girl." She tried to make her voice as normal as possible. "Besides, my feelings for Raf were barely anything. It was a means to forget Brad. If I had survived after Brad left me, I'm sure Raf's rejection after he learns about me will be a piece of cake."
She sounded convincing even to herself. She deserved an award for that, she thought. When she felt him shrugged his shoulders behind her, she knew he bought it.
At the other side of the beach, her gaze followed two figures walking down the shoreline. She easily recognized Raf and Baxter as they strolled in her direction. She already knew where they were heading, carrying a bowl in his hand and a leash on the other. He probably did not want the same incident as yesterday, she thought.
"I think it is time for you to leave. You'll be late on your appointment." She pulled Jacob back inside the house.
"If you ever changed your mind, you can come with me. We'll face the press together. You know I will protect you." He tried to convince her.
"Don't worry, anytime that I decided to come out of hiding, you'll be the first one to know." She kissed him on his cheeks as she waved him goodbye. His designated driver was already at the door waiting for him to bring him back to the airport for his flight to France.
With a heavy heart, they both said their goodbyes. Jacob wished he could take her with him, while she wished he could stay longer. However, both of them knew that it was not possible.
Lindsey was in the kitchen still cleaning up the place. She knew something happened last night from her observation, but she would wait until someone opened up to her. It could either be Sky or Raf. She just wished that the two would find a way to work things out together.
She decided to stay in her room for the rest of the morning, refusing to eat anything else when Lindsey offered. She just laid down on her bed, still unsure of her plans for the day.
A text message woke her up. She did not realize that she had fallen asleep a while ago. She checked on the time and it was past lunch. Her stomach was already growling from the lack of food.
She checked the message, and it came from Raf, asking about her condition. If she was feeling much better, he would like to invite her for dinner.
She still had a lot of time to fix herself, so she agreed. It was time to face the consequence of her actions. She was going to tell him after dinner.
"Oh good, you're finally up. Are you feeling better now?" Lindsey asked as soon as she came out of her room. She was sure that Sky was not sick at all, that was physically, but she was certainly not well, emotionally. She wanted very much to know what happened last night, but she had to wait for her to freely tell her.
"Yeah, I am. Thanks for having my back last night." She felt guilty for using Lindsey in all of this, but all of this would end soon.
"Then, why don't you eat first? You must be starving." She offered her food that she prepared on the table.
She sat at the table, not having an appetite, but she forced herself to eat something. She needed sustenance if she was about to face her demise. That was certainly what it felt like when she thought of how the evening would end.
"I'm having dinner with Raf tonight." She started to tell Lindsey who in turn stopped what she was doing to face her.
"That's good. He was quite concerned about you when he heard that you were sick." Lindsey sat opposite her as she carefully placed her hand on hers. "He even cooked that soup for you."
She remembered the bowl he was carrying earlier at the beach. He cared that much about her. Then, she quickly corrected herself. He cared about her.
She already knew the meaning of Lindsey's words. She might not verbally say it, but she heard her loud and clear.
"I planned to confess tonight after our dinner." She finally told Lindsey.
"I think it will be for the best. If what you have is truly special, your relationship will find a way to get through this." She squeezed her hands to reassure her. "Besides no good would come of it if you build your relationship on a lie."
She was glad that she met Lindsey. In her short stay here, she felt her motherly love. It was just sad that she was not blessed to have a kid of her own. She would have been a great mother.
Back in her room, she fixed herself, put on her mask for the last time. Looking at herself in the mirror, she could not help but be sad. She had grown to love her fake identity. Sky was a person she could only dream to become, but that was not her.
She was Sabrina Sanders, a not ordinary girl, but also still a human being, capable of committing mistakes. She just had to learn to love who she was and worked on what she wanted to become.
Her phone started ringing even before she left her room when she looked at the screen, it was Jacob. "Hope you're ok. Just checking on you."
"I'm good." She smiled on the phone, although she was far from happy, she was still glad to have him in her life.
"Just call me if you need me." He insisted. "I love you, Sab."
"I love you too, Jacob." She ended the call before she turned into a heaping mess.
She decided to turn off her phone and placed it inside the drawer. She did not need the distraction tonight of someone calling her in the middle of her confession.
She walked to his house earlier than their agreed time. She wanted to ask him to take her for a walk to the place where he first brought her. She wanted to see it. She loved that place, and she knew it would be the last time she would see it ever again.
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